The last stop of life
——Interview in the geriatric ward
Xia Zi
9. When you get old, who will look after you? Later years
The new arrival in bed 35 is an 88-year-old lady, everyone calls her Xiu Xiu. She is from Sichuan and she followed her husband to Beijing for work in his early years and stayed in Beijing. The old lady had no children in her life. She loved children and adopted two children, a son and a daughter, from her husband's brother's home in her hometown in Sichuan. The eldest is a boy, who was 7 years old when he was brought in; the younger is a girl, who was only a few months old when he was brought. The old lady worked hard to raise her two children and sent them to college. Now, I heard that my son is in the United States, and my daughter went to Shaanxi to work in the army because of the "Mounting to the Mountains and Countryside" movement. She later got married and started a family there but did not come back. When she was able to return to the city later, her daughter just went through all the trouble to move her son's household registration back to Beijing.
It has been more than thirty years since Xiuxiu’s wife passed away. During these thirty years, after retirement, she took care of her daughter’s son from birth to 12 years old, until he went to middle school and lived in school. She breathed a sigh of relief. Now, according to the nurse, the old lady has sold her house and is living in a nursing home in Changping, Beijing with the money. She said the air there is fresh, the accommodation is spacious, the yard is full of flowers and plants, and the environment is very good. The elderly can also sing, dance, and learn to paint and do crafts together. Life is quite fulfilling and happy. She now comes to the geriatric ward of this hospital for a period of time every year to recuperate her body. I stay for a month every time I come.
Therefore, the caregivers, doctors, and nurses here are all familiar with Xiuxiu. When people asked her: "Do your son and your daughter come back to see you often?" she said: "They don't need to come, they are far away, one is in a foreign country and the other is in another province. When they come, I have to treat them to dinner. Entertain them and arrange food and accommodation. They all know that I have endless pensions and money to sell the house. My nephew is now working in Beijing. I gave him hundreds of thousands when he bought the house. Sometimes he would call me. Call me and ask. They will come and see me during the Chinese New Year. I think it is good for me to live in a nursing home without bothering them. I live in a single room by myself and buy a washing machine and refrigerator. I live very comfortably. . ”
Xiuxiu is a smart old lady, rational and full of wisdom. This may have something to do with her age and experience, as well as her independent and strong character. She arranged her old age life plan in an orderly manner, which was envied and respected by many people.
Xiu Xiu is not tall, only 1.5 meters tall. People are not beautiful either, they are so ordinary that they cannot be more ordinary. But in my eyes, Xiuxiu is independent, free and easy, and still lives beautifully even when she is old.
Old Wu, who is only separated from Xiuxiu by a wall, has a different life.
Lao Wu has lived in this geriatric ward for nearly a year. His two sons have not been here often, and his wife has not been here often. When he mentioned his two sons, Lao Wu became angry. Therefore, medical staff and caregivers rarely see Old Wu when he is happy. What they see every day is Old Wu's long face, so they rarely chat with him.
Every time Lao Wu’s wife comes here, she always talks to Lao Wu: “The kids are busy, there are a lot of things at work, and there are kids, so if you can find time to make a phone call, that’s fine. Don’t worry. Just expect them to come and see you. Besides, if they come to see you, they can’t replace you. Even if they come to see you, your illness won’t be cured all at once! It’s too much of a waste of time to ask them to come.” /p>
"But they often come around, which makes me feel happy. It makes me feel that I have not raised them in vain. As the saying goes, it takes a thousand days to raise an army, but it is a good thing. I live in the hospital, and my son does not say ten days." It’s good to come once every half month and show up once a month. What’s the difference between this and raising a child for free?”
Lao Wu’s wife told us: “Lao Wu used to like to be lively, and the two of them were very busy. My son's two grandsons are about the same age. Every winter and summer vacation, we take them to live in our house for two weeks. The old man is very happy to have the children here. He goes out to buy this and that every day, coaxing the two of them. My child is particularly looking forward to the holidays. When the holidays are approaching, he can’t wait to flip through his calendar every day. However, once the holidays are over, he becomes languid, lacks energy, feels very empty, and spends the whole day sighing. He and his children have grown up and have their own families. They can't always come back to hang around you like before. Although we are getting older, we can't completely count on our children. They also have their own lives. , they have their families and jobs. Let’s take good care of ourselves and try to cause them as little trouble as possible.” 10. Finally waited for this day
18-bed Lao Yang. Finally, I bid farewell to this world amidst repeated high fevers and ups and downs.
