The Lantern Festival Crosstalk "One to One" satirizes black tutors. The one-to-one tutoring market urgently needs to be regulated by the market system!
Youku video: /v_show/id_XMjQ0NTM0NjY0.html
Appendix: Some wonderful lines from the cross talk "One to One"
The two came on the stage, bowed, and there were people in the audience. Applause, B bows to the applauder again
A: This figure caught your eye. Ah, some people who came up became happy when they saw him, and some even shouted "Hello".
B: Yes.
A: Do you know why?
B: Hehehehehe..., how did I know?
A: Because before you came out, your stomach came out first.
B: I am a little fatter.
A: Yes, you can’t blame him for being so fat.
B: Ah.
A: This is a family inheritance.
B: Yes.
A: Alas, his wife is fat.
B: Hey, is it hereditary?
A: Alas, no, no, no, your father is fat and passed it on to you. Later you married a wife who was also fat.
B: Hey, you have to make it clear.
A: Right. You, oh, here, you, you, don’t move, just smile. There are so many wrinkles on this face. From a distance, it looks like a dumpling filled with soup.
B: It’s not that serious.
A: Having more wrinkles on his face is good. He is not afraid of mosquitoes in summer. Hey~~~, a mosquito landed here. Hey, he didn’t use his hands to swat it.
B: So how do I solve it?
A: Smile hard, haha, it’s so crowded...
B: You, you are exaggerating.
A: Being so fat must have been fed by parents since childhood.
B: No, because I am fat, which of your menstruations hurts? Um? I'm getting fat, getting fat, getting fat!
A: The exhaust gas here exceeds the standard today.
B: It’s not you…….
A: What kind of quality and attitude? Typical lack of tutoring. You, you, you have come to me a long time ago, you already have a tutor.
B: Who are you?
A: I am the tutor!
B: What kind of tutor?
A: Home-based teaching, one-to-one tutoring.
B: Oh, tutor?
A: You should know me?
B: How do I know you?
A: Hey~~~~ One-to-one tutoring! You don’t have any text messages from me on your phone? Haven't you noticed my message online? Haven’t you seen my flyers in the community? Haven’t you seen my photo in the women’s restroom?
B: Why are they all posted in the women’s restroom?
A: Usually mothers worry about finding tutors for their children. That silk in my photo, hehe, very handsome.
B: Wait, okay?
A: English. Describe the posture and shape as good-looking.
B: That’s called pose.
A: Oh, yes, yes, pose, it has a meaning, this, this, this.
(A poses)
B: What does this mean?
A: This means one-on-one. This is me, this is me teaching that kid.
B: Oh, that. So what does it mean to stick out from behind?
A: You ask this?
B: Ang...
A: Oriented training~~~~
B: Still...such a directional training?
A: Hey...
B: No one is looking for you even if I stick to you.
A: You can come to me. I will come to your house tomorrow to give you lessons.
B: What are you tutoring for?
A: Vocal music and dance, painting and bathing, cooking and pedicure.
B: Can these two be taught together?
A: Of course, my focus is on the targeted training of junior high school students. Hahahaha, aren’t you a junior high school student?
B: Huh? My academic qualifications are large.
A: Great promotion?
B: Da... You have graduated from college and still want to go to junior high school?
A: My charges are cheap.
B: No one will use you even if you pay for nothing.
A: Who said that? I go to four houses a day and I'm too busy.
B: Can so many parents come to you?
A: Of course. Nowadays, parents hope that their sons will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes. Other families are looking for tutors. If you don't find one, you will fall behind, so parents are afraid.
B: What are you afraid of?
A: Afraid of children, fell under the starting gun.
B: Did you kill the child?
A: No, no, no, how can you describe this in one sentence?
B: Don’t let your children lose at the starting line?
A: Yes, you see you have remembered it, do you agree?
B: I disagree! How much pressure does this broken starting line cause to the children? Let me tell you, life is like a long-distance race, not a sprint, not a 100-meter sprint, nor Liu Xiang's hurdles! Do you understand?
A: I understand. Are you saying that Liu Xiang also wants to find a tutor?
B: I said it in vain. Don't let your children lose at the starting line, this sentence is wrong!
A: I live by this sentence. Parents’ wish for their children to become successful is my capital to become rich!
B: I think it’s capital to cheat money.
A: Remember, if there is a need, there will be a market!
B: I won’t argue with you.
A: Humph.
