1. Your current dreams determine your future, so just sleep a little longer!
2. Tang Monk meat can make you immortal after eating it. I wonder if Tang Monk feces has the same effect?
3. If you think of me as a kite, either let me go or take me home. Don’t tie me up with an invisible emotion and make me sad.
4. One day when I went shopping with my friends, we met a beggar by the overpass. I couldn’t see his sloppy face clearly, so I immediately whispered to my friend that he was really ugly. I asked him to give me some money to wash his face, so I threw him a dollar. Then the beggar immediately picked up the sewage next to him and washed his face. He threw a hundred dollars at me and said to me: "You are ugly." I'll give it to you for plastic surgery." I was speechless at the time.
5. Women outside umbrellas are destined not to go out on rainy days...
6. When I was a child, I loved playing hide and seek. After others hid it, I would go home to eat. .
7. Do you have no brain, or do you have mold on your brain? !
8. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you to your whole family, thank you to the eighteen generations of our ancestors!
9. I am a pile of dried cow dung.
10. I went back to my mother’s house for dinner with my boyfriend today and wore a short skirt. On the way, I accidentally tripped and fell to my knees with my hands on the ground. My legs and knees were all red. When I got home, I was afraid that my mother would be heartbroken, so I kept it secret and didn't tell her about my fall. I thought she didn't care, but during the meal my boyfriend went to add food. My mother glanced at me and said, "Summer is here, are you showing off by asking your boyfriend to change his posture? Your knees are so red, it's embarrassing." ”
11. Shamelessness is also a quality! Missing is a kind of neurosis!
12. The ugly girl: "I went on a blind date yesterday." The best friend: "Oh, how was it?" The ugly girl: "He knelt down on one knee." The best friend: "No, that's all." The first time we met... "Ugly girl: "He said my shoelaces were loose and he wanted to tie them for me." "Best friend: "Oh, that's it. What a romantic man." "Ugly girl: "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" He tied the shoelaces of my left and right feet together, then turned around and ran away! 13. What is the world like? People live like dogs, and dogs live like people.
14. A man went to the city and saw young girls on the street wearing very revealing and sexy clothes. He went back so that his wife could brag about them. After hearing this, my wife was furious, "You haven't thought about me at all." The uncle said, "Why not? When I think of you, I spit, and I was fined five yuan."
Ten 5. Count money until your hands cramp, and sleep until you wake up naturally!
16. 3,000 women lie down in a row. Take off your clothes and roll over them to see how many you can get.
17. A real estate agent just called me and offered to recommend a house in a certain area of ??Luohu District. I only said one sentence, my salary is 2,000 yuan. The real estate agent said: " "Sorry to bother you, thank you", Nima,,, hung up the phone,,,
18. In the physics class, the female teacher complained that stockings always came off. Xiao Ming couldn't hold it back: "The main reason why stockings are prone to falling off is due to excessive tension, which causes plastic deformation. In layman's terms, it's because the legs are thick!" Just as the teacher was about to speak, Xiao Ming said consciously: "I'm going out..."
19. A: I curse your wife to not be a virgin! B: I curse your wife to remain a virgin forever.
20. A woman’s heart cannot be seen clearly because her breasts are too thick.
21. Classic to the point of death.
Twenty-two, listen to your words and save me ten books!
Twenty-three, it’s time to go to the street again. 10 women, 9 exposed, 9 exposed, 8 silky, 8 silky, 7 black, 7 dark, 6 transparent, 6 transparent, 5 thick, 5 thick, 4 coquettish, 4 coquettish, 3 ugly , 3 ugly 2 fishing nets, 2 fishing nets 1 hole season...
24. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be overcrowded.
25. Question: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to stay away from me!
26. Only the closest people will harm you without hesitation, and at the same time, they will fish you out when you are in the most critical moment - please cherish your best friend - good Gay friends for life!
27. A charming woman is a lighter, and a charming woman is a fire extinguisher.
28. I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting lonely, just for one day when you walk by me, I will fall for you and I will not crush you. Even if I live in vain.
29. If you have to pay taxes when you look in the mirror, I am afraid some women will go bankrupt.
Thirty. When I lie down, I am the sun and the earth, and when I lie down, I am the sun and the universe!
31. If you can’t be stunningly beautiful, then be so ugly! A collection of super funny short jokes
A selection of 20 super funny short jokes
1. The direction of the headwind is more suitable for flying. I am not afraid of ten thousand people blocking me, I am only afraid of surrender
2. You can never see what I look like when I am the loneliest, because I am the loneliest only when you are not around me
3. Don’t use your pirated version of Mona Lisa Smiling at me, my stomach is not as strong as you think.
4. You can take your pick of handsome guys, no money is required if you like them.
5. Have you read Water Margin? The story of Tang Monk, his master and his apprentice, who became sworn brothers in Taoyuan and were forced to go to Liangshan by Jia Baoyu.
