Why is patience so important? Someone has offended you and needs to be tolerated: someone is competing with you for fame and gain and needs to be tolerated; Someone wronged you and needs to endure; If someone is jealous of you, you need to put up with it. In short, China people have too many places to put up with. Some people say that China people are too tired to live, because there are too many things to put up with, including interpersonal relationships, and even most of them are interpersonal relationships. Whether tired or not, patience is a realistic need. In many cases, only tolerance can bring peace. So the ancients summed up a wise saying about forbearance: "Everything becomes gold".
How can we be patient in life?
(1) Be considerate of other people's requirements and difficulties. In interpersonal communication, if others have difficulties, demands or desires, as long as they are not too many, they may wish to be patient within a reasonable range. Sometimes, people may do something unsatisfactory because of various demands. At this time, out of consideration for people, we should learn to be patient. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Meng Changjun was the prime minister of Qi. There are many diners at home. One of them was having an affair with Meng's concubine. Someone reported this situation to Meng, and suggested: "As someone else's diners, you have an affair with the master's concubine. God forbid, you should be executed!" Meng Changjun said indifferently, "It is human nature to love beauty, and this matter should not be mentioned again." Later, Meng not only stopped mentioning this matter, but also benefited diners who had an affair. He called the diners and said, "You have been under my door for many days, and there has been no suitable place to put you. I am very uneasy about this. Now the monarch of Wei is very close to me. I am willing to prepare your chariots, horses and silver, and send you to Wei as an official. "
Diners came to Weiguo and were highly valued by Wang Wei. Unexpectedly, the relationship between Wei and Qi was tense, and Wei wanted to unite with other countries to attack Qi. At this time, the man who benefited from Meng Changjun said to Wang Wei, "I'm here to defend the country. Meng Changjun recommended the minister to the king regardless of his incompetence and negligence. It is said that the former king of Qi Wei once agreed that the descendants of the two countries should be friendly from generation to generation and not attack each other. Now your majesty wants to unite with other countries to attack Qi, which not only violates the agreement of the former king, but also has a feeling of losing. I beg your majesty to give up the idea of attacking qi, otherwise, I would like to die in front of your majesty! " Wang Wei felt that he was right and admired his kindness, so he cancelled the idea of joint attack on Qi. People say. Yes, Ren Ren saved Qi.
From this historical allusion, we can see that tolerance will make people admire, and sometimes it will get unexpected and huge returns.
(2) Be humorous. When you get along with others, you will meet people who make small mistakes from time to time, which may offend your interests. But if it's not a matter of principle, you might as well laugh it off and show some general demeanor.
In 1950s, many businessmen in Taiwan Province Province knew that Yu Youren was a famous calligrapher, so they hung signboards inscribed by Yu Youren in front of their companies, shops and restaurants to attract customers. Among them, there are few questions about Yu Youren. Most of them are half true and half false, and some are completely false.
One day, a student from Yu Youren came to see his teacher in a hurry and said, "Teacher, I went to a small restaurant where I usually eat at noon today. I didn't expect them to hang a sign with your name on it. Clear sky Wan Li, you openly cheat the world. You always say you can't be angry! " Yu Youren, who was practicing calligraphy, let out a cry, put down his brush and asked slowly, "Is the handwriting on their signboard good?"
"What a fool!" The students complained: "I don't know where they found a feather to write with. The handwriting is crooked and ugly." I also signed the teacher's name below, even I felt ashamed to read it! "
"This can't be done!" Yu Youren mused, "You said you often go to that restaurant for dinner. What are the characteristics of what they sell? What's the name of the shop? "
"This is a noodle restaurant. Although the shop is small, the food is still very clean. In particular, the mutton soup desert is specially made, and the name of the store is called the mutton soup desert restaurant. "
"Uh ..." Yu Youren was silent.
"I'll take it off." The student said, turned to go, but was stopped by Yu Youren.
"Wait, you wait."
Yu Youren conveniently took a piece of rice paper from the case, picked up a writing brush, brushed what was written on the paper, and then handed it to the students waiting next to him, saying, "Go and give this to the shopkeeper."
The student took the rice paper and looked at it, stunned. I saw a few big words written on the paper-"mutton soaked in desert restaurant", and the small words "Yu Youren Title" were engraved on the paper. And stamped it with a personal seal. The whole calligraphy can be called beautiful.
"Teacher, what are you ..." The students were puzzled.
