I can't stand the cold. So they are together again. After many twists and turns, the two hedgehogs finally found a suitable distance: they can get each other's body temperature without being pricked.
French President Charles de Gaulle is a man who is good at using hedgehog theory. He has a motto: "Keep a certain distance"! This also profoundly affected his relationship with consultants, think tanks and staff officers. During his more than ten years as president, no one in his secretariat, general office, personal staff and other consultants and think tanks has worked for more than two years. He always said to the new chief of staff, "I'll use you for two years, just as people can't take the work of the General Staff as a career, so you can't take the chief of staff as a career." This is the rule of Charles de Gaulle.
There are two reasons for this rule: first, in his view, transfer is normal, while fixation is abnormal. This is influenced by the military practice, because the army is mobile and there is no army that is permanently fixed in one place. Second, he doesn't want "these people" to become "people he can't live without". This shows that Charles de Gaulle is a leader who mainly depends on his own thinking and decides his life. He doesn't allow people who can never leave him. Only by mobilizing can we keep a certain distance. Only by keeping a certain distance can we ensure that the thinking and decision-making of consultants and staff are fresh and full of vitality, and we can also stop the elderly consultants and staff from engaging in malpractices in the name of the president and the government.
De Gaulle's practice is thought-provoking and admirable. Without a sense of distance, leaders rely too much on secretaries or a few people in decision-making, and it is easy for think tanks to engage in politics, and then let these people seek their own personal interests under the guise of leadership, and finally drag leading cadres into the water, with very dangerous consequences. It is best to keep a certain distance between them.
Si Tong, former president of American General Electric Company, paid great attention to practicing hedgehog theory in his work, especially in treating middle and senior managers. On the issues of workplace and treatment, Si Tong has never been stingy with the care of managers, but after work, he never invites managers to his home and never accepts their invitations. It is this kind of management that keeps a moderate distance that makes GM's various businesses flourish.
Keeping a certain distance from employees will neither make you superior nor confuse you with employees. This is the best state of management. Distance is maintained by a certain principle, which treats everyone equally: it can restrain both the leader and the employees. If you master this principle, you will master the secret of successful management.
In From Excellence to Excellence, author Collins reinterprets the hedgehog theory. No matter how the fox tries to kill the hedgehog, the hedgehog just needs to shrink up, and the fox can't do anything. This shows that enterprises can easily cope with any changes in the market and competitors and achieve rapid growth as long as they find a simple and effective development model. Hedgehog theory tells us that people should keep a proper distance like hedgehogs. Because everyone's differences in concept, culture, knowledge, personality, etc., will inevitably affect their attitude towards life and ways of communication. If the communication between people is too close, the personality differences will be obvious and prominent, and collisions and frictions will inevitably occur. Therefore, keeping a proper distance will reduce unnecessary friction and make each other less hurt.
The abbot of the temple invited a calligrapher to write an inscription for the temple. While he was writing, one of his disciples was grinding ink for him. When he finished writing, his disciple said frankly, "This painting is not well written!" " "The master wrote another picture, and the disciple looked at it and said," No, it's not as good as the one just now! " "
The master wrote another picture, but it still didn't get the apprentice's approval. The master continued to write patiently, writing more than 80 pieces in a row, which could not satisfy the apprentice. Later, the disciple went out for a nap, and the master thought, "Now I am free, so I don't have to write under his supervision."
When the apprentice came back, the master wrote another picture. When the apprentice saw it, he praised it again and again: "What a stroke of genius!" This is just a good wish. Intimacy is universal and intimacy is impossible. To sum up, in a word-distance produces beauty. But don't forget a line in Zhao Benshan's sketch: With distance, beauty is gone.
Physical distance and psychological distance
"Distance produces beauty" actually means that keeping a proper distance is easy to produce aesthetic experience. "Aesthetic experience" is a proper term in psychology, and its connotation refers to people's special feelings and states in aesthetic activities. Specifically, if the distance is too far, the two sides in aesthetic activities will be out of touch, the aesthetic subject will not feel the beauty contained in the aesthetic object, and the aesthetic object will not be easy to exert its appeal; If the distance is too far, the subject in aesthetic activities will oppress and threaten the other party, which is not conducive to the communication between subject and object.
