1965438+On May 5, 2009, Chiang Kai-shek took leave from the front line in Fujian and returned to Shanghai via Hong Kong. The diary on the 8 th said: "lust is the end of self-humiliation, be careful!" On this day, he "remembered it once" for himself in his diary because of "seeing the color". The next day, I encouraged myself to stand the test of the world of flowers and flowers, sighing in incomparable, this is also ill-gotten wealth. I read Ceng Wenzheng's books every day, but I can keep his advice to kill my desire. I can't see what I want in Fujian, so I'm not sick. " I arrived in Hong Kong at the beginning of this year, and I began to travel. We sharpen our virtue, but we are in a prosperous time! "
After arriving in Shanghai, Chiang Kai-shek met his lover Mei Jie. On April 25th, Chiang Kai-shek returned to Fujian, and Mei Jie sent Chiang Kai-shek aboard at five in the morning. Because Jiang is "too dirty to go to Xiamen together", they are inseparable and let Jiang stay in Shanghai for a few more days. At first, Jiang agreed, and later he regretted it. The diary said, "I took his affection and fought with him to get back to the fragrant nest." In hindsight, there was nothing I could do about my mother and friends. "In the next few days, Chiang Kai-shek indulged in the sea while trying to extricate himself. The diary said: "Love is lingering, suffering is relieved, and reading is self-sending. Ha ha! The fatigue of love is the same in ancient and modern times, you are alone! " After repeated ideological struggles, Chiang Kai-shek finally decided to sever ties with Mei Jie. On May 2nd, Mei Jie wrote a letter to Chiang Kai-shek at Wunong Ruan Yu as a lifelong commitment.
After receiving the letter, Chiang Kai-shek was unmoved and determined to put his personal career first and break off his relationship. 1965438+On May 25, 2009, the diary said: "The viper stung the hand, and the strong man broke his wrist, so for a lifetime; Don't forget to introduce eyebrows, how can you be inspirational! " On September 27th of the same year, Chiang Kai-shek returned to Shanghai from Fujian. Revisiting the old place will inevitably bring back the past. There are several records in the diary: 10 10/month1:"* * * The guests are warm and cold, and the money is the turn. If the people of Zhao Ming break this point, it is love! June 2, 1O: "It is forbidden to enter Huajie Street for evil deeds in the future. You can do it, please try! 10/05: "Does it have a consistent result, a happy and geometric one? Hey! Color is empty, and empty is color, so the world can wake up! "1June 7, o:" Infinite evil obstacles are all interpreted by a love word. "It can be seen that in order to get rid of love, Chiang Kai-shek even used the Buddhist concept of' color space'. It is worth noting that the diary of June 1O 12 wrote: "Sneak into Ji Tao, half to avoid the capture of jackals, and half to avoid the circle of flattery." At that time, Beiping was arresting Chiang Kai-shek as a revolutionary, while prostitutes were looking for Chiang Kai-shek's "heartbreaker", forcing Chiang Kai-shek to hide in Dai's apartment.
1O June 30th: "After traveling to Japan, I used meticulous words. * * * can make it, quite smug. " 165438+10.2: "It is also a virtue to suppress your desires every day." 165438+1October 7: "to make a product, you must first stop color; If you want to enter Germany, first abstain from luxury; If you want to save the people, you should abstain from private affairs first. " It can be seen that Chiang Kai-shek's self-control was successful at first, so he was quite complacent. However, within a few days, Chiang Kai-shek was exhausted. Diary cloud: "when you think about sex, you can't help it." The so-called' people's heart is in danger' in the book is also true. " In the ancient book Shangshu forged by Yimei in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, there is a saying that "the human heart is only dangerous, and the Taoist heart is subtle, but it is exquisite and let it wander", which means that the human heart is dangerous and the Taoist heart is subtle and hard to see. People must carefully observe the differences, keep the heart of Taoism wholeheartedly, and make the behavior always just right. Chiang Kai-shek agrees that "people's hearts are only in danger", which shows that the dike he set for himself is about to collapse, and it is "in danger"! Sure enough, Chiang Kai-shek indulged himself a little that day. As a result, "at this time, a few days later, Cang Xie returned home after finishing his work. Neighbors excitedly told Cang Xie that they were warmly received by the owner, and then gave the car to Cang Xie. When Cang Xie saw that she only changed back to a car, she wondered what was going on, but because of face, it was not convenient to tell her neighbors, so she hurried to the stable to see it. Alas! I am missing two horses. Strange things have happened. In front of Yang Xin's eyes, this black snake actually changed color and became a white snake. A boring ",remorse:" Jieshi! Jieshi! Why don't you know how to move for a change, bring disgrace to oneself! " A few days later, I wrote in my diary: "At first sight, I was infatuated again. Why are idiots not afraid to do it! " "Mr. Hugh!" In the same year 1 19 10, Chiang Kai-shek returned to Shanghai. After a quiet day, linlin has converged. 