The farewell etiquette of the ancients, there is no such thing as a banquet that never ends, so all people will experience farewell. Farewell is actually a kind of etiquette to culture, which is closely contained in the cultural meaning, especially in the ancients. Let's share the farewell etiquette of the ancients.
Ancient Farewell Etiquette 1 "Folding Willow" —— Farewell custom formed in Han Dynasty
Farewell poem
Willow green hangs down to the ground, and flowers are long and sultry.
Willow branches are broken and flowers are flying. Will pedestrians come back?
The formation of the custom of "folding willows to bid farewell" is related to the season and the willows themselves. Willow is one of the ancient primitive tree species in China. It has a strong vitality, and it is alive when it is inserted in the soil. It is one of the main tree species of ancient street trees, and willows can be seen on the roadside and by the river. The ancients bid farewell to relatives and friends, and broke a wicker from a vibrant willow tree on the roadside, hoping that travelers could adapt quickly and be happy like willow trees.
It is also closely related to the ancient people's appeal to ward off evil spirits. The best wish for relatives and friends who travel far away is "bon voyage", but the road is difficult and dangerous, and it is inevitable to encounter trouble. The ancients thought it was the intrusion of evil spirits and the trouble of road ghosts. How to ward off evil spirits? The easiest way is to bring evil spirits. Peach branches and willow branches have the function of exorcising ghosts in the eyes of the ancients, and the custom of inserting willows to ward off evil spirits existed in the Southern and Northern Dynasties.
The Northern Wei Dynasty's "Qi Yao Min Shu Zhi Liu" quoted Shu as saying: "On the first day of the first month, willow branches are connected to the home, and hundreds of ghosts don't enter the home." Therefore, the meaning of folding willows at farewell is very clear, that is, I wish you a safe journey on the distant pedestrian road.
"Climbing Flowers" —— A popular farewell custom in Tang Dynasty
The so-called "climbing flowers" means picking flowers and plants. The ancients liked to climb flowers and grass. In Wang Anshi's poem "Zhang Ce" in Song Dynasty, "Zhang Ce peeped into the garden for several days, climbing flowers and plants is always new". When did the custom of climbing flowers to bid farewell originate? It's hard to tell the exact time, at least in the Tang Dynasty. Tang Zhangji's "Send my brother to the East" said: "The spring bridge wants to get drunk and climb flowers, and the wild road touches the rain."
Li Bai's "Jiang Xia Farewell to Rizo" is also called: "Borrow grass and water to climb flowers and give them to distant people." Similarly, there is Geng Kun's "Jianfu Temple to Send Wei Yuan": "After seeing off the guests and climbing flowers, when looking for monks to sit on bamboo."
However, when the ancients bid farewell, they will not only send willow branches, but also send all kinds of flowers to show farewell, so that friends who are far away can have a pleasant journey.
And sending flowers is not necessarily sending tung flowers. Plum blossom, peony, camellia, peach blossom, apricot blossom, cherry blossom and even unknown wild flowers can be sent as long as they can be picked at will.
For example, Yuan Zhen, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, once sent cherry blossoms to bid farewell, and his poem "Flowers with Broken Branches" wrote: "Cherry blossoms send a gentleman, and an inch of spring is broken"; Yuan Zhen once folded peony flowers to bid farewell. His poem "Give Twelve Peony Flowers and Plums" said: "Peony flowers are all in leaves, and flowers are in clusters."
"Ancestors"-Pre-Qin period was a kind of "sacrificial ceremony".
Send yuan twenty-one Xi
The rain in the early morning moistened the dust of the land, the inn of the inn, the branches and leaves of the inn, and a new leaf
Sincerely advise friends to drink a glass of wine, and it is difficult to meet their relatives when they go out to the sun.
Wang Wei, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, invited wine to bid farewell. In ancient times, it was called "drinking", which was the most common farewell way in ancient times and is still popular today. This farewell is usually held before travelers go on the road. It originated from a popular custom called "Zu" in the pre-Qin period.
