Chen Guo separated "love" in a philosophical way, and said love from two aspects:
"love" is melancholy, desire and interest; And "love" is strength, life and faith.
"Love" is a lie of "love". There are always many "feelings". Only when an emotion is higher than the value of our own life, it is "love".
In "Good Love", Chen Guo quoted a sentence from "The Story of a Small Window" by Chen Jiru, a famous Ming Dynasty: Love lasts the longest, so many lovers will be widowed.
This passage means that "emotion" is the most difficult thing to last for a long time, so people with too much emotion will eventually become shallow and heartless;
in fact, there is a half sentence behind this sentence: sex is natural, so willful people will never lose their sex.
It's said that a man who acts spontaneously will never lose his nature.
Although the last half sentence is not quoted, it tells us that two people with different temperaments have different attitudes towards love.
just like the saying "love at first sight", people often fall in love with someone in one second, but they don't know how to love Ta all their lives.
So, what is good love under Chen Guo's philosophy?
Good love must be long-term love, and long-term love means falling in love with the same person again and again.
Good love means loving a person's whole life, loving every aspect of Ta: beautiful side, bad side, proud side, lost side ...
Good love means loving a person's life, loving every stage of Ta: juvenile frivolous Ta, youthful Ta, nagging Ta, white-haired TA ...
In love, everyone expects to eat together, sleep together, think together, talk together, and play together ...
It's best to do this, but there are too many things that don't work out in love and life, and this love is ever-changing.
So, good love is a state of ever-changing and constant.
We can often see and hear such a question at western-style weddings: Are you willing to marry him (her), love him (her), protect him (her), and treat him (her) as yourself, whether in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and never give up until death do you part?
A couple of couples answered: I do.
this is the best declaration of love: love Ta as yourself, walk with you all the way, and never give up.
the most important thing in love is "I love you", not "you love me". This is somewhat contrary to what we often hear, "fall in love with the person you love and marry the person who loves you", which just shows that love is an active behavior, not a passive acceptance.
I love you, not because you are perfect. I love you because you are you. This is who I love, the real you. I love you, as you are.
The idea of love is a little wonderful, not because you are more lovely, more beautiful and better than others objectively, but because I only have attachment and yearning for you, and I only want to be with you all the time.
Therefore, "I love you" in love can better reflect the true meaning of "love" than "you love me".
the ultimate of "I love you" is "I know you".
"I know you" means to think of each other from each other's perspective, which is almost all eat drink man woman's best yearning for love.
so, how to keep "love" deep and unchanging? How to make "love" sustainable?
one is to reach a deep tacit understanding with each other, that is, "know you"; The other is to try to keep two people in sync mentally, that is, we often say that in love, we can fulfill each other and grow together.
However, no matter how much two people love each other, it is inevitable that there will be times when "lovers talk more than half a sentence", and "quarrel" is the most common kind of love.
how do we view the "quarrel" in a love relationship?
"Quarrel" is a kind of "crazy" communication way between two people who love each other. This dialogue mode in an abnormal state can help you see Ta in an abnormal state and better understand what kind of person Ta is after the mask falls off.
It's not terrible for two people who love each other to quarrel. I have always been suspicious of the legendary "Take Qi Mei as an example" and "Respect each other as guests", let alone lovers who live together day and night. In this kind of polite situation, even the closest friends are not counted.
But two people who really love each other will still be in love after the quarrel, and there will be no emotional gap.
I believe that after reading this book, you who have never been in love will know how to love; If you are lovelorn, you will believe in love again.
I believe that no matter what time you are, you can learn from this book how to spend your life with the person you love.
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Remarks:
Chen Guo is a doctor of philosophy at Fudan University, a veritable beauty professor. He was the guest speaker of CCTV's "Let's Speak". In 217, Chen Guo was named "Top Ten Most Beautiful Ideological and Political Teachers in China".
Her "friends are useless" has spread all over the country, and her online videos "About Love" and "Loneliness and Loneliness" have more than 1 million hits.
In her book "Good Love", Chen Guo not only talks about "good love" in a philosophical way, but also talks about maturity and freedom, how to know ourselves objectively, how to realize our life, beliefs, culture and religion, and so on.
In short, this is a very good "little" book. Regardless of gender and age, if you still have love in your heart, yearn for love, hope to grow forever, and are willing to change, I recommend you to read it.