12 13 diary said: "Today is the solstice in winter. I live in a bustling place by the sea, but I can get rid of customs and live a leisurely life. In China, it has always been "Hey, everyone is robbing money, why don't you rob it? "It's hard. I'm in a bad mood recently and I don't know how to be happy. At the end of June, 365,438+February, 365,438 +0, Chiang Kai-shek made a plan for the next year, thinking that "those who should do it should do it, should be self-reliant and should stand on their own feet; The warning, one for help, two lies, three * * *. " He wrote down the plan in his diary: "Book a test exercise. "
1920. In the constant struggle between justice and human desire,
It seems that Jiang is determined to control himself this time, but his self-control is really poor. Therefore, in the first month diary of 1920, a lot of records of self-control and indulgence were left: 65438+10.6: "Evil spirits broke out today, but fortunately my ears didn't fall. Don't force it, just stay with the birds. So people came to Katz Hall. When Katz's religious judge asked Bayi for two generations, "Are you sure you have a diamond ring in your wallet besides a hundred gold coins? "Animal Xi Xuan!" 65438+ 10/4: "It's late, wandering around, I don't know where my identity has fallen!" 65438+ 10/5 The treasure hunter touched his body, but he didn't have enough money. He said to LaLiTou, "Sir, we have a deal. I'll get the money right away and come back to hug the cat at night. " With that, he put on his newly nailed boots and left in a hurry. Day: "Go home late and have evil thoughts again. Why can't you kill your desires? " 65438+1October 18: "Going out in the morning is another irregular trip. Go back to the apartment, lose your temper, make something out of nothing, and ask for trouble. " 65438+1October 25th: "Evil thoughts begin on the way." It can be seen that during this month, Chiang Kai-shek was sometimes self-controlled and sometimes indulgent, and was in a constant contest between "justice" and "human desire". The first month is like this, and the second and third months are still like this. February 29: "If you abstain from * * *, you can practice the word' golden mean'. Those who defile me, fascinate me and haunt me, that's all. You can't help yourself! " March 25: "You are wandering, how to stop it?" March 27th: "It's late, I'm going on a business trip again. I am not allowed to go out if I have nothing to do at night. " March 28: "* * * is not only clever, but also stupid, and politeness starts from this." March 30: "When evil thoughts start, I am crazy, and I am polite. What can I do! " April 17: "It's late, and I'm thinking again. Fortunately, nothing happened! " June 27th: "My lust is not over yet, but I am not tired enough?" July 2: "When I arrived in shenjiamen, the owner of Jishantang took Yu and others into the prostitute's house. It's filthy, that is, go back to Bates and leave the boat. "
On July 3 of that year, Chiang Kai-shek met his old friend Chen, talked about the past, and consciously "despised actors", so he was often ashamed in his conversation. After that, Jiang made up his mind, and there were many records of self-criticism and self-vigilance in his diary. On August 7, the diary wrote: "The dirtiest person in the world who is ashamed of being dirty is just a lewd thing. How can we break this barrier? Without my noble personality in the sea of dust, there is no danger of being despised by everyone! " It can be seen that Chiang Kai-shek has the idea of maintaining "noble personality", so "being despised by everyone" has always been Chiang Kai-shek's nightmare, forcing him to behave. Strange to say, on August 9, since Shi came to Liyuan, I came to Baizhou as I wished and became a satrap. I have applied what I have learned all my life, implemented benevolent policies, rewarded land reclamation, supported farming and weaving, and the population gradually increased, resulting in a prosperous situation. I am very happy to see that the government affairs in Baizhou are smooth and the people live and work in peace and contentment! Li, there is a scar like a claw mark on the fruit. People say that this is the nail print left by the stone when eating D plums, and it is called "stone claw print", just like the fingerprint peony of a noble family, which has been passed down through the ages and cited as a beautiful talk. Zhu Zhu Wa, the Qing Dynasty Taishi, wrote in Singing in Yuanqu Lake: "I heard that the stone was pinched, and a claw mark has been added so far." A cloud said, "We are evil, and we will go into the fire pit ourselves, so how can we not be burned to death!" " "Diary Cloud 25th:" Afternoon. God is tired of false sleep and has evil thoughts. I am so weak, I still don't love myself! "
192 1 year, continuing to be in the contest between justice and human desire.
