In normal study, work or life, everyone will inevitably come into contact with quotations. Quotations refer to the records of philosophical and specialized words, which are generally used in formal style. So what kind of quotations are classics? The following are the funny classic quotations I collected, hoping to help everyone.
Funny classic quotations 1
1, I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.
2. There are many on QQ, which penguins have not seen?
3, laying hens, cockfighting.
4. I'm not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a pervert, but I'm afraid of ugly women treating me like a hooligan.
5, people are not embarrassed, standing instability! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.
6, you also let me kneel and rub the washboard, and I can't stand the electric heating.
7. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.
8. Is the leaf leaving because of the wind chasing or the tree not staying?
9. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.
10, live well or die quickly.
1 1. Men study for Ph.D. because of low IQ, while women study for Ph.D. because of low EQ.
12, it's not necessarily monks who burn incense, but pandas!
13, who said I was white, thin and beautiful ~ I will be good friends with him.
14, people are not smart and bald! !
15, if you can't shit with one foot, you are clean!
16, I admire myself-I found my girlfriend who broke up with me 12 years through Google!
17, the most shameful thing is to discuss salary with several classmates. I thought they were talking about annual salary, but later I found out that it was all monthly salary …
18, I won't say if I kill you.
19, nothing money can solve is a problem.
20. after studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!
2 1, even believe the advertisement, you are stupid to read it!
22. No matter how difficult it is, consider yourself 250. No matter how difficult it is, think of yourself as a two-faced person.
When I reached the top of the mountain, I found that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away.
24. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.
25. Being angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.
26, no money, no power, no longer good to you, can you follow me?
27. Go to Google Baidu.
28. Better fight with wise men than talk to SB!
29. A big woman can't have no electricity for a day, and a little woman can't have no money for a day!
30. It's not that I don't laugh, and the powder will fall off when I laugh!
3 1, youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.
32. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be found out and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my mind, and I can't find it. As a result, I got a scholarship.
When she was a child, her parents always believed that the ugly duckling would turn into a white swan at the age of eighteen! One day when she grew up, her father looked at her intently, and then said seriously, "Son, you'd better study hard ..."
34. In high school, the class teacher often enlightened me and said, "So many beautiful women cross the river. Now you just need to weave a net! " After being admitted to Tsinghua, I want to play with his glass with monkey rubber bands …
35. Anyone who kisses madly in front of the teaching building of the cafeteria study room can't afford a house!
After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug, and the oil quality was too good to be purified! Two years later, Mobil oil company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline …
Find a big job after graduation, and you can earn 300,000 yuan after graduation. Look at the drawings and build a 40-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people beat me at a glance! Shit, the drawings are down, and people want to dig wells …
38. After four years of college, no girl asked me for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time …
39. I always wander between cow A and cow C.
40. I want to see the moon, but it shines on the ditch.
4 1, I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.
42. Is the blank white?
I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.
44. There is no rehearsal in life. It is broadcast live every day.
45. If the son is disobedient, he can fight appropriately, otherwise he will not show the majesty of Lao Zi. Taiwan Province, that's the problem.
46. Nothing is meanest, only meaner.
47. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!
48. The perfect figure is also a teasing material in the eyes of people who don't love her.
49. A small tree cannot be a useful tree without pruning.
50, accumulate over a long period, maybe. Lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.
5 1, respectful to superiors, arrogant to subordinates, and concealed from peers.
52. Decades later, we met again and were sent to the crematorium, where they were all burned to ashes. You will have a pile, and I will have a pile, and no one knows anyone. They will all be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.
53. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.
If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? You think I'm an alien!
55. I will still look for you in my next life, because besides me, you are the stupidest.
56. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.
Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...
58. Women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man. Men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women …
59. Don't be afraid of enemies like tigers, but teammates like pigs!
60. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice." When he was in service, he said, "We should consider China's national conditions."
6 1. Don't call me if you have nothing to do, let alone if you have something to do.
Angels can fly because they look down on themselves …
63. Hugging is really a strange thing. When we get so close, we can't see each other's faces.
64. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men …
65. How to give MM an unforgettable birthday? Beat her up first, and then send the house certificate of the most expensive property in Guangzhou, which will be an unforgettable surprise!
66. My wife has been praising me for being lewd since she saw some photos of my girlfriend in college.
67. I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar from the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "
68. I can't stand this business-the sign says: Remove, give money to sell! I threw her 5 yuan to buy a down jacket, but she wouldn't sell it. It's too deceiving consumers!
69. When I was a child, I was not sensible and often took mm shopping, which hurt a lot of MM; I don't pull it now, but I didn't expect it to hurt …
70, handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!
7 1, no one knows what just happened, I'm used to covering everything up with a smile …
72. In the days when there are no women, I enjoy flirting with men …
73. Women will give up their careers for their feelings, and men will give up their feelings for their careers; Women will be moved by men who give up their careers for their feelings, but they will be with men who give up their feelings for their careers!
74. A woman is like a book on the shelf. Although you bought her, before you bought her, she was more or less turned over by several men …
75. Now it seems that movies that can be understood with an IQ of 30 are the most popular, and 80% of people who like these movies like watching Korean dramas!
76. Today is 3 o'clock. 14, pi festival, so I want to eat pie ~
77. Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!