"Ha ha," Yu Youren caressed his long beard and laughed. "Didn't you just say that the fake signboard is really horrible? Although this impostor is hateful, it shows that he still values my handwriting on someone. It's just that people who don't know the truth think that the words on my beard are really so bad, and the shit is worse. Then I won't lose money. I can't smash my signboard and ruin my reputation! So, help me to the end, or trouble you to replace that fake one, how about it? "
"Ah, I see, students obey." The students who turned anger into joy hurried away with Yu Youren's inscription. In this way, the owner of this mutton paomo desert museum got the original Mo Bao of Yu Youren, a great contemporary calligrapher, with a fake signboard. He was overjoyed and somewhat ashamed.
Generous humor is sometimes more helpful to solve problems than cold noodles. Dealing with other people's faults in a humorous way is actually a tolerant attitude, which will make people unforgettable.
(3) endure grievances. When you get along with others, you will often encounter unfair things. China people emphasize "returning peaches". It's unfair if others don't give gifts in return. Sometimes, when you work too much, others don't do as much as you, but they get the same reward, even more than you. When you encounter such a problem, you may feel "this is so unfair". One by one. After a long time, it will inevitably lead to various interpersonal contradictions. This contradiction is the contradiction arising from the demand for justice. Or we can't tolerate the contradictions caused by unfairness. To this end, we must have the cultivation and endurance to endure injustice on some issues.
American scholar Wayne Dale's book "Human Misunderstandings" points out a truth: upholding justice is one of human misunderstandings. Dai Ai said that if people insist that everything in the world should be fair and reasonable, then all living things can't live for a day-birds can't eat insects, insects can't eat leaves, and the world should take care of its own interests. We are all used to seeking justice and justice in life. Once we feel that we have lost justice, we will be angry, worried or disappointed. However. Seeking justice is no more fruitful than seeking immortality. Many people think that. Justice and fairness are very important in interpersonal relationships. They often say, "It's not fair." "If I didn't do it, you have no right to do it" or "I didn't treat you like this. Why do you treat me like this "and so on. People long for justice, and when there is no justice, they will feel very unhappy. This is not a misunderstanding, but if we blindly pursue justice and fairness, we will be cynical and passive, which constitutes a misunderstanding. This self-defeating behavior does not refer to the act of seeking justice itself, but to the inertia caused by the unjust reality.
Once the desire for justice is integrated into interpersonal communication, it will inevitably bring many unfavorable factors. Diane said that when you think something is unfair, you will inevitably compare yourself with another person or a group of people. You might think, "Now that they have done this, I can do the same. It's unfair that you don't do as much as me, but you get more than me. " I didn't do that. Why can you do this? It is not difficult to see that you decide your own gains and losses according to other people's behavior. It is the behavior of others that dominates your emotions, not yourself. Diane gave such an example.
Judy is a charming lady. She complained that she had been married for five years, but her family life had never been harmonious. In a group consultation, she played a wife involved in a family dispute. When the young man who played the husband said something that upset her, Judy retorted, "Why did you say such a thing? I have never said such a thing. " When she talked about her two children, Judy said, "It's not fair. I never involve my children when I quarrel. " When she talked about leisure activities, Judy still said, "It's unfair that you always go out and let me take care of the children at home."
Judy is actually making a list of family affairs, which is divided equally between husband and wife. It must be fair. You don't have many, I have many. If I do this, so do you. No wonder she is angry every day. She always thinks about how to correct what she thinks is unfair, not how to make the relationship between husband and wife harmonious. Seeking justice in this way is a dead end. Judy judges her husband according to her own behavior and decides whether she is happy or not according to her husband's practice. As long as she no longer makes this comparison endlessly, but actively and independently devotes herself to a happy life, she can effectively improve family relations.
Therefore, to get rid of the misunderstanding of demanding justice, an important aspect is not to always compare yourself with others, but to endure what you should endure. In fact, people are always very different. If someone else's situation is better than yours, no matter how much you complain about "it's unfair", the situation will not improve at all, and your situation will not change at all. You may even have one more worry, which is even worse. Therefore, you should avoid always mentioning others, and don't always look at others with binoculars or magnifying glasses. Some people don't work much, but they are well paid; Some people are not as good as you, but they are promoted because they are favored; Whether you like it or not, your wife and children will always behave differently from you. However, as long as you focus on yourself and don't make unnecessary comparisons with others, you won't be bothered by the unfairness around you, and others will be more willing to associate with you.
—— Quoted from Yanbian People's Publishing House, there are always more methods than problems.