Fortunately, how to cultivate children's happiness is also our greatest wish for children. However, in fact, the child's happiness has been formed since he was a small embryo in his mother's stomach. Let's share how to cultivate children's happiness. Let's have a look.
How to Cultivate Children's Happiness 1 A world-famous child mental health expert said: "People who have a very happy childhood often have unfortunate adulthood." Children who rarely suffer setbacks will suffer greatly when they grow up because they don't adapt to fierce competition and complex and changeable society. In recent years, an education aimed at improving children's psychological endurance to setbacks has sprung up in developed countries. The core of this kind of education is to cultivate children's confidence and optimism.
Happiness is not only an external state, but also an internal quality. Happiness is easy to come by and easy to lose. For example, if you give your child a new toy, the child will jump with joy, but this emotion will soon disappear. The quality of happiness is very stable, and it is a quality that feels good and produces optimism. Education and mental health experts almost agree that a good attitude towards setbacks is learned from constant setbacks and difficulties in childhood and adolescence. Parents and teachers play an important role in cultivating children's "happy quality".
To cultivate this quality, parents should pay attention to the relaxed atmosphere in the family and give their children as many choices as possible on the premise of grasping the general direction, instead of insisting on keeping consistent with their own likes and dislikes. Although sometimes children's choices are painful, they can learn something from them. Every parent should be soberly aware that they can't take care of their children all their lives, and children will eventually wrestle in society and establish a wide range of interpersonal relationships, which are based on the interpersonal relationship between children and parents and the interaction between parents and others. Hospitality, sincerity and tolerance parents have a good influence on their children.
In some rich countries, people have deeply realized that the generosity of material conditions is not directly proportional to the happiness of children. Under the guarantee of proper material life, children should be taught how to create a happy mood in their hearts besides material things. There is a popular saying in the west that "happy people live a balanced life." Many educators have stressed that it is necessary to cultivate children's ability to be happy in many ways in "frustration education". It is often painful to pin happiness on only one pursuit.
Another important content of "frustration education" is to cultivate children's resilience to setbacks. Optimistic children are not without pain, but can get rid of pain and get back on their feet quickly. Parents and parents should seriously cultivate their children's self-confidence and skills of "seeing the light in the dark".
How to cultivate children's happiness 2 How to establish children's happiness?
Happiness is also our greatest wish for children. However, in fact, the child's happiness has been formed since he was a small embryo in his mother's stomach.
Why? Because the ultimate ownership of happiness is a sense of security, and children's initial sense of security comes from their parents.
Therefore, how to help children build a sense of security and constantly improve their psychological capital has become a password that every parent needs to crack.
Come and talk to us about this problem today.
The establishment of children's sense of security starts from the embryonic period.
Why do you say that?
One year after the "911incident" in the United States, some pregnant women who witnessed the incident were found and investigated.
These pregnant women all have psychological problems after the incident, which are manifested as post-traumatic stress disorder (personality change, emotional numbness, insomnia, avoiding things that will lead to traumatic memory, irritability, excessive vigilance, forgetfulness and being easily frightened). ).
The study found that their children also had the same biological signs of psychological disorders, especially those born to pregnant women in the third trimester.
In other words, these mothers pass on their emotions to their children who are still in the womb. After their children are born, they feel more nervous and their psychological capital is lower than that of ordinary children.
Therefore, from the beginning of pregnancy, mothers need to make full psychological preparations to keep themselves stable. If the mother's mood is stable, the child can reasonably take enough nutrition to meet the needs of emotional development.
Stable and positive emotions are essential spiritual nutrition for the fetus.
From this perspective, prenatal education is actually more aimed at mothers.
Similarly, a child's sense of security from birth to 1 year and a half is largely determined by the mother's health and stable mood.
During this period, many children's behavioral abilities-sitting, crawling, walking, eating, talking, etc. -is a process from scratch.
They are too weak and need our all-round care-feeding, changing diapers and seeing a doctor ... otherwise, they will not survive.
They lack language skills and often cry to express their needs. So when he cries, we need to accept his emotions unconditionally, and we need to be able to judge whether he is hungry or urinating, whether he needs to hug or play with him. ...
If the child cries, we are anxious and even beat and scold him, then he will think that he is unlovable and his living environment is unsafe, and it is difficult to establish their sense of security well.
Therefore, if you want your child to be a safe and happy person, please stabilize your emotions and unconditionally love and care for him from the fetal period to one and a half years old.
Many mothers ask me:
"My child (about 2 years old) always beats me and has a particularly big temper. Will he have a domestic violence when he grows up? "
Actually, this has nothing to do with domestic violence. If both parents have no domestic violence, then basically children can't learn domestic violence.
The reason why he behaves like this is that the Lord wants to express his resistance-I no longer need your arrangement and substitution.
For example, a 2-year-old child tried to break away from his mother's arms and wanted to play with the sand on the roadside, but her mother refused to let go and insisted on holding him to see the flowers in front.
At this time, the tighter the mother holds, the harder it is for the child to break free. He may hit you, bite you, scratch you, and even have a bad temper.