"ancestor worship" was originally an act of offering sacrifices to the road god when traveling, with the aim of praying for a safe journey. According to historical records, Sima Zhen in the Tang Dynasty said: "Ancestors, walking with God, are farewell sacrifices, so they are called' ancestors'." Later, it was simply called' ancestor'. Zheng Xuan, a scholar in the Eastern Han Dynasty, said: "Drinking while walking is called' ancestor'."
"Zu", also known as "Zu Xing", is one of the "Seven Sacrifices" (or "Five Rites") in the pre-Qin period, and it is a kind of "gift of walking", so it is essential for people to travel.
Ancient Farewell Etiquette II Detailed Explanation of Ancient Etiquette in China.
The ritual of offering sacrifices to ancestors or family patrons in ancient temples. In the Tang Dynasty, there was a special person to formulate family ritual, and they walked with each other. There are two lines in Lu You's poem "Showing the Son" in the Song Dynasty: "Wang Shibei decided on the Central Plains and Japan, and he never forgets the family sacrifice."
The ceremony of ancient emperors coming to Korea. According to the regulations, the emperor faces south, the three fairs face northeast, the doctor faces northwest, the royal family faces southeast on the right side of the road gate, and the subordinate officials of the big servant face southwest on the left side of the road gate. The courtier's position has been set, and the Emperor and courtier bowed out after the ceremony. Later generations also called the etiquette of courting the monarch "offering courtesy."
One of the guest gifts to North Korea in ancient times. The ritual system in which princes regularly appear before the emperor. There are three forms for princes to welcome the emperor: sending doctors to welcome the emperor every year, which is called "small employment"; Every three years, the Qing dynasty was sent to see the emperor as a "big hire"; Appear before the emperor in person every five years, which is "Chao".
Hajj is one of the gifts of ancient guests. The ritual system of Zhou Dynasty governors appearing before the emperor. The princes appeared before the emperor, "seeing the dynasty in spring and making pilgrimage in autumn", which was a routine appearance. Appearing in front of the emperor in the Spring and Autumn Period is called pilgrimage.
"Friendship" refers to the etiquette of meeting hosts and guests in ancient times. There are three kinds of ceremonies according to the level, which are called "three ceremonies": one is "earth ceremony", which is specially used for different surnames without marriage relationship, and the hand is pushed down slightly when saluting; The second is "saving time", which is specially used for married people with different surnames. When saluting, push your hands flat and reach forward; The third is Yi Tian, which is specially used for guests with the same surname. When saluting, the hand is pushed up slightly. Finger meditation gives way to people who are more talented than themselves.
Long address: This is an ancient ceremony. People meet regardless of rank, holding their hands high, from top to bottom.
An ancient greeting ceremony in which hands are crossed on the chest to show respect. There is such a record in the Analects of Confucius: "The road arches and stands."
In ancient times, nodding was a kind of worship, and it was one of the "Nine Worship", commonly known as kowtow. When saluting, I got up as soon as I landed on my head. Because its head touches the ground for a short time, it is called nodding. It is usually used to pay tribute to superiors and colleagues, such as greetings and farewells between bureaucrats and greetings, visits and farewells between people. It is also often used at the beginning or end of a letter, such as Qiu Chi's book to Chen Bo: "Start later. Chen's first step was safe, but fortunately ... Qiu Chi nodded.
It is one of the "Nine Worship" to pay homage to the ancients. When saluting, the giver kneels on his knees, presses his left hand with his right hand, surrenders to the ground, and slowly lowers his head to the ground. You must stay on the ground for a period of time with your hands in front of your knees and your head behind your hands. This is the most solemn ceremony among the nine worshippers, and it is often used by courtiers when they meet the king. Later, sons worshipped their father, heaven and God, and newlyweds worshipped their parents, ancestors, temples, teachers and graves, and so on.
Jiubai is a unique bow ceremony in ancient China to show high respect for each other. Zhou Li refers to "Nine Worshipments": "First, kowtow, second, nod, third, emptiness, fourth, vibration, fifth, auspicious worship, sixth, fierce worship, seventh, strange worship, eighth, praise and ninth, Subai." This is the prescribed etiquette used by social members of different ranks and identities on different occasions.
