Jokes are expressed with humor. In life, we often laugh, and jokes are a way to make us laugh. Jokes are the crystallization of human wisdom, and they often appear around us wonderfully and inadvertently. The following is the relevant content of the black humor jokes I compiled.
1 The sow gave birth to a litter of piglets, all of which were strong, fat and lovely. The husband is thinking that he can take the pig to the market soon, which is not a small income and can't help but be complacent.
One day, the husband came home to find a little pig missing and asked his wife why. The wife replied: the wolf took it away. He was very angry. A few days later, I came back from the outside and found another one missing. My wife said the wolf took it away again.
So the husband waited at home every day, and sure enough, the wolf didn't come for several days.
On this day, the husband had something urgent to go out, so he asked his wife to take good care of him. Out of the village, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to take something and went home. Just entering the door, I saw my wife busy in the kitchen, her face covered with soot. It turned out that the pig in the pot was almost cooked, and the husband got angry and beat his wife.
The wife was still crying, and the husband stepped forward and opened the lid. He only smelled the smell of pork, tasted it, and couldn't help nodding his head in praise: it smells good! Delicious! Seeing this, the wife burst into tears immediately and said, "Ginger hasn't been released yet. It is more fragrant and delicious after it is released! " "
During the Warring States period, there was a popular ethos of "cultivating scholars". Powerful people like to recruit talented people, keep them at home and serve themselves at any time. These people who take refuge in powerful people are called "door guests".
At that time, Lv Buwei, prime minister of Qinyuan (official name, equivalent to the later prime minister), also raised 3,000 tourists. Among so many people, people from all walks of life have all kinds of experiences. In order to improve their reputation, Lv Buwei asked them to collect opinions and write a thick book called Lv Chunqiu. In this Chinese book. Astronomical geography, local customs and customs, ancient and modern chaos control have all been written.
After writing, Lv Buwei ordered the book to be hung on the gate of Xianyang. At the same time, he announced that whoever can add or subtract a word in this book will be rewarded with his daughter.
A few days passed, and no one pointed out the shortcomings of this book.
Is Lu Chunqiu really perfect enough to add or subtract a word? No, it's just that Lv Buwei was a powerful prime minister at that time, and this book was written in the name of "Lushi". Because he was determined to flaunt himself, people were afraid to mention it.
arouse
Later generations used this idiom to describe the exquisiteness of historical writing. The value of the article is very high, and every word has considerable weight. In the direct selling training course, the lecturer should pay attention to careful preparation, strive to express accurately and accurately, and achieve the best effect.
Mr. Li has lost his hair badly recently, and he is very upset.
I heard that there is a doctor who specializes in treating hair loss in a nearby city, and Mr. Li immediately rushed to seek medical treatment.
The doctor gave Mr. Li several bottles of "special hair tonic" and told him to send a hair every week for examination.
For three weeks in a row, Mr. Li sent it once.
The doctor's writing is very effective.
The fourth week, Mr. Li didn't send it.
The doctor only received a letter saying, "I have no hair to send."
A buddy was really bored one day and joked with his girlfriend.
A man sent a message to Russia saying that he was your husband.
His girlfriend blurted out: How is that possible? He doesn't know your number. ......
In order to borrow electric toys from his classmates, Xiaoming knelt down and begged his classmates.
Xiao Ming's mother immediately pulled Xiao Ming up and said, how can a man kneel for a toy?
It doesn't matter. Xiao Ming said with a smile, anyway, he would kneel down and beg me to give it back to him.
In math class, the teacher said to a student, "How come you can't even subtract?" For example, you have ten apples at home.
If you eat four, what is the result? "
The student said gloomily, "I was slapped ten times!" " "
A male teacher said to two noisy female students, "The voices of two women are like the voices of a thousand ducks."
Scream. "
After a while, the teacher's wife came to visit him. One of the female students came to report it. "Teacher, there are five hundred outside.
A duck comes to see you. "
In the fourth class in the morning, A is hungry and doesn't want to attend class. He sat in his seat, thinking about beef and bread.
The math teacher found him absent-minded and asked him, "What would happen if the decimal number 1. 130 moved one place to the right?"
A student replied without thinking, "there will be lunch!" " "
A car passed a small village and killed a chicken. The driver picked up the unfortunate chicken and said to a little boy who saw it, "Does this chicken belong to your family?"
"No, sir, my chicken is the same color and appearance as it, but not as flat as it."
