I have been ill since I met Xiao Bai. This is an unnecessary disease. There is no cure. I won't die, but it won't be much better. Unless Xiao Bai can come back. But will he come back? No, he has left resolutely. How can he come back? I'm hopeless except him.
Xiao Bai transferred to our school. He is cool, with short hair and fashionable sportswear. When he laughs, his little eyes become a line. Xiaobai is a popular child. His calligraphy won an award and his paintings were exchanged abroad. I often see girls around him. Those girls are all "campus girls". But I'm not jealous. Xiao Bai is so popular I am very happy. To be honest, he is unparalleled in my eyes.
I never go near him. I think this may be more suitable for me to get along with Xiaobai in the distance. His Excellence puts me under pressure. I can't write, I can't draw, and I'm not beautiful. I can't come up with a decent person to match him. I can only call him my little white from the bottom of my heart, and I can only pretend to see the scenery on the roadside where he passes, that's all. Sometimes I fantasize, if only he could like me a little. But fantasy is always fantasy.
I wandered around the campus. Even on Sunday, I don't want to leave, because Xiaobai seldom goes back. On Sundays, he will draw in the classroom or the teacher's office. There are few people on campus on Sunday. I will take my clothes to a long drainage faucet for cleaning, and no one will grab the faucet with me. It's good. Xiaobai comes to wash occasionally. When he sees me here, he sometimes brings clothes and puts them in front of me to help me. I didn't speak, took his washbasin and started cleaning one by one. Xiaobai didn't go away and stood by me. I wash it slowly, and he will wait for a long time. Both of them don't talk, only the sound of running water.
With a little white in my heart, everything becomes beautiful, even if my fingers are dyed red with water, I don't feel cold. Once I had a pair of hands, and I had to wear them to prevent freezing before winter came.
It's snowing. That winter was particularly cold and the snow was particularly thick. The tap is frozen, so it is impossible to wash clothes. You can only go to the pond on campus to clean it. There is a thin layer of ice in the pond, and there is frozen snow on the long steps, so you can click. By the time I came to do the laundry, it was a little late. Some snow on the steps has been turned into ice, and I will slip if I am not careful. I wanted to walk carefully, but I chickened out. Just when I didn't know what to do, Xiaobai came over wearing a white down jacket, stood in front of me and handed it to me. He took my basin, I washed it for you and you stood on it. My face turned red and I was embarrassed to take the basin. How could it be?
Xiao Bai's hands are writing. How can he wash clothes in such a cold day? I am even more embarrassed to ask him to help me wash my underwear. You washed my underwear, too, and Xiao Bai's eyebrows are wrinkled. I stood in the snow with a red face. It was hard for this lovely boy to make me dislike him.
The day before the winter vacation, everyone was very excited. There are many good classmates who are already making appointments to pay New Year's greetings. My deskmate asked me to go to the geography teacher's house to pay a New Year call, and I agreed. Xiaobai turned his head. Let's go together on the fourth day of the Lunar New Year. We also went. Xiao Bai pointed to his deskmate Guo Liang. This is a clever combination. I don't know if Xiaobai knows that Qiaoling and Guo Liang are a couple, but I have some expectations for the upcoming fourth day of the Lunar New Year. It is false to say that there is no expectation. After all, I like Xiao Bai for a long time.
On the fourth day of Lunar New Year, I wore a new sweater knitted by my mother, a purple coat and a purple bike. On that day, after the snow in Chu Qing, the sun was not strong at all, and it hung in the sky like a flying saucer, physical education class. When we arrived at the appointed place, Xiaobai and others had already arrived. He is wearing a red coat and a long white scarf around his neck. He straddled the bike and saw me coming. He gave a whistle and set off. It's a long way to the geography teacher's house. His home is in the suburbs. I don't feel tired after riding all the way. I seldom talk, because I cough when I talk, so I listen to them. I clearly remember Xiao Bai said that once he went on an outing, he saw a couple sitting on the threshold, wiping their pants with newly picked peaches and sending them to their mouths. It was a lunch. He thinks such a life is very bitter. My little white is kind, and I am glad that he has an upward heart.