6. Whenever I meet you, my heart always beats fast. I don’t know why you always nod and smile at me.
7. I’m not very good at talking, so what’s wrong with me? . . . . Come and hit me!!!~
8. One of the things I fear most is watching the person I love fall in love with someone else.
9. The most embarrassing thing is having your shoes stepped on while running...
10. My love for you makes you silent, and your love for me Love has become my extravagant hope
11. Only women and heroes have trouble finding wives and jobs!
12. The happiest thing in the world is eating, the second The happy thing is that I will eat it later!
13. Liang Xi: If I were wifi, there would be more people who love me than these
14. I taste the joys, sorrows and joys myself. I carry myself, I am my own sun, I don’t need to rely on anyone’s light.
15. Others eat pomegranates by the handful, but I eat pomegranates one by one. My friend said: What I eat is loneliness, not pomegranates--!
16. I have no money and no power. If I don’t treat you better, can you follow me?
17. I love I got into my bed, but the alarm clock was jealous and always wanted to separate me from the bed.
18. I want to use you as a toilet seat, because when I don’t like you, I like to sit on your butt to death.
19. I didn’t say you were shameless, I meant that shameless people are like you.
20. Among the curses related to Chinese Valentine’s Day that I have seen so far, , this is the most vicious one: Curse the Weaver Girl to come to her aunt on Chinese Valentine's Day! Recommended 20 super funny short jokes
1. When you have no money, your wife is also your secretary; when you are rich, your secretary is also your wife.
2. Not difficult, have an attitude, don’t get discouraged, don’t give up, and don’t fart
3. More than 700 million acne appear in a year, and the number of acne can circle the earth twice.
4. When you chase the prince charming in your heart, the frog waiting for you is actually a prince and will be fished away. . .
5. If the person I hate likes me, then I won’t hate him because I can’t hate such a discerning person.
6. Don’t base your happiness on the pain of others, you are different from others
7. Mo Yan is famous, what should we do? The answer is actually very simple: Mo Yan Urgent... The countdown to the start of school is about to start, so hurry up and play hard, and go to school to catch up on your sleep.
8. Please give as many eggs as possible and not flowers, because eggs can be eaten, but flowers can only be looked at...
9. Sleeping in spring without waking up, hanging Q Don't harass. Suddenly heard the QQ voice, how many truths there are.
10. The puppy and the piglet play together. Puppy: "What is one plus one?" Piggy: "Two!" Puppy: "Wow! You are so smart!" Piggy: "Of course, you think I have a pig head!"
11. During the holiday party, fireflies served as lighting effects artists and flew together in the air. One of them did not light up, and the other asked him curiously: "Brother! Why don't you light up?", the fireflies did not light up. Said: "Hey! Forget it, the electricity price has been raised again. I owe the electricity bill last month!"
12. "The temperature at the poles is getting higher and higher, and penguins and polar bears have left their own territory. Finally, they We met at the equator. The penguin said: Brother Bear, although the greenhouse effect prevents us from keeping warm, this environment has made my family almost extinct. The polar bear said: Sister Penguin, don’t be sad. Although we will disappear first, humans will also disappear. They paid the price for everything they did. "
13. The kitten was fishing by the river and was accidentally pinched by a crab that came out of the river. The crab ran away when it saw that something was wrong. The kitten continued to fish, and after a while he caught a shrimp. The kitten saw it and said: "Xiaoya, you have become so thin in the blink of an eye. The weight loss effect is good."
14. A rooster I fell in love with a hen, so I decided to invite the hen to dinner. The hen readily agreed and dressed up to attend. After the meal, the waiter asked the rooster to pay, and the rooster said: "He pays the bill today." The hen was stunned and said, "Didn't you invite me to dinner?" The rooster said: "Haven't you heard that the iron rooster never plucks his hair? That's me. "An iron rooster."
15. The puppy and the kitten went to court to file for divorce soon after they got married. The elephant judge asked him the reason for his wish. The puppy said: "The kitten doesn't come home every day and night. I doubt it." Cheating!" The kitten said with grievance: "I was just chasing the mouse." The puppy: "Look, it admitted it!"
