In the confused period, I had no goal and went with the flow, but I began to consciously find my own goal in life. This is a good thing.
Let me talk about what I should do to help you get through the confusion:
1) Improve yourself
On Zhihu, there are many questions and answers about self-improvement, including appearance, ability, work and emotion. You can all go and have a look first.
Of course, it's no use just looking. You should start to improve yourself in a planned way and put it into action. Although there is no goal in life, the goal of personal improvement is similar, that is, to become a better self.
There are two things to improve yourself:
Make a little progress every day.
Constantly challenge your limits
Together, it is: make a little progress every day on the premise of constantly challenging yourself to continue.
At this point, you can look at my answer:
What practical tips, tricks and good habits can make a person improve every day? -Answers from users in Zhihu.
For example:
For example, when I was studying in physical education class, I ran 1 km and was exhausted. Now I often challenge myself, 1 km, 2 km, and now I have a record of running 5 km. I don't like running, but in the confused period, I exercise myself and improve myself by running.
And keep learning new things and improve yourself by learning new things.
For example:
In the confused period, I went to learn to drive. Learning to drive is a very important factor in improving my ability. The original range of activities may only be within a radius of 3 kilometers (maybe less), but now the range of activities is within a radius of 30 kilometers. I have experienced many activities that can only be completed by driving. Driving has greatly broadened my horizons. Especially a few long-distance trips, in order to experience more things.
Constantly contacting and experiencing new things and new boundaries is also one of the ways to improve yourself.
In addition to driving to experience new things, you can also go to restaurants you have never been to and try dishes you have never ordered. Or travel to places you have never been to; Participate in various activities and experience life.
I have a point: life experience is not rich enough, maybe you haven't reached the goal you are fighting for.
To sum up:
Improve yourself, constantly challenge yourself, keep making progress, keep learning, experience new things and broaden your horizons.
Remember: only when your vision and ability reach an order of magnitude will you have enough content for you to choose from, and take one of them as your lifelong goal.
When you get out of the confusion period, your ability to improve will be one of your most important assets.
2) Ask the right questions and know yourself.
I sum up my secret love history, and the biggest space is to ask myself questions, and then review and summarize deeply.
"What should be my goal in life?" "What should I pursue?"
This kind of question is actually very broad and can't help you much. I often ask myself such a broad question, which finally leads me to struggle with unanswerable questions for about 10 years, which is very bad. Asking the right questions can greatly shorten your confusion period, find problems earlier and find your goals in life.
I want to sum up some experience of asking myself questions.
The purpose of asking questions is to learn more about yourself.
Only by knowing yourself can you understand what you can do and how to go in the future.
Ask yourself questions about specific things or objects to deeply review yourself.
Find out and ask questions through their different attitudes towards the same thing with others. (Find out the problem by comparison)
By analyzing the influence of parents, family, relatives, teachers, friends, colleagues and leaders in the past, we can find the most correct answer.
When you have some opinions, write them down.
When you have feelings, make some retrospective analysis and summary of your past behavior according to your feelings.
One thing happened this morning, which well reflected my way of thinking. Here's an example:
Winter came, and it was very cold, because I thought the quilt was always too thin, so I bought a new thick quilt. My original quilt has been used for about 10 years, and I didn't feel anything when I used it in the past. I told my roommate this morning: I used a new quilt, so warm. The quilt I have used for 10 years is still too thin. Then the roommate said in surprise: 10 who will use the quilt? How dirty the quilt is, you have to change it every 2-3 years at most. Although I often change the quilt cover, when I asked my roommate this question, I fell into deep thinking. Of course, I never thought about how dirty the quilt was, or how thin it was after 10 years, but I thought about a question: "What caused me to use a quilt that was not so comfortable for 10 years?"
(And this question is compared by my roommate and me with different concepts of quilts. )
In this way, the problem comes:
Did I keep it because I was too nostalgic to throw it away? I may say this to others, but I can't convince myself;
Am I lazy? Maybe, but I am a person who can toss and turn, and this little thing is even more difficult for me.
Is it because you can't bear to spend money? How much can a quilt cover cost? I have a meal, which may be much more expensive than quilt cover.
I like this quilt? This kind of quilt has always brought problems to itself, such as being too short and thin, and it will be very cold in winter; And often can't buy the right quilt cover.
Then why should I keep it?
At this time, I recalled going home to see my parents around 20 13, and found that they were using a bottle of detergent with an expiration date of 200 1 (family members like to pack detergent in old bottles) to help their families buy new detergent, and they were also said a few words by their families; There are many old things at home, and the washing machine just broke down. I went to buy a washing machine and found that this washing machine has been used for 10 years.
At this time, I clearly understood my thinking mode: I bought something not as a consumable, but as something that may be used for a lifetime until it is no longer used.
Then I thought:
So where does this mode of thinking come from? Obviously, this is my parents' thinking mode, which is the result of their influence.
Is this mode of thinking good? This model is suitable for my parents, but it is out of date for me. As a programmer, it is my own philosophy to iterate quickly and improve myself step by step.
Can I change this mode of thinking? I can, it may take a process, but I need to change, and I have the ability to change.
When I realize that my mode of thinking does not meet my requirements, then I will gradually change this mode of thinking.
This is my way of thinking: to know myself through concrete things.
How do I find out what my career pursuit is in my life? See.
After working for more than three years, I feel less and less suitable to be a programmer recently? -Answers from users in Zhihu.
3) Try to take other people's goals as your own.
When I don't have a goal myself, I will take other people's goals as my own, and then experience whether this goal conforms to my own values. In the confused period, you don't know what you want to do, but you have to try and find out what you should be able to do.
For example, when I was studying, I didn't know what degree I wanted. My family said I wanted to be a master, so I went to study for a master's degree. (in line with one's own values)
For example, people say you want to have a car. I don't know whether I want a car or not, but I still learned to buy a car and experience the life with a car (in line with my own values)
For example, when I was studying, my friend said I wanted to study business, so I went to study. I didn't have this talent, and finally I failed in the exam (not in line with my own values)
For example, at work, I do IT work in a non-IT industry, so I will take the company's goals as my own.
When you take other people's goals as your own, others may say that you have no opinion. But I know in my heart that this is only a temporary process. When I have a clear idea, I no longer need to regard other people's goals as my own.
To sum up: take other people's goals as your own, experience different experiences, broaden your horizons and improve yourself.
= = = = = dividing line = = = =
My biggest feeling recently is thinking about "avoiding pain" and "pursuing happiness". There are some ideas about this in my top link.
What I want to say is that I am confused because "I yearn for happiness, but I hate pain", and I didn't know anything about it in the past because I didn't ask the right questions. I didn't understand many things until I asked the right question. Because of the psychological reasons of past behavior, I missed many things and experienced many experiences. So although I am old, I am still very immature psychologically.
However, it is because of my understanding that I began to try to change my personality from "avoiding pain" to "pursuing happiness".
With this insight, I feel that my life is much clearer and I have a goal to pursue. I hope I won't be confused and miss more people and things in the future.