B: Can all the things you just mentioned be taught?
A: I mainly teach elementary students.
B: Why are you a junior?
A: Before the class was over, my parents called me: "Get out!"
B: Hey, that's a joke on you.
A: Hehehe, he is joking with me. I'll come back tomorrow. Ha ha.
B: Hehe, you are so generous.
A: That is.
B: You must be teaching me wrong!
A: Ask your child which sentence I taught you wrong?
B: What do you teach?
A: As soon as I entered the door, this child came to me and said: "Teacher, I haven't slept well for several days. Please explain the Analects to me today. Ah~ ~~~~”
B: This child is so sleepy.
A: His mother is here: "Teacher, don't pay attention to him. He came second in the Chinese language test and still wants to sleep? Please tell him the Analects of Confucius quickly, uh, ah~~~"
B: Parents can’t stand it anymore.
A: When I heard the Analects of Confucius, uh, ah~~~~
B: Isn’t it contagious when you breathe? Do you know the Analects of Confucius?
A: Hey, you’ll get good at it if you teach.
B: What?
A: Well, no, can you learn it without being taught? No, can’t it be taught? !
B: Oh, which passage of The Analects of Confucius do you teach?
A: Of course, find a section that everyone is familiar with.
B: Oh, what’s the first sentence?
A: Ziri...
B: Yes, oh... Then Nianzi said
A: Ah, yes, sometimes Read it.
B: It says!
A: Ah, I listen to you.
B: What do you mean by listening to me?
A: Confucius said, there are times, five, knowing, and learning.
B: Huh. It's strenuous.
A: When you are thirty, you will be four, and when you are ten, you will not be confused.
B: Standing at thirty, no confusion at forty!
A: Ah, yes, yes, just these two paragraphs. It's still different from the later fifty-sixty. Right?
B: Yes, yes, yes.
A: I can’t remember seventy. Don’t worry, I’ll think about it. Seven, seventy, seventy is the key to what comes after, what comes after seventy, what comes after seventy? Why? What is the tail of seventy?
B: Leo?
A: Yes, the prelude to August, you are a Leo~~~
B: What a mess, that should be, Master said, when there are five, as for learning, thirty When you stand, you will not be confused at forty, you will know your destiny at fifty, your ears will be attuned at sixty, and your fortune will be renewed at seventy!
A: Yes! This is it!
B: How did you explain it to your child?
A: That’s a good explanation.
The Analects of Confucius was said by Kong (kòng) Zi, so...
B: Kong (kòng) Zi? Confucius!
A: What?
B: Confucius! !
A: It’s a polyphonic word.
B: It just reads Kong!
A: Confucius, in ancient times, he had such a private restaurant, oh, the smell...
B: It was called a private school!
A: Well, yes, it’s a private school. Confucius is the old tutor.
B: It’s not called that.
A: These few sentences are its charging standards.
B: Huh? This is Confucius' philosophy about how to live in society, and money is not a matter of concern.
A: That’s right in the first sentence. As for studying at Shiyouwu, it means that if you pay fifteen yuan, you can come to school with me.
B: Huh? What about standing at thirty?
A: Ouch, Confucius had a big class with many students and few seats. If you pay thirty yuan, you can only stand outside the house and listen, standing at thirty!
B: Do you understand what you heard?
A: Who told you to save money? If you sit in a room and listen to Forty, won't you have no doubts?
B: How can you see it?
A: You are not confused when you are forty.
B: That’s how you explain it? ! At fifty, you know your destiny.
A: What is destiny?
B: Destiny of life.
A: Give me fifty, and Confucius will show you your palm.
B: Do you also have a fortune teller?
A: Of course.
B: Sixty ears are smooth.
A: You are allowed to whisper in class to Sixty.
B: Seventy years old.
A: Let me copy whatever you want during the exam! Um?
B: Never heard of it.
A: Yes, I, I work hard to collect fifty for one class, this kòng, ah, no
B: Huh?
A: Here, Confucius takes seventy, this old man is quite dark.
B: Who is evil? If you teach like this, your parents will have to kick you out.
A: Hey, how can you go out without giving me money?
B: Do you still have the nerve to ask for money?
A: If Confucius doesn’t show off his power, you think of me as a grandson. Ho. As soon as I got the fifty yuan, I left immediately and went straight to the next store, where I was one-on-one. (Continue to pose)
B: Haha, are you heading again?