In the last days, when his son and wife came to see him, they no longer shied away from talking about where Lao Yang would be buried after his death and how to simplify the funeral. At this moment, Lao Yang still understood in his heart, but he had long been silent. A man who was originally fat and round, after three years of suffering from illness, he finally became a skeleton and his face became darker.
Once, I passed by the door of their ward and saw Lao Yang lying in the back. His chest was bulging under the white sheet, and his abdomen had collapsed. I was frightened by Lao Yang's appearance. One jump. I expressed my surprise to Sister Li, the nurse who cared for Lao Yang. Sister Li said: "Lao Yang is so pitiful. His wife only gives him five packets of homogenized meal every month (Author's note: Each packet weighs 500 grams and contains 10 sachets, 50 grams each, can be mixed with water, only for nasal feeding patients). Sometimes I get some sesame paste, but it’s not enough! Later, I told her that I only got ten sachets, but it was not enough. The solution is to give Lao Yang half a steamed bun every day, soak it in water, mash it, and mix it into the homogenized meal. Lao Yang is so pitiful! Even if he eats too much, he is still old. When the stomach bleeds a little more, I keep burping, and I can’t go hungry, so I feed a little every time.”
“Oh! It’s so painful, I wish I could get rid of it sooner!” I sighed sympathetically. .
Sister Li said: "Once, Lao Yang's wife secretly told me, 'He is seriously ill again. Close the door, don't tell the doctors and nurses, and don't resuscitate him. Let him hurry up.'" Forget it, don't let him suffer. 'But what do you think? If I don't tell the doctors and nurses if his condition changes, isn't that the responsibility of the hospital? Ah! I quite understand Lao Yang’s wife, it’s really difficult.”
Fortunately, Lao Yang finally ran out of gas. He was freed, and so were his wife and son.
Three days later, Lao Yang turned into a wisp of smoke. A life completely bid farewell to this world.
Lao Tang, who lived in bed 17, died a month before Lao Yang. Both Lao Tang and Lao Yang were taken care of by Sister Li. In the days before Lao Tang died, the head nurse specifically told Sister Li: "Take good care of him and try not to let him die at night or on weekends, otherwise he can't be found." But when Lao Tang stopped breathing, he still rushed to the hospital at night. . Sister Li called the people at Laotang's work unit. She called the left one to turn off the phone, the right one to turn off the phone. Finally, she called the phone numbers of all the people who had been here. Finally, a young man's phone got through. The last one was in his early 20s. The young man who came to work came and didn’t know anything. He waited until dawn before contacting the leader of his unit.
But Lao Tang died and could not be kept in the ward. He had to be rushed to the hospital morgue, and Lao Tang didn’t even have a piece of clothing to wear, let alone a shroud. His family was not prepared, and his employer was not prepared for him either. Later, the nurse Sister Li had to find a hospital gown for him to put on before taking him away. I heard that Lao Tang had been lying in the morgue for more than a month. His grandson, who had already transferred his house to his own name, did not come, nor did his daughter from abroad. Lao Tang became an unclaimed abandoned person, and he remained so until his death. I don’t know how Lao Tang dealt with it in the end.
11. Blind longevity is inhumane
After my mother became ill, I fell into a misunderstanding. It was really not my intention to have my mother stay in the hospital for a long time. All my doctor friends have told me countless times that except for the unnecessary waste of money, artificial intervention to prolong life without quality, and causing double torture and pain to patients and their families, there is no other benefit.
In this case, why should I keep my mother in the hospital? This is a source of pain and confusion for me. This matter is a long story. Because the family has been unoccupied for a long time, my mother’s old house has been forcibly renovated and occupied by others. This matter has been being resolved. After several years, no results have been achieved.