Why is this happening? To answer this question, it is necessary for us to understand several psychological concepts about distance-intimate distance, personal distance, social distance and public distance.
The intimacy distance is generally between15 and 45 cm. Two people at this distance can easily touch each other's bodies, so this distance only applies to lovers, lovers, parents and children or absolute girlfriends. It is conceivable that this distance is absolutely personal, and outsiders are absolutely forbidden to enter.
Personal distance is generally between 45cm and1m. Two people at this distance don't easily touch each other's bodies, and they can only touch each other when shaking hands. This distance is usually used for friends of acquaintances. You can also use this distance if you want to express your closeness to each other in the future.
The social distance is flexible, which can be as far as 1 meter or more than 3 meters. This distance is usually suitable for ordinary interpersonal communication. Two people at this distance usually say hello to each other or say hello a few steps away, and then leave.
The public * * * distance is generally 3 meters away. People often walk this distance in public places, such as walking in the park and walking on the road. This distance zone is adopted by speakers and teachers.
In fact, the distance indicators of various distances are not absolute. For example, if you are on a bus or elevator, you can't keep a distance of 3 meters. However, what kind of distance between people will have a corresponding impact on psychological distance, which is absolute. In other words, distance has a kind of "self-contradiction"-the contradiction between far and near. Only by solving this contradiction can psychological distance really play its aesthetic function.
For example, there is a person with whom you have never had any intimate relationship. Once he breaks into your physical distance, you will be surprised or slightly shocked. Why is this happening? Because the other party gave you some kind of pressure or threat. This situation is like breaking the wall of someone else's house and entering the room by yourself. Even if the other person is smiling on the surface, in your heart, the power to restore the physical field will naturally surge.
For another example, when the American police interrogate a prisoner, as soon as the question is finished, the criminal police will immediately approach the prisoner and then put their knees against the suspect's one knee. In this case, it is tantamount to invading the other person's physical field, giving him a sense of uneasiness, which is intended to force the other person to confess. This is the psychological tactics of the police.
So, what is the best distance? The best distance is the nearest distance without losing the sense of distance. The best distance comes from the intersection of the conditions provided by the object and the conditions recognized by the subject, which leads to the diversity and personalization of aesthetic experience.
However, is it necessary to keep the best distance in real life? Of course not. As can be seen from the previous example of police interrogating prisoners, we can completely use the relationship between physical distance and psychological distance to invade each other's physical field at the right time to achieve our own goals, because it is easy to see through each other's true meaning. Because, the other person's physical field is violated, although it will naturally produce unpleasant feelings, but at the same time it seems to have an itchy feeling attracted by the other party. The most representative examples in this respect are the way salesmen visit and the coquetry of women.
A little parting is better than a wedding;
Mr. Zhu Ziqing's article "The Back" well explains the truth that distance produces beauty. In this article, the author describes in detail his father's behavior of buying oranges. At this time, although I was moved by my father's every move, I lost some moderate distance with my father because I was too close to him. Therefore, when my father bargained with the porter, I "always felt that it was not beautiful to talk separately, so I had to interrupt myself." I laughed at his pedantry "... and" I am too old to take care of myself? " Even if my father finally bought me oranges, "I can't find my back in the crowds coming and going" and "I can't help crying" is just a little gratitude and sadness of leaving.
If the "I" in the scene of "seeing off at the station" is too close to my father in terms of aesthetic distance, then "I have been running around with my father in recent years, and the situation at home is getting worse every day", which means that we have gone from too close to the other extreme-too far. Such a distance makes "I" forget the broad taste of fatherly love.
