How should parents educate their children?

Editor's Note Some people say that China's children are very tired and China's parents are even more tired. Because they only have one child, they don't want their children to "lose at the starting line" ... so, parents designed their lives for them from the moment they were born. Unfortunately, as a strong family education, parents nowadays don't have much experience to learn from. In this case, the life plan designed by parents for their children is likely to be self-righteous and out of thin air. The result may be that the greater the parents' efforts, the more the children will suffer and the greater the possibility of deviating from the normal development track. Everyone was a child, and everyone will be a parent. For the sake of children, we should re-examine ourselves: Are we qualified to be parents? When we scold our children for not loving learning, do we set an example ourselves? When we accuse school education of having problems, do we realize that many problems are actually our own problems? Phenomenon-the violin took away my childhood. In the eyes of many people, Kawako is a very outstanding young man. I graduated from a famous university in China at the age of 28, but I have a lot to say about family education. It's hard to describe my family education in one word. I have a strong curiosity since I was a child, and I like to get to the bottom of everything. My father found this out and bought me a lot of books from the poor family budget. At that time, there were not many entertainment projects, and reading became my greatest pleasure. My father started his education plan-English, Japanese, calligraphy, violin ... My childhood began to change. I was born in a small city. There weren't so many classes at that time, and all the lectures were finished by my father. In fact, he doesn't understand some things, but he is as self-righteous as most parents when it comes to educating children. I remember that at that time, I was arrested at 5 o'clock every morning and began to read a foreign language with him for two hours. Then, like other children, I took up my schoolbag and started a day of school life. If foreign languages and calligraphy are just "overweight", the so-called hobby-violin is a nightmare for me. I say this because it's not my hobby at all, but his own. Like many parents, he imposed his hobbies and dreams on his children and took away the happiness of my childhood. It was also from the summer vacation of the third grade of primary school that I added an important content to my life-practicing the piano, and the teacher is of course myself. Limited by the conditions, I didn't even have a suitable children's piano at that time, so I practiced it directly with an adult piano, which was a severe test for my arm strength and jaw. I remember that summer vacation, I had to practice piano for 8 hours every day, and after school, which almost squeezed out all my spare time. In my father's view, watching me do nothing after school is a waste of time. At that time, what my father said every day was "Don't waste time". Later, I participated in various performances and won such an honor. My father's vanity was greatly satisfied. Of course, the demand for playing the piano has intensified and slackened a little, followed by fist violence. Contrary to other children, I was most afraid of school and winter and summer vacations at that time. At least at school, I can cope with it easily, but when I get home, I have to pay my sweat and tears for that "hobby" that doesn't belong to me. This situation lasted for six years, until I entered the high school and temporarily got rid of my family. What did I get at the expense of my precious childhood? I haven't touched the violin since I went to college, because the sight of it will remind me of that painful day. Because of this, the feelings between my father and I have become more and more indifferent. Going home from college holidays, I found it difficult to find a topic. Calling home at ordinary times has become a responsibility and obligation, not the needs of family members. Worst of all, long-term violence and resistance even changed my character, which made me encounter many difficulties in college and work. In fact, my situation in China is by no means a case. Every winter and summer vacation, I feel deeply sad when I see my parents carrying their children with electronic keyboards and violins. Many people say that parents' love is selfless. I want to stir up the world and put forward some different views. How many children learn this because they really like it? How many parents really understand their children's interests? I want to tell parents all over the world that children are not your private property and let them do what they want. (Chuanzi) Phenomenon My second son's complaint broke my heart. Everything I do is for my son. I hope to design my son into an adult, but the result is counterproductive. I didn't have a son until I was 30. This is a real treasure. I'm afraid to freeze in my hand and melt in my mouth. My son has been obedient since childhood, and I am determined to train my son according to my plan. When I was in elementary school, I chose the best local school for him and enrolled him in three extra-curricular remedial classes in one breath. We put all our hopes on our son. My son has a good academic record. In the fifth grade, I had asked my son to complete the sixth grade course. Therefore, my son ended his primary school career before he went to the sixth grade. I decided to let my son jump directly to junior high school! Then go to the best junior high school in the city. So, I tried my best to get my son admitted to the city's key junior high school, which is a hundred miles away from home, by making connections and finding ways. My son has never been out of the house since he was a child, so I rented two houses near the school to be accompanied by his grandparents. My husband and I go to see them every Sunday, and we can only contact our baby son by phone at night. Talking to my son on the phone is the most painful thing. At the beginning of school, my son always cried to me on the phone. Finally, one day, my son said on the phone that he had a headache and could not go to class. I hurried to school and sent my son to the hospital for examination. The doctor said that the headache may be caused by excessive study pressure, which leads to brain nerve disorder. When I was admitted to high school, my son filled in a B-class high school without consulting us. He may feel that he can't get into a class A key high school. Later, my son was admitted to Class B high school, but we refused to let him go. I managed to transfer my son to a key high school. But my son didn't want to, and he did a lot of ideological work to get into a key high school. I don't know why, my son has been depressed in key high schools, and his academic performance has of course gone from bad to worse. He told me: "I am in a key high school, and I rank last in every exam." I have lost all my confidence, and I blame you! " "My son's complaint broke my heart. When I was a sophomore, my son wanted to study liberal arts. I said: "The future employment of liberal arts is too narrow, and the proportion of college entrance examination is also small. There is no future in studying liberal arts. "My son finally listened to me and chose science. But my son has a poor foundation in mathematics and physics, and he is never happy when he comes back from school every day. As a result, the