? I always wanted to write something in memory of him, but I didn't start writing. I was afraid that my uncontrollable sadness would come back to me again, so I waited until I calmed down. Now is an opportunity. It's been so long, I'm afraid I forgot. Let these words be recorded in my father's memory.
? On April 8, I just finished reading in the morning and got a call from my brother. Brother said, sister, dad is gone. I didn't react at once. Are you leaving so soon? ! Tomb-Sweeping Day, let's go back to see him. Isn't he able to eat by himself and have the strength to curse? Why did you leave suddenly? ! I cried and asked my brother if he said anything. Did he have any last words? ) My brother choked up and said, No way, when did it stop working? My brother said that he couldn't eat the night before and his consciousness was blurred. I said I'm taking time off to go back now. Hanging up the phone, I couldn't help crying in the office. My colleague Yu Ting is behind me. I told her, Yuting, that my dad left. She came over and hugged me. After crying for a while, she asked me to call her husband and ask him to ask for leave. Then accompany me to ask the headmaster for leave to go home. My head is blank and I don't know what to do. I know that Yu Ting accompanied me to write a leave of absence and asked the principal to sign it. In the meantime, my mother also called and cried to tell me the bad news, and my mood collapsed again.
? After finding the principal's signature, Yu Ting called grandma again, asked me what I should pay attention to when I went back, and helped me find some grapefruit leaves for me to take with me. Protecting yourself should be a habit. She accompanied me back to the dormitory to pack things, and she was worried that I wouldn't drive. She will drive me to see my husband. I refused. She has to work. She has been waiting for me to pack my things in the dormitory and wants to see me go out. I told her to go back to work. After she left, I was still blank, mumbling: My dad left? After I packed my things blankly, I drove to find my husband. He has been waiting for a long time.
? On the way home, I was silent and in tears. During this period, I also turned on my mobile phone to monitor the situation at home and saw people who handled the funeral. I also saw my mother calling relatives to inform them that my brother had been smoking.
? I have walked this road home countless times, but this time it is extremely sad.
? When I got home, I saw the undertaker and saw a piece of cloth hanging in front of the garage, which contained my father's bed. I know my father is lying there. After entering the room, I saw that my father's previous room had basically been emptied. After I learned about the funeral process, I asked my mother and my brother about my father's dying day.
? My mother said that two days after we went back to work, one day he was unusually sober and suddenly lost his temper and scolded us for not serving him personally. He has scolded my mother for decades. My brother finally can't stand him. When he scolds my mother again that day, call him out. My father has always been strong. We are always a little less than his wishes or against him. He will hit us, hit us, and respond to us with more damage. When he was lying in the hospital bed, he was very ill and his temper remained grumpy. But this time he didn't have the strength to get up and hit us, but he was angry that we dared to contradict him! So the next day he began to vent his dissatisfaction in his own way, deliberately spilling urine on the ground and letting my mother drag it, so that my mother stopped eating. But this kind of life only lasted for one day, and then his spirit dropped rapidly. I couldn't walk when I was lifted up, and my thighs were shaking. Then he really couldn't eat, and he didn't respond when he shouted. He has lost consciousness. My mother said he would moan in pain from time to time. My mother said that he might be very thin, so skinny that he couldn't sleep well. He hit his bones and put a quilt under the bed. At the last minute, he was incontinent. Breathing is getting weaker and weaker, but there is always phlegm in my throat. My mother wiped his last sputum, and he died.
? The night before he died, neither my mother nor my brother dared to sleep. Knowing that he was dying, they went to the bedside to see him from time to time. Until two or three o'clock, my mother let my brother rest, and my mother also rested for a while, but she said that after lying down, she kept hearing my mother moan in her ear, thinking that he wanted to drink water. When she got up, she found that my father didn't speak and he couldn't speak. My dad left the next morning.
? After receiving the call, my brother and I hurried home. I was near, and I got home at noon, and my brother got home in the afternoon and caught up.
? On the day of his father's death, the undertaker was at the scene, and the mage made a ceremony. The last time we saw my father. Then the funeral home car picked up my dad's body and my brother/brother/husband went to the crematorium together. My husband told me afterwards that my brother and I cried before cremation. Even though our father has done many things that hurt us, we all hate him, but he is our father after all. We are all very sad that he left.
? On that day, everyone followed the mage blankly and completed all the funeral ceremonies. In the evening, everyone sat together for dinner and talked about their future plans. Suddenly, my mother began to cry. Yes, in fact, my mother is the one who is most hurt. We silently handed her a tissue to comfort her. Because of the custom, I will leave my family and go back that night. So after I finished everything, I left that night. On the way back, I told myself that I would live a good life from now on. I have grown up and got married, so I won't blame my family again. I have the ability to change all the bad effects by myself and take on the responsibility in the future.