16. There was a snake in the jungle that wrapped around a tree trunk and ate it. When a sparrow is born, it likes to swallow the sparrow's nest. Other snakes found it strange and asked why it wanted to eat the nest's nest. This snake gave the other snakes a blank look: "Didn't you hear what humans said?" and then closed its eyes again. As if he had endless aftertaste, he slowly exhaled and sighed: "Nescafe coffee, it tastes great!" 20 super funny short jokes
1. When will Taiwan want to be reunified? The answer is: when buying instant noodles. Today is National Day, let us eat Tongtong instant noodles at home together and look forward to the reunification of the motherland. Amen!
2. On the occasion of National Day, I don’t want to give you too much, I only give you 50 million: Be happy, be healthy, be safe, be content, be happy. Don’t forget me!
3. On the occasion of National Day, I don’t want to give you too much, I only give you 50 million: Be happy, be healthy, be safe, be safe, be happy Be content and never forget me!
4. The weather has become cooler and my mood has improved; my work has gone smoothly and my salary has increased; my children have grown up and I have less to worry about; I just bought a car, The mortgage has been paid off, the National Day is here, and the seven-day holiday has begun
5. I have soreness in my back, leg cramps, physical and mental exhaustion, and kidney failure. Fortunately, I came to my rescue on November 1st; I salute the dust that has gone away. Etiquette, let your moldy thoughts flow to the water, relax and breathe, and spend the eleventh day happily.
6. You are happy on a hot day, pay attention to your health on special days, you are pure and pure in the gentle breeze, don’t let the sun shine on you, you are cool and tender in the sun, all the beauty of today It all belongs to you! Happy National Day!
7. People are in high spirits during happy events. National Day and Mid-Autumn Festival are the double happiness. I wish you a happy holiday!
8. If one day, you are too tired to walk , as long as you turn around, I will be by your side! No matter how far away you are, no matter how many years, may my blessings turn into stars and shine every day of your life! Happy National Day!
9. If One day when you think of someone who loved you, then I must be one of them. If one day no one loves you anymore, then I must be dead. I still miss you on National Day, what about you?
10. Is there anyone like me? It feels like things in dreams can always come true in reality. Super funny jokes
1. How far is eternity? Just get as far away from me as you kid!
2. The happiest thing in the world is to have sex; the happiest thing in the world is to take a break and then have sex again.
3. You don’t need to pee to know what you look like.
4. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can't leave you." Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and hold you tightly." .” Guo said: “It’s almost too late to talk nonsense.”
5. After calculating the salary increase, you will find that you are not even as good as a pig!
6. If people live by eating, then the food is not called rice, it is called feed.
7. I drove past a scenic spot and stopped on the roadside to buy a bottle of mineral water. I asked the child selling the product: "Why are some mineral water bottles full and some bottles not quite full?" "What?" the child replied: "My mother filled the full bottle, and my father filled the dissatisfied bottle."
8. We are a rural middle school with relatively weak teaching staff. So there is a shortage of teachers. My Chinese teacher's handwriting is recognized by the whole school as beautiful. Not only that, the Chinese teacher is also the principal of the school. On this day, the principal assigned homework and distributed homework books. I took it over and took a look. Wow! The principal actually wrote a few big characters on my homework, it was so beautiful! ! I will definitely take it and save it in the future. Maybe it will become an antique in a few hundred years. My deskmate also shouted, attracting the attention of everyone in the class. Everyone asked in unison: "What did you write? What is the collection value?" It was obvious that they were a little jealous. I said loudly: "I didn't do my homework, please make it up for me!"
9. How many cabbages do you need to sleep with me?
10. Go to a pizza shop to buy some Pizza! The waiter asked me if I wanted it cut into 8 pieces or 12 pieces? I thought about it and said: Let’s go with 8 yuan! 12 yuan is too much to finish!
11. As a typical failure, you are so successful!
12. It is said that the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl are the most miserable, and they only have one day a year. I say they are actually the happiest! Who is missed 364 days a year?
13. What did you look like before the car crash?
14. If a dog passes you by, if it is in a hurry, it will not look at you; if it is okay, it will look at you; if your eyes are more friendly, it will Walk around your feet. This kind of etiquette is lacking among people.
15. You must be my companion on the wedding day, because we promised to enter the palace of marriage together...
16. Not afraid of beautiful women treating me as Pervert, I'm afraid that ugly women will think of me as a gangster!
17. If you fall down, get up and cry again~~~
18. My lover calls me the third person!
19. A man’s biggest worry is his creditor, and a woman’s biggest worry is her lover.
20. The real society ruined my chance to be a good person.
21. When I was in my senior year of high school, in chemistry class, the teacher taught about organic chemistry and polymers.
Suddenly the teacher gave an example, drew a "Phthalate key" on the blackboard, and said to everyone, this is a "eunuch", let's press "Methyl" for him, everyone laughed.
