Being alone means "living alone" in a broad sense.
Watching movies alone, eating alone, reading alone, playing mobile phone alone and watching TV alone are all ways of being alone. People pull themselves out of the environment surrounded by biological people and put them in a relatively independent space.
We have always advocated cultivating the ability to be alone. This ability means that you can enjoy the moment of being alone, without feeling bored and empty, and without thinking about having to find someone to accompany you.
However, this kind of loneliness is not really loneliness.
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Last June, 5438+February, the mobile phone broke down temporarily. While waiting for the delivery of online shopping mobile phones, there were two days when there was no mobile phone.
When I went to the company restaurant for lunch, I accidentally sat in a corner.
At that lunch, for the first time, I didn't have a colleague opposite me to talk to, so I couldn't pick up my mobile phone, so I used Weibo's enthusiasm to search for rice.
However, that lunch was the most comfortable and serious lunch I have ever had.
My attention is completely focused on my every chewing. The original flavor of food soaked my taste buds through the touch of the tip of the tongue and the grinding of teeth. I was pleasantly surprised to find that curry beef's bibimbap would taste more fragrant after being mixed evenly, and the lettuce on that day would crackle and be particularly fresh. Even the little cherry tomatoes that I am tired of eating every day are sweeter than before.
Everyone around me was laughing and laughing. At noon that day, I was like a small tree outside the spotlight on the stage. Although I have been forgotten, I am happy and enjoying the rain and dew.
This is my understanding of true solitude: getting rid of external interference, enjoying "self" and enjoying the most essential state of things.
In this way, you can be alone even in a crowd.
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Not everyone has a "self".
Writer Zhou's test of whether he has a "self" is "to see if he can be alone". When you are alone, do you feel bored and unbearable, or do you feel quiet, full and satisfied? "
Some people will say that they have a "self". You can watch TV, play mobile phones and play games when you are alone. It's not boring at all.
Instead, we should use external channels to kill time, watch endless TV dramas, brush friends' circle aimlessly, and escalate mechanical accusations. Being alone without any self-talk and thinking is not really being alone.
How many people can't live without mobile phones and games? We often take out our mobile phones from time to time to see if we have missed any "important information", such as watching TV while eating, brushing our circle of friends before going to bed, playing games while riding in the car, and even walking.
The development of science and technology has brought endless convenience for people to use fragmented time, but it has gradually begun to usurp the role of master, making people gradually lose their true perception of current things and feel dependent on scientific and technological products. Without them, you will fidget and be absent-minded
This, in fact, is not alone. Zhou defines solitude as solitude, focusing on one's own affairs and talking to oneself through solitude.
Reading alone means enjoying the author's purification of the soul between the lines;
When a person watches a movie, he is involved in the conflict of drama and the appreciation of the tension between the actors' brow;
Even if a person walks on an endless street and takes this road seriously, he can see the world through passing people and scenery and gain a moment's peace of mind.
Playing mobile phones, playing games and watching TV, these seemingly vulgar ways, aren't you alone? Not necessarily.
This has something to do with your original intention and state of doing these things. If you are doing it with one heart and one mind, if you are simply trying to kill boring time, even if you feel comfortable staying at home, even if you are watching a movie or reading a book, you are not alone. Because you are in a state of aimlessness, no thinking and no communication with yourself in this process.
Those seemingly beautiful "solitude" times are full of content that has not passed through the brain, and then nothing seems to be done afterwards.
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Recently, I watched an American sitcom called Modern Family, in which there was a girl named Haley, who was a mobile phone controller. Her life is basically a mobile phone mixed with gossip and little sisters and handsome guys. When the mobile phone just broke down, her fingers would tremble unconsciously, and occasionally she would have the illusion that she still had a mobile phone.
But slowly accepted the fact that she didn't have a mobile phone, and she found that the world around her was different from usual. She began to appreciate the flowers beside the bushes, noticed that her father had a few strands of silver hair, and even absorbed in reading a book, which she had never taken the initiative to do in her life for the past 25 years.
"Without a mobile phone, I discovered how beautiful the world is!"
While mobile phones bring convenience to people, they also make people take away some energy from real life and enter the virtual world on the screen, so that people are too used to taking out their mobile phones to relieve boredom when they are bored, and they begin to be afraid of being alone without any electronic products, afraid of directly facing their empty hearts and losing their ability to be alone.
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Our life is surrounded by work and social interaction, and our time alone is rare. How to make good use of this period of time, let the impetuous mind calm down and enjoy a moment of peace, harmony and enrichment is the ability that each of us should think and cultivate.
Wang Han, the host, calls herself the "Fireworks Fairy", which has the style of "living together in this world, but also has a unique and natural charm". The host who once made a textbook-like rescue in Hunan Satellite TV program has always used an "antique" mobile phone. He doesn't play WeChat or mobile phone, but he loves reading books and doing handicrafts, enjoying the process of focusing on one thing and enjoying the dialogue with the soul.
"Behind the river, push the window to see the water. Get an awning boat, watch the moon in the river, cook crabs and play cricket. When the interest comes, play an guqin on the bow. " This is the future that Wang Han described for himself.
Maybe alone, maybe with his wife and children.
Maybe lonely, but not lonely. Because he is accompanied by crabs, crickets and mountains and rivers, he has his own rich heart.
Modern people are very sad to live as "old cadres". However, we can try to concentrate on the current affairs wholeheartedly, or we can stay away from outside interference and communicate with ourselves in our hearts every day.
Occasionally cook by yourself, enjoying the aroma of lampblack rising on your nose;
Read a chapter before going to bed, talk to the characters in the story, and then reflect on yourself;
Spend an hour writing about your feelings during this period and thinking about your life and career plan for the next six months;
Or find 15 minutes, do nothing, quietly close your eyes and relax your brain.
As Zhou said: Solitude is a necessary space for the growth of the soul. When we are alone, we stay away from others and affairs and return to ourselves.
When we are used to focusing on one thing, we will find that it is not so difficult to get rid of the interference of "new information" for a while; I will find that when I am bored, I will stop lifting my mobile phone and concentrate on myself, which will be a very enjoyable thing.
This is the moment when we discover ourselves, and this is the real loneliness.