78. An employee of Huawei was arrested by the police for prostitution in Matishan, which became the company's annual scandal. Reason for dismissal: going to such a cheap place will make the company lose face!
79. My brother described the hygiene of his dormitory like this-"I don't want to open my eyes when I go back to the dormitory! ! ! "
80. Tsinghua University is also called "Frog University"-when you talk while eating steamed buns …
8 1, when I first entered the university, I was too weak to even step on an ant. After graduation, I became a ruthless killer, trained by those who crawled in my rice bowl and flew in the canteen bowl …
82. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?
83. The goalkeeper scored a goal.
84. Praise a female classmate in person: You are really a lotus flower! !
85.how did you die? Not so poor as to die.
86. There is a one-dollar coin in the flower bed, but the sign next to the flower bed says, "Step into the flower bed and be fined three yuan!" " It's really embarrassing.
If you pay taxes in the mirror, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.
88. When men make money, they want to divorce their wives. When a man can't make money, his wife wants to divorce him.
89. Men's business is reflected in their busier work, while women's business is reflected in the salty cooking.
90. A woman says "hate" to you, which means she likes you. When a man says "hate" to you, he really hates you.
9 1, fall in love no matter how ugly. When the world is full of love.
92. No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor.
93. Men don't make money, women are anxious, and men make money and women regret it.
94. A man entrusts his girlfriend to his buddy for care, and finally his girlfriend becomes his buddy's wife and the buddy takes care of him; A woman entrusted her boyfriend to her sisters for care, and as a result, her sisters became her boyfriend's wife and could not be her.
95. I can't find my tie again Didn't you find a rag yesterday?
96. None of the women who participated in the beauty pageant can find a good man, because all the good men are married, such as me.
97. I can't help smoking at the thought of the reunification of the motherland …
98. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!
99. Roses are very cheap. You can give them to your wife.
100, as long as the hoe jumps well, can't you dig down the corner?
Funny classic quotations 2
1. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.
2, I want to puppy love, but it is already late.
I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.
4, how far is the thought, how far you roll for me!
5, hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have culture.
6. You can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!
7, driving is not difficult, I am afraid of new people!
8. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.
It's a long way to go, Xiu Yuan Xi, Xiu Yuan Xi. I'll go up and down for help.
10, poor and ugly, one meter 49; Primary school culture, rural hukou; There are three dilapidated houses and an acre of thin land; Go online today and recruit a girlfriend; On the road of revolution, hand in hand.
1 1. I thought if I was invisible, others would not find me. It's no use. A woman like me is as dazzling as a firefly in the dark, no matter where she is.
12, we want to fly in heaven, two birds become one, and I want to be a pig in the same circle!
13, proud of thinking of me and ashamed of ignoring me; Proud of caring about me, ashamed of being cold to me.
14, I planted a girlfriend in spring and harvested a bunch of wives in autumn.
15, love at first sight, then decline, three points exhausted.
16, born, easy. Live, relax. Life is not easy.
17, life goals: peasant woman, mountain spring, little field.
18, the only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear inside.
19, I am in Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in Jianghu.
20. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked 19 years too many chefs!
2 1, I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!
23, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless a male and a female.
The problem with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will disappear.
26. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to discover that you are really ugly.
27. If my friends can sell them, and each one is worth five dollars, I can also make a small fortune.
28, the stomach is not terrible, the terrible thing is that it is unexpectedly big.
32. Wizard, please tell the princess that Lao Tzu is still on the road of thorns, and there are still snow-capped mountains, rivers, dragons and beautiful women who have not been killed. Tell her to go back to sleep
33. inaction and inaction, inaction and inaction.
The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere all your life.
If eating more fish can make people smart, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales.
36. Success in life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play bad cards well.
Give me a woman and I can create a country!
38, the tree will die if it is not peeled; People are shameless and invincible in the world.
39. When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed. When you left, you smiled and everyone cried.
40. Clear water makes no fish, while lowly people make no difference.
4 1, the expert looks at the doorway and the layman looks at the sidewalk.
42, chess, calligraphy and painting can not, washing and cooking is too tired.
Give me a girl and I can create a country.
44. It may seem so, but it may not.
45. What you have said can be counted, and people you like should change it every day.
Hello, is this zg Mobile? This is zg Unicom, and my PHS is broken. Can you send zg Tietong to repair it?
47. God said: Let there be light. I said: no! So we spent the night.
48. I pinned Konka's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new Nokia mobile phone.
The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.
50, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; Not necessarily an angel with wings, mom said. It's a bird man.
5 1, sometimes, love is also a kind of hurt and cruel person, who chooses to hurt others, and a kind person chooses to hurt himself.
The fish said to the water, you can't see my tears because I am in the water. Water says I can feel your tears because you are in my heart.
53. No amount of roses is worth a sincere heart.
Don't call me arrogant, but I refuse to deal with animals.
It is not that I was careless, but that I did it on purpose.
56. I just found out now that the loss of the original key has a lot to do with hunger. I dare not go out because there is only one key.
57. Happiness is the warm sunshine that shines on the face and instantly becomes a shadow.
58. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but I am poor.
Come back quickly, I can't fool you alone!
60, don't and the earth person general knowledge.
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