22. If I don’t beat you, you don’t know that I am both civil and military.
Twenty-three, a dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi'an Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed: "555, I finally have no worries about not being able to get married in this life..."
24. What kind of plastic bag are you putting in a plastic bag in front of me, you idiot? Did shit hit your head?
Twenty-five. Me: I bought you a bottle of perfume, wife. Wife: How much? Me: You will know after you sleep with me. Wife: 400 yuan? Did I know something?
26. If there is only one mouthful of porridge left in the future, you drink it first. After you finish drinking, I will lick the bowl clean——
27. There is a grave in my heart. Burying the Widow
28. You join a foreign company and I will work as a worker, because that day is a day when the invigilator has a lot of work - he can't move in front of me! Damn it!
29. There are more and more monsters in the world, and Tang Monk is getting less and less.
30. People always love to deceive themselves, because it is easier than deceiving others. Funny jokes
1. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.
2. Boss, let’s have a bowl of tomato and egg noodles, without the noodles
3. This year’s Spring Festival. . Students who work in Shanghai have to go home for the holidays. But everyone knows that it is difficult to buy tickets during the festival, and he struggled to buy a ticket. So, he signed up for a two-day trip to Chaohu Half Soup-Fangte. Later, he went home... and also went to Fantawild to ride the roller coaster! Dear friends, you can do this during the National Day holiday!
4. There is a kind of quietness called Laoban is coming. . .
5. I... lack sleep, lack money, lack love, and lack of thoughtfulness. . . The only thing I don’t lack is: I don’t lack meat~~~!
6. Today, my buddy sent me a text message: "I was looking at a beautiful woman on the bus. I passed the station." I replied: "How beautiful is she?" He said: "I After four stops..."
7. I don’t like tidying up the room, so they all call me the messy room hero.
8. If money is the capital of your love for me, then please use money to hit me.
9. In the dead of night, I often ask myself whether I was right or wrong when I decided to come to Earth. . .
10. One day at noon, Lao Liu happened to meet Lao Zhang on the road. He quickly said hello, took out a dime from his pocket and gave it to Lao Zhang. Lao Liu said: "Lao Zhang, I lent you a dime the day before yesterday, and I didn't pay you back until today." Lao Zhang said: "Forget it, it's only a dime, why pay it back!" "I have to pay it back, I have to pay it back!" Lao Liu insisted Put a dime into Lao Zhang's hand. Lao Zhang had no choice but to accept it and said: "If you really want to pay it back, I won't be polite. When I go back later, I will close this account!"
11. Hang a mosquito net inside Sleeping naked teases mosquitoes and drives them to death.
12. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!
13. Watch the time not to get up, but to see how long you can sleep. . .
14. When school starts, the teacher will say to you, "The school is your home." When you were sleeping in class, the teacher said, "You think school is your home." When cleaning, the teacher will say to you, "The school is your home." When you don't wear school uniform, the teacher says, "You think school is your home"!
15. There is a kind of meanness that forgets the pain when the scar is healed. . .
16. For more than ten years, I have worked hard to copy every exam. Why? Is it for myself? Not just to improve the average score of the class, but also for the face of the teacher, for the grade director’s evaluation, and for the principal’s face when going to the Education Bureau meeting to show off. Every time I copy, I feel terrified and sweat all over my body. I’ve said it before A complaint? You are so selfless, what else do you want from me?
17. What is a class teacher? He is a person who destroys your friendship and then your love and still doesn’t let go of your family ties!
18. If you don’t play with your life now, you will play with your life in the future.
19. Yesterday I participated in a pigeon-flying competition in the city, but I went alone...
20. It is better to be cruel than to be heartbroken.
21. Due to recent frequent earthquakes, the road to love is broken. Please take a detour.
22. Life in school is ordinary. I'm just a little tired and want to sleep, but my classmates and teachers are very funny and they laugh often. I feel better when I see my old classmates during class breaks. I always have a feeling that I will be very nervous to study after the National Day holiday.
Twenty-three, the gentleman is magnanimous, and the villain does his homework! The business girl didn’t know the hatred of her country’s subjugation, so she did her homework all day long! Look up at the bright moon and lower your head to do your homework! When relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, they say I am doing homework! If you are young and don’t work hard, you will have to do your homework! I sat up in shock while dying of illness. I haven’t done my homework today! Live as a great person, die as a master! Since ancient times, no one has died and will continue to do homework in the next life! People looked for him thousands of times, but suddenly looking back, that man was doing his homework!
