Time used every minute as a needle and thread to weave a huge fig leaf for me. They can't see what goes around comes around, and what goes around comes into effect in private. The only thing public is my long-term fake smile.
I don't want them to find out my gloomy truth, so I am good at telling innocuous lies without changing my face. But you know, a liar has to swallow 1000 needles. Therefore, almost every time, I am like a rude cactus, letting spikes spread all over my body, specifically stabbing those who intend to touch my heart.
Very weak and contradictory. Even though I really want to be hugged, it becomes a thank you. I'm fine. Always like this, I avoid completely transparent treatment, for fear that my emotions are not in line with the aesthetics of the world, and in the end it will only make people frown.
The soul seems to have authority, and the mind is always visible only to itself. Even though I am eager to be understood, I know that confession is risky. For 100% safety, I would rather digest it late at night by myself.
A person's loneliness, either duplicity, duplicity, began to confuse the people behind and in front, dodging impermanence, or seemingly young and fearless, but secretly obviously several years older.
So, you know that my whole body is soft, and you know that the whole world is my soft. The so-called armor weapons are all temporary props. When the deadline comes, they will be returned to the crew immediately, and the costumes will be taken off to show their true colors. If you don't want to peel off my bones, you will know that there are thousands of polluted air elements floating in my body, which have been damaged for a long time.
Everything you don't want to see.
Sometimes I envy those girls who have been clean and cheerful. It seems that they have never fallen into any kind of dirty atmosphere, and they can still have the kind of love that will throb at a glance. Just like girls, eating the sweetest piece of watermelon is enough. They can freely and accurately express many good wishes, unlike me, who avoid talking and are vague. Their cowardice is as simple as bravery, and their disgust and infatuation are as simple as mine. Unlike me, everything is taboo, shattered glass.
Perhaps, this is all because my self-healing ability is inferior and my treatment method is far inferior to others, so I can only deserve to miss the best recovery opportunity and admit that I have lost my innocence and become such a chaotic and complicated adult.
I can no longer live with light with peace of mind.
Insomnia and alcohol, sexual desire and love songs, writing poetry and malice, struggle and drugs, all of which I have experienced. I am afraid that people with shame are not suitable for happiness, and I am afraid that you will mind that I once clung to the devil's back. I'm afraid it won't help to be kind and sober in the future. I am afraid that even if I get your forgiveness, I will still be in danger for the rest of my life.
I'm afraid I don't deserve all the good things in this world. Even when I am happy, I feel guilty. I think I have something that doesn't belong to me. After I take it, I always have to pay the price and make up for it with punishment all my life.
You see, I am the kind of coward who is afraid of happiness and will get hurt when touching cotton. I am my own nemesis and my own slave. Among the many embarrassments I have experienced, I only dare to tell others the least important scene.
All wet.
I have lost my feelings for myself. All the fears, flattery, treachery, inferiority, affectation, impatience, loneliness, boredom, short-sightedness, vanity, those obscure words, awkward words, you can guess, but you can never guess, are all me I know thoroughly, all me who avoids me, all you.
It was all me.
Never dare to ask others why they don't love me.
It's like suffering from an incurable disease Although I have been constantly redeeming myself, I still can't live a stable life. I once talked about loneliness and wrote in a poem: "Loneliness is the mother tongue of the soul. It purifies itself into a temple, but it is difficult to find a religion to convert to. I don't know who the Buddha is. "
In fact, this statement is biased against me. -No matter how to correct it, no matter how to use the ruler of the world to measure my love and hate, even if all the malice in my heart is removed, in the end, I am still not sure where I want to be born, what kind of transformation I want to complete, and what kind of eyes I want to wait for, in order to finally have a home to rest.
Or, in this dangerous world, I will be my last affair. Or, people like me, so gloomy and decadent, I am most afraid that no matter how many people know well, I can't find the right person.
If it's because my sins are too deep.
I am guilty, and I repent.