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Diligence may be the "trap" of parenting.
Mother Zhou heard from other treasure mothers that letting children practice the piano from an early age can improve their musical literacy and cultivate a rigorous and diligent learning attitude. So she also enrolled her daughter in a piano interest class, but now her daughter has been playing the piano for several months and can barely play a complete tune. The other children have only studied for a month, and the level is almost catching up with her daughter.
Later, Ms. Zhou and her husband discussed that diligence can make up for it and let her daughter practice more at home, so she spent money to buy a piano at home and supervise her daughter every day. She was asked to practice for an hour, and a month later she played a tune fluently and skillfully.
Originally, the child was very tired in class and had to practice the piano for an hour after finishing his homework. My daughter feels that she will definitely fail to meet the requirements. So when I played the piano, I was absent-minded, played casually, and practiced for another month, and my level basically didn't improve. And because practicing piano takes up a lot of time, repeating monotonous practice also makes her very tired.
Finally, it is easy for my daughter to be distracted in class. Not only did she not practice the piano well, but her academic performance also declined. She gradually developed the idea of giving up practicing the piano. Mother Zhou wondered, hoping to cultivate her daughter's musical literacy and exercise her will by practicing the piano, which would help her study. Why are you "ungrateful" at both ends? In fact, Zhou's mother's situation is a trap of diligent parenting.
Many parents believe that nothing can be done badly as long as they are diligent enough. However, some things should also pay attention to talent and methods. Without talent and methods, it is useless to be diligent, which will consume children's energy meaningless. Therefore, if parents want to educate their children well, they must understand the theory of "zone of proximal development"!
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What is the "zone of proximal development" theory?
The theory of "zone of proximal development" was put forward by Vygotsky, a psychologist in the former Soviet Union. He believes that children's life skills, social communication ability and academic progress all have a "recent development zone", which is not only the potential development level of children, but also called a "challenge zone". It is an area that children can reach by trying to "jump"
Take children's test scores as an example. Their ability is 75 points, so 80 points is their "nearest development zone", which can basically be achieved through hard work. But children's "zone of proximal development" is also different. For example, some children are smarter, and 85-90 points is their recent development zone. Other children may find it too difficult to raise marks, so it is better to practice painting.
These mainly depend on the intelligence level of children. Sometimes this gap in intelligence level can't be bridged by hard work. Just like mother Zhou's request for her daughter, her daughter's talent for playing the piano was not very good, but it is obviously beyond her daughter's "recent development zone" to ask her to practice a song well within one month.
My daughter felt that she couldn't reach it and fell into a "panic zone". "panic zone" refers to an area where the goal is too high and the child's ability cannot be achieved. Repeated unsuccessful attempts will undermine children's confidence and cause fear and retreat.
Therefore, diligence may be a "trap" for parenting! If the child's own ability is limited, parents think that diligence can make up for it, which puts unrealistic demands on the child. When a child repeatedly fails to reach the goal of "panic zone", it will have a serious negative impact: self-confidence is frustrated and self-denial occurs. This will affect their physical and mental health development, which is very unfavorable to their future development.
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See clearly the child's ability and avoid the "trap" of parenting;
(1) Find the children's "zone of proximal development" and give encouragement.
As mentioned above, due to the difference of individual intelligence level, each child's "zone of proximal development" is different. Parents should find the "nearest development zone" when educating their children.
Anders Eric, a famous psychologist, said: What kind of truth parents want their children to understand in education is the expected result of education ... Give timely and effective feedback to let them know that they are right and appreciated, which will become their motivation to overcome discomfort.
When children are working towards the "zone of proximal development", they can clearly feel their progress and sense of accomplishment after reaching their goals. At this time, parents can give their children some rewards or encouragement in time to let their children make continuous progress.
② Pay attention to the "sensitive period" of children.
Vygotsky emphasized the concept of "optimal learning period" when talking about the theory of "zone of proximal development". He believes that there is an optimal time limit for children to master a certain skill, and it is best to determine the optimal time limit for children to learn a certain skill, so that children can learn during this period.
This concept coincides with the theory of "sensitive period" put forward by the famous educator Montessori. She believes that children are particularly sensitive to the environmental impact of forming certain abilities and behaviors at a certain period, which is the best learning period.
Therefore, parents should pay attention to the sensitive period of their children. For example, if a child shows sensitivity to language, it means sensitivity to language. At this time, educating children to learn to speak, or conducting some language education, such as learning a foreign language, can often get twice the result with half the effort.
③ See clearly the children's interests and abilities.
It is said that interest is the best teacher for children. When educating children, parents should see clearly their interests and abilities. For example, children like painting, but their parents insist that they learn calligraphy. Children who are not interested in calligraphy have no motivation to learn. If they don't want to learn, how can they improve?
In addition, parents should also see clearly their children's abilities or talents. Sometimes, talent is also important for learning. Some children are very talented in mathematics and easy to understand; Some children find math particularly difficult. If children feel that something is beyond their ability, parents should not force them to finish it.
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Learning is a matter of patience, and so is educating children. Parents must educate their children step by step, and can't expect to "eat fat". Otherwise, the pressure given by parents is too great, but it will become a heavy burden for children's growth.