Good friends will not break your rules
It has been 437 days since Jin Yong left us, and I saw a short story about him.
Huang Yongyu’s paintings are usually clearly marked with price. Unless he is willing, no one can buy them at a low price.
One year, a Hong Kong businessman came to ask for a painting, hoping to get a better discount, but Huang Yongyu disagreed.
The Hong Kong businessman knew that Huang Yongyu and Jin Yong were very good friends, and he also had a good relationship with Jin Yong, so he said to Huang Yongyu: "I am very familiar with Mr. Jin Yong, and he often mentions you in front of me. Otherwise , I’ll give him a call right now.”
The Hong Kong businessman called Mr. Jin Yong to explain the situation, hoping that Jin Yong could intercede for him on the phone.
Jin Yong said: "You can give as much as you want, give it quickly, and it will rise after a while." The Hong Kong businessman had to give up.
Afterwards, Jin Yong said: "I know Huang Yongyu's temper. He will do whatever he says. If I want to intercede, it will be embarrassing for him. If he gives face, he breaks his own rules; if he doesn't give face, he will be embarrassed." It’s me, so why should I?”
As the saying goes: “Nothing can be done without rules.”
In addition to rules, laws and other big rules, everyone has his own way of doing things. A small rule. This rule is your principle and bottom line. Of course, you don’t want others to break or break through it.
A true good friend will maintain your rules and respect them after knowing them, rather than break them and embarrass you.
Mr. Jin Yong knew Huang Yongyu’s rules, so he did not intercede with others, broke Huang Yongyu’s rules, and made Huang Yongyu embarrassed. This is respect for friends and the importance of mutual friendship.
I like this sentence very much: "Familiarity never exceeds the limit." It means that no matter how good the relationship is, we must be measured and not exceed the necessary boundaries of each other.
Only by respecting others can you gain respect from others.
The kind of behavior that forces the other party to break one's own rules in the name of friendship is actually a blasphemy of friendship and cannot be regarded as a true friend.
A good friend will not force you to accommodate him
The highest state of friendship is: closeness but distance, sparseness but closeness; harmony but difference, beauty and perfection.
No matter how good the relationship is between friends, there will always be differences in interests, hobbies, and living habits. A true friend will not force the other person to accommodate his or her own hobbies and habits, but for those who always want the other person to accommodate themselves, the friendship is bound to not last.
Lao Zhou is the chief surgeon of a large hospital in my hometown. Although he earns a lot of money, he also pays a lot. Sometimes after a major surgery, the body is about to collapse.
A few days ago, he was extremely angry by his long-time friend Hao Mingliang. It wasn't a big deal, but he had a major operation that day. When he got home at night, he was so tired that he didn't even take off his clothes and fell asleep.
Not long after he lay down, Hao Mingliang called and said: "Brother, three are short of one, come quickly, tomorrow is the weekend, let's play with him all night long!"
Lao Zhou Tell him: "I just finished the operation. I am too tired, so I won't play with you. My body can't bear staying up late anymore."
But Hao Mingliang asked unhappily: "Are you a friend? ”
Lao Zhou told him that he was a friend, but he really couldn’t stay with him today.
Seeing that Lao Zhou was displeased with him, Hao Mingliang hung up the phone with a bang.
At that moment, Lao Zhou felt very uncomfortable. What do you mean, if you are a friend, you have to accommodate you in everything?
The next morning, another friend called Lao Zhou and asked him why he had offended Lao Hao. When he saw his friends, they said it was not interesting that you had demolished him.
Hearing this, Lao Zhou was really sad. Taking advantage of this incident, she gradually distanced herself from him.
In life, some people regard themselves as the sun every day, wishing that all their friends would revolve around them and accommodate themselves anytime and anywhere.
This is a sign of lack of care and consideration and forcing others to make things difficult for them.
When his friend was too tired to meet his play requirements, Hao Mingliang not only refused to understand and respect him, but said a word of concern, and instead accused him of not being interesting enough.
In fact, it was not Lao Zhou who was "not interesting enough", but Hao Mingliang. If he doesn't change his behavior, the friends who stay away from him in the future may not be Lao Zhou.
Nan Huaijin, a master of traditional Chinese culture, once said: "No one is perfect, including saints. As long as you don't need others to embarrass themselves to accommodate you when dealing with others, you will feel happy and comfortable when you get along with them. Feeling. ”
I deeply agree.
Don’t let your friends accommodate you and make each other comfortable. This is the way to get along with real friends.
Such friends are truly good friends who care about you.
A good friend will not put you in a dilemma
Liu Yong was a famous official during the Qianlong period of the Qing Dynasty. When he was a boy, Liu Yong was not only well-read but also particularly fond of calligraphy. I often go around to visit the original works of calligraphers, carefully observe, understand, study and ponder, and then write and post.
Over time, because he was good at learning from the predecessors and full of creativity, his calligraphy works were based on the ancient but not rigid, with strong body and strong bones, and unique style.
One day, a friend told Liu Yong that he happened to see a small regular script hand scroll by Zhong Yao at Li Yuan's place. It was quite elegant and he suggested that he borrow it for viewing and copying. Li Yuan is a good friend of the two. They often drink and compose poems together, and they have a close relationship.
Unexpectedly, Liu Yong thought for a moment and said: "That's all, I'll appreciate it again when I have the opportunity."