Twenty-four. Female: I am worried, can you listen to me? Man: Say. Female: I had a lot of fun during the National Day holiday and caroused to the fullest for eight days. The clothes on my body were already filled with the essence of sunshine and sweat. This is the real fragrance of a woman. I suddenly felt that after a few days of letting it sit, I could achieve the state of unity between human and clothes. Peach blossom luck is excellent. Man: Speak humanly. Woman: I don’t want to do laundry...
Twenty-five, God, did you let summer and winter have the same room? What gave birth to this damn weather
26. Sometimes I visit the refrigerator at night, just to know... A real foodie dares to face the thick thighs and challenges the bulging belly. The National Day and the Mid-Autumn Festival in 20xx are connected together. Will there be ten consecutive days of holidays? Could it be that this is what God sent to us before the end of the world.
27. Teachers always think that they are very good. After more than ten years of teaching, there is something that students have not seen. It has never occurred to us that we have been students for more than ten years and that teachers have not seen it. , is it true that the teacher is so weak!
28. In the past, if you cooked the raw rice into cooked rice, the woman would be yours. Now, even if you boil the raw rice into popcorn, it won’t work.
29. If fate grabs your throat, scratch its armpits.
Thirty. After all, Chinese can increase your literary knowledge, English can help you communicate with ghosts, history can help you not betray, geography can help you not get lost, and politics can help you understand How to protect your rights, but what else can mathematics do besides ruin your entire life? You use functions to buy groceries. When you see a row of phone numbers, you have to think about whether there is a common formula between them.
Thirty-one, I actually have a pretty good figure, fat but not greasy.
32. I didn’t realize until school started: The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.
Thirty-three. There is a person who is so funny. It is said that he started robbing tombs with his hands, and then he couldn't stop. Then his National Day holiday was gone...it was gone. ...After watching Tomb Raider, there is no more vacation...
Thirty-four, center parting depends on the nose, straight bangs depends on the face shape, slanted bangs look on the temperament, no bangs looks on the facial features. . . I'm suitable for masking! ! !
Thirty-five, very sad, very melancholy, there is only last day left in the National Day holiday, you who sleep until you wake up naturally, you who eat and drink endlessly, you who are stuck on the highway and have your heart broken, want to Say goodbye to 20xx, the longest holiday in history.
36. There are no ifs in life, only consequences and results.
Thirty-seven. When I was taking the bus in the morning, I couldn't help but sneeze. I heard a woman in the back seat say sweetly: Husband, I heard that influenza A is very serious recently. I'm so scared. Then the man said: What are you afraid of? If you are not afraid of abortion, why are you afraid of influenza A?
Thirty-eight, goose and goose, cut the curved neck with a knife, pluck the hair, add a ladle of water, light the fire and cover the pot.
39. People in the upper class like to do vulgar and boring things.
40. My father said that handsome men lie, but my mother said that they are not handsome. Men also lie, and your dad is a good example.
41. As long as you have lessons in mind, you will not be skipping classes wherever you go.
42. Counting the college entrance examination, after spending 12 years of youth and at least 40,000 to 500,000 yuan in tuition, we supported Chenguang Factory, True Color Factory, Machine Readable Card Factory, countless paper mills, and countless printing companies. The market, Hanlin Bookstore, Xinhua Bookstore, the city’s transportation industry, restaurants around the school, as well as all teachers’ salaries and bonuses, the principal’s car, gas money, and the gymnasium college entrance examination are national pillar private enterprises! This is our contribution!
43. If you ask a male toad what is the most beautiful, his answer will definitely be a female toad. There is no doubt about his appreciation level, but the environment is different.
44. Female customer: Do I look good in this outfit? Shop Assistant: Any clothes will look good on you! Female customer: Does this necklace look good on me? Shop Assistant: Any necklace will look good on your neck. Female customer: Do you think my husband is good-looking? Shopkeeper: Madam, any gentleman looks good standing next to you!
Forty-five, November: Blocked, a row of egrets ascended to the blue sky, I was squeezed in the middle; I asked where the restaurant was, but I was blocked at the toll gate again. I still hold my pipa half-covered, and forgot to bring instant noodles in the car; I am born with talents that will be useful, and I will not move for five hours. It's a cold rainy night in Wu, and I watch the sunrise on the highway; the apes on both sides of the river bank can't stop crying, and I can't sleep in my car at home. When you see an uneven road, you roar, and dogs come walking on the highway; thousands of miles of mountains and rivers turn red, and everyone is a bear when they go out for joy.
Forty-six, 600 in the morning, you lie in bed, close your eyes for 5 minutes, open your eyes, it is already 745. It's 130 in the afternoon, you sit in the classroom, close your eyes for 5 minutes, and when you open your eyes, it's 131.