? When I got home, I answered all my friends' concerns one by one. Especially the information of a student's parents, she said I should take care, I'm going to be a mother soon. Don't let the sad mood affect the fetus. She said that some friends were too sad because of the death of their loved ones, and the baby was defective after birth. This surprised me, and at the same time I began to take care of myself and the fetus in the womb.
? A week before his father died, he went through a critical moment. One night, eldest brother cooked pumpkin porridge for his father early, because he didn't get up for dinner that day. My brother wants to make some pumpkins that he likes. Porridge may be easy to digest. He can eat it, but his father doesn't seem to like it. My brother called my dad to get up for dinner, but he didn't get up, and he didn't say he didn't have the strength to get up. Later, he got up by himself and began to curse again, saying that my brother was not. My brother kept silent and didn't refute him. After a few drinks, he stopped eating and continued to scold my brother. That night, my brother called us and said that my dad had an eyeball abscess. At first, my brother thought it was chewing gum and wanted to help him wipe it. As a result, he found that it could not be wiped off and some eyeballs fell off. We were a little surprised that his condition began to deteriorate. That night, my brother went to bed very late, in the next room on the first floor, afraid that something would happen to him in the middle of the night. Sure enough, in the middle of the night, my father rang the doorbell at hand, woke up my brother and told him that he was dying, so that he could call us all home. My brother drove him to the hospital, but he refused to go My brother put him in the car and sent him to the health center. The health center contacted the city hospital and an ambulance was sent. My brother said afterwards that my father had difficulty breathing and was in a coma. Sent to the hospital in the city, informed him that he was critically ill, rescued by the hospital, put on a ventilator, and lost blood. Father recovered again. My brother went out for porridge that morning, and my father scolded him again, why it took so long. We got the call and came back the same day. We couldn't help crying on the way back. When I arrived at the hospital, I saw my father, an ocular abscess, and I couldn't see anyone. On the ventilator, I will react if I call him. I didn't expect my father to be so ill. Last time he came back, he could still walk and eat. Now he is lying in the hospital bed, which is really hard. That night, we hired a nurse to take care of our father, and we went home and rested for one night. After we left, my father frequently asked the nurse to call my brother and ask him to go to the hospital. My brother asked him what it was, but he didn't make a sound. My brother said to go again tomorrow morning. According to my husband's analysis, my dad should be extremely insecure and have no relatives around him.
? The next morning, we went to the hospital and my father insisted on leaving the hospital. So we took him home. When we get home, we cook for him. Maybe everyone will come back and have a few injections in the hospital. His spirit is good again. We cooked and chopped the food so that he could eat something. On the third day, father can eat by himself without feeding. I'm at home these days, and we take turns to see if he needs to take a urinal to the toilet to drink water. I helped my father drink water and eat, patted his back and touched the back of his forehead. Tell him we're all here. If you need anything, call us. At that time, at ten o'clock in the evening, he told me to sleep. He is in good spirits these days. When I met him, he said how he was so ill. I can't see at all. Hearing these words, I can't help feeling sad. Qingming because I want to go back to my husband's house. When I left in the afternoon, I told him, Dad, I'll go back first. See you later. The last thing he said to me: Well, well, did you eat porridge? Eat porridge and then go back. Go back first, you still have a lot of things to do. Say goodbye to me as usual, but I didn't expect this to be the last conversation between our father and daughter.
? I have written about my father's illness before. During the National Day holiday, my brother and I went home. My brother went home and was urged to get married and arrange a blind date. When I got home, my brother didn't go, so there was another N-th war between father and son, and they quarreled again. My father is drunk again. Then my brother left home angrily, and so did I. We were tired of my dad's tricks of pulling away for decades, drowning his sorrows in wine, cheating on his wife, smashing and looting. After leaving home, we never looked back. My father didn't call us angrily either. He hasn't heard from my father for two or three months in a row, which is rare. Usually he calls us every so often to complain. After two months, my mother asked me to call him back. I tried reluctantly, but he didn't answer. Well, we are also carefree and happy. As we all know, it was during these three months that my mother was inhumanely abused by my father at home, with many scars on her body. She never told us, only later. It was also in these two or three months that my father had a fever repeatedly, and he never returned. He finally pulled his face down and called me and asked me to take him to see a doctor. It was Wednesday afternoon and I was preparing for class. Let me say a few words briefly. He said he felt sick and had a fever. He also said that the doctor said that if he didn't go to see a doctor, he wouldn't be able to spend the New Year, and he was still crying on the other end of the phone. I'm confused. It's normal for him to cry, and what he said is true, so I'm not sure if what he said is true or a demon. After a simple appeasement, call my mother and let her go back tonight to see what's going on. After class, I will call again to ask about the situation, and at the same time, let my mother take him to the Municipal People's Hospital for examination the next day, and go back on Friday, plus Saturday and Sunday, so that there will be more time. That evening, I also called to ask about the doctors in the village health station he had visited. The doctor said that the image data examined by the health care center had shadows. He has lost a lot of weight, but the situation is big or small. You'd better go to the city hospital for a check-up. At the same time, he accused us of not caring about his father's illness and repeatedly having a fever for a month without knowing it. Well, it's all a quarrel, and everyone refuses to communicate. In the evening, my brother and I made an appointment to register in the hospital and take the bus the next morning, so that my parents could go to the hospital to see a doctor. After going to the hospital, I was hospitalized directly. I thought it was a small problem. Let's have a quick check. I rushed back to the hospital on Friday afternoon. At the gate of the hospital, my mother told me that it was liver cancer! I was a little shocked and guessed a few points. Before I came back, I guessed that his illness was either a common cold or a liver problem. I didn't expect liver cancer. I told my brothers about the situation and they came back from other places. After a few days of further examination in the hospital, it was found to be a rare liver sarcoma in the advanced stage. Kanzo sensei said that when he came to work, there was only one such patient in the hospital, and he relapsed one month after operation. Therefore, the doctor's conscience advice is that surgery is meaningless and efforts should be made to improve their quality of life.