A: Hey!
B: What are you going to do as a tutor?
A: English!
B: Yes, let’s continue.
A: Ouch, this kid got up from the bed as soon as I walked in the door, ah, teacher, I just took medicine for a cold and fever, today, please tell me about the International Phonetic Alphabet, ah qian... ..
B: I’m sick.
A: Teacher, I am his father, don’t worry about him, let alone burn it, it’s worth it if you burn it to 56 degrees and change to the first place. Please tell him about the International Phonetic Alphabet, Archie!
B: Why are parents bothering?
A: As soon as I heard the International Phonetic Alphabet, I opened it immediately... Archie! beginning!
B: You caught a cold too quickly.
A: I can’t let consumers feel that I am distant from them.
B: How do you teach English phonetic symbols?
A: Come on, come on, you learn from me. Oh...
B: Oh...
A: You, please speak louder.
B: Oh...
A: Again, louder.
B: Oh...
A: Do you feel it?
B: Yes.
A: How does it feel?
B: Disgusting.
A: Well, I’ll come to realize it slowly. I just taught you the accent, now I’ll teach you the nasal consonants.
Ni~~~~~~
B: Ni~~~~~~~~
A: Hi~~~~~~~~
B: Hi~~~~~~~~~
A: Thi~~~~~~~~~
B: Thi~~~~~~~~~
A: Okay, the last sound is complicated. Pay attention to the teacher’s mouth shape, 円~~~~~~
B: 円~~~~
A: No, you, you, pout your mouth a little more.
B: Cry~~~~~
A: Make your voice louder.
B: Huh~~~~~~
A: Do you remember everything?
B: Remember them all!
A: Let’s start this English over again!
B: Oh Nihaha~~~~~ Korean?
A: Korean English!
B: Never heard of it!
A: Really?
B: Get out quickly!
A: Huh? How can I get out without money?
B: Do you still dare to ask for money?
A: Ingrid doesn’t show off his power, do you think I’m Kawaii? Hahaha. As soon as I got the fifty yuan, I left immediately and went straight to the next store, where I was one-on-one. (Continue to pose)
B: Aren’t you tired of pouting all the time?
A: Hey, this is my signature pose.
B: I think you are just a black tutor, so just lie.
A: Hey, hey, hey, lie? You don't know.
B: What’s wrong?
A: I have put a lot of effort into teaching my children.
B: Really?
A: Because his family has found too many tutors for him, this child has a psychological disorder.
B: What is the obstacle?
A: In front of him, you can't mention the word "tutoring". Whenever you mention it, you want to go to the toilet.
B: What’s wrong with this?
A: I’m confused too? I asked the child's mother in front of him, why can't he provide tutoring? Look at this child again, hey~~~~~
B: It’s time to pee.
A: I am a tutor. Hey oh oh~~~~~~What's wrong with the tutor? Oops haha~~~~~
B: Then what does the mother of this child say?
A: Teacher, please stop saying these two words. If you talk about it again, our child’s prostate will go wrong.
B: Hey, then don’t learn it.
A: Okay, okay, I won’t say these two words anymore. Let’s start class. Parents please avoid.
B: Why?
A: Hey. We are one-on-one.
B: What do you teach?
A: Art!
B: Can you?
A: It’s been five lectures, hey hey hey.
B: So what did you teach in the first class?
A: The first lesson, the use of pencils! ,
B: Hey, this. How do I use this pencil and I need to be taught? Nowadays children all use computers.
A: So, kid, remember, good calligraphy is ruined by computers, good singers are ruined by lip-synching, good bosses are ruined by fake diplomas, good mung beans Let Zhang Wuben be ruined! Ah~~
B: Why are you mentioning him?
A: Didn’t you listen to him? What is diabetes? That's either an incurable disease or a strong liver fire. If you drink more mung bean soup to lower the liver fire, wouldn't it be over?
B: Why are you talking to the child?
A: A class lasts 60 minutes. How can I survive without talking about it?
B: Hey~~Second class!
A: Pencil repair and maintenance.
B: Section 3.
A: How to draw a circle.
B: How to draw a circle?
A: Hey, drawing a circle is the basis. You ask the child to draw the circle, and then tell him that if you dye the circle red, it will be a tomato, if you dye it green, it will be a watermelon, and if you dye it yellow, it will be a tomato. It's just a potato, with eyebrows, eyes, mouth and a big nose added to the potato. Look again.
