It happened to be a rest day. I didn't get up early for a walk as usual and didn't get up until I woke up naturally. At home, a person doesn't have to be so particular, dress casually, eat and drink casually and move freely, but in any case, the weather outside directly affects his mood and mood. Standing alone on the balcony, looking out for a long time, the weather is gloomy. Contrary to yesterday's clear sky, Wan Li is gray, with one up and down and one distance. If there are no buildings, no trees and no reference objects, the sky is like a big canvas with a gray background, waiting for the painter to color and polish it.
I'm not a painter. I don't know how to debug. My eyes are starting to get sore, but I just don't want to leave. Suddenly, a strong sense of loneliness attacked his whole body, as if it was not just the weather. This loneliness dyed the whole person gray, and his brain was empty at once, more ethereal and transparent than the empty bottle on the windowsill. This loneliness seems to be a powerful force. It is squeezed from the outside, making people breathless, and it seems to seep out from the inside again and again with breathing, and slowly the body is hollowed out, like a deflated ball. Suddenly I feel that the whole room is empty, and only one person is wandering alone. Even the people and the house began to turn, the whole sky was empty, and only this house was running with people …
In this way, I have been running, my body is a little dizzy, and my eyes are hard to open, but my heart is bright. It seems that all the contradictions before have been debugged, and my previous ideas have been slowly clarified. All loneliness began to condense into emotional words and burn into chicken soup for the soul. "I want to be lonely for dinner but it is difficult to swallow. I want to be warm at night but it is difficult to sleep." It suddenly occurred to me that no one was around, but I seemed to be waiting for you, because I never forgot you willingly. I remember that I have long forgotten that my sadness is a fantasy and my feelings are a red line, but this time seems to have stopped, slower than the days, and I have been reluctant to forget all of you. I once ran aground on my sad yesterday, throwing away all my previous grievances, hoping to condense all my sorrows in that moment, but I don't want to forget you anyway.
The window was blown open by the wind, and my thoughts scattered into the air, as if you were still so arrogant, pretending that you knew I was waiting for you but nothing happened, and telling me that I was sad, let go, because your arrogance is not worth waiting for alone.
Photo: Xu Jianzhong.