1
Expect too much from children
In most Chinese families, children are the center of attention.
Parents surround their children all day long, planning everything for their children, and this planning starts from pregnancy.
In order to let the children not lose at the starting line, in order to let the children enter the best kindergarten, the best elementary school, the best middle school, enter the best university, find a stable job, and find a good partner. , buy a good house, until the children get married and have their own children...
During this period, there are all kinds of worries, all kinds of comparisons, all kinds of choices, all kinds of efforts, all kinds of incompetence, all kinds of Full of hope, all kinds of discouragement and disappointment, all kinds of knowing why today is not necessary in the beginning, often when the children grow up and I get old, and then I start to expect my children to repay me and be filial to me.
How can you not be tired after decades of being so mentally and physically exhausted?
The reason for being so tired is that parents have too high expectations for their children, including expectations for their children's personal development and expectations for their children to repay themselves.
Wise parents should care about their children's lives and their happiness, not their survival. Moreover, with such high expectations, it is not only the parents who are stressed, but the children as well.
But why do we have such high expectations for our children? Isn’t it great that he can grow up healthily and become an independent, independent, and happy adult?
If parents can look past this, put aside their expectations for their children’s external fame and wealth, and focus on the inner peace and satisfaction of their children and their parents, it will be much easier to educate their children.
2
People other than parents are involved too much
The typical scene of a Chinese-style family is a team of people taking care of a child, with parents taking care of them, and grandfather Grandma and grandpa are always on call.
We might as well make an analogy. A small family is like a company. Mom and dad should be the wholly-owned shareholders and the highest responsible persons, and have the decision-making power on all matters.
However, many families have accepted various investments from their elders - funding to buy a house, taking care of the confinement, helping to take care of the baby, etc. Therefore, grandfathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and grandmothers, because of their investments, Having more or less ownership of the family, becoming a shareholder.
Since you are a shareholder, you must express your opinions and participate in decision-making. Some even require you to have a veto power. Such a management structure has made the originally simple family affairs extremely complicated. As the head of the family, how can parents not be tired?
What’s more, some parents can’t even guarantee their status as the head of the family. They still need to let their parents make the final decision on their family affairs, so everyone is working hard and is full of conflicts.
3
The father is too little involved
There is a very sharp saying called widowed parenting, which means that the father does not participate in educating the children and is absent from the children. growing up.
Bringing up children is the responsibility of the mother alone. This is probably the norm in many Chinese families, and is also an important reason why many mothers find it tiring to take care of their children.
If parents cooperate, they can not only share the specific tasks in life, but also discuss issues about their children together, come to a consensus, and then take action together.
The advantages of this are that firstly, the workload can be reduced through sharing, and secondly, both the child and the parents can establish a close relationship. Of course, more importantly, the parents can accompany each other. It will make the child's psychology and personality develop more soundly.
4
Involving too much in children’s affairs
Parents want to do their best for their children, but they often interfere too much in their children’s affairs. , the result is to cultivate children who cannot be independent from childhood to adulthood.
When the children go to school, they help carry their schoolbags and write down homework;
When the children do their homework, they accompany and stare at them;
What tasks are assigned by the teacher? Often, before the child has figured out what to do, parents have already jumped in to help the child complete it...
Children who are cared for in this way almost only have to go to school and attend specialized classes in their lives. These two things can neither develop the ability to learn independently nor the ability to live independently. Parents have no choice but to take care of, serve, and be tired all the time.
We cannot accompany our children for a lifetime. Only by cultivating their children's autonomy from an early age, including independent living, independent learning, independent reading, and independent emotions, can parents be truly relaxed.
And this is not to be lazy, but to allow the child to truly grow up as an independent individual, become a better version of himself, and contribute better to the society.
5
Information overload and lack of opinion
Chinese parents are tired of raising children. There is another reason that is not so obvious, but it is definitely there, which is contact. Too much information, but too little opinion on how to educate children.
When I saw on the Internet that children needed prenatal education, I quickly went to learn prenatal education;
When I saw that children needed early childhood education, I quickly took my children to various early childhood education classes;
When I saw that the newborn needed swimming exercise, I took the child to the baby swimming pool;
When I saw that the child needed to supplement this and that, I quickly went to buy some for the child...
p>
A lot of time and energy are spent running around following this information.
We need to make a certain degree of separation in life. In fact, we don’t need so much information. What’s more important is to form our own opinions through learning and practical experience - what kind of methods do I know? It's good, I know what I should do, I know which of my practices should be adhered to, and which of my methods should be adjusted.
In this way, you will not be impacted and overwhelmed by overloaded information, but you will also be able to educate your children in a concise, efficient and relaxed way.
6
Excessive Comparison
Other children are in various specialty classes, should we join them? If not, will the child lose at the starting line?
Other children are eating foreign milk powder that costs hundreds of dollars per bucket. If we don’t eat it, will it affect the development of our children?
Other children are wearing famous brands. If we don’t buy them, will we be laughed at for being poor?
Others, others, others...
In the eyes of many parents, no matter what they do or how they do it, they often use what others do and how they do it as a guide.
You have to look at others all the time, and you also have to keep up with yourself to avoid falling behind. How can you not be anxious and tired?
However, others are others, and we are us. We have our own principles and ideas for educating children, so why should we follow others?
If parents can look away from this, it will be much easier.
7
Ill-rational consumption leads to excessive financial pressure
One of the most unavoidable reasons why raising children is tiring is financial pressure. Some parents one-sidedly believe that they should do their best to give their children the best, so their consumption is irrational and causes excessive financial pressure.
When buying things for your children, do not consider the family's financial situation and only buy the most expensive ones. This is irrational consumption and will inevitably bring too much pressure to yourself.
As the saying goes, one child has ten acres of land, and it is certainly unrealistic to say that it is not hard at all to raise a child from a newborn baby to an adult, but hard work does not mean stress or exhaustion. No matter what the method is, it is not important to love your children, but it is important to let your children feel loved.
(This article comes from: Baidu Baby Knows I am Xiaopapa)
————————
The world is very complicated, Baidu understands you better
Follow Baby Know and learn more about pregnancy preparation, pregnancy, and parenting: expert live broadcasts, daily knowledge, prenatal education radio, children's stories, cartoons, and the favorite community circle of mothers! The baby knows that it is with millions of mothers, conceived scientifically, and grows out of love!