Kneel on your knees, stand up straight, and don't touch your heels to show your solemnity. Such as "Biography of Lian Po and Lin Xiangru": "So Xiang Ru went forward, because he knelt down and invited the king of Qin."
In ancient times, I sat on the floor with my knees on the ground and my hips on my heels. In order to show respect for others, the sitting method is quite particular: "After sitting empty, sit and eat." "After finishing" is to let the body sit back as far as possible to show humility; "Do your best" means to move your body forward as far as possible, without polluting the table and disrespecting people.
Ancient official ranks were different and very strict. Senior officials are superior, and low officials are subordinate. The ancients respected power and Taoism. "Left-leaning" means demoting officials. "Biography of Lian Po and Lin Xiangru": "Take the other side as a great contribution, worship the Shangguan, and be on the right side of Lian Po." Ancient architecture is usually a hall structure with a front hall and a back room. The etiquette activities held in the class are to respect the south.
When the emperor receives the minister, the seat must face south. Therefore, the ancients often called kings and emperors "South" and princes "North". The room is long from east to west and narrow from north to south, so the most distinguished seat in the room is west to east, followed by north to south, south to north, and east to west is the lowest. There are several lines at the Hongmen banquet: "Wang Xiang and Xiang Bo sit in the east, Yafu in the south, ... Pei Gong in the north, Sean in the west." The throne is the highest and Sean is the lowest.
The seats in ancient banquets were very particular about seniority. Generally, the square table is used for banquets, facing the gate, and its ranking is as follows: the distinguished guests are in the front, and 8 are the main seats. If there are many guests, you can set up two, three or more tables, which is different from sitting at a table and leaving the table: sitting at a table is the same as sitting in a single seat, leaving the table regardless of seats.
The coronation ceremony of ancient men when they came of age (twenty years old). The coronation ceremony was held in the ancestral hall, presided over by his father. The young people who performed the coronation ceremony were crowned three times by designated VIPs, and were crowned with cloth, leather and knighthood respectively, indicating their right to govern the people, contribute to the country and participate in sacrifices.
After the coronation ceremony, the distinguished guests read a congratulatory message to the winner and gave him a beautiful "word" with the virtue of a gentleman, making him a respected noble member. Because men are crowned at the age of 20, future generations will call it a "weak crown."
The wedding coronation ceremony is an ancient gift. Zhou Li: "Marry men and women with the ceremony of the wedding crown." Children of ancient aristocratic families can get married at the age of 20 and enjoy adult treatment. Women 15 years old pay tribute. In ancient times, women could get married at the age of fifteen. Therefore, wedding and coronation ceremony are collectively called wedding coronation ceremony.
Ancestor rituals of offering sacrifices to the Road God and feasting travelers in ancient times. According to Hanshu, before Li Guang, a general of the Western Han Dynasty, crusaded against the Huns, "the Prime Minister took his ancestral path and sent him to Wei Qiao". "Jing Ke Stabbed the King of Qin": "Going to Yishui is both ancestral and Taoist." The word "ancestor" in this article is "the way of ancestors", which means to say goodbye to the road gods when leaving.
To fast ancient sacrifices or major events, you should take a bath, change clothes and live alone in advance to show your sincere respect. These activities are called "fasting". "Zhai", also known as "Zhi Zhai", means to stay in the inner room for three days, requiring "five thoughts" (thinking about living, laughing, thinking, enjoying and enjoying), mainly to centralize and unify thoughts.
"Jie", also known as "Sanzhai", stayed in the outer room for seven days, stopped taking part in all entertainment activities, and did not participate in funerals in case of "losing power" and "distracting thoughts". When the ancients fasted, they didn't eat meat, fish and meat, but they didn't eat spicy and smelly food such as onions and garlic. This is mainly to prevent the foul smell in the mouth and blaspheme the gods and ancestors.