results of the college entrance examination were only on the specialist line. When I filled in my volunteer, my son signed up for a junior college in Inner Mongolia. I think the school is too far from home, but my son said, "I just want to stay away from you!" " "When choosing a major, my son wants to study business administration. I said, "Is it better to go to junior college or learn a practical technology and apply for a computer major?" My son listened to me again and filled in the computer major. Who knew I was wrong again this time? After my son arrived at school, he was extremely uninterested in computer science. I advised him on the phone to find a school leader to change his major. Who knows that he actually said to me: "You just treat me like a dead man, it's none of my business!" " Now that my son is back from vacation, he basically doesn't want to talk to me. I want to find an opportunity to talk with my son, but my son deliberately avoids me ... (willing) that family education needs innovation. The present situation of family education in China is not optimistic. The biggest reason is the rupture and failure of China's family education tradition. In fact, most of the contents of family education are inheritance rather than innovation. As long as children are educated according to their parents' experience, they probably won't make mistakes. But the problem now is that the family education experience we have gained cannot be referenced today. Therefore, every parent in contemporary China is groping. Children's problems are mostly caused by family problems. Although it is manifested in children, it is rooted in adults. On parents, parents have to "take medicine" to cure their children's "illness". Therefore, the quality education of young people in China is not only a question that schools and society must answer, but also a question that every family must face squarely. It needs every family to answer, and everyone needs to answer! Education is in school, quality is in parents! Without the improvement of parents' quality, there will be no high quality of children. This truth, like the improvement of teachers' quality, is the basis and prerequisite for the improvement of students' quality. Looking at the current problem of students' burden reduction from this perspective, my view is that students' burden reduction cannot be at the expense of the quality of education, and there is only one way, that is, teachers and parents should "reduce the burden". On the one hand, teachers should change teaching concepts and methods to improve teaching efficiency. On the other hand, parents can no longer teach their children by experience, but should learn how to be a competent parent and an excellent parent. Thousands of children are the hope of a country. For adults, no success can make up for the failure of the family, while for minors, even if there are more schools, community workstations, psychological counseling rooms and reeducation-through-labor centers, it will not help if the family is dereliction of duty. (Wang Donghua, Director of the Institute of Mother Education, East China Jiaotong University) It is very important to educate children. Is it true that only "bad" children need good family education, but the so-called good children don't? In contact, we found that some "good" children were afraid to expose their problems. They don't want to ruin their image in the eyes of parents, teachers and classmates. They are very tired. So many "good" children have become two-faced, optimistic and happy on the surface, but pessimistic and lonely inside. However, the above problems have been ignored by parents and teachers. There are many highly educated parents who are always confident that there is nothing wrong with their education methods. A high school student once said in a letter: Her father is a professor at Fudan University and her mother is the deputy general manager of a company. Her family has given her an invisible pressure since she was a child. When she transferred to a new key high school, her academic performance began to decline because she could not adapt to the school environment and long-term pressure from her family, and then fell into a vicious circle. Until the college entrance examination, her fear reached the extreme, and finally she thought of suicide ... Fortunately, the girl was saved, but the girl's parents still didn't realize that there was something wrong with her education. They always thought that the child was too ignorant of cherishing life and repaying kindness. How can there be a naturally sensible child! Children need not only good friends and teachers, but also good parents! It can be seen from this example that every parent should attach importance to family education. (Yan Tao, Institute of Appreciation Education, China Tao Xingzhi Research Association) What kind of view on children should we have? Behind education is the society's view of children: what is a child? What should it be? This concept determines or influences the mode and content of education. Since modern times, China's dominant view of children has gone through a process from "family-oriented" to "nation-state-oriented" and then to "family-nation-state-oriented", and our modern education system has also been established and gradually evolved under this conceptual context. The concept of children based on nation-state is similar to that based on family in many aspects: children are the means of overall goal. The interests of children must be subordinated to the interests of the country and the family, and individual needs must give way to the needs of the whole. Consistent with this view of children, China's modern education has largely followed the enlightenment and passive education mode in traditional education. Under the domination of this concept and system, some social conditions and problems of children in China have been left behind. Some basic rights of children and adolescents have not been effectively guaranteed, and some of their basic needs have not been fully recognized and guaranteed by the system. Their needs such as psychological quality training and personality development are even ignored by our education. Nowadays, the rapid changing trend of social values diversification and information openness, as well as the increasingly personalized requirements of society for its members, reflect the disadvantages of educational models in cultivating children's independence, free personality, independent ability and self-responsibility. What we lack today is "what children need" and "for children" education. Only when children's basic rights become social knowledge and are guaranteed by the minimum system can they be expected to face and enter the society physically and mentally, and assume civic obligations to society and morality and responsibility to mankind. (Professor Chen Yingfang of East China Normal University) Family education should be fully responsible for the enrichment of relevant knowledge, the development of ideas and the formation of good habits. —— Chen Heqin The chief educator and first teacher of children are mother and father. If we don't systematically carry out pedagogy education and improve parents' educational literacy, no matter what kind of education work, it is completely incredible. -Suhomlinski Family life is at every stage of a child's growth, no, it is unparalleled in a person's life. -Froebel's mother is the best teacher for her children. She has given her children more education than all the school education combined. -Krupskaya