Some people are depressed, discouraged, depressed, lose confidence, give up their efforts, and even feel sorry for themselves and give up on themselves.
Long-term depression even leads to mental illness. After students encounter setbacks, they might as well calmly and rationally analyze the causes and processes leading to setbacks and find better solutions.
Self-compensation, when the initial motivation is frustrated, we can achieve our goals through other channels, or replace the original goals with unnecessary goals and compensate with other successes. If you don't get good grades in an exam, study hard and make up for it later. If you don't do well in Chinese and figures, you will develop in skill science.
Reasonable venting. When you are in a mood, don't bury your pain in your heart, but talk to your parents, teachers or friends actively for understanding or help. You can also write your dissatisfaction or grievances in your diary, or shout at a place where no one is there, so that your mood will gradually calm down.
Transfer and sublimation. After encountering setbacks, we should shift our bad emotions and energy to beneficial activities, look at this matter from a new angle, stabilize our emotions, try to guide our unfinished wishes to a higher direction, turn setbacks into motivation, and be a strong man in life.
Face up and look forward to it. We should cultivate an attitude of facing reality frankly and squarely, and regard setbacks as an inevitable part of life. Heroes have suffered many hardships since ancient times, and setbacks and failures are often the cradle of success. Bacon said: "Miracles often happen when you are unlucky." It is true that setbacks and adversity can test life better.
How do college students face setbacks
A person's life can't always be smooth sailing, and young college students will gradually mature with the accumulation of knowledge and rich experience. In these processes, big and small setbacks will always accompany you. Only by being brave and good at facing the setbacks in life can we fly in setbacks and succeed in struggle.
(A) a correct understanding of setbacks.
Frustration refers to the difficulties people encounter in the process of achieving their goals in life, as well as the tension and emotional reaction caused by their inability to overcome such difficulties. Philosophically, setbacks are both inevitable and accidental. To say it is inevitable means that in the whole process of life, people will always encounter all kinds of setbacks more or less; It is difficult to predict what kind of setbacks everyone may encounter in their life journey and when they will happen. Understanding the characteristics of setbacks makes it easier for us to deal with setbacks in life.
(B) calmly and objectively analyze the causes of setbacks
There are two kinds of setbacks: objective reasons and subjective reasons. The objective reasons are the constraints and obstacles of external conditions, mainly including natural conditions and social conditions. The limitations and obstacles of natural conditions mainly include natural conditions and social conditions. Natural conditions such as natural disasters and man-made disasters; Social conditions, such as social and political turmoil, war, etc. Whether it is natural or man-made disasters or the influence of social changes, it is not optional for individuals. Because people can't choose their family background, social era, and even less their nature. Subjective reasons, that is, the limitations and obstacles of subjective conditions, mainly include the actor's own conditions and cognitive bias. Personal conditions, such as appearance, height, health, economic situation, intelligence, psychological quality and other factors that affect the realization of personal goals. The deviation of understanding is manifested in high goals and high expectations, which makes it difficult for actions to achieve their goals no matter how hard they try.
Young people are in a sensitive period of self-awareness, and the abnormal bipolar fluctuation of thinking mode makes young people move towards simple negation. Therefore, calmly and objectively analyzing the causes of setbacks requires not only mastering the basic weapon of materialist dialectics, but also being good at changing one's bad personality.
(C) actively seek ways to overcome setbacks
The purpose of understanding and analyzing setbacks is to overcome them. To overcome setbacks, we must find suitable methods.
1. Loving life From the perspective of life attitude, loving life reflects a basic belief in life, reminding people of their positive tendency towards themselves, society and life, which inherently lays the psychological foundation for people to face up to any possibility of setbacks.
2. Exercise willpower. No matter from the perspective of social development or the progress of life, every progress of human society and individuals is based on the sacrifice of things and people. In today's changeable and transforming society, a person must have tenacious will if he wants to succeed. It is difficult for a person with good intelligence but weak willpower to adapt to social progress.
3. Rebuilding the target system When people are in a certain predicament, it is common to lose or reduce rationality. Therefore, we should get out of some cognitive and psychological misunderstandings and rebuild our own target system. This is a sign of a rational and mature person.