In ancient times, the empty left seat was respected by the left, and the position on the left was vacant for guests to sit, which was called "empty left". "The new thief saves Zhao": "Zi is the guest of the banquet. Sit down, ride from the car, vain, welcome Yimen Hou Sheng. " This shows that the new Ling Jun respects Hou Sheng. Now there is a saying called "wait for the left".
Worship twice again to show the solemnity of etiquette. "Farewell" is also often used at the end of old letters to show respect.
Worship the ancient and worship the present. When saluting, put your hands on your forehead and kneel and kowtow for a long time. At first, it specifically refers to a way of paying homage to the Buddha, and later it generally refers to a way of paying tribute to express extreme respect or fear. Nowadays people often use "bowing down" to describe worshipping a person.
Bend down and bow. Bow to show humiliation. "Biography of Tao Qian in the Book of Jin" contains: Tao Yuanming was appointed as the magistrate of Pengze County, and Zhou County sent Du You to patrol the county. County officials suggested that Tao Banding go to see him. He lamented: "I can't bend my waist with five buckets of rice. Boxing is a villain in the village!"
Li Bai climbed Mount Tianmu in a dream: "Oh, how can I bow and scrape to those high-ranking officials whose sincere faces will never be seen?" Later, it was extended to dumping and worship, such as Mao Zedong's "Qinyuan Spring Snow": "Beautiful mountains and rivers attract countless heroes to compete for beauty."
Six Gifts Six kinds of formalities and etiquette of ancient marriage in China, namely, accepting gifts, asking names, accepting gifts, accepting gifts, inviting parties and welcoming relatives.
During the Spring and Autumn Period in Qin Jin, the monarch of Qin Jin married from generation to generation, and later people called the marriage of two surnames "Qin Jin".
For example, in ancient times, when a wife served a meal for her husband, she had to give an example of Yumei to show her respect.
Etiquette and custom of making friends between ancient literati and literature. Scholars value friendship and knowledge more than property, so they often answer with poems to show their talents and mentality. Singing appreciation is a common way, that is, answering with poems. In banquets and other gatherings, it is even more important to write poems without poetry and wine.
The ancients had many nicknames for "death", the main ones are:
(1) The names of the deaths of the son of heaven, the queen mother and the official are Yi, Beng, Centennial,, Shanling Beng, etc.
(2) The names of parents' death are: no back, loneliness, giving up, etc.
(3) The death names of Buddhists and Taoists are: Nirvana, Death, Sitting, Feather, Immortality and Death. "Death" is now also used to refer to the death of a respected person.
(4) The names of ordinary people's deaths are: death, long sleep, death, death, death, donation of life, death, death, old age, death and so on.
Ancient people's farewell etiquette 3 about giving gifts
Si Qi's records can be traced back to the pre-Qin period. It is mentioned in Yili Hui Shi Li that when a scholar meets a scholar for the first time, he must bring a "basket", which is a gift from the scholar. If the host politely refuses, the guest will say, "Don't be afraid to meet respectable people." It means, how dare you come to see someone you respect without a gift?
If we look at the "wedding ceremony" and "bride price" in Yili, we will understand that people also wear "hooks" when they are polite. However, if we study these documents deeply, we can find that the ancients should abide by three important moral principles when giving gifts, which is not as vulgar as it is now.
The first principle: gifts should be rich in moral metaphors.
In the pre-Qin period, gifts given by people when they visited each other were not gold and silver, but items with moral significance. It is said in "Hui Shi" that the gift of Hui Shi is pheasant. The reason is that once the pheasant is surrounded by people and cannot escape, it will neither be afraid of intimidation nor eat bait, but commit suicide quickly, so it is difficult for people to catch live pheasants.
The pheasant is given as a gift, not because it tastes delicious, but to express the meaning that we should encourage each other with the spirit of "observing the festival to death".
Ancient taxis sent people to the woman's house to propose marriage, and the gift was goose. The ancients thought that geese were migratory birds, and they kept it in time. When it is time to fly away, they will fly away, going south in autumn and going north in spring, belonging to "birds following the sun" Talking about marriage with goose as a gift means that women of marriageable age are not deprived of the opportunity to get married, and their wives follow their husbands.