Homelessness is one of the problems. Secondly, I am the first-generation only child in China. Between work, family and children, I can hardly spare any more energy to take care of my mother, even if I am at home or renting a house. Hiring a nanny for the house is not practical due to some practical reasons. Therefore, my mother has been lying in the hospital, and I have no choice but to get money.
Whenever I bring up this trouble at home, my mother-in-law always says that she needs to be cured. If she cannot be cured, there will be nothing she can do. In fact, how did she know that when a person has reached this point, what is the meaning of treatment? To put it bluntly, the disease should not be treated but rather prevented. If the body's foundation has collapsed and is only able to sustain life, such treatment is really unwise.
I thought about giving up countless times, but how could I give up? When a person is in the hospital, one cannot remove the tube, and two cannot stop treatment. Extubation is a crime. Have you ever seen media reports about children's extubation? The incident has caused a lot of publicity and has been condemned by moral public opinion. Criminal liability must also be pursued. If treatment is stopped, the hospital will not agree. By occupying beds, hospitals also need to generate revenue. Sometimes, I feel like I have been dragged down by my mother. I am exhausted physically and mentally, but I have no other choice but to resign myself to fate. As long as my mother lives, we, mother and daughter, will be tortured. This seems to be God's punishment for me. Who made me only focus on work and ignore my mother and care too little about her? I was suffering from feelings of self-blame and guilt.
Blind pursuit of longevity is actually inhumane. This is what I said after much pain.
In 1999, Mr. Ba Jin was seriously ill and was hospitalized. After some rescue efforts, he finally saved his life. But a gastric tube was inserted into his nose. Food is taken through a gastric tube and injected into the stomach six times a day.
Same as the patients currently in the geriatric ward. The gastric tube must be changed every one month or no more than two months at most. The long tube went straight from the nose to the stomach. Every time the tube was changed, Ba Jin would choke and blush. This is the same as those patients in the geriatric ward. After being intubated for a long time, Ba Jin could not close his mouth, and his jaw was dislocated. He had to cut his trachea and use a ventilator to maintain his breathing. In geriatric wards, this phenomenon is still seen everywhere.
Ba Jin wanted to give up this kind of treatment that was worse than death, but he had no right to choose because his family and leaders did not agree. Everyone who loved him wanted him to live. Even if he is in a coma, even if he is on a ventilator, as long as the machine shows that there is still a heartbeat. In this way, Ba Jin suffered in the hospital bed for six full years. He said: "Longevity is torture to me."
Including the later lyricist Yan Su, but his time was relatively short. In fact, when people reach this point, the shorter they are, the more fortunate they are. Since death is inevitable, why continue life in prolonged pain?
Many of us will fall into this misunderstanding. That is, when a person is sent to the emergency room after losing consciousness, family members often become confused about what to do. Our first thought is to fear that he or she will die. When the doctor asks "whether to take rescue measures," the family members will instinctively say: "Yes."
I answered the same way at the beginning. , save your life first, save your life and then leave it to fate. I thought I was doing my best, but I didn’t know, because of this rescue, my life was saved, but the nightmare began.
Faced with this situation, many family members seem to have no other choice, and relatively few are rational. Emotions and fear often prevail. If the answer is no rescue, it is unfilial and treasonous. An old lady who was in the same ward as her mother was in better physical condition than her mother. She could eat and speak on her own. However, because her son did not want to treat her and told her mother every day that he would take her home, she was criticized by her sister and was criticized by the whole family. People in the ward blamed him, thinking that his mother had raised him like a white-eyed wolf. Now it seems that he was actually right. But at the beginning, none of us thought he was right. We all thought he was unfilial, afraid of his wife, and afraid of spending money.
This change of understanding seems to not change without painful suffering and reflection. Unfortunately, when we understand many things in life, it is already too late.