Psychologists say that moderate distance produces aesthetic feeling, and moderate distance sublimates emotion. My true understanding of fatherly love is "I haven't seen you in the last two years"; Is my father "finally forget my bad, just thinking about me, thinking about my son"; It was after I came to the north that I received a pessimistic letter from my father. When I was dying, my father's true feelings kept me at a proper distance from my father. During this distance, I was deeply moved by my father's love. "I read here, and in the crystal tears, I saw the back of that fat, blue cotton gown and black mandarin jacket."
What an apt interpretation of "distance produces beauty"! This is true between father and son, and also between husband and wife. Mr. Lu Xun once suggested to people in "Regret for the Past" that "love must always be renewed, always grown and always created", and he warned that psychological distance should be adjusted in marriage.
Xiao Zhang and Xiao Li have been married for five years. In the past five years, their emotional journey from knowing each other and cherishing each other to being too familiar has also verified the truth-distance produces beauty. Small quarrel-reconciliation-big quarrel-separation, their feelings have experienced many such cycles, and it is reasonable to say that they should have parted ways long ago, but often when two people are really not together, both sides are worried about each other and remember many benefits of each other's daily life, so with the help of relatives and friends, the husband and wife made up. After repeating this several times, the couple also realized the seriousness of the problem, so they found a psychologist to treat them. Results The psychologist said: Husband and wife should also keep a certain distance, and you and I should not be separated just because they are married.
In fact, the same is true between friends, so we should keep the necessary distance. In real life, we often see such a situation: when two people hit it off because they hit it off, they become close friends. With the passage of time, the attitude of both sides has developed from respect and tolerance to requirements, coupled with the friction caused by their differences. Slowly, when the demands are not met, when the friction escalates, criticism and accusations will appear, and finally even friends can't be made, let alone good friends.
It can be seen that even good friends should keep a certain distance so as not to walk too close and cause friction, and finally cause typhoid fever to each other.
Close relationship, but not far away.
Distance produces beauty, but if you keep your distance too much, you will alienate both sides and even forget each other. Therefore, intimacy and non-alienation are very important in interpersonal communication. This is also the "psychological distance effect" emphasized by hedgehog theory.
The "psychological distance effect" also applies to leaders, employees and collaborators. In enterprise management, leaders often face the problem of how to maintain relations with employees. Therefore, some people say that if a leader wants to do a good job, he must maintain a close relationship with his subordinates, but that is an "intimate relationship" and an appropriate cooperative relationship. This can not only win the respect and trust of subordinates, but also reduce unnecessary interpersonal troubles and ensure the normal work. "Who keeps secrets, who keeps secrets" is the law that an excellent manager should follow.
French President Charles de Gaulle did this well. "Keep a certain distance" has long been regarded as Charles de Gaulle's motto, and it is this sentence that keeps Charles de Gaulle's relationship with consultants, think tanks and staff officers harmonious and appropriate. Si Tong, former president of American General Electric Company, also paid great attention to the implementation of hedgehog theory in his work, especially in treating middle and senior managers with courtesy. In Si Tong, there is a clear difference between public affairs and private affairs, and he can care about the work of managers without stint. But in his spare time, he never accepts the invitation of employees and never invites employees to be guests at home.
The relationship between enterprise managers and employees is like two tracks of a railway. Two rails * * * carry trains, and managers and employees * * * carry companies. The distance between them should be neither too far nor too far, otherwise the result will not be too good, and it may derail or roll over. For managers, an appropriate distance is beneficial to performance management and can also avoid unnecessary friction between superiors and subordinates.
Keeping a moderate distance from employees is the best state of management, because this state will neither make managers superior nor lose the necessary prestige; It can not only restrain the leaders themselves, but also restrain the employees. For modern enterprises, this is not just a state, but a management principle that must be observed and maintained.
Similarly, the cooperation between enterprises should also keep an appropriate distance. In the same industry, people pay more and more attention to the cooperation between different enterprises, because through cooperation, enterprises can be better than intangible and get various benefits: share production costs, complement each other's advantages and reduce business risks. However, cooperation should also pay attention to certain principles and keep the distance of cooperation.