A pair of adult men and women, not husband and wife, are not lovers, but they understand, appreciate, admire, love each other and have a heart in mind. Is it possible to appreciate each other? Is it okay?
In old China before the May 4th Movement, no one would ask such a question.
Men and women don't give and receive, and even if a pair of men and women are appointed by their parents to get married, they are nowhere to be seen. It is not until after the wedding ceremony that the bride enters the bridal chamber and lifts the red veil that both parties can see their true colors clearly. If you are husband and wife, it is the man outside and the woman inside. In addition to the husband, a woman's husband's brother can see it occasionally, but there are rules to guard against. Men and women, all kinds of ethics and customs, all kinds of etiquette norms, are women. A good wife and mother are all the pursuits of women in China, and home is all the space of women's life in China. A good woman can't have any friendship with other men except her husband.
In old China, it was possible for men and women to have friendship. But that woman is not an ordinary woman, and that kind of friendship is hardly pure friendship, and it is always related to sex. This relationship is often despised by ethics, and this woman is considered mean and dirty.
Xue Tao was a famous poetess and prostitute in Tang Dynasty. Yuan Zhen, Bai Juyi, Liu Yuxi and Pei Du are all willing to sing and associate with them and regard them as bosom friends. Yu was also a prostitute poet in the Tang Dynasty, who attracted literati with his poetic talent, and his residence became a famous cultural salon. A famous geisha, proficient in piano, sword, music, dance, poetry and lyrics, sensitive in nature, rich in heart and well aware of the coldness of the world. Besides sex, famous prostitutes can better understand and appreciate the poet's inner world, so it is not surprising that they are cited as confidants by poets. However, in addition to performing, these prostitutes are generally very dedicated, and they are also mixed with a strong smell of money. This relationship is regarded as elegant among male literati; On women, it is immoral and despised by orthodox society.
In old China, adult women were either wives or mothers. The roles of wife and mother come from sex. You can't be a good wife and mother, you can only be a prostitute. Women only exist as a kind of sex, and all interpersonal relationships are related to sexual activities.
Women's liberation movement, equality between men and women, women are finally an independent person. Women's sky transcends the family and reaches the same world as men. She is no longer just a participant in sexual activities. As a human being, she participated in all production and creation activities, and concluded and occupied various rich social relations. Through extensive contact and study, her spiritual world was constantly enriched. Women, beyond gender, become real people; Outside the family, they have the roles of staff, social members and national citizens.
Friendship comes into being when people have the same interests, understand each other, appreciate each other and help each other. If there is physical attraction and desire for each other besides friendship between men and women, both men and women will fall in love. Without love, you will become friends.
Love between men and women and friendship between men and women can be clearly distinguished. Love is linked with sex, and both sides of love are not satisfied with spiritual communication, and even the main thing is not the tacit understanding of the mind but the attraction of the body. Love is exclusive. One party does not tolerate the other party loving others at the same time, and generally does not love others at the same time. Love is a great event, which is related to the reproduction of future generations and the stability of society. Love is not only linked to each other's voluntary commitment and responsibility, but also the object of legal and moral norms and protection.
There is not much difference between friendship between men and women and friendship between the same sex. Gender is only the background color of people, not the decisive factor of friendship. On the basis of understanding, appreciation and affection, the two sides of friendship give birth to a feeling of closeness, trust and friendship. This kind of emotion is usually as plain as water, but when necessary, you can do whatever you want and promise your life.
Love between men and women is a necessity of life. Friendship between men and women is a scarce thing and a luxury.
Friendship between men and women is possible in several ways:
First of all, friendship is different from love. Physical attraction between men and women is the premise of love. It is common for a man and a woman to appreciate each other, but their bodies are just not connected. They can only have friendship, not love;
Second, people's needs are multifaceted and multi-level. In addition to love, people also need to engage in social interaction and gain respect, trust and support in social interaction. Since half of the objects of social interaction are the opposite sex, it is inevitable to have friendship with the opposite sex;
Third, people are rational. People are different from animals, and their physiological impulses are controlled by reason. If, in addition to love, on the basis of friendship, you are still confused by the opposite sex's body and determined to turn it into love, there may be three results, either, after suffering, all ends well, or, cut off contacts and never come back. It is possible for two rational men and women to make another choice. Since there is no possibility of falling in love, they will overcome and transfer their own desires, respect each other, respect themselves, strip off their sexual delusions, and leave pure spiritual communication and spiritual friendship. This makes friendship and personality.
However, history has not gone far. Many men mainly regard women as a gender, not as a person. Therefore, the in-depth communication between the opposite sex, in addition to husband and wife, is also because of sexual attraction. Friends of the opposite sex have become synonymous with extramarital sexual relations. And women's own sexual consciousness often exceeds people's consciousness. In addition to using women's bodies to get love and marriage, they also want to make friends with the opposite sex through sexual language and behavior, thus obtaining various conveniences of friendship.
In this way, the friendship between men and women has deteriorated, and it is not a real friendship. Fake is true and true. Men and women in true friendship also feel ambiguous and shy. This kind of friendship between the opposite sex is obviously more difficult to maintain than between the same sex.
Therefore, today, it is difficult for adult men and women to enjoy real and pure friendship outside of love.
It's difficult, so it's preferable. We all know a little about the world in the eyes of the opposite sex, life in the eyes of the opposite sex and love affairs in the eyes of the opposite sex through our spouses. However, is this really the case? The world is so complicated and life is so short. Since we are all contemporary, why can't we form a close relationship with people we know, whether men or women, as long as they appreciate each other, trust each other, exchange their own understanding, knowledge and ideas, and share their humor, wisdom, happiness and confusion, so as to better cope with life and enjoy life happiness?
With the passage of time, the strength of human beings is getting stronger and stronger, but the world is facing more and more problems, and so is life. How do people live now and in the future? As a society, it is the way to form the same body of human destiny; As individuals, whether men or women, it is also a good choice to make more friends who understand, respect, trust and love each other and overcome loneliness, fear and sadness together.
The universality of friendship between men and women needs the real equal social and social consciousness between men and women, and more importantly, women need to develop into a real and independent person, with a rich inner world and strong spiritual charm besides sex.
Road, still far away.
Photography: Wang Qiushi