The ancients also liked to use jade as a gift. There are several famous sentences in The Book of Songs Feng Wei Papaya: "Give me a papaya and I will give it back to you. It is always good for bandits to repay kindness ",which means to reward jade." "
In Confucius' view, jade has many qualities that are completely in line with the moral pursuit of a gentleman. For example, jade's' bright color temperature' is very similar to' benevolence'; The texture is meticulous and hard, just like "wisdom"; Angular does not hurt people, like "righteousness"; Jade hangs and falls, like a person's courtesy.
The sound made by jade is clear and distant at the beginning, and stops abruptly at the end, just like a way to have fun; Defects don't cover up Yu, and Yu doesn't cover up defects, just like people's "loyalty"; The color of the appearance is unobstructed, just like people's integrity. Ancient gentlemen like to wear jade, not because it has commodity value, but because "a gentleman is better than jade."
The second principle: light money, heavy ceremony.
In the pre-Qin period, if there was no alliance for a long time, there would be no chance for princes to meet each other. As time goes on, their feelings will become indifferent, so they should send messengers to ask each other. As a national gift, there are jade articles such as Gui and Zhang.
Gui and Zhang were wrapped in ribbons and put in special boxes, and the members of the mission carefully protected them along the way. When he arrived in the host country, the emissary solemnly handed Gui Zhang over to the monarch of the host country. The monarch mainly said "goodbye" first, that is, he was modest. Then, a ceremony of "receiving jade" was held, and Zhang Gui was solemnly accepted.
It is hard for us to imagine that when the emissary is about to return to China, the monarch of the host country will hold a ceremony of "returning the jade" and return the previously accepted Gui Zhang to the emissary intact. Since you accepted all the gifts from the guests, why did you return them to the guests? Isn't this unnecessary?
Of course not, it contains profound meaning. Think about it. If the monarch of the host country accepts this precious gift, it is bound to prepare another gift of the same value for the other party. In this way, the attention of both sides will fall on the value of the bride price, and they will pay each other for the benefit, which will not only drown out the true meaning of the bride price, but also encourage the wind of bribery and greed for money. Therefore, in order to save energy and financial resources and set an example for the world, people also stipulated the etiquette of "returning jade".
The Book of Rites said: "When you are employed by Gui Zhang, it is also important to pay attention to etiquette. Being hired back to Zhang Gui is also a matter of valuing money and ceremony. When the princes light money and value gifts, the people will give in. " It means that taking Zhang Gui as a national gift is an emphasis on dowry. The etiquette of "returning jade" is to highlight the meaning of "heavy money and heavy ceremony". If the monarch sets an example by himself, the wind of humility will rise among the people.
The third principle: reciprocity.
Among peers, politeness is about reciprocity. "Book of Rites Quli" said: "Rites are reciprocal, and coming and going are indecent; It is also impolite to go instead of coming. " Accepting the other party's gift without returning it is suspected of coveting the other party's property. We can know from the book "Courtesy of Scholars" that a scholar visited a scholar and brought a pheasant as a gift.
Another day, Shiyi returned to Shi Jia and brought back a pheasant as a gift, the pheasant that Shi Jia had brought back before. Shi Yi knows very well that he has no reason to accept Shi Jia's gift for no reason.
Ancient taxis were knowledgeable and affectionate, not snobs. If each other puts money first and pays for profits, the profits will be scattered; Only by paying for righteousness can there be lasting friendship. The ancients designed the etiquette of "returning jade" and "returning pheasant" very brilliantly, which reflected the traditional humanistic spirit of China.
About visitors and visitors.
The etiquette of ancient visitors is similar to today, such as not visiting too early or too late, so as not to affect the rest of the other party; If the visit time is agreed in advance, you must keep your word and arrive on time; Before going out, you should comb your hair neatly, dress simply and neatly, suit your identity, and don't show off your wealth and fashion; Men should shave, women should not wear revealing clothes and so on.