Near the destination, a very empty field appeared, covered with thick snow and without footprints. A very sacred vilen made us stop cycling. Qiaoling and Guo Liang are having a snowball fight by the roadside. I cough because I am out of breath. Xiaobai came over and patted me on the back, as gentle as my mother's hand. He hung the scarf around my neck, silly girl. It's better to keep out the wind with a scarf. His breath scratched my face, and I grabbed my scarf to kiss his cheek. This boy I have liked since September, a kind and excellent boy, was the first boy to call me a silly girl. But I dare not. I'm afraid I'll pass him. I just picked up his scarf and covered my whole face. This scarf has his flavor. I like it.
He pulled down his scarf and showed me my eyes, silly girl. How can I walk blindfolded? I asked him to tie my scarf and smile.
Xiao Bai, do you know? The day of snow and the day of white scarf became a fixed film in my memory. The day you were far away from me, it was played over and over again in my midnight dream, which made me cry. You once said that purple in the distance is beautiful, but I want to tell you that white in my memory is also beautiful.
Spring has come, and all living things seem to have a strong vitality. Xiaobai has become more mature. He lost the childishness of boys his age and became more masculine. There are more girls washing his clothes. He doesn't need me to help him wash clothes on Sunday. My Sunday has become bleak and long, and I feel extremely depressed, but there is nothing I can do.
On a sunny Sunday afternoon, after finishing all my homework in the classroom, I saw Xiaobai still drawing on the podium, with several classmates beside him. I packed my things, took a book and floated to the park slope behind the campus. The sunshine is warm and the grass is dry, which is very suitable for lying and dreaming. Mulberry leaves on the surrounding hillside exude fragrance. I lay down unscrupulously, took a deep breath and rolled from left to right on the slope. The grass got into my collar and itched a little, just like the last time the smell of small white blew on my face. I feel bored at the thought of Xiao Bai. I lie prone on the grass and stick my face to the earthy smell the grass feels.
I can't think too much about Xiaobai. When I think about him, I feel like crying. Xiaobai's Excellence has virtually become my fatal sorrow. I don't know how to catch up with his Excellence. I have been secretly liking him in the corner, which makes me more and more sad. I even hope to have a medicine that can write a good hand or draw a beautiful picture after eating it, so that I can like him aboveboard or make him like me. But this seems to be just a dream, and I am under great pressure. It is often said in books that two people can only fly together if they are well matched. My understanding is that two people should be equal to each other in order to match perfectly, otherwise they are all empty talk.
As time goes by, Xiaobai's calligraphy is getting better and better, and I am getting farther and farther away from him. In fact, we have never approached, and we are getting farther and farther away. It's just that I thought we were close. Tears live up to expectations and can't stop. I think I'm going to die, and I'm sure I'll die in the suffocation of missing Xiaobai. Xiaobai doesn't know, no one will know the cause of my death, the terrifying will not accept me, and I can't go to heaven. What should I do?
I cried on the grass until dusk and the moon rose. I never thought I would shed so many tears. Then I don't know why I cried. Maybe I was crying about my youth before I could fly. When I really can't cry, I want to laugh again, because I think it's silly to cry like this. Pulling my clothes, I turned and sat up, only to find Xiaobai lying on the grass not far from me, with a grass in her mouth. He looks so comfortable and calm in the moonlight. When he suddenly appeared, I was startled and froze.
He walked by and pulled me up. Let's go together. Today is a beautiful night. His eyes are shining like stars, and I suddenly feel unable to face him. At this moment, my eyes must be red and swollen, and my face must be pale. I looked down, afraid to look at him. He took my hand and walked to the hillside on the side. His hands are hot and sweaty. I followed him step by step. So your hands are so slender and soft. If I had known, I shouldn't have asked you to do the laundry. He squeezed my hand gently. I didn't know what to say, so I let him lead me. I hope time stops, and he will always hold my hand like this. But can you?