4. Be prepared for success or failure. This is a summary of past life experience and an inspiration of dialectics of life. With the "worst" preparation, it is equivalent to enhancing the psychological endurance. With a strong psychological tolerance for setbacks, coupled with efforts to achieve "best", we can form a positive attitude towards life, which is conducive to grasping self-study in life practice and reducing blindness; Enhance initiative and reduce passivity.
[Typical case 1] Xiao Kai Ling He is a student union cadre in our school. They often work together. Slowly, I found myself in love with smart and lively Ling. Just when he wanted to confess, he learned that Ling already had a boyfriend. Xiao Kai knew he was hopeless. He thought that was it. It's good to be an ordinary friend, at least we can spend more time together. But things are getting worse. He is always angry with Ling inexplicably, annoying her and always hurting Ling. He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't help himself.
[Case Analysis] Emotional problems have become the primary psychological problems that plague college students. Because everything is smooth at school and favored at home, many college students have developed their own personality, but they don't know how to get along with others. They are prone to setbacks in interpersonal communication and love, and they are at a loss in the face of setbacks. If Kay can see this as a landscape in her emotional world, this frustration will disappear.
[Typical Case 2] College student Jie said, "I used to be a top student in high school. When I got to college, it seemed that everyone was better than me. I found myself like a dwarf among giants, always worried that I would not do well in the exam. Brothers and sisters also told us to pass the grade, get more certificates and take the postgraduate entrance examination. Now I have nightmares every day when I lie in bed. I can't concentrate in class and I can't stand reading. What should I do if I see that I have not passed the exam? "
[Case analysis] Students who can enter universities are usually the best in middle school. Universities are places where talents come forth in large numbers and elites gather. This contrast makes those students who have poor adaptability to unfamiliar environment unable to find their own position, and will be confused for a while. Generally speaking, this happens to people who usually have good grades, high self-demand and like to pursue perfection. Because at present, in colleges and universities, the test scores are closely related to employment, scholarships, excellent student evaluation, joining the party and so on. If you pay too much attention to these, it will easily lead to nervousness.
[Typical Case 3] College student Yang said, "I'm going to graduate soon, and I'm worried about my job. Usually the grades are not very good, and there is no' relationship'. Being unable to find a better job is a bit cruel to parents who have worked so hard to pay for their college education. Postgraduate entrance examination, no money at home. I have been at a loss since my internship. Seeing that my classmates are busy writing self-recommendation materials and contacting the company, I don't know what to do and I don't want to go to class. If you have nothing to do, just stroll around the street, and you always look insane when you walk on the road. I know that my current state is very bad, but there is really no way. "
[Case study] Nowadays, the employment situation is getting more and more severe. Faced with the heavy pressure from society, family and oneself, I am full of fear about the future and find it difficult to grasp myself. This is a typical symptom of employment phobia. Facing the unknown future, college students who are about to graduate are prone to such anxiety. If Yang Can regards this employment setback as a test for himself, or realizes that "the so-called good job may not be suitable for his strengths and talents". Then this kind of employment frustration will be greatly reduced.
How to face setbacks
In life, everyone will encounter setbacks, and moderate setbacks have certain positive significance, which can help people get rid of inertia and urge people to forge ahead. Frustration is also a challenge and test. British philosopher Bacon said: "Most miracles beyond nature occur in the conquest of adversity." The key problem is how to face setbacks.
People want to be more happy, less painful, more successful and less frustrated all their lives, but fate always seems to play tricks on people and torture them, always giving them more loss, pain and frustration. I remember reading such a story: there was a pupa on the grass, which was found by a child and brought home. A few days later, a small crack appeared on the pupa, and the butterfly inside struggled for a long time, as if its body was stuck. Naive children can't bear to see butterflies struggling in pupae. So, he picked up scissors to cut open the pupa shell and help the butterfly get rid of the pupa. But because the butterfly didn't go through a painful struggle before breaking the pupa, its body was bloated and its wings shriveled, so it couldn't fly at all and soon died. Naturally, the happiness of this butterfly disappeared forever with its death. This little story also illustrates a life truth. To be happy, you must be able to endure pain and frustration. This is a kind of tempering for people, and it is also a necessary process for a person to grow up.
