? On the recommendation of the teacher, I watched Professor Li Meijin’s speech. After watching it, I was deeply touched. I will teach you how to educate children during their growth and how to help them find their value. Here I will give you Share some of my gains.
? First of all, let me introduce Professor Li Meijin, a native of Shanghai, born in 1958, graduated from Renmin University of China, and is now a professor and graduate tutor at the People's Public Security University of China. He has been engaged in research on criminal psychology and adolescent psychological issues for a long time, and has conducted detailed investigations on many cases, thus proposing that crime prevention should start with the education of minors. Main research areas include criminal psychology; criminal psychological profiling; juvenile criminal psychology and prevention; organized crime issues, etc.
? Regarding how to help children find their value, probably most families with children can summarize their own theories, because these theories are synthesized from the process of contact with children and their growth, and are practical. Still very high. But when these experiences are summed up, the child has also grown up, but the child only grows up once. Family education is a science that requires experience as well as skills, discussion, and learning to understand and respect children. Here, Professor Li Meijin gave us a profound answer.
? Professor Li Meijin started with the topic selection. The professor’s topic was "Helping children find their value - exploring the role of parents as "mentors"". The professor’s topic selection came from several incidents that occurred in 2019. One of the very tragic ones was that a mother had an argument with her son on a bridge, and the son finally rushed to the edge of the bridge and jumped off on the spot. The professor has always made it clear that psychological counseling is not a matter of simply answering a few sentences. Among the parents who contacted the professor, they learned that the most difficult time for a child to manage in his life is during adolescence. But now it’s not just adolescents, but even those in their twenties. The child does not like to study, is tired of studying, etc. At this time, parents will lose control of their children. At the same time, he cannot control the child, so he wants to control the child even more and put pressure on the child. For example, there was a case before where a child was playing with his mobile phone. His father said that he was still playing with his mobile phone before he had to take an exam. So, my father took the phone away. Thrown off the balcony. The child didn't even think twice and just jumped along with the phone. At this time, you can imagine how devastated your parents are. Parents just want their children to learn more, but at this time the child chooses this way. In this moment, he loses his child irreparably. In this speech he mainly talked about another topic. Before the age of 18, there are three stages and six periods in the minor process. The three stages refer to six years old, 6 to 12 years old, and 12 to 18 years old. Then these six periods refer to the three periods within 6 years of age, which is very important. Then, there is a period from 6 to 12 years old, during which children are also the most trouble-free. This is what Floride in psychology calls the incubation period. The last one is the two periods from 12 to 18 years old. It is the period of sexual development. The period of sexual development here is one sex and two sexes. One sex is the difference in body organs when you are born. The two genders are the changes in your organs and your own psychological feelings when you reach puberty.
? When children enter the stage of adulthood and sub-adults, what developments or turns should our education have at this time? If we say that for a child, being kind to him before he is 3 years old is a way of establishing authority for him from 3 to 6 years old. Then from 6 to 12 years old is the process of establishing his learning habits, and it is also the process of understanding this characteristic of his children. The most important thing is how we help them grow when they are close to adulthood. We know what adulthood is. The first sign is that they can be independent and solve problems by themselves. And there are many rights granted by law. What is human value? You, Professor Meijin, put forward three important words: influence, contribution, and personal price. Among the personal prices listed here, how much are you worth? Sometimes people directly ask how much their salary is when applying for a job. Then this amount of money shows their self-understanding of themselves. The professor specifically divided these points. The first is the meaning of an individual to others in society. As the professor said, in fact, a person has no value.
The word value, especially the word human value, itself is a social word, which means that your value must be what you mean to others and to others in society. This other person benefits from your existence, and this benefit is so small that we Within the family, everyone is involved. Society also benefits from his existence. Others and society are two different issues. Others are specific people. For example, in life, you do me a favor, and I help you because I benefit. But there may be some people whose behavior will have a bad impact on society, such as the crime problem studied by the professor. The criminal moves in society, but there is no writing on his face. We don't know it. But whoever encounters him may be a fatal danger, so this impact is simply not other people's problem, but It's a social problem. Another is his own value that is revealed by others' need for him. There are two points in this. The first point is that it should be recognized and benefited by society. The second point is that society has its own value and income. It is because he is valuable to society that determines his income. Human value is not only the basis for one's own survival, but also a reflection of social significance.