B: This is it?
A: Li Jindou.
B: Where are these? The fourth quarter!
A: The dialectical relationship between art and oral cavity.
B: Section 5.
A: Repair and maintenance of dentures.
B: Stop talking! No, why are you teaching art to lift dentures?
A: Buy on behalf of me!
B: Huh?
A: Buy on behalf of me! Now that the child has money, I can earn some extra money by selling him the dentures while the parents are away. Hehehehe~~~~~
B: Tutors can’t do this.
A: Who said that? If other doctors can sell medicines, I can sell dentures.
B: Can the child buy dentures?
A: It depends on how you coax him.
B: What did you say?
A: My child, please remember that people may be crooked, partial, and greedy in this life, but you must never be without filial piety. One elder in the family is like one treasure. Think of your grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters. Without dentures, you can't eat well and sleep well. Look, the teacher recommended this pair of dentures for you, which are as white as jade and crystal clear. White is revealed in white, white is revealed in white.
B: Hey~~~~
A: Its material is not made of gypsum, plastic, ceramic tiles, or big gold boards. It is truly imported from abroad. Porcelain, no more, no less, 32, some big, some small, some thick, some thin, steel, round, pointed, and flat. They are incisors, molars, tiger teeth, canine teeth, staggered, everything is included!
B: OK! This word is much more familiar than the Analects of Confucius!
A: Do you want to buy it? If you don’t buy it, I’ll ask your mother to find you three more homes and teachers!
B: Ouch.
A: I will let these three tutors be your tutors at home every day just like me!
B: What about this child?
A: Teacher, I wet my pants. Can I buy it?
B: You are so bad.
A: Hey, hey, if Picasso doesn’t show off his power, do you think I’m Bi Fujian? Hahaha
A: I will leave as soon as I get the money
B: If you don’t leave, your parents will beat you when they come back.
A: What? I'm in a hurry, my next child is waiting for me to have a one-on-one time (continue posing)
B: If I poke you again, you'll have a herniated disc. Are you still teaching me?
A: Sing.
B: It’s not over, right?
A: Oops, I can’t teach this kid if I don’t teach him
B: What’s wrong?
A: You are born with a good voice. When you see me, you yell, "Oh, that voice is so sweet."
B: What is it called?
A: Hello, teacher!
B: Decepticon?
A: And Optimus Prime.
B: How old is this child?
A: Seven years old!
B: Why is the voice so rough?
A: A bit precocious! I told him, good boy, you can transform and go.
B: Or Transformers. Under these conditions, he still learns to sing?
A: Can you take care of it? Do you care? If parents are willing, then I teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Regardless of this child's condition, I can turn him into a little Tengger in just one class.
B: Hey, who believes it? Hey, I am this child now. You teach me and I see how you teach students in accordance with their aptitude.
A: Oh, honey.
B: Hi hi.
A: You said, you are this child now.
B: Oh, yes. Teacher, I want to learn from Tengger.
A: OK, if you want to learn Tengger, you must first find a feeling of pain.
B: Uh, what, why does it hurt?
A: Teacher, let’s give you an example.
B: Ah.
A: For example, if someone steps on your foot, how do you feel?
B: No feeling.
A: This kid is still a little stupid, I have to help him. Say someone stepped on your foot.
B: Ouch~~~~~Ouch, you are really stepping on me.
A: Alas, it’s because of teaching.
B: Hi!
A: Otherwise you couldn’t feel the pain. Do you feel it now?
B: Yes.
A: Okay, now sing along with the teacher, heaven.
Blue sky~~~~
B: Blue sky~~~~
A: Feel the pain.
B: The green lake~~~
A: Gone again.
B: Water~~~~
A: Yes!
B: That’s my hometown~~~~
A: Come again!
B: Home~~~~
A: OK~~~
B: I love you my home~~~ my home , my God~~~~~
A: Why are you crying?
B: My feet are swollen. Can you stop crying? You are misleading me! Get out quickly!
A: I couldn’t get out this time. My mother pushed the door in and grabbed me by the collar. The kid jumped up and pinched me. His father came down from behind and kicked me. At that time, I fell down. On the ground.
B: That’s right!
A: The three of us came up together. I cried when I got up. What are you doing? Bullying or something? If you have the ability, call that kid out and I'll challenge him. How can three people beat me alone? We made an agreement at the beginning.
B: Huh? What?
A: One-on-one.