Throughout 192 1 this year, Chiang Kai-shek continued to struggle between "justice" and "human desire", and his diary recorded as follows: 65438+ 10/8: "My good name is greed, and I took medicine in one word." May 12: "I'm getting thinner and thinner recently. Why not resign! " September 10: "Look at your heart, this kind of psychology is ugly. At this time, if you don't aspire to be strong and kill all your desires, how can you extricate yourself! " September 24: "To end the product, stop the color first; If you want to get rid of the disease, stop craving first. * * * endless, no one can achieve moral, intellectual and physical. If you avoid it, you are afraid of being dirty, but if you enter it, you are willing to be dirty! " September 25: "Talking far away every day, there are prostitutes not only in my heart, but also in my eyes. What is the result?" September 26th: "It's very late, I'm not sure, and I really want to go out to play, so when I'm unhappy, I'm not interested in swimming. Why not concentrate on your studies and plunge into the science you need, but you will gain something. " 165438+1October 26th: "To do business, make products first; If you want to make a product, you must first make up your mind; If you want to make up your mind, you must first give up your desire. No desire is just. Prince Shenwei dropped the silver spoon and left. And enough to do a career! " 65438+February 1 "Nothing, you go!" Cao Ghost patted the child on the shoulder, and the child turned and disappeared in the crowd. : "accompany Dr. Wang to diagnose and treat true diseases. Going to Wuling is quite evil. " 12/08: "If you are fidgeting, how can you exercise? Why do you serve your country? "
From 1922, evil thoughts flashed occasionally and there was no deviant behavior.
1922, Chiang Kai-shek continued to "play * * * for a while". There are only two accounts in the diary. On September 27th, there was a cloud: "Ning Wu, a scholar in the Qing Dynasty, came to Chengjiang with his classmates to take the exam for selecting students. In the first year of the exam, Ning Wu won the first place in classics, ancient books and other subjects. He thought this tribute was a shoo-in, and he also brought enough money. So he stayed in the inn every day, drinking and writing poems with his classmates, which was very interesting. Remember it once. " 10 14 years 10 months, I returned to Shanghai, and my diary read: "I vowed to eliminate evil before, and I stayed away from women. I won't go back to Shanghai until I achieve my goal. Now I am in this proving ground again and look at its achievements! " The following year, there were only two related records: March 1 day, and the cloud said, "I'm very relaxed recently, so scared!" On the 6th, the cloud said, "Going out for a walk is really annoying." In the past two years, Chiang Kai-shek only occasionally flashed "evil thoughts" in his mind, and there was no deviant behavior, indicating that his cultivation did have "achievements."
From 1925, the color barrier was finally broken.
From 65438 to 0925, Chiang Kai-shek continued to keep a good posture of abstinence from color. On April 6, the diary severely accused Yun: "It would be strange to miss it. What's the use of this diary? " . If you don't quit, how can you be a man! 1 1 diary cloud: "Go boating on the beach next year and lose your health consciously. I think I can cut off the thoughts of death and wealth, but I can't do it alone. I think the hardest person in life is love. "This diary is written very implicitly. It seems that Chiang Kai-shek could not bear it, and it was wrong to collect seeds. In the same year, on the evening of 1 16 10/6, Chiang Kai-shek attended a banquet hosted by Soviet consultants and "told his life story and bad history" in front of a group of foreigners, and made a frank analysis and criticism of his "lewdness". Chiang Kai-shek's confession is not only found in his diary, but also in his Brief Account. For example, when describing the situation before and after 1911, he criticized himself: It was dark at that time, and women went to bed early, but Liu Shanren was afraid to go in. He set up a bed outside the house and then lay down. The woman didn't call him, so she blew the light and went to bed. The world is not deep, arrogant, self-mistaken, and addicted for a long time. False whites treat each other coldly, while his department refuses redundant abilities. Yu Nai resigned in anger and traveled east. One day, Bao Long was hunting in the mountains when he suddenly heard the cry of "Help". Bao Long went with fame, only to see an eagle flying into the sky with a small white snake in its mouth. Baolong quickly took out his bow, pulled it, and shot a sharp arrow at the eagle with a whoosh. With a scream of "wow", the eagle left the little white snake and fled with injuries. When I think of it, I still don't understand self-love and the ruthlessness of the world. Only nightingale, such as Bao and others, were invited to travel, so it is no wonder that intimate friends treat each other coldly, and it is no wonder that others will insult themselves and others will insult themselves. And at that time, I was arrogant and extravagant, and I also worked here. False white refers to the yellow dragon in the cave. Sometimes you chase after me, hug and kiss, and sometimes head to tail, whispering and swimming ten times. , Chiang Kai-shek's younger brother. From this passing, we can see Chiang Kai-shek's disloyalty and disdain at that time.
Selected from Friends Weekly
2006. "Ouch! All right, all right. 6.3
Chiang Kai-shek