There are many factors that cause setbacks. For example, the goal is set too high, and there is a gap between ability and expectation. In addition, it also includes psychological conflict factors. For example, a college student, who really wants to concentrate on his PhD, is in love; Reading and love are like fish and bear's paw. He wants to have both, but the best thing for him is to choose only one. This is a "two-way conflict". Another example is a pair of men and women in love. After several contacts, they felt that they had talked about everything and there was nothing to talk about. They can only look at me, and I look at you, which is embarrassing, but a person will feel more lonely. This is called "avoidance-avoidance conflict"
When people encounter setbacks, they often feel insecure and difficult to settle down, and their work and life will be affected. Then, when people suffer setbacks, how should they debug? Here are ten ways to try:
First, calm down, calm down, calm down.
Second, enhance self-confidence and courage.
Third, judge the situation and win by circuitous means. The so-called detour victory means that the goal remains the same and the method has changed.
Fourth, make persistent efforts and persevere. When you encounter setbacks, you should go forward bravely. The goal you set remains the same, so redouble your efforts.
Fifth, replace trees with flowers and be flexible. If the original goal that is too high can't be achieved for a while, you can change to a goal that is easier to achieve. This is also an adaptive way.
Sixth, find out the reasons and clear the train of thought. When you encounter setbacks, calm down first, find out the possible reasons, and then seek a solution to the problem.
Seventh, emotional transfer, seeking sublimation. You can adjust your mood and sublimate your mood by collecting stamps, writing, calligraphy, art, music, dancing and physical exercise that you like.
Eighth, learn to vent and get rid of pressure. Facing setbacks, different people have different attitudes. Some people are disappointed, others are hesitant. At this time, you might as well find one or two people who understand your closeness and pour out all your words. From the perspective of mental health, catharsis can eliminate the mental stress caused by setbacks and reduce mental fatigue; At the same time, catharsis is also a self-psychological rescue measure, which can dilute and alleviate bad emotions.
Ninth, seek psychological counseling when necessary. When people are overwhelmed by setbacks, they might as well turn to psychological counseling institutions. Psychologists will treat you with emotion, understand you with reason, guide you with actions, and follow the instructions, so that you can step into the realm of "a village with a bright future" from the predicament of "no doubt".
Tenth, learn to be humorous and laugh at yourself. Humor and self-mockery are good ways to vent depression, balance mentality and create happiness. When you encounter setbacks, you might as well use Ah Q's spiritual victory method, such as "losing money is a blessing", "breaking money to avoid disaster" and "losing money to earn money" to adjust your unbalanced psychology. Still "confused and hard to change", look at setbacks calmly and adjust your mentality with humor.
In this world, it is impossible to be proud of the spring breeze and everything goes well. To be open-minded in the face of setbacks, to be as wise as a fool, and to maintain a calm and peaceful attitude is to understand the generosity of life. If a person wants to maintain a healthy mentality, he needs to sublimate his spirit, cultivate his morality, save his strength and be humorous and optimistic. As Marx said: "A good mood can relieve the fatigue and pain of the body more than ten good medicines."
How to face setbacks?
Frustration refers to a negative emotional state in which an individual's needs are not met due to obstacles and interference when engaging in purposeful activities. Middle school students will encounter setbacks mainly in their studies and emotions. Learning mainly includes failing the exam, declining grades and being criticized by teachers and parents; Emotionally, for example, expressing affection to the opposite sex you like, but being politely declined, breaking up after falling in love.
Life will inevitably encounter setbacks, and a life without failure is not a complete life. Without the erosion of the river bed, there would be no brilliance of diamonds; Without the test of setbacks, there will be no unyielding personality. It is because of setbacks that there is the difference between a warrior and a coward. Keep in mind that "Heaven is the great responsibility of the people of Sri Lanka. We must first suffer from their minds, work hard on their bones and muscles, starve their bodies, empty their bodies, confuse their actions, and get what they can't do." Balzac said: "frustration and misfortune are the steps of genius;" The baptism water of believers; The priceless treasure of capable people; The bottomless pit of the weak. "
Failure and frustration in life have an inevitable side; It also has positive and negative effects. It can not only make people mature and succeed, but also destroy their future. The key is how you face setbacks.
