Appropriate shyness is a "self-protection" behavior that allows you to learn to be "cautious about being alone" in social situations and learn to listen more to what others are saying. However, if shyness is magnified or even affects your life, it is extremely bad. It will make you lack self-confidence and security, make you feel inferior, and bring obstacles to your social interactions.
So, regarding how to overcome shyness, I would like to tell you based on my real experiences growing up. Shyness may not be completely removed from my bones, and the seed of shyness cannot be completely removed, but I can What I do is to slowly make my shyness smaller and weaker. I can take the initiative to control my shyness instead of letting my shyness control me. Therefore, although the following three points cannot achieve immediate results or cure the disease, as long as you pass it every day With my persistence, I can slowly become optimistic and confident from being shy.
1. Create a "Harvest Diary"
When I was in college, in a class, the psychology teacher told us a method to create a "harvest diary" of our own. A special diary. Write down your achievements in this diary, whether it is eating your favorite snacks and wearing beautiful clothes, or getting rewards for learning progress, or even being shown and praised for your specialties and hobbies. You can write it down in this diary. , you can take it out and look through it every day, and you will find that you are actually great and outstanding because you can do so many things to please yourself.
2. Continue to amplify your specialties and hobbies
The reason why many shy people are shy is because they feel that they have no shining points and are not confident in their specialties and hobbies. Worry about being laughed at by others if you don’t do well. In fact, it doesn’t matter. If you are embarrassed to show your specialties and hobbies among the crowd, then you can first show your talents in writing, calligraphy, painting, dance, music, handicrafts, makeup, etc. online. As long as you find the right platform to show yourself , after getting some attention and continuing to practice your abilities, you will not be afraid to show your skills in life.
3. Start with small things first
Whether it is in study, work or life, before you want to do something, do not "challenge yourself", first learn to "measure your ability" For example, instead of setting an unrealistic goal of earning hundreds of thousands a year, you can set a goal of saving a few hundred dollars this month, completing a small task at work to gain approval from your boss, and getting academic marks. progress.
Although the above three methods seem inconspicuous and not particularly advanced, they are at least down to earth. I have tried them all and the results are pretty good.
Do you think you are shy?
Please answer the following four questions:
If you often feel the above, it means that you may have a certain tendency to be shy.
Mild shyness is normal, but severe shyness may cause people to feel depressed, lonely, fearful, anxious and lack self-esteem.
According to research data, nearly half of the people have shyness, which is a very common psychological reaction. Typical manifestations are timidity, lack of assertiveness, poor expression, and poor sociability. Even when encountering small things, even in public It's easy to have trouble sleeping and eating when you say something to yourself. If this kind of shyness cannot be adjusted and eliminated soon, it will add a lot of psychological burden to us and affect our life, work and social life. We should work hard to overcome it. So how to overcome this kind of psychology?
Let’s look at a few small examples first. When I was in middle school, there were always a few naughty boys in the class. One time, when the teacher was away, a classmate who was usually quiet got into trouble with them for some unknown reason. It happened that as soon as the teacher came in, he only saw him making trouble. , his name was suddenly called, and the whole classroom fell silent. He stood up unsteadily, his face turned pale and flushed at times, and he even stuttered in answering the teacher's questions.
When I was in elementary school, the teacher asked questions in class. My deskmate would look timid and blank every time he stood up. After the teacher asked the question and the other students announced their answers and were allowed to sit down, they wiped the sweat from their hands and felt disappointed: So this is the answer. , I thought it was wrong! And I myself, when my class held a party when I graduated from college, I thought I was very brave and walked over to sing. It was the first time I picked up a microphone and sang in front of everyone. Although I still tried hard to finish the song, why was I obviously in the dormitory? You have been practicing well, but why are you so nervous that you have difficulty breathing and your limbs are numb? The results are predictably bad.
To overcome shyness, we must understand it and trace its roots. I think it comes from inner fear, fear of the unknown. We are afraid of being criticized, talked about and ridiculed. Furthermore, we are afraid of attracting attention and being the center of attention. Even if we originally did well, once we become the center of attention, we are very likely to mess up. Let’s imagine that we sing and dance to the music easily and happily, and we are intoxicated. When we see ourselves in the mirror, we put on a playful smile, but in fact, the mirrors around us are all one-way perspective glass, and there are audiences watching us all around. performance, they loved the performance and were clapping so much and we had no idea about it. Then all the mirrors disappear, and the surrounding audience is clearly visible. We are still in the same place. Can we still perform the same effect as before? If not, why? The venue has not changed, the characters have not changed, and the things have not changed, but our consciousness has changed. The group that no one paid attention to in the safe closed space suddenly became the object of everyone's attention. The audience is an unknown group of people to us. We don’t know what they will think of us or how they will comment on us. We are afraid. So, we need to eliminate the fear within us.