On a moonlit night, it's very quiet around, and insects can be heard in the grass. He reached the top of the mountain and stopped under a neem tree. I turned around and hugged me tightly into his arms. Like a fool, I leaned quietly in his arms and felt very happy. Turns out he likes me, too. The moonlight spilled broken silver all over the floor. I looked up at Xiao Bai's sculptural face. I seem to see another spring, with large white clouds. It seems that a warm liquid overflows from my heart and spreads to my whole body instantly, and I feel warm all over. My little white likes me, and he gave me a clear answer with his actions. It seems that it took him a long time to let me go, and then he took out a small stone from his collar and hung it around my neck. Here, this is my own stamp, only one. The stone has his body temperature, and it is not ice at all when it slips into the collar. I'm not shy this time. I stood on tiptoe and kissed Xiaobai's face. Xiao Bai, I will regard it as my treasure. Actually, Xiao Bai, you know what? You are also the baby in my heart!
I fell in love with Xiao Bai and didn't tell anyone. He is still a star in the eyes of his classmates, and I am still a quiet girl. But everything seems different. I have a smile on my face and my steps have become light. Even though there are indifferent faces around me for the coming entrance examination, I still feel that the sky in May is particularly blue and high.
The stone around my neck reminds me of the existence of Xiao Bai all the time. Forever, four words are engraved on it. Nothing can reassure me more than these four words. My little white knows my confusion and anxiety. He tells me his love in his own way. He is really a lovely person.
One rainy weekend, I was correcting chemistry papers in the teacher's office, and forgot to mention that I was the representative of chemistry class. Xiao Bai also writes calligraphy in the office. He is the class teacher's favorite student. He can go in and out of the office at any time, and the office is full of shrimps he painted. He seems to be in a good mood, humming a song, and the rain is ticking outside the window. I smiled and stroked the test paper. When I grade a pile of papers, I just want to stand up. Xiaobai said, don't move.
I sat there motionless and looked up, only to find that he was drawing me. When he finished painting, I walked over and saw a beautiful shadow on his painting, but was that girl me? She has a standard oval face, a pair of delicate eyes and a faint smile on her mouth. Her temperament seems to come out of a book. I looked at the picture carefully and waited for a while. Did you draw me? I have some doubts.
It's you, silly girl. Xiao Bai's eyes are full of love. Although he is only one year older than me, he feels mature for many years. He always calls me a silly girl when no one is around. I took the painting, turned around and kissed his face. He also said that you are cuter than painting, and I haven't painted your charm yet.
I cocked my head and said to him, Xiao Bai, you should always be good to me. He smiled slightly, and the warmth in his smile kept the cool rain out of the window far away.
Thinking that no one knew we were in love, we were called to talk by the class teacher that night. It turned out that he came to the office this afternoon. I know what he means. Xiao Bai is a promising student, but he can't affect his development at a critical moment. He also said that you are not suitable for Xiao Bai.
I don't know how to get back to the dormitory, Xiao Bai. I used to be a good student in the teacher's eyes, but now I am a bad girl who hinders your development. I don't know how to explain to the teacher, and I don't know how to tell you that I look forward to your future as much as the teacher. But I promised my teacher that I would stay away from you in the future.
My position has changed and I was moved to the last row by the class teacher. I no longer live on campus. I ride my bike home after school every day, although my home is far from school. One day, Xiao Bai chased me out and asked me why I always go home. I smiled and said, I miss the food at home. He patted my bike, silly girl. Be careful on the road.
I left with a smile, but came home crying. Finally, I had a little car accident on my way back, so I had to live in the dormitory again. But I don't go to the classroom to study at night. I always hide in the dormitory alone.
I was startled when Xiao Bai appeared in front of my dormitory. I don't know how he got through the supervisor's line of sight, and I don't know how brave he used to walk into the girls' dormitory. I opened the door and he came in, staring at me unblinkingly. What's the matter with you? Why are you avoiding me?
I didn't. I hung my head and dared not look at him. I'm afraid to look at him again, and all my resolutions will fall apart in an instant. It is hard for Xiao Bai to ignore you. He's been following you for so many days, and now he's turning a blind eye to you.
