Characters in the play: Bandit A (the boss)-Wu Shengqiang, Bandit B-He Jingquan (stuttering a little), Bandit C-Wang Zhiping.
Counter-terrorism elites: Zhengyi (captain)-Zhang Qijian, Fuer-Li Jianyi, Shi Kelang-Zou Zijie.
A passer-by-Deng Yongxi
First act
In a corner of the stage, on a dark night in a month, three vicious terrorists; Plot an evil plot)
Bandit A (angrily): I can't mix, I can't mix. It's hard to be a robber these days, and it's the most annoying thing to say. Our robbers have no technical content at all! ! !
Bandit B (groaning angrily): Yes, you see, people can't eat well all day and can't sleep. Beans on my face have grown one after another.
Bandit C (angrily echoing): Taste of youth, experience it yourself, Yili yogurt. Yeah! (speaking very fast)
The bandit said to C: Go away. Not creative at all. It should be (loudly angry): green-spring-purple-flavor, self-self-body-meeting, Mengniu yogurt. .........................................................................................................
Bandit B (stuttering): It's really ... not a problem. I'm suffocating ... coming. Shall we give them some color to see?
Bandit A: Of course, I've made up my mind. I intend to take action tomorrow. Blow up his city government building and let them know that we are also free!
C bandits against armour (Stephen Chow intonation): The boss is really ashamed of falling flowers and setting geese. A gifted scholar and a beautiful woman, Lingfeng Yushu Saipan 'an pear blossoms crush Haitang. Beauty and wisdom coexist in the world, the embodiment of hero and chivalry. Alas, our admiration for you is like a raging river, like the Yellow River flooding out of control ... Our brothers are willing to work with you, and we are not afraid to go up the hill and fry the pot, but we are determined to work with you!
Bandit: Yes!
Bandit A: Good! Let's prepare something!
(In this way, the three terrorists make a scene while preparing their own weapons and equipment for tomorrow. )
Act ii
(In the center of the stage, the telephone suddenly rings. The captain of the anti-terrorist elite strode to the phone. )
(Picking up the phone) Masaichi: Hello-this is-go ahead-OK! Got it! -guarantee to complete the task! ! !
(Two other anti-terrorism elites took the stage)
Zhengyi: I have just received instructions from my superiors that a group of terrorists are going to blow up the Pentagon or the World Trade Center. Due to time constraints, large-scale deployment is impossible. So the superior ordered our anti-terrorist elite team to complete this annihilation task. Comrades, time is tight and the task is heavy! (Resolutely) However, you must sacrifice yourself to win the first battle with me and win with me!
Team member: Yes! Use me in the first battle, use me to win! ! !
Masaichi: OK! Let's hurry up and prepare immediately, and I'll lead the team to set off immediately after the preparation.
(under the counter-terrorism elite)
Act iii
Bandit A (in a low voice): Shh, go into the village quietly, and don't shoot.
Bandit B: Ouch!
Bandit A: Shh, shh.
Bandit B: Ouch! !
Bandit A: Shh, shh, shh.
Bandit B: Ouch! ! !
Bandit A (angry, taking off a shoe and patting B on the back of the head): Ouch, your head. I told you not to ouch, but you still ouch. If you ouch again, I will, I will hiss again (first tough, then helpless) ...
Bandit B (covering his stomach with an unbearable expression): No, boss, I want to pee as soon as you pee. I really can't hold it anymore. I want to know where the toilet is.
Bandit A to B: Find it yourself! (Bandit B walks off the stage)
Robber A to C: You stay here and stay alert. By the way, when he comes back, I'll find a suitable place to put the bomb.
(bandit Xia Jia)
Bandit C: Haha, you can finally do something earth-shattering. I waited for a long time and finally waited until today, dreaming for a long time and finally-(seeing a passerby say to a passerby) Haha, I'm here to blow up a building! (Passers-by ignore) I'm here to blow up the building! (Still ignoring) Would you please have some professional ethics? I'm here to blow up the building! ! !
Passerby: What should I do from a professional point of view?
Bandit C: From a professional point of view, you should cry with a horrible expression: someone bombed a building!
Passerby (fainting): Someone blew up the building.
Bandit C: Come on, big brother, didn't you have breakfast? It's so unprofessional, forget it, I'll help you shout (tear) that someone has blown up the building! ! !
Fu Er: (I heard someone shouting from a distance): Someone blew up the building? (Running to see C wearing a mask) Why are you wearing a mask? Prevent SARS?
Bandit C: That's not true. This is a masked superman. I'm here to blow up the building!
Fore: What? Are you the gangster who came to blow up the building? Hey! Look at my little pistol that hit the heart.
Passerby: Wow! This is the latest small pistol developed in the United States, with a caliber of 15mm and a first-class shape from the muzzle to the gun body. It is the first choice for small anti-terrorism weapons!
Bandit C: (to passers-by) Shit! If you make any noise again, I'll blow you up first!
Passerby: The situation is not good. I'll go first! Talk slowly, 88~~~
Fuer: I'm pia.
Bandit C: I'm leaving.
Pay two: I'll shave again.
Bandit C: I'll go again.
Fuer: I'm still scratching.
Bandit C: I'm still flashing.
Fu Er: OK, OK! I will give you some color to see see!
(After throwing away the pistol for the second time, the left hand pulls out the bow from the back and the right hand pulls out the arrow.)