Moderate setbacks have certain positive significance, which can help people get rid of inertia and urge people to forge ahead. Frustration is also a challenge and test. British philosopher Bacon said: "Most miracles beyond nature occur in the conquest of adversity."
First of all, setbacks help you grow. The process of human growth is a process of adapting to social requirements. If they adapt well, they will feel relieved and harmonious. If you don't adapt, you will feel embarrassed and frustrated. Adaptation requires learning to adjust one's motivation, pursuit and behavior. When a person is born; I have no idea what is right or wrong. It is through encouraging, stopping, allowing, opposing, rewarding, punishing, guiding, persuading, and even physical corporal punishment and restriction that I learn to adapt to my own behavior and learn to adjust my behavior in different environments, different times, different objects and different normative conditions. On the contrary, children who have been lawless since childhood will be drowned in contradictions and setbacks once they live independently.
For example, Kepler, a German astronomer, was troubled since he was a child and came to the world early in his mother's womb only seven months later. Later, smallpox made him grow acne pits, and scarlet fever damaged his eyes. However, with his tenacious character, he studied hard and his academic performance was far ahead of his peers. Later, because my father was in debt and lost the opportunity to study, I taught myself astronomy. In his later life, he experienced a series of blows, such as illness, the death of his mentor and the death of his wife. But he still didn't stop studying astronomy, and finally discovered the three laws of celestial bodies at the age of 59. He turned all his misfortunes into a driving force to push himself forward, won the laurel of science with amazing perseverance and became a "legislator of the sky".
Secondly, setbacks enhance your willpower. Nowadays, teenagers live in a service-oriented environment for a long time. From primary school to university to job choice, their parents are under pressure. Therefore, they have no deep understanding of all kinds of difficulties, lack endurance and strong will, and are crushed when they encounter setbacks. In fact, many small setbacks in life are "playgrounds" of willpower. When you sweat through the whole journey and overcome the setbacks in life, you will get a pleasant experience. Psychologists compare minor setbacks to "spiritual supplement", because every time they overcome a setback, they strengthen their own strength and provide "spiritual strength" for the next setback.
At the same time, setbacks also have negative effects. In daily life, everyone reacts differently to setbacks. On the one hand, it depends on the emotional understanding of setbacks. If a friend criticizes you, you may listen to him and even appreciate him, but if you misinterpret this friend's criticism and think it is detrimental to your dignity, your reaction may be very different. On the other hand, emotional loss is more intense than material loss. When the goal you pursue represents love, reputation, status and dignity, once the goal is lost, it will have a negative psychological impact, which is the negative effect.
When people encounter setbacks, they often feel insecure and difficult to settle down, and their work and life will be affected. Then, when people suffer setbacks, how should they debug?
(1) When encountering setbacks, we should calmly analyze, find out the reasons of setbacks from the aspects of objectivity, subjectivity, goals, environment and conditions, and take effective remedial measures.
(2) We should treat setbacks dialectically, always maintain a confident and optimistic attitude, and realize that it is setbacks and lessons that make us smart and mature, and ultimately it is failure itself that creates success.
(3) Talk to others (friends) about their frustration and future plans, and change their depressed state in order to relax physically and mentally, so as to look to the future.
(4) Learn to comfort yourself, tolerate setbacks, be open-minded, optimistic, work hard and strive for success with confidence.
(5) compensation. If the original expected goal is frustrated, we can switch to other ways to achieve it, or switch to new goals and win new victories, that is, "falling off the corner and harvesting mulberries." This is a psychological defense mechanism.
(6) sublimation. After being frustrated, people strive to make progress and transfer their emotions and energy to beneficial activities, thus sublimating to a height that is beneficial to society. This is also a psychological defense mechanism.
(7) Be good at turning pressure into motivation. When you encounter setbacks and failures or are about to encounter setbacks and failures, you will face great external psychological pressure. At this time, are you discouraged, deserting, or stand up and continue to pursue bravely? This is a great test for people. Many celebrities and great men never bow their heads in the face of setbacks and failures, but are good at turning pressure into motivation and rising from adversity. Their successful experience deserves our deep thought and study.
If life is compared to a "knife" that cuts through thorns, then frustration is an indispensable "hard stone". In order to make the "knife" of youth sharper, let us bravely face the tempering of setbacks!