I'll wait for you at the old place in the park this Saturday night. You must come. Xiao Bai holds my hand. I let him go. If the housemaster finds out, it will be terrible. He refused to leave, and I knew he was waiting for me to nod. I had to nod, waiting for Xiao Bai's footsteps to disappear at the end of the dormitory. I feel very wronged and don't know what to do.
On Saturday, I lay in the dormitory early. Xiao Bai, I'm sorry. I have said 10 thousand apologies in my heart, but I don't have the courage to find him.
The next day, when I saw Xiaobai again, he walked away from me without looking at me. I only feel that my world is desolate and I can hear the sound of snow falling in June.
The days passed slowly, and after the summer vacation, the days slipped into the countdown. In the third year of high school, the national examination mock exam will follow. I have given up the determination of the college entrance examination, because no matter how hard I try, I can't keep up with Xiao Bai's footsteps. With this idea, nothing matters. Anyway, I'm already a bad girl in the eyes of the teacher, so I'll be bad to the end.
I began to accept love letters from other boys. Although I like Xiao Bai, it doesn't mean that no other boys like me. His name is Wu, my deskmate. The first time I walked around my playground in Awu, I told him that I could be good friends with him. He was a little amused by hatred, but he said it was understandable. Wu Shuo, why? I said, if you are as talented as Xiao Bai, I will consider it.
He touched his head, which seemed difficult to do, but you wouldn't mind if I walked beside you and helped you with your lunch box, would you? I suddenly laughed, really, people are actually quite interesting. What you lose in one person can be compensated in another.
After Wu became my best friend, I gradually found that he was good in everything except his poor study. For example, he runs very fast, has a good eloquence and never forgets anything. Once I joked, Ah Wu, you can go to political science and law school, and your eloquence can be a judge.
He looked at me in surprise. You are the first person to praise me. I smiled and said nothing. I have never missed anyone, including Xiao Bai. I just can't see myself clearly.
Xiaobai passed the professional exam and began to review the culture class with all his strength. He is still so confident and free and easy, but nothing seems to have happened between us. He is getting better and better, and I am getting worse and worse. The couple we once loved are gradually splitting into two extremes.
Perhaps because of my words, Wu Xiang became a different person. He began to study hard and dragged me to accompany him. One day, when I was sitting in a daze in a self-study class, he gave me a chestnut and quickly read a book. There are still a few months before the exam. I have no intention or intention to take the exam. I said it doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter if I don't take the exam. Wu cocked his head. It seems that I can't sober you up without fighting him.
Who else? Xiao Bai He stood up, pulled his sleeve and rushed to the front. I grabbed his arm at once and refused to leave. My voice is enough to make everyone in the classroom look back at us. I clearly saw Xiao Bai turn his head, and my hand was holding Ah Wu's arm. I saw a trace of disdain in his eyes, it was a kind of eyes that saw you in the mud. It hurts. It really hurts. I can accept that he no longer loves me, but I can't stand that he looks down on me. I ran out of the classroom in tears and ran to the dam in one breath. I tore the stone from my neck and threw it away as soon as I cut it. The eternal is all false, all false.
I've cried enough and feel sad that my neck is empty. I'm beginning to wonder where I threw the stone. I've looked everywhere, but I can't find it. I really lost Xiao Bai completely, and I even lost my last contact. I remember what he said, only one. Bye, Xiao Bai. I knelt on the ground sadly. I finally understand how difficult it is to give up someone you love and how easy it is to lose someone who loves you.
In July, the voiceless sound sounded, and we went our separate ways. There is no small white handwriting in the guest book written by classmates. I didn't give him the book, and he didn't ask me to write anything. Maybe it's best not to leave anything behind. Wu wrote to me that I came to see you wearing a judge's hat, hoping that you were not married. I laughed at him, but I felt very warm. He is so smart and knows everything, but he still spent an unhappy senior three with me. I will cherish this friendship.
When the moon sets and the stars sink, the long river of time will fade some memories, but there are always some people who can't forget them. Xiao Bai, I miss you.