The novel "Singing and Loving"
Chapter 4, Section 15: I Loved You / Saibei Medicine King
I loved you, Although it is short, it is unforgettable. I love you, but it is a pity to lose you. I loved you, but I loved you so much that I was afraid of hurting myself. Maybe this ending was already destined.
——Power Train "I Loved You"
In the next few days, I posted the "Huaihuang Ci" I had written one by one on her QQ. It proves that I miss her all the time in my heart.
However, she may have forgotten that I am still waiting here.
This half month has passed very slowly, as if time often freezes unconsciously. God knows how I survived.
At the end of June, all the final exams were over, and I finally found a reason to call her. Who would have expected that what I was waiting for with all my heart were those four cold words: " I don’t feel it anymore.”
The moment I hung up the phone, I seemed to hear the sharp sound of the iron door closing.
"Love is a feeling, not loving is also a feeling, and what is often difficult to decide is whether the feeling in the heart is love or not." My words actually became the final reason why Huaihuang closed its doors. reason.
On the phone, she kept saying "I'm sorry" because she once gave me a hope as beautiful as soap bubbles.
I don’t blame her, after all, emotional matters cannot be explained clearly in a few words.
Fate is determined by nature, and destiny is man-made. There is another saying that goes, "Man can conquer nature."
Unfortunately, in the game rules of the love world, the logic of these two sentences does not hold true.
I don’t understand why God seems to be so caring to me every time, but in fact he is so stingy to me.
I took a bus to Ciqikou alone, hoping that those quaint streets and alleys could temporarily soothe the trauma in my heart.
Standing by the river, I took out the pink box from my pocket and looked at it again and again, feeling uneasy for a long time. Thinking back to that late night a few days ago, it seemed so childish and ridiculous to call home and ask for money for a hot pot treat. But I didn't expect that eating hot pot would become a promise that could never be fulfilled. And that ring will never have a second owner.
I was cruel and threw the ring and the pink box into the Jialing River.
It was not supposed to belong to anyone except Sophora huang.
Like water, like water, it turns out that I misunderstood this name from the beginning. Watching the turbid waves of the Jialing River swallow it up, I feel that it finally deserves its title.
I went out alone and came back alone. The brothers in the dormitory were still joking with each other as usual. They must have noticed the change in my mood, but no one I would like to point it out.
I had finished all the exams and booked my train ticket back to Hangzhou, so I surfed the Internet day and night without restraint, often staring at the computer screen in a daze, and then shed tears. The only thing I look forward to is that I will be able to take the train home soon.
In fact, going home is just a different way to continue escaping.
I opened QQ and unexpectedly received a message from her. The content of the message was the song "The Sapphire Case" that I gave her more than a month ago. That part was not in line with the laws of nature. The failed strokes have been rejuvenated by her wonderful hand:
"The spring breeze turns green again on the south bank of the river, the water is getting warmer, the wild geese are returning to the north, and the Subai Embankment reflects the sparkling waves. The West Lake seems to be dyed, the flowers are about to burn, and there is no broken bridge. 1 The bright moon dives into the blue pool, thousands of fireflies adorn the jade plate, and the lonely boat floats in the middle of the lake. In April, alone on the lonely mountain, I feel sad and have no one to accompany me."
This is the first gift I gave to her. A word.
"A broken love has no one to accompany you", well, maybe the moment this poem was sent out, it already foreshadowed this sad ending.
A friend on the Internet said this: You can meet someone in a second, know someone in a minute, like someone in an hour, fall in love with someone in a day, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
For a lifetime, I think maybe it’s not enough.
If you give me a moonlight box and let me go back in time, I will not regret every step I have taken. Even if I had known from the beginning that the outcome would be so heart-wrenching, I would not regret it.
It doesn’t matter if it lasts forever, as long as you once had it. When I said this, I obviously lacked confidence. Because I once used this famous saying to comfort the lovelorn friends around me.
To put it this way, it feels a bit like self-comfort.
Writing this, I realize that I am extremely sorry for my teacher Ma Zhe.
Creationism, idealism, and from time to time superstitious beliefs in some unscientific or pseudo-scientific things. These points alone are enough for me to retake Marxist philosophy courses for a few more years.
I no longer feel sad about the spring and autumn. I really want to say something free and easy: "There is no one in this world who can't live without anyone." However, that kind of spirit of smiling at the wind and clouds, I After all, it can't be done.
I am reminded of an emotional essay in "China Youth Daily". There is a paragraph that says: "Love does not have to last forever. What you once had may be the best memory of your life. Because of love Because we have been hurt, we cannot be friends; we can only be the most familiar strangers."
At a glance, there is a feeling of electric shock.
The most familiar strangers, Huaihuang and I, are not like this now.
We are in the same school, and we don’t see each other even when we look up. After we broke up, we met many times, in canteens, playgrounds, teaching buildings, and even in the inaccessible school supermarket with "good quality and low prices"... But every time, we were the same, passing by without movement or words. , no expression...
Maybe the author of the article, like me, has such a most familiar stranger in his life.
I don’t know if I am still hoping for a miracle to happen, hoping that she will change her mind.
Although I know clearly that all this I hope for is nothing more than fantasy.
I can’t remember which Korean drama it was in, but there was a girl with a pure face, wearing a loose casual dress, sitting on the steps of the overpass behind the man, with a very sweet smile on her lips. She said: "I know he may never look back, but actually I just want him to give me a promise. He can choose to leave and leave me, no matter how long it takes, or whether he will come back, I just want a promise from him , you can let me wait for him here."
When the girl said this, her smile was as clean and transparent as an angel, but her tears flowed down without delay.
There is such a simple and tough love. Time is like the wind, the years whizzing by, what remains are the promises he made in life.
Being able to wait for someone all the time turns out to be a kind of happiness.
But what if we can’t wait any longer?
In other words, when that person left, he didn’t leave any reason or promise to wait at all?
Even the person whom I once deeply loved is now a stranger. We have always been unable to control this situation.
However, after all, we have loved and waited.
In his eyes, there is warm liquid again, slowly overflowing deep in his heart.
On the day before I left, a roommate from Sichuan came to see me off. In the waiting hall, he patted me on the shoulder and comforted me and said: "It's nothing. Just think about this kind of thing." . ”
If everything were so easy to think about, there wouldn’t be so many crazy men and women who cut their wrists, hang themselves from buildings, and jump off buildings.
The moment the train whistle blew, I could finally calmly accept the fact that the only relationship I had during my freshman year had come to an end. Although, it's not perfect.
Nothing in this world is perfect, so sometimes, the beauty of imperfections can make people’s hearts break even more.
For example, the "Broken Arm Venus" that the whole world is fascinated by.
I quietly made myself a bowl of instant noodles, sat there, and searched my brain for everything about Huaihuang.
Even if everything ceases to exist, she will still be with me in my memories. Thinking about it this way, I should be content.
On the radio in the carriage, Rene Liu melancholy sang: "I think I will be so lonely, so lonely all my life, I think I will be so lonely, so lonely all my life."
The bluer the sky, the more afraid I am of looking up, and the more complete the movie, the more sad I feel..."
The sound from inferior speakers can still move people's hearts...