The friend was very surprised. Liu Yong has always been eager for authentic calligraphy. Why? Why are you so reserved this time? Liu Yong waved his hand and said: "Everyone who loves books loves books, especially Li Yuan. His books have never been borrowed from outside, let alone such precious paintings and calligraphy?"
The friend said in confusion: "No. It’s understandable to borrow from others. We are good friends and have a deep friendship. How can we not borrow it?”
“That’s why I didn’t ask him to borrow the book.” Liu Yong said with a smile, “I know Li Yuan. He loves books as much as his life. If he lends them to me, he will be extremely distressed. If he doesn't, he will be criticized and accused of paying more attention to things than friends. Therefore, as a good friend, I cannot make this request, otherwise it will put him in a dilemma. "?"
The friend nodded in agreement, but still had doubts: "This is actually an opportunity to test him!" Liu Yong shook his head and said, "The purpose of understanding friends is to better maintain friendship. , and cannot be used as a test. This is not in line with the way of getting along with friends."
After hearing this, my friends couldn't help but clapped their hands and praised Liu Yong for his open-mindedness, generosity and thoughtfulness.
Former U.S. President Wilson once said: "Understanding is absolutely the soil that nurtures the fruits of all friendships."
A true good friend will put himself in the other person's shoes to understand the other person's thoughts and experience the other person. difficulties, and will not deliberately create problems for the other party or put the other party in a dilemma.
Liu Yong is well versed in the way of getting along with friends. He thinks about the problem completely from the perspective of a friend, does not use friendship to test the humanity of the other person, and actively gives up the idea of ????putting the other person in a dilemma, showing the great potential of the friend. A thoughtful and considerate manner.
The reason why people often say "Long live understanding" not only shows that mutual understanding between people is very precious, but also shows that it is quite difficult to understand each other between people. .
If there is more understanding between friends, there will be more harmony and warmth, and less grudges and grudges.
A good friend will not push you too far
I very much agree with this sentence: "Between friends, if you ask for something small and go along with it, it should be fulfilled; if you ask for too much, you will push yourself too far! It's rude! Yes! ”
In life, everyone will inevitably need help from time to time, and friends should help each other.
But then again, even if you are the best friend, you must consider the other person's ability when asking for help. You cannot force the other person to give you face, and you should not take advantage of the other person's help. This will inevitably embarrass friends and hurt each other's feelings.
Former neighbor Wei Ran took a fancy to a facade house in a prosperous area in the city center. It happened that this row of facade houses was developed by the real estate company where his friend Sun Qiming worked. So Wei Ran went to Sun Qiming, hoping to give him a discount.
Sun Qiming said: "I will try it for you, but there is little hope. The price is set by the company."
Wei Ran said: "You are also a vice president of the company after all. He is also a major shareholder, no problem. Besides, there is an internal price."
Sun Qiming said: "There is an internal price, but it is not a big discount. I will try my best to get it."
Sun Qiming finally got 11,800 yuan per square meter, which was 100 yuan cheaper than the external price, but Wei Ran asked for 11,500 yuan per square meter, begging Sun Qiming to try again.
Sun Qiming said: "I have tried my best, and this is the best deal."
Wei Ran said: "Others bought one for 11,500 square meters, please help me." "Me, give me some face."
But Sun Qiming said: "I don't care how others bought it for 11,500, I only have so much energy, I can only get this preferential price for you."
Wei Ran refused to give up and begged Sun Qiming to try harder. Sun Qiming did not agree, and Wei Ran felt that things would be deadlocked if Sun Qiming did not try his best to help him.
Within two weeks, Wei Ran decided to buy, but the house was sold out. He regretted it, but instead of reflecting on himself, he blamed Sun Qiming for not helping.
Sun Qiming was very angry and gradually stopped interacting with Wei Ran.
My friend tried his best to get a discount, but he pushed even further to get a better discount. If he didn't achieve his goal, he blamed his friend for not helping. Wei Ran's approach was a bit too much. This kind of forcing others to make things difficult and asking friends to do thankless things, let alone It doesn't feel comfortable on anyone.
It is a kind of fate between people to go from being strangers to becoming good friends. This kind of fate needs to be cherished by each other, rather than consumed blindly for one's own selfish interests. The result of overdrafting a friendship is often parting ways.
To hurt a relationship, one sentence is enough. Friendship is very precious, but also very fragile. You must not let your own exaggeration cause the friendship to plummet.
People with high emotional intelligence
Never make things difficult for others
Emotional intelligence usually refers to the emotional quotient 20, or EQ20 for short. It mainly refers to a person’s emotions, will, and patience. The quality of being frustrated, etc.
Psychologists believe that emotional intelligence theoretically includes five aspects: self-awareness, self-control, self-motivation, perspective-taking and communication.
Among them, "empathy", or empathy, is particularly important in friendships.
People with high emotional intelligence can consider problems from the perspective of their friends, understand the other person's situation and feelings, and will not behave in a way that puts their friends in a dilemma, embarrassment, or embarrassment.
There is a saying that goes well: Behind high emotional intelligence is kindness.
People who think about their friends are kind-hearted, generous, respect others, and know how to respect themselves.
In the vast sea of ????people, it is not easy to have a few true friends who make you feel comfortable and will not embarrass you. It is your blessing to find them, please do it and cherish them.