Rhyme, antithesis neat, although I haven't read it carefully, it's ok to be even.
Upstairs, I don't think it's a good idea to change the words. I think the author himself just wants to write metrical poems. If one word is missing, it will be completely changed. "Today, the hometown building is still the same, and people go to Haitang. Change to today's hometown, people go to Haitang to shake. " These upstairs are well changed, but don't change the rhyme.
The upper and lower sentences are not well connected, which is rather abrupt. How did this poem jump to the next one?
The author wrote a lyric poem to express his melancholy. The last sentence of this poem is lyrical. However, I think the previous sentence is better than Qiong Yao's. Personally, Qiong Yao thinks it's best to change it into something else.
There are still some considerations. It's better to correct the sentence and make it tidy.