? This is where human value comes from? You'll find it makes a big, big difference. Some people are born with a special mission. They are who they are and others cannot replace them. This is obviously because it has some characteristics inherited from its parents. Part of it is his upbringing, which is to make this effort. If it is congenitally inherited, you will find that there are many. So once this genetic thing appears, it will be there for life. For example, if that singer can sing a good song with just one mouth opening, he will really make a lot of money. But for many scientists, they have a very high IQ, but if they can really contribute to society, they still need a lot of time to learn. Therefore, we will find that once genetic things appear, they will be with them for life, including human intelligence, special abilities, temperament, and certain negative things. Nowadays, there are many mental illnesses that are congenital. Then there is another kind, which is acquired. We call it hard work. If he has a capital, in addition to genetics, there is also acquired capital, such as Lang Lang's piano. Everyone knows how good he and his father were at that time. When it comes time to jump off the building, I throw you downstairs and I jump first. If I jump, you have to jump. If you don’t play the piano, you will jump off the building. So after being pushed to that level, you can see how many hardships he suffered, but he did become a very successful person later on. But not all people can be like him. Some people fail because they can't bear the hardships, such as Yao Jiaxin back then. So what we need to know is that among the acquired friends, we must pay attention to the child's behavior and understand the child, otherwise it will cause problems. Some mistakes are irreparable. The source of human value comes from innate inheritance and nurture. However, in terms of innate inheritance, attention must be paid to his intelligence and special abilities. The most important thing to develop is skills and character. IQ among intelligence is determined by academic performance, which means that intelligence is mainly innate. Acquired education can only cultivate and develop on the original basis. If there is no intelligence, acquired education will be useless. For example, if some people are less intelligent than some philosophers, they need to do it slowly and think for a long time. But like journalists. He couldn't think for a long time like that, because what they needed was time. So their way of thinking is different. There is also a special ability in innate inheritance, which is the ability that is acquired without teaching. And these words are related to interest. For example, Wang Baoqiang didn't go to any film university, and then he squatted at the door every day, and finally he was spotted by a director. In "A World Without Thieves", he played the fool to the fullest. In acquired training, skill is an ability formed through training. For example, I take calligraphy training classes, dance, learn to drive, etc. The last one is character, character determines destiny. For example, an individual has little ability to live. This will trigger their criminal mentality, such as killing people. Another kind of people are generous people. While they are smart, they also learn to be tolerant and considerate of others. In this way, they will easily succeed. There is another kind of person who is very helpful. This kind of person has an advantage in life, because your own enthusiasm and kindness also pave a good path for your life.
? Test scores and further studies have become an inevitable path for children’s development.
You must know that. Examinations are used as the standard for personal value judgment, grades are used as the measure of children's value, and the enrollment rate is the key assessment indicator. The result is that some children whose IQs are not very good do not develop well. Professor Li Meijin said, "If a child's IQ is not very good, you cannot blame the child, but the parents. Because IQ is hereditary." But in real life, many parents often don't think of their own problems, but blame their children. In terms of grades, if someone else gets 100 points in the test, but you only get 70 points, they will blame you. Another way is to have high scores and low energy.
Having said so much above, I think we should pay enough attention to it. The first thing is to help children how to find its value. First, we need to create opportunities for him to express his taste; second, we need to observe his interests and focus; third, we need to expand his hunting scope and territory; fourth, we need to respect and give the right of choice to the child. The second is to help the child expand his value. The first is to give him language expression through upbringing, which is to allow him to communicate more with others as the child grows; the second is to accompany the child as he grows and bring him into various social circles. For example, parents take their children to visit and let them get to know different people. Or there are some activities that he can participate in or let him get to know the social circle in advance; the third step is to teach him and guide him on the principles of life. Especially for children in adolescence, for example, if something happened to you at work, after you went home, you told him what you would do if it were you, to teach your children how to get along with others. The last thing is to help the child realize her own value. The first is to choose a major that suits him based on his intelligence. For example, some people are good at Chinese, some are good at mathematics, and some are good at English. This is how to find a major that suits him; second, look for its development based on his interests, that is, see what he likes, and then how it relates to his future career; third, look for a suitable major based on his strengths. For example, some people like to cook, some people like to have haircuts, and some people like to do engineering; fourth, choose his social career circle based on his personality.
? People often say that all roads in life lead to Rome. Therefore, in the value of people, the value does not lie in the size, but in whether one can know one's own value; the value does not lie in how much one earns, but in whether one can be discovered and recognized by others; the value does not lie in the distance, but in whether each other needs each other; The value is big enough to leave behind works, but small enough to leave laughter behind.