10 Beibei: "Brother, what movie did you see yesterday?"
Brother: "Go to the moon", the rocket flies fast and high. "
Beibei: "Why do rockets fly so fast?"
Brother: "didn't you see a fire on your ass when the rocket flew?" Don't run away from anyone whose ass is on fire! "
Black humor joke 1 1 Father loves hunting, but he always comes back empty-handed.
"Lucky, Dad," sighed the naughty little son. "Fortunately, this is not a primitive society!"
"So what?" Father asked puzzled.
"Our teacher said that people in primitive society lived by hunting. If they were all like you, I'm afraid we would have starved to death! "
Black humor joke 12 This afternoon, I went to learn calligraphy. I met a very funny thing, and now I remember that my mouth is still smiling.
At five o'clock, when learning calligraphy, "break up" on time. Fifteen minutes before each class, Mr. Chen will tell us some students' bad writing methods and correct them. Every time the "odd first prize font" appears on the whiteboard, we laugh.
Today, Mr. Chen used a black marker to write standard words on the whiteboard, which is another ugly and identical word. Ha ha! Ha ha laugh ... our laughter almost overturned the roof. Teacher Chen always holds blue, black and red markers in his big hand. Next, Teacher Chen wrote "Sun, Eyes, Sun" vertically with a red pen. "What do they have in common?" Teacher Chen kindly asked questions, and the boy sitting on my right was very decent. "Similarities ... oh! Don't! Wow! I know! " All eyes quickly gathered on him, and he solemnly said, "It's all written in red pen." "Wow, hahaha ..." Our laughter suddenly caused a sensation. Teacher Chen smiled, too.
My deskmate is really interesting. Thanks to his imagination, even the always serious teacher Chen smiled. Did you laugh?
Charlie clamors for his father's Christmas tree every year. His father always said it was too expensive to buy.
Christmas came again this year. Charlie's father was really troubled by him, so he took an axe and went out. A quarter of an hour later, my father came back with a big Christmas tree. Charlie shouted happily, "Dad, you are really something. It took only a quarter of an hour to cut down such a big tree! " "
Dad patted him on the back of the head and said, "silly boy, you can't cut down trees so fast." I brought it back from the market. "
Charlie asked, "Are you too expensive to buy?"
Dad said, "Didn't you see I brought an axe?"
It's still early
When Christmas came, the judge happily asked the people on trial, "What did you do?"
"I went shopping early this Christmas," shouted the prisoner.
"This is not a bad thing," said the judge. "How early?"
"Before the store opens," the prisoner replied.
I'll tell you a joke: once upon a time, there was a rich man who rented a private school for his son. My son learned "one, two, three", but before he learned "four", he thought he knew everything. The rich man listened to his son and knew everything, so he resigned his husband.
One day, someone asked the rich man's son to write an invitation. His son shut himself in his room and didn't finish writing for a long time. The rich man was puzzled and pushed the door into the house, only to see his sons slapping their shoulders one by one. The rich man asked his son, "What are you doing?" The son said grumpily, "This man has a bad surname, Wan. I have only finished painting more than 500 paintings since morning. "
Students may disdain to listen to such an old joke, I just want to use it to attract the teacher's attention. Everyone knows that the word "ten thousand" will not be ten thousand paintings, which is basic common sense, because a square can never hold so many strokes. But which Chinese character has the most strokes? Is there a limit to the number of the same strokes or word-building elements in Chinese characters?
After Columbus discovered America, many people thought that Columbus just happened to see it, and anyone else could do it if he was lucky. So, at a grand banquet, a nobleman said to him, "Mr. Columbus, we all know where America is, and you just happened to go there first!" " If we go, we will find it. "In the face of criticism, Columbus was calm. He had a brainwave, picked up an egg on the table and said to everyone, "Ladies and gentlemen, who can stand the egg on the table? Which one of you can do it? "Everyone is eager to try, but they are defeated one by one. Columbus smiled, picked up the egg, patted it on the table and stood there. Columbus went on to say, "Yes, it's as simple as that. It is really not difficult to discover America, as easy as laying this egg.
But, gentlemen, which one of you did it before I set it up? "Innovation is essentially a welcome attitude towards new ideas, new perspectives and new changes, and it is also manifested in new perspectives. Many times, people will say, is this innovation? So I know! Innovation is that simple. The key is whether you dare to think or do.
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