In addition, in the etiquette of visitors, entering the door is also a very important link, which contains many details that need to be handled carefully.
If you hear anything, enter; Don't go in until you hear it.
When you arrive at the other person's door, if the door is closed, the guest should knock gently and wait for the host to open the door; Never make a noise and disturb the host and neighbors. If you don't lock the door, there are two or more pairs of shoes at the door, and the voice inside can be heard clearly, indicating that there are no private secrets, then guests can push the door and push in without scruple.
On the contrary, if the conversation in the room is low and can't be heard clearly, it proves that the content of their conversation is inhuman to outsiders. Guests should not rush in at this time. This is the meaning of the so-called "words are heard, words are not heard" in the Book of Rites.
At this time, the most taboo is to eavesdrop on the conversation of the host family from the crack of the door, which is immoral, so the Book of Rites says "Don't listen". At this point, the guest can raise his voice to let the host know that there are guests outside, thus ending the conversation. As the Book of Rites says, "Go to court and speak loudly."
The door is open and the door is closed.
Should the guest close the door or leave the door open after entering the door? There is a principle in the Book of Rites that says: "Households open and close." This means that if the door is closed, then close it after you go in; If it is open, let it be open. If someone comes later, just "close the door", which means to close the door slightly, but not tightly.
Sit down: the elders are in front, and the humble are behind.
Where guests sit, they should obey the host's arrangement, and should not take it for granted to choose a seat for themselves; It is particularly important to note that you can't sit in the fixed seat of the host or in the middle of the living room, which is arrogant and very rude.
The host asked the guest to sit down. Guests should not take the lead and sit down casually, but should resign. Please ask the host to sit down first and then sit down by yourself. Because according to the principle of "elders come first, younger generations come later", whoever comes first depends on seniority. It is impolite to the elders if the young people sit down first. If you are about the same age, you can sit down at the same time, but mutual humility is still indispensable.
Business is not personal.
Conversation is the core part of the meeting between the host and the guest. At this stage, generally speaking, the host and guests should greet each other first and ask about each other's health, life and work, and then come straight to the point. When talking, we should grasp the following two principles: first, don't talk about some topics that are not suitable for private discussion.
In the Book of Rites, it is said that "business is not personal", and it is also said that "going to court" and "going to court", and business should be discussed in the office. It is irresponsible and easy to form a small group in private to discuss official and personnel relations, so the ancients were very taboo about it.
If the host doesn't ask, the guest won't lift first.
The topic of conversation should be dominated by the host. "Book of Rites" said: "If the host doesn't ask, the guest won't lift it first." Guests should not take the initiative to bring up any topics not mentioned by the host. If the guest always dominates the topic and the host is in a subordinate position, it is also an anti-customer performance, which will make the host unhappy.
It's only a hundred steps to stay.
If the host is a mistress, then the host can stand at the door and say goodbye. If the other person is an elder, then the host should at least send him out. "Disciples' Rules" says: "Wait a hundred steps." This means that when the guest leaves, the host should not turn around and go back immediately, but wait for a while. The host can only go back when the guest steps out of 100 and never looks back, which is called "the guest ignores" in the gift book.
If the guest leaves by car, the host will wait until the car starts before returning. The longer the farewell journey, the deeper the friendship between us. Everyone knows the story of Liu Bei sending Xu Shu in The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. He sent him one journey after another. Finally, he said goodbye to each other, but Liu Bei stood by and watched. Unexpectedly, Xu Shu's figure was blocked by a forest, and Liu Bei ordered to cut down the forest, which not only showed their deep affection, but also described the ancients' attention to Fujian etiquette to the extreme.
Finally, I would like to share with you a passage from The Book of Rites: "Too noble; Secondly, the service should be rewarded, courtesy is reciprocal, and it is indecent to come and not go; It is indecent to go and not come. " It can be seen that virtue is the purpose and orientation of etiquette. The ancients set up rituals to persuade people to enter morality. This principle cannot be forgotten today.