Chen Xiaolu, the son of Marshal Chen Yi who had just passed away, had always regretted not helping his father leave with dignity. Chen Laoshuai was seriously ill until the end and was basically unconscious. He was unable to speak due to a tracheotomy, and his whole body was covered with tubes. He relied on a ventilator and cardiac injections to maintain his life. When Chen Xiaolu recalled that when his father's heart stopped beating, the electric shock caused him to jump out of bed. Seeing that his father was in great pain, and when he asked if he could not resuscitate him, the doctor said, "Do you have the final say? Do you dare?" At that time, Chen Xiaolu was silent. , he did not dare to make this decision. Precisely because he did not dare to make a decision, this became the thing he regretted most in his life.
In order to avoid this kind of nightmare, many American doctors will hang a "Do Not Resuscitate" sign around their necks after they become seriously ill to remind themselves not to be rescued when they are dying. Some doctors even put this sign on their necks. The words are tattooed on his body. “Being ‘living’ like this is meaningless except for pain.” In fact, after understanding all this, why can’t we follow suit? To make life more beautiful and splendid, and to make death faster and simpler, is actually a kind of wisdom in life.
12. The last wish is to see your loved ones again
My mother’s condition has not been very good since the winter when her condition worsened. Her condition has been recurring, but compared with those who have completely lost consciousness, patients are doing much better. Since my mother can no longer take food from her mouth, the number of times I go there for work has become relatively less frequent. And because I couldn’t feed my mother, the time I spent at her bedside was relatively reduced. During the days when my mother's condition was at its worst, I made the worst preparations, understood all the details behind what I was most worried about, bought all the things that needed to be bought, moved them to the ward, and handed them over to the nurse. It was a surprise, but I wouldn’t be too panicked even if I couldn’t make it. But after that, for more than three months, although my mother's mental state was not as good as before, there were no signs of death. Sometimes I go and see that my mother is awake and understands, and I feel a little comforted. This makes me firmly believe that my mother can hold on for a while longer. I was even optimistic that my mother would live longer than the frail old man in the bed next to me, but I never expected that my mother would leave when I was unprepared.
That day, I took the time at noon to go to the hospital to deliver books to a doctor’s child, and by the way, I went to the ward to see my mother. The very hurried side, this side, became the last side of my mother and I.
My mother was already weak at that time, and her eyelids could not hold open for a second or two, and they immediately closed again. My mother heard my voice and knew that I was coming, so she tried her best to open her eyes and look at me, but her eyelids seemed to be pressed against a huge boulder, causing her eyelids to tremble with effort. She looked at me In less than a second, I couldn't hold it anymore and closed it again. This was the last time my mother looked at me. I felt extremely distressed when I saw my mother. I even told the nurse that I didn’t know how long my mother could survive like this. It was such a suffering to be alive.
That night, my mother began to rescue her. Because my child was young and there was no one around to help, the nurse did not tell me immediately. It wasn't until five o'clock in the morning, when I saw that my mother couldn't be saved, that the nurse called me. The wrong call was made to the mobile phone of my spouse who was on duty at the unit.
At this time, when the phone rang, I immediately guessed it. My wife told me that the nurse had called and asked me to go immediately. I packed my things hurriedly, woke up the child, and helped him get dressed. Before I left, the nurse called and said, don't worry, he has left.
…
My mother didn’t leave her most painful moments to me because she didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable.
When I rushed to the hospital, my mother had closed her eyes forever.
The nurse said on the side, luckily I came to see him again yesterday, look at what a coincidence! Thinking about it now, my mother tried her best to wait for me, waiting for me to have time to see me for the last time. Then the mother left without regrets.
I gave up my nostalgia for this world and my concern for me.
The doctor said that the old man walked quickly and had no pain. As for how they saved me all night, I didn't ask, and they didn't tell me. I don’t know what kind of crime my mother suffered.
Not being with the old man in his last moments is an eternal regret in my heart. I was extremely sad that I didn't see the old lady on her last journey and let her go alone. But for the mother, she probably didn't want to leave her most painful moments to her beloved children and make them uncomfortable, so she chose to bear it alone. Just that quick look, my mother was already relieved. Perhaps every elderly person, before leaving, wants to see the relatives they care about and love the most, and then leave without regrets.