Why? Because the mother has destroyed the child's sense of security.
We say that when a child has the ability to explore the world (this child has the ability to walk and act), he not only needs a stable upbringing environment, but also needs a stable mood of his mother, and he also needs a sense of security to control his life from his own attempts.
At this time, the way to give them a sense of security is no longer all-round care and love, but to let go of his activity radius-while protecting the safety of children, try to let him explore.
Otherwise, you will find that the child suddenly becomes rebellious and disobedient. This is what we often call "the first rebellion in life" (about 1.5-3 years old).
The day before yesterday, my daughter and I were playing in the garden of the community. A little brother about 5 years old came to greet my daughter and asked, "What book are you reading?" "Where do you go to school?" …
My daughter told me: You see, at such a young age, she is a "little expert in picking up girls".
In fact, there is no "picking up girls", which just shows that he has this social demand and ability.
You will find that children aged 3-6 often say "I am Xiong Da", "I am Altman" and "I am Snow White" ... they are often immersed in role-playing games.
Why? Because they already have the ability of role cognition, they have great interest in rules and socialization.
Therefore, at this time, in addition to letting go of the child's activity radius, we should also:
Guide him to socialize and let him learn manners and etiquette in the rules of the game;
Guide him to cultivate sense of responsibility, language ability and action ability in role cognition;
And further cultivate his ability to survive, including the ability to do housework.
In other words, in addition to further broadening children's exploration fields and helping them understand themselves and the environment, they should also be taught the rules and etiquette of social and interpersonal communication, so that children can understand what they can and can't do.
In this way, they will be targeted in the environment and communication, and they will be like a duck to water, relaxed and happy.
This is also an important aspect to help children of this age build a sense of security.
A 6-year-old child, very good. I not only got good grades, but also learned a lot of talents. I learned piano, chess, calligraphy and painting well.
However, he has begun to be tired of learning and wants to discuss with me "Why do people live?" Living is boring. "
Why?
It turns out that he has been studying English, calligraphy, painting, piano, Go and other interest classes since the middle class. In the big class, his mother often shows him around-showing others what he can recite and write; When he was in preschool, he had already studied the courses of grade one to grade three.
Therefore, when children reach the first grade, they start not to do their homework and try various ways to rebel.
His parents couldn't figure out why the obedient prodigy became like this.
Piaget, a famous psychologist, believes that children aged 3 to 6 are in the pre-operation stage. Specifically, children at this stage are generally interested in colors and graphics and can fully understand the conservation law, but are not interested in words and concepts.
Although, few children are really interested in words. However, whether you are interested or not, don't over-educate, and don't let your children learn math, Chinese and other subjects too early.
This kind of education that violates the law of children's development is essentially a destruction of children's sense of security.
Compared with learning knowledge, what we should do at this time is to maximize children's playfulness and let them play regularly, because children have a lot of extra energy to release.
Otherwise, if the remaining energy is not released in time, it will cause internal injuries, just like this depressed first-grade "prodigy".
This is a result that is not worth the loss.
Once a couple of parents complained to me through WeChat about how disobedient and rebellious their children were.
For example, he deliberately scored very low in the exam, deliberately retaliated against his grandparents' discipline, and even deliberately spoiled some food. He often chews food, then spits it out and wipes his sleeves all over the table. ...
This is a well-behaved family: the grandfather of the child used to work in the government research office, the grandmother worked in the library, the aunt worked in the People's Bank, the father worked in the bank, and the mother worked in a financial office ... but she raised a particularly rebellious child.
Why? Children aged 6- 12 need a sense of accomplishment and value. But the rules they made for their children have ruined them.
For example, they force their children to obey the rules through pocket money: if their children don't get much points in the final exam, how much pocket money will be deducted; What did you do badly today? How much pocket money will you deduct? ...
This provision is particularly unreasonable.
On the one hand, money must not be used for children's personality and self-esteem. Anyone with low self-esteem is prone to commit crimes-those who commit crimes, especially those who steal, tend to lower their personality for money.
On the other hand, such a way of discipline will only undermine children's sense of security. Therefore, he will try his best to put all his intelligence and wisdom into doing bad things-he will feel his strength from rebellion.
So I only gave them a suggestion, that is, give children a fixed pocket money that they can control themselves, and they can decide whether to buy pens or clothes.
Two weeks later, his mother told me that the child had changed a lot.
In short, a sense of security is the foundation of a child's happiness all his life, and his psychological needs for a sense of security are constantly changing.
At the beginning of life, children's sense of security lies in their parents' stable emotions and unconditional love and care.
1.5 to 3 years old, the child's sense of security is in his exploration of maximizing the world.
From the age of 3 to 6, the child's sense of security lies in his social interaction, sense of rules, and every game role that makes him confident.
From 6 years old to 12 years old, children's sense of security lies in their sense of accomplishment and value.
As parents, we should change the way of raising children according to the law of their development, instead of asking them to be obedient and obedient.
Only in this way can we raise a safe child, a child who can reap happiness in the future.