How to eliminate inner fear? I think the most important thing is to fully accept yourself first. Even if you suffer from procrastination and sleep late, even if you fail to do anything well and let yourself down many times, don't be upset and don't blame yourself. Accept everything bit by bit, from the bottom of your heart. Increase your image awareness. Would you want to be in contact with a slovenly and unhygienic person? Would you like to talk to someone who is yawning and unable to keep his eyes open and unable to concentrate? A beautiful image is more about pleasing yourself. Of course, it does not necessarily require makeup. It means dressing well, being clean and tidy, arranging your diet and daily life reasonably, and ensuring sufficient energy. We will feel nervous in a new environment if we are fully prepared in advance. We will be more familiar with it if we have the conditions. Don’t athletes seize every opportunity to adapt to the climate and adapt to the venue before the game? For an excellent speaker, only he knows how many times he has practiced in front of the mirror, how many times he has practiced in front of the crowd, and how many speeches he has experienced before he can perform to the expected level. Even if I don’t have time to just take a quick look and get familiar with the venue, information, etc., I still feel a little unsure. Participate in more activities. For me, I prefer exercise. I think it can hone my willpower while enduring muscle soreness and sweating. It also has a positive effect on resisting bad emotions. I also think it is more effective than having dinner with friends and singing karaoke. It is also a sports group activity. Of course, art exhibition promotion and sharing sessions are also good.
How to completely eliminate shyness? After doing the above points, you will definitely have confidence. When you encounter a situation that may cause shyness again, you can adjust yourself in time and gradually calm down. It will not affect the performance of your abilities and may not be completely eliminated. I think " "Completely eliminate" is too full of words. There is no need to pursue perfection. It's cute to be shy occasionally, isn't it?
Xinrui
——Dahua Spirit, a public account focusing on mental illness.
Speaking of myself, I am also a very shy person. I used to be shy when I saw people I knew, especially boys. I really wanted to slap myself. Why am I so shy? One day, I understood It's good to have fun occasionally. Whether you're attending a party or a group activity, you won't be too embarrassed by yourself.
First, self-identity. You need to have a clear idea: introverts and shy people are also good. Some people may be shy by birth or influenced by their environment. There is nothing wrong with this. You don’t have to feel troubled. Just relax and don’t like people who don’t like you. If you are not happy, it will trigger a series of butterfly effects, which will eventually lead to you being overly immersed in negative emotions when others speak and not knowing what to answer.
Secondly, talk less and do more.
There is a saying that a fool talks too much and a wise man talks little. Find a way to hit the point every time you speak and find the core of the problem. Talking more useless nonsense will only make people think that you are not practical and practical. It is easy to expose and magnify one's own shortcomings, and in the long run you will be scornful of them.
Furthermore, learn to listen. Everyone yearns to be the protagonist in life. Some people always talk endlessly. You can be a listener at this time. There are also people who don't talk much, but if you listen carefully and patiently to what they say, you can always grasp why. Most people don't dislike people who like to ask questions. Don't always think about what I should say. It will only make you lose focus and don't know what to answer.
Then, master the words. There are a few greetings you can try when you first meet, such as discussing the weather, clothing, compliments, etc., and search online for some chatting skills on "how to make chatting less awkward." Even if you memorize it, as long as you make a little progress, your confidence will greatly increase.
Finally, smile. When others say something, you really have nothing to say. If they say something happy, you can smile and respond without embarrassment. If something is sad, you can sigh and comfort it.
Shyness is a psychological obstacle. As long as you cross this mountain, you will find a smooth plain. Let me tell you a little trick I personally use to make a friend who loves to joke. I was very shy at first. Quiet and a little shy, he is a very amusing friend and can always make a group of people laugh together. After getting along with him, I have become a lot more cheerful, but not all cheerful people need to make friends. Social butterflies may disdain For a friend like you, this kind of social butterfly will treat you as a "spare tire" friend.
