My post-it note was taken from RIA book-opening training camp.
When establishing contact with others, we can improve the communication quality through active listening skills.
Listening is the basis and premise of communication. Learning to listen actively can make the other party feel respected and accepted, help the other party to express better, and also enable us to understand the meaning expressed by the other party more accurately and establish contact. On the other hand, if you don't listen, it will easily lead to communication barriers, misunderstandings and affect the harmony of interpersonal relationships.
How can we actively listen?
(1) Correct mentality: Consciousness guides behavior, keeps an open mind in communication, and is prepared to listen actively, which will naturally make the other party feel respect in words and deeds, generate intimacy and trust, and help the dialogue to proceed smoothly. Specifically, you can do this to encourage expression: for example, stopping what you are doing and making a gesture of being willing to listen will make the other party enter the communication state quickly; "Three noes": in the process of listening, we should do "no judgment", "no criticism" and "no echo". Pay attention to potential: get rid of prejudice and preconceived impression, and try to let yourself see each other's advantages and potential from communication.
(2) Pay attention to nonverbal information: Paying attention to nonverbal signals can capture the information that the other party wants to convey more accurately and improve the consistency of understanding between the two parties. For example, we can pay attention to the nonverbal signals such as the speed, intonation, body language and expression of the other person's speech and perceive the essential needs of the other person.
(3) Clever use of words: through appropriate language expression, let the other party know that we are listening attentively. The specific skills are as follows: Restatement: Generally speaking, this effect can be achieved by directly repeating the original words of the other party. Repeat: If the conversation is long, repeating it all the time may make the other person feel that you are not paying enough attention. At this time, you can repeat each other's content or meaning in your own language. For example, the other party said, "This book is very interesting." You can say, "Oh, you read a very interesting book." Brief introduction: If the other person talks a lot in one breath, it is too deliberate to repeat or repeat. At this time, you can simply describe the meaning of the other party without changing the meaning of the other party. Confirmation: If the information expressed by the other party is complicated, in order to ensure the consistency of understanding, we can help the other party perceive the emotions behind their words by adding facial expressions, body movements and external emotional expressions on the basis of briefly explaining the meaning of the other party, and confirm with the other party whether their understanding is accurate.
The above skills are suitable for communication with others in work and life, and we can choose one or a combination according to the needs of specific scenes and personal habits.
Maybe the child has been locked at home for too long, so he can't go out to play basketball or meet his classmates. Therefore, they have always been restless recently. When they speak, they often raise their voices and sometimes shout out.
After I feel his emotions, I will remind him: Why are you impatient again? Are you anxious? In a bad mood
But such problems can't lead him to talk, but can only control depression.
I want to learn the skills of active listening, repeat or retell the events that caused his emotions, and guide him to describe his emotions and pour out his feelings.
No judgment, no criticism, no attachment. Help him find the source of his emotions calmly, guide him to face up to the problem and try to resolve his emotions.
This week, train yourself to listen actively and improve your problems with your children.
1, when children have emotions, control their emotions first. Tell yourself that this is an opportunity to train your communication skills and solve the problems in your child's heart. It is necessary to let your emotions hinder communication.
2, without judgment, without criticism, without attachment, calmly listen to the child's expression.
3. Restate and retell the child's expression, and express his support and affirmation with expressions and actions.
4. While listening to the language, observe the child's expressions and movements, try to find his real demands, and determine his feelings and thoughts through further communication.