Postscript: Only living in good physical and mental health
is the greatest success and happiness
Because of my mother’s disease, I became familiar with the geriatric ward and recorded it Here are some stories that happened here.
The geriatric ward is actually the last stop in life for many seriously ill and disabled elderly people. At this stop, we discovered that many people live without understanding. Although they are old, many of them live in a hurry, rough, blind, and without quality. Some people live so selfishly and self-centered that they end up miserable. When a person walks through this world, why do he live for it? In other words, what is the meaning of human life?
Many people are alive, just alive, but still breathing. Unhealthy longevity has nothing to do with the quality of life. This world belongs to healthy people. Only people who are physically and mentally healthy can dominate this world. They are the masters of this world and can enjoy all the beauty and light of this world. As for those who are wandering on the edge of life, old age, illness and death, they are just in a certain corner of the world, like abandoned people, as if they are fixed to a certain bed. In fact, they are already fixed to the bed. Some of them have expressionless faces. Some have lost their minds. They live like this, unable to eat or drink. They rely on life tubes to sustain themselves. Day by day, they are waiting for the coming of that god, waiting for the god we all fear, waiting for him to come and take over. They go and that's the end of their lives.
I woke up in the middle of the night countless times and thought about my mother lying in the hospital with her hands tied to the bed railing (because she was afraid that she would have her stomach tube removed), unable to move or turn over. It's extremely painful.
I have discussed or promised to take her out more than once with my mother so that she would suffer less, but I was unable to do so because of various difficulties. Sometimes I want to call myself an asshole and abandon my mother to the hospital, but I do face too many problems and a dilemma. As the first-generation only child in China, when there are elders above me who need care but no one can share the burden, and when there are children below who need care but no one can help me, I feel helpless and powerless, which makes me feel extremely painful and entangled in my heart. This is probably the real situation faced by many family members of patients, especially first-generation only-child families.
In fact, if you think about it, life is really short, only a few decades. When we count everything from beginning to end, the time we really have to live in this world is even less. When we understand, why don’t we ask about the value and meaning of life? Why not think about which is more important, length or quality of life?
As long as our health is still good, why not live happily, cheerfully and happily every day? Birth, aging, illness and death are the natural laws of human beings. We have no way to prevent death. Even with the development of medical technology today, we still have no way to solve some problems. Therefore, in our limited time, we should live well, live our own wonderful life as much as possible, and live a fulfilling and meaningful life. When we are about to bid farewell to this world, we have no regrets, no regrets, no nostalgia, and leave happily with a smile. Because we have lived and lived our own wonderful life.
Life, except life and death, is actually a trivial matter. If we should be open-minded and indifferent, why should we worry about trivial matters that are not worth it and look for trouble? Since ancient times, all those who live long are open-minded and open-minded people, and they are all people with wisdom in life.
Until the end of our lives, we will always understand: In fact, the greatest success in life is not a high-ranking official or a luxury car or a villa, but a healthy life of body and mind. Only by living a healthy life can we have freedom and happiness, and have everything like Money, status, wealth, etc. are attached, otherwise everything is equal to zero.
Let’s take a closer look at the people living in the geriatric ward. Some of them are physically ill, some are maritally ill, some are mentally ill, and some are ill in their family relationships... They have various illnesses. There are all kinds of strange things, and some are complicated. The most important thing is that they didn't think about it and didn't understand it. Many people are stuck in a narrower and narrower corner of life, so their illness, regardless of whether it is treated in time, will develop into a serious condition over time. I am like a disguised spy, lurking in the geriatric ward as a family member, observing them, analyzing them, understanding them, and thus recording what I see, hear, and think, although these are only some individual cases. , but such stories are still happening. It is precisely because of these people and things that we can see the shortness and impermanence of life, let us rethink the value and meaning of life, and also let us know better about living in the present, cherishing the present, and trying our best to make the best of every day for ourselves and our loved ones. They all lived a fulfilling, wonderful, happy and regret-free life! I hope these stories of those whose lives are about to end or have ended can be helpful, enlightening and warning to all people.
Reading link: The last stop of life - interview in the geriatric ward (1)