However, you must also dare to accept big tasks and projects. Take the simplest thing, such as running for a certain position, and take the initiative to participate. I think back when I gave an English speech, my hands were shaking on the podium. I lowered my head the whole time and my voice was trembling. When I raised my head and glanced at the audience, I found that few people were listening seriously. I calmed down, my legs stopped shaking, and my hands stopped shaking. I turned up the volume from mosquito level to stereo level. I felt very proud, and after I finished speaking, there was fierce applause from the backstage.
Having said all that, I wish you good luck!
Shyness refers to the state of people feeling embarrassed, worried or nervous in social situations. This state is even worse when getting along with unfamiliar people.
“Shy” does not mean “introverted”. The trait of introversion makes people prefer to be alone and gain energy through being alone; behind the trait of shyness may be a desire to communicate with others, but they just don’t know how to communicate. Or an inability to handle social anxiety.
Shy personality may have genetic factors. Research has linked a serotonin-conducting gene to social anxiety disorder. But it shows that shyness "occurs for a reason" and is not a matter of will. It should be noted that you should not use alcohol or other drugs to overcome shyness, so as not to lead to other dependencies.
To overcome shyness, you can start by adjusting your cognitive biases. Cognitive bias refers to the systematic deviation of rationality or judgment that is common in people. There are some cognitive biases related to the development of shyness. For example:
Based on understanding the cognitive biases that lead to shyness and nervousness, some specific behavioral links can also help alleviate social anxiety. For example:
I think for this question, we must first know what shyness is. Indeed, shyness is very common in everyone's life, but it is not very clear how to define shyness, and shyness is to feel Embarrassment or uneasiness due to timidity, fear of strangers or fear of being laughed at, or embarrassment. Worry that if your shortcomings are exposed to the sun, others will look down on you. Therefore, I dare not express myself.
In my opinion, the only way to overcome shyness is to find the source of shyness and then continue to exercise and overcome yourself. It is true that this is a relatively weak and pale method, but I have tried it and found it to be the most effective. In fact, I am very shy, maybe because I have low self-esteem, and I have a strong self-esteem. I can't stand the disapproval of others, so I am always shy, and I am also very slow-tempered, so I always It is difficult to integrate into a new environment. Shyness affects many things for me. I didn’t dare to speak on stage, I didn’t dare to talk to the opposite sex, I didn’t dare to look directly into other people’s eyes, and I didn’t dare to make myself the center of attention. But people live in society, so they must overcome it.
I first tried to think of the source of my shyness. Why I am shy is indeed related to my personality. I am an introvert. It is also important to have external factors. Once I find out, I can figure out the external factors, such as It is said that some people are caused by family factors, and then they have to put it into practice and dare to participate in those big activities. Knowing that this process is not comfortable, my first attempt at that time was to run for class cadres. I couldn't sleep well for several days. , your heart is always in suspense, but once you participate, your fear will be reduced by one point. The same is true for interviews. So there is no way to get it faster than figuring out the reason why you are in this situation and then practicing it.
I regret to tell you that shyness cannot be completely overcome. Because a large part of the reason why people are shy easily comes from genetic information. The famous American psychologist Jerome Kegan proposed behavioral inhibition and non-inhibition to describe the temperament characteristics of children. About one-third of children belong to the behavioral inhibition temperament type, and they are born with such characteristics. , when facing strangers and strange things, they are more likely to show shy characteristics such as blushing, rapid heartbeat, nervousness, fear, and passivity.
I know what it's like to be shy because I'm one of them. Shyness is like a curse that lingers. I would rather be rude and rude and be hated by others than be shy. At least rude and rude people will not suffer from shyness. But unfortunately, a large part of shyness is inherited. You cannot rewrite the genetic sequence on your body, so you cannot completely overcome shyness. Let alone completely, you cannot even overcome it, because it is just you. A part of you can't go anywhere. You can only find ways to learn to get along with "shyness", but you can't completely eliminate it.
Therefore, accepting shyness, an old friend who has been with us for many years, is the first step to help us get rid of the trouble of shyness.
In order to get along well with Shy, your lifelong old friend, you must first understand some of its characteristics. You need to know when and under what circumstances your old friend will be particularly active and disturb you. Some people's shyness tends to appear when speaking in public, sometimes when getting along with strangers, and sometimes when facing the opposite sex. No matter what, you start by picking a situation that bothers you the most and don't start by completely letting "shyness" settle down.