? After staying in the hospital for three weeks, we decided to take our father home. At that time, his body was normal, except for the occasional repeated fever in the afternoon, just like normal people. Father didn't know his physical condition at first, and we didn't tell him. Later, he gradually understood his illness. He knew that he was hopeless, but he still refused to give up. He heard from the patient next door that there was a Chinese medicine doctor in the remote mountainous area of Xinyi who could cure his disease, so my brother drove him to see it and went to the village doctor to see a bunch of health products. In fact, as we all know, all this is useless, and it seems that it is just to give him a little psychological comfort.
? After that, my father rested at home. His body was really nothing at that time. In fact, at that time, his health was the best stage. We should have taken him out for a walk and spent the last stage of his life with him, but for various reasons, he didn't want to go out himself, and it didn't come true. He stayed at home all the time. Temper is good and bad. Big brother resigned and took care of it at home.
? His illness, from the normal state of going home at first, to ascites and swollen feet at the back, to eyeball abscess, finally he had difficulty breathing, lost consciousness and finally passed away. In just three months, my father finished a hard life, only 62 years old.
? A few days after my father left, our mood was still difficult to calm down. He is a father and a husband. Although he once brought us a lot of pain, he also gave us many warm moments in normal times. In those days, I often recalled his voice and smile, and I began to slowly forget his misery and slowly hear all his beauty. I deleted his phone number from the address book after he left. His telephone number is the telecom number he bought many years ago. The phone bill has been very cheap, and his mobile phone is broken. I bought him an old man's phone and charged it many times, because I told him that my phone bill was very cheap and you could charge it with your mobile phone. You don't have to go out to the mobile phone store to charge on the spot. He often makes a lot of calls on his mobile phone, calls his colleagues, calls us and chats with people he doesn't know very well. In fact, he is lonely, and no one cares about his loneliness, so he can only solve it by calling. When I deleted the phone number, I found that he was the first one in my address book. The moment I deleted it, I began to cry again. I have no father anymore.
? In the following month, I slowly accepted the fact that my father had left. I am no longer sad. I think my father should have gone to heaven, where his parents will get together and his parents will visit him in Love Again.
? My father was born in a poor family. His father died early when he was in his teens, leaving his young and incompetent mother unable to take care of him, and his brother abused him all the year round. So he grew up alone in this miserable family. Later, when I grew up, I was introduced to my mother at the age of 30, formed a family and gave birth to our brother and sister. Due to the bad influence of being born into a family when I was a child, coupled with economic poverty, my father's bad temper, unstable mood, perennial alcoholism and frequent domestic violence, we are the reincarnation of an unfortunate family. I understand the hardships of his family background, but I also resent the harm he has caused us. In the mental shackles of 30 years, I have been wandering between self-help and out of control. I didn't get well until my father died. The same is true between brothers.
? When writing this article, I still have some bad emotions in my heart, but it doesn't matter anymore. The important thing is that I have decided to let go. I read a lot of books about psychology and family background, and I also found many friends to talk to. Self-awareness and healing ability are very strong, and they are also trying to get out. I work hard and live hard. Slowly, I believe I will get out of my family's predicament completely. I won't blame my family and my father any more.
? The dead rest in peace, but the living are strong. Everything will be fine.
Father, I wish you all the best, health and happiness in heaven.
Thanks to all my family and friends who have given me support and help. Thank you for your love, which makes me feel warm.
Let go of the past and live in the present. In memory of my father. Thank you. I love you. Have a nice trip.