Bandit C (scared, hands over mouth, legs shaking): Huh? Shoot the Apollo bow? You are the legendary ...
Fore: Yes, I am the N-generation descendant of Houyi. Look-arrow-
Robber C: Ah … I got an arrow in my leg! (Covering your legs and screaming for pain)
(just listen, it is a sound, bandit c fell to the ground. Bandit B takes the stage)
Bandit B (talking while fighting): Why do you seem to hear someone screaming?
Bandit C: It's me!
Bandit B: Ah, what, you? So that was you.
Bandit C: There are policemen!
Bandit B: Where?
(Two gangsters found Fuer, and Fuer found them at the same time. Both sides immediately found their hiding place and posed for confrontation.)
Bandit B: You stay here … Hold on, I … go to him and bake … copy him and give him … a China steamed stuffed bun.
(Bandit B goes off)
Bandit A: Brother, it seems that the direction is wrong.
Bandit B: Haven't you … heard that the earth … the ball is round …? It's just ... but it's a circle ...
(B steps down, C pulls out a M M-16, and Foer also rides his Helius bow. )
Bandit B (sarcastic tone): Really old-fashioned. It's been 2 1 century, and this primitive thing is still being used. Its equipment is worse than mine, and it has no future. Look at mine, M M-16, authentic Afghan goods, from bin Laden. M M-16, affordable enough, one beat is worth five beats. Grab, kill and release, really need a good gun (Fu Er went to B, took M M-16 from B, looked at it and threw it back to B).
Pay two: cut! What is this? I think my grandfather's grandfather Diandian, that is, his grandfather's n power-Houyi, shot nine suns with my sun-shooting bow. You can buy this gadget for three dollars in the street.
Bandit B: Shit! It doesn't matter if you look down on me, or even insult my m M-16. Ok, you go back to your original position, and we will fight one-on-one to see whether your arrow is faster or my bullet is faster. Come on!
Step 2: After returning to the original position, take your positions and get ready! )
(whoosh ..., chip ...)
Bandit C (shouting together): Ah! I was shot by an arrow ... Hey! I don't have that life. He has no reason to hit me. Guns are faster than bows and arrows. Only blame the poor marksmanship and the strong opponent. Tell yourself not to be stupid. Forget it before, you must refuel in the future ... refuel in the next life! I'll die first! Ah! )
Fuer: When I was practicing archery at the police academy, your grandfather was still in your great-grandmother's stomach! Bite your teeth! ..... (takes out pager): Report to the captain that I have killed target number three!
(All stand down)
(bandit a)
Bandit A (singing): I'm walking alone in the suburbs, and I'm worried about whether there are police nearby. When the bomb was loaded, I went home and fell asleep with my mother.
(Bandit B came to power, and A was surprised when he met B)
Robber A: Why are you here? Where are they?
Bandit B: Just now, we met a policeman and my third brother fucked him. I was just about to go around behind him and pinch him.
Bandit A: Forget it, you come with me to load the bomb first (see a corner). This place is good, we will install it here (take out a TNT installation).
(2) Counter-terrorism elites come to power and watch bandits A and B)
Masaichi: What are you doing? Don't you know that littering is harmful to the city?
Bandit A: No! I didn't litter. I chose this place carefully. Besides, it's not garbage. This is a bomb. I have something to do. I'll go first. Goodbye! (A and D are on the sidelines)
Reporter, it won't happen again. Goodbye.
Dynasty: Isn't it necessary to build a harmonious new Lechang now? It is really immoral to mess with other people's things! ..... Captain, that doesn't seem right. They said they were going to blow up ... bombs?
Masaichi: Huh? Bomb? Stop. We are the police! (Two anti-terrorism elites are chasing after each other)
(Bandits A and B run breathlessly onto the stage)
Bandit A: Ouch, I was so scared that my little dream jumped. Fortunately, after eating the newly covered high calcium tablets, my back didn't hurt, my legs didn't cramp, and I had more strength to escape. Have another drink! (takes out a medicine bottle and pours something into his hand) Huh? Why is there nothing left? (To Ding) You stole it again?
Bandit B: Sorry … Boss, I … ate the last one, otherwise I … wouldn't be able to fuck you.
Bandit A: It's over. How can I run without a new cover?
(Two anti-terrorism elites catch up)
Bandit B: Old … big, the police are chasing … up, what should I do …?
Bandit A: Nonsense, run!
(The police surrounded the bandits)
Listen, people on the other side, you're surrounded. Drop your weapon and surrender immediately! You are charged with four major crimes: 1. Terrorist attacks; 2. The crime of littering; 3. Crime of affecting city appearance; 4. There is no need to feel guilty. You don't have to talk, but anything you say will be used as evidence in court. Bandits A and D were paralyzed by fear, so they had to give in easily. )
Slang, write it down for me.
Scanlon: Yes! Captain! (Salute)
Well, fight with me! I have a cabbage on my head, a police ribbon, a silver belt around my waist and a Grenade in my hand. Fight me! hahaha ......
Bandit A: Wait, I had a proper job before me. If you don't cherish it, you will regret it if you lose it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say to the crime: I am cruel to you! If I want to add a deadline in front of this malice, I would like to be: 10 thousand years! (Crying bitterly ...)
(The anti-terrorist elite bet on bandit A and bandit B respectively, and in the end everyone did. The end of the play)