Next, I will find ways to get along with shyness, which is nothing more than the following methods:
1. Focus on things instead of focusing on what others think of me.
Focus on what you want to do instead of worrying about what other people think of you, and every time your attention is distracted by the thought "Do I look stupid?" , "I seem to be running away quickly", "I am really a good-for-nothing person" are attracted, just bring your attention back to what you are doing without any self-blame.
2. Move forward step by step from the small things that can make you successful.
For example, if you are afraid of looking at others, you can start by looking at children (generally looking at children will not cause fear), and then find a familiar friend to talk to. He explained that he had no mental problems and just wanted to try to solve the problem of making eye contact with others. He then tried to make eye contact when talking to strangers, gradually expanding his comfort zone.
3. Find an environment that makes you feel comfortable.
Shy people often avoid social situations. Now that society is becoming more diverse and inclusive, we don’t necessarily have to spend a lot of energy to overcome our “weaknesses”. We can find some Jobs that require less social interaction, such as programmers, librarians, clerical jobs, etc., that involve more contact with things rather than people.
To overcome shyness, you must first have the determination to change yourself. The following advice will only be valuable to you if you are determined to change your life.
First of all, you must firmly believe that you can change, secondly, you must want to change from the bottom of your heart, and finally, you must be willing to take a lot of actions, be able to withstand short-term setbacks, and continue to practice, and you will eventually succeed.
The first obstacle to overcoming shyness is the belief that personality is unchangeable. We must destroy this myth once and for all. Scientific research shows that individual personality and behavior will change due to changes in the environment.
People can adjust themselves in the face of environmental challenges.
Get to know yourself again. Most people don't really know themselves. You need to engage in deep self-exploration, asking yourself questions and doing some exercises to enhance your self-awareness. Because the core problem of shyness is excessive self-focus and excessive attention to negative evaluations. These exercises make you more accepting of your inner self and gain a deeper understanding of your outer self.
Be comfortable with your shyness. You put your shyness on a psychological operating table, face it with the calm detachment of a surgeon, and examine the patient carefully before deciding how to perform the operation.
Take care of your self-esteem. If you are a shy person, you may label yourself as having "no self-esteem." But unless you carved this label out of granite, let's smash it together.
Develop your social skills. You need to learn how to initiate contact with people and be comfortable and charming in front of the person you want to impress. Through changes in your own behavior, you can obtain positive rewards in your social life and eventually become a happy "social animal".
It is unrealistic to change things all at once. Confidence is accumulated little by little. For example, if the company wants to organize a party, cheerful people can perform freely on the stage, but we cannot. So you have to prepare in advance. You can prepare a few good songs and practice them at home. In this way, you dare to stand on the stage, because you know that you are prepared and you will have confidence. Maybe after you finish singing, everyone will be impressed by you. In the eyes of others, you have always been a silent person. This is called a blockbuster. Everyone will cheer for your success, and when you get recognition from others, your confidence will grow.
If you don’t perform well because of nervousness, there is no need to be too sad. There are many people around you who are very tolerant, and after all, you have made efforts and attempts, which is a breakthrough in itself. You must look at things positively so that you can keep moving forward. I have tasted the joy of progress through constant success and failure, and I believe you can too!
The essence of psychological shyness is fear. The fear that one's inappropriate speech will cause ridicule. If you speak to big trees and grass, will you still be shy? Definitely not, because they won’t laugh at you because what you say is wrong
So how to overcome the fear of speaking in public? 1. You can mentally silently hint to yourself: What can I do if I say something wrong? I don’t care who I love, so give yourself courage. 2. You can imagine the audience as trees. No matter what I say is wrong or right, they will not laugh at me. 3. Take the initiative to practice courage, force yourself to show up, take the initiative to say hello and communicate with people on the street, go Speak more in crowded situations
If you don’t overcome shyness and low self-esteem, it will accompany you throughout your life and seriously affect your future work and life. All psychological obstacles are paper tigers. You can boldly step out and poke them. After breaking it, you will find that it is nothing more than this
I live my life, and what others say has nothing to do with me. I am not living for your opinions. Only by opening yourself up and having no worries can you live a wonderful life
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