In our Chinese culture, it seems that if a child has a problem, it is the child’s fault and has nothing to do with the parents. In fact, this is not the case. If there is a problem with the child’s education, what should we do? Check out the article below! There is something wrong with the child's education
Therefore, many parents will take the trouble and even confidently tell others how their children are disobedient, how hard they are working, and how ignorant their children are. In fact, this is a misunderstanding caused by ignorance.
When a child first comes into this world, he doesn’t understand anything. The way he deals with all problems in life is learned from the people around him. As Rousseau said: "Our attitude towards others is initially determined by the attitude of others towards us." Children learn how to deal with various things in life from their living environment (Austria Psychologist Adler called this "life style"). If a child is rude to others, then we can basically be sure that: first, this child has been treated "rudely" before; second, no one has taught him how to be polite to others. Similarly, if a child is unwilling to learn, we can basically conclude that in this child's life experience, first, he does not experience the joy of learning; second, no one teaches him how to learn.
Because people’s learning ability is so powerful, children can easily learn a lot of things in the environment in which they live. This gives us the illusion that children should automatically learn all life principles and correct behaviors without being taught. In fact, any correct behavior of a child must be taught and must be trained repeatedly before it can be finalized. In this process, if we parents do not provide patient and detailed guidance to our children, then the children will inevitably have behavioral deviations. When a child does not receive correct guidance in his living environment, he actually randomly selects learning models from the environment, so that he imitates whatever he chooses. What enters his brain depends on what his attention is focused on at that time. If good things enter his field of vision, he may learn good things; if bad things enter his field of vision, he may learn Bad stuff. In this process, it also depends on his angle and state at the time. In other words, if his angle and state are different, he is likely to regard good things as bad things to learn, and conversely, he will regard bad things as good things. study. It should be said that without patient guidance, the possibility of children learning well automatically is very small. Now we fully understand that those praised good children are all carefully cultivated and educated, but some parents do things right unconsciously, just like what my parents did to the six of us brothers and sisters. .
If there is a problem with a child’s education, it is 100% the fault of the parents. We all know that no parent deliberately wants to teach his children bad things. The reason why we say that if a child has problems is that the parents have problems, it is because parents bear full responsibility for educating their children. We must always remember that children do not come into this world with any wrong ideas or shortcomings. They are like a blank sheet of paper when they are born. The traces of shortcomings and shortcomings that are later smeared on them are all caused by our parents: Some are caused by our parents’ ignorance, such as unintentional mistakes made by us because we don’t understand education and psychology; some are caused by our misconceptions, such as we believe that children must listen to us and force them to obey. Mistakes we make; there are also mistakes we make because we cannot control ourselves, such as mistakes we make when we lose control of our emotions but vent our anger on our children, etc.
My education of my children
I have always been very casual in educating my children. I hope that my children will have a happy childhood and do not want to put too much pressure on them. Moreover, learning is the child's own business, and parents should not get too involved. This view continues until the child reaches fourth grade. Not only did he perform averagely in all aspects, but he also learned to lie, saying he had finished his homework instead of finishing it, and being lazy and procrastinating in his studies.
Gradually, I also discovered that he did not approve of my occasional discipline and would talk back to me and get angry. I was helpless to deal with my child's rebellion. So I reflected on myself, and I couldn't blame the child entirely. I checked and supervised her too little, and I didn't have a good education method. I just allowed it to develop naturally. Occasional control would not work at all. If this continues That's not possible. Once I realize this, I will take action. Then I thought about books. One day during the holiday, I came to the bookstore and read books about education. I felt that foreign education was not suitable for China, so I had no choice. I especially agree with appreciation education, so I bought a copy of Zhou Hong's "Teaching You How to Appreciate Children". After reading it, I came up with the idea of ????implementing appreciation education for children.
My child has a relatively introverted personality, is timid, and does not take the initiative to do anything. This may also be due to genetic factors. My wife and I were like this when we were young. Since I did not have too many constraints during his learning process from grade one to grade four, and only relied on his own consciousness, he did not have his own learning methods, good study habits, and his interest in learning was average. In view of the child's personality and his current situation, I formulated my educational goals and child's learning plan. The goal is to cultivate the child's interest in learning and develop good study habits. This goal is achieved before graduating from primary school. The plan is: use 1 hour every day to do homework, half an hour to write calligraphy, half an hour to read extracurricular books, and half an hour to watch TV. The rest of the time is at your own discretion, but you must go to bed before 9 o'clock (except for special circumstances). As for me, I accompany him every day, reading work-related books and magazines, reading "Reader" and other books I like to read, practicing calligraphy, and writing excerpts. His excerpting homework was relatively poor, so I excerpted with him. I recommended to her the articles I found in reading that were suitable for him to read, and provided her with the ones that were suitable for him to excerpt. He wrote his weekly diary, and I also wrote, and he practiced calligraphy. , I also practice. In short, I try my best to learn the same knowledge with him and cultivate his interest. I can also benefit from it. We work together and make progress together. I also developed incentives: 5 points for each big improvement, 2 points for each small improvement, a gift worth 20 yuan for 50 points, and a gift worth 50 yuan for 100 points. I specially prepared a notebook for him to record his progress, and divided his progress into two parts, one part was progress in learning, and the other part was progress in life. And record every progress, and paste large and small stickers at the same time. The children have developed a strong interest in this. Just a few days after the plan was implemented, he was praised by the teacher and received the points and stickers he deserved. I also lost no time in communicating with the teacher and explaining my ideas to the teacher, hoping to get the teacher's support. The teacher also left me a message in the feedback book, telling me about the child's progress, the child's existing problems, and the aspects that require parents' cooperation.
Two months after my plan was implemented, my child passed the mid-term exam and his math score was not satisfactory. So I called the child’s class teacher to ask why. The teacher said that there was something wrong with this exam. It’s not the child’s fault that the questions haven’t been learned yet, don’t blame him. He also said that the child’s biggest improvement recently is his self-confidence, which is more important than anything else. Of course I won't blame me, but I want to know the reasons why my children failed in the exam, and I also want to know the effectiveness of my education methods. After listening to the teacher's words, I strengthened my confidence and continued to implement my plan. I believed that my goal would be achieved. Moreover, what I originally valued was not grades. I have always believed that as long as I have the interest in learning, I will be able to achieve my goal. Don’t worry about grades! My biggest hope is that he can study happily and develop good study habits. If the goal is achieved, it will lay a good foundation for him to enter junior high school. I also firmly believe that my child is by no means a dead tree. As long as the method is correct, he will have a good future.
After one semester, I saw the progress of my child: he can read some extracurricular readings independently. Before that, I ordered "Excellent Composition for Primary School Students", "Little Snowflake", and "The Story King" for him. Wait, he rarely cares about it; he has basically developed good study habits. When I am not at home, he can take the initiative to complete the plan without the supervision of his grandparents, which was impossible before; in terms of reading texts aloud, he has always been very good at reading texts. is relatively weak, and this semester, in this regard, he has been praised by teachers many times and has been recognized by his classmates; in terms of composition, he can give full play to his imagination, and his typos have also been greatly improved; excerpt It was also his weakness. With my encouragement, his excerpts got "excellent" several times. Many improvements allowed him to reach 100 points and get the gift he wanted. He tasted the sweetness of hard work and became more motivated to study. I know that although he is making progress, these are unstable. I must persist and consolidate these good habits in order to achieve my expected goals. I will continue to work hard!