Tao An’s country was ruined and his family was destroyed, and he had no place to return to. Entering the mountains with disheveled hair, he transformed into a terrifying savage. When my relatives and friends saw me, they felt like they were seeing a poisonous beast. They looked at me in astonishment and did not dare to come into contact with me. I wrote "Self-elegy" and wanted to commit suicide many times, but because I had not finished "The Book of Stone Chambers", I was still living in the world. However, there is often no rice in the urn, making it impossible to cook rice to relieve hunger. Only then did I understand that Boyi and Shuqi of Shouyang Mountain were really starving to death. To say that they did not want to eat Zhou Su was just an exaggeration and whitewash by later generations.
When I am hungry, I also like to write some articles. From this, I thought that I grew up in the family of Wang and Xie, and enjoyed a luxurious life, but today I suffered such retribution: the retribution of using a bamboo hat as the head, the retribution of using straw sandals as the heel, and using it to compare with what I had enjoyed before. Gorgeous crowns and shoes correspond to each other; robes are used as retribution for wearing fur; linen is used as retribution for wearing fine kudzu cloth to compare with the light and warm clothes before; bean leaves are used as retribution for eating meat; coarse grains are used as retribution for polished rice. It is used to compare with the good food of the past; use the grass recommendation as the retribution for the warm bed; use the stone as the retribution for the soft pillow; use it as the retribution for the tender things; use the rope hinge as the retribution for the excellent door hinge, and use the urn as the retribution. As the retribution of a bright window, it is used as the retribution for a dry and comfortable room; as the retribution of smoke as the eyes, as the retribution of the nose, as the retribution of the nose, as the retribution of the former enjoyment; as the retribution of the feet as the long journey, Carrying the luggage as a retribution on the shoulders was used as a counterpoint to the former sedan and horse servants. Various crimes committed in the past can be seen in the various consequences today.
Hearing the crow of the chicken on the pillow, my pure and peaceful state of mind has just been restored. So when I look back on my life, the prosperity and splendor have vanished into nothing in the blink of an eye. For fifty years, it has always been nothing but a dream. Now that the rice is cooked and the car has returned from the ant nest, how should we spend our days like this? I can only think about the distant past, write it down as soon as I think of it, and take it to the Buddha one by one to confess. The things written are not arranged in chronological order, so as to be different from the chronology; nor are they arranged according to categories, so as to be different from "Zhilin". Occasionally I took out one and read it, as if I was visiting places I had visited before and meeting old friends. Although the city remained the same and the people had changed, I felt happy. This can really be said to be a dream that cannot be mentioned in front of an idiot.
There used to be a porter in Xiling who was carrying wine for someone. He accidentally fell down and broke the wine jar. It was estimated that there was no way to compensate, so he sat for a long time and thought: "It would be great if it was just a dream!" Another poor scholar passed the imperial examination and was attending the deer-crowing banquet. He vaguely thought that this was not true and bit his own lips. The arm said: "Don't dream!" Regarding dreams, one is afraid that it is not a dream, and the other is afraid that it is a dream, but they are the same as idiots. Now I am about to wake up from my dream, but I am still doing little tricks. This is just talking in my sleep again. Therefore, it is lamentable that the literati with intelligent careers are really hard to change their desire for good reputation. Just as Lu Sheng, when the dream of Handan was about to end and the sun was about to break, he still wanted to spread the calligraphy of the two kings of couch in his suicide note. Same as hereafter. Therefore, its name root is as solid as a Buddhist relic. Even if it is burned with fierce calamity fire, it cannot be burned away.