A kind of parents' stingy praise for their children, fearing that children will be complacent and stop when they hear praise;
There is also a kind of parents who show off how good their children are when they meet people, for fear that the whole world will not know.
We all know that the former will hurt children's self-esteem, but we don't know that the latter is actually more harmful and often leads to inferiority.
Susie at work is a pushy mother.
She is usually quiet, but when it comes to her son Xiaoyu, she likes to show off and is very annoying.
Xiaoyu's father studied in Japan and speaks fluent Japanese.
When Xiaoyu was just able to speak, his father taught him to speak Japanese, which laid a solid foundation.
Xiaoyu went to kindergarten, and once the teacher asked him to perform a dialogue in Japanese. He answered quickly, which attracted the envious eyes of teachers and classmates.
When Susie learned about this, she showed Xiaoyu around in front of relatives and friends.
At first, everyone liked it very much and thought that the child was very promising.
However, more times, I get bored. Everyone still praises me again and again, but I feel that Susu is too floating in my heart.
More importantly, Xiaoyu also enjoys the eyes of praise and worship, and is usually cocky in front of other students.
In the blink of an eye, I went to elementary school, and Xiaoyu's grades in the class were only below average.
This is worrying Susie. She took her son to attend cram schools everywhere, but Xiaoyu's grades still didn't improve and she stood still.
Every time the teacher praises the progress of other students, Yu Dou Jr. is envious and jealous because he has nothing to show off.
He was once valued by all the stars, and suddenly he couldn't accept everyone's snub. He is not used to being praised.
Xiaoyu can't bear the blow of this autumn. He was unhappy and became irritable.
In a monthly exam, Xiaoyu fell to the last place in his class, which made him feel ashamed and ashamed in front of his classmates.
As soon as Xiaoyu got home, he shouted at Susie: "It's all you, showing off everywhere. It's okay now. I have nothing, I can't get up. " Shut yourself in your room.
Susu looked dumbfounded and regretted showing off too much to the child, which made him so desperate now.
His parents gave him excellent self-esteem and pride, and made his self-esteem extremely fragile.
It seems that his parents gave him self-esteem and made him lose it easily.
Parents' showing off is a sword that hurts children.
Why don't parents show off their children too much?
There is a great answer on Zhihu:
If you have nothing to do, just talk outside and show off all kinds of things. One is to put a lot of pressure on children, and the other is as annoying as those who show love. If you lose one step in the future, you will lose everything.
Compare Haikou boasted at the beginning with those boastful words that came out early, and simply don't hit your face.
Life is a marathon, and you never know what will happen next.
Talking too early will hit you in the face. Not only adults' faces hurt, but children also hurt more.
If parents regard their children as a tool to show off, it is actually a kind of stupidity, because real Excellence never comes from their own mouths, but from the recognition of others.
In this regard, China's parents seem to have not been doing very well.
The netizen once left a message:
My parents love to show off me and never care about my preferences and feelings. I can only follow the path arranged by my parents step by step, otherwise there will be nothing. I lost myself in my parents' performance.
There are also netizens who spit out their mothers and boasted that they had passed the 10 level. As long as there is someone at home, her mother wants her to perform in public and get a reward after getting applause.
She knows how to be appreciated. She won't do anything without appreciation and reward.
In the show-off of her parents, she made her way narrower and narrower.
A friend always shows off his son's good grades. He was very complacent until he went to another school to participate in an activity and found experts like a cloud.
From then on, when he met someone better than himself, he avoided being scolded and beaten because of the humiliation of his parents.
Because his parents show off too much, in order not to disappoint his parents, he dare not learn from stronger ones, because by contrast, he will find that he is actually not so powerful.
So, I had to lie in the credit book established by my parents, gloating and deceiving myself.
While parents show off their children and get psychological satisfaction, children are no longer unique, but live for their parents' desires and not to disappoint their parents.
Children are not the product of parents' self-esteem, let alone the selfish imposition of parents.
Selfish imposition will only destroy a child's healthy personality and distort the original intention.
Sometimes, parents' show-off looks like honey, but it is actually poison. This poison is subtle, goes deep into the bone marrow and is difficult to cure.
How easy is it to destroy a child?
Just showing him off to others.
Chongqing Satellite TV's variety show "Thank you for coming" tells a true story-the confusion of "pride".
Xia Shang, a 58-year-old mother, choked up when she came to power, and then burst into tears. Because her 27-year-old son Wang Zhiwei has accomplished nothing at work: he changed more than a dozen jobs three years after graduation, either because the leader was unreasonable or because he broke up with his colleagues; He also tried to start a business. Not only did I not earn any money, but I also spent all my parents' pension savings and owed my relatives a foreign debt of 6.5438+0.2 million yuan.
She said her son's life was a mess and he didn't have a girlfriend.
Wang Zhiwei was once a legendary child. He advanced placement in primary school, went to a key high school, got a scholarship and was admitted to a key university.
She has been showing off her son in front of her relatives, saying that her son is an example for them to learn and the son is the pride of the whole family.
The turning point is that his son was too proud to underestimate his enemy and failed in the postgraduate entrance examination.
Originally, a failure was nothing, but Zhiwei couldn't stand it and his confidence was greatly affected.
At the beginning, I spared no effort to show off, but today it has become a slap in the face.
The guests at the scene agreed that what hurt him was the Excellence in his mother's heart.
The subconscious makes him think that he is the center of the world, and his Excellence is deeply rooted. Everyone else has to revolve around him. He can have whatever he wants and do whatever he wants.
But yesterday's Excellence does not mean today's Excellence. Strong learning ability does not mean strong practical ability, and the world will not be self-centered.
Just like a passage in the movie "monga": "Where the wind blows, the grass will fall. When we were young, we all thought we were the wind. When we are mature, we know that we are all grass. "
From a psychological point of view, proper praise for children will make people more confident, but showing off children too much will make people form a fixed impression on them. If there were children present, they would do so.
When children grow up and have a big gap with their own minds, it is an impact on children and will make them feel great pressure.
Really knowledgeable parents
Never show off your children.
It is human nature for parents to be proud of their children's ability, but if they show off too much and keep telling people about their children's Excellence, it not only shows that parents are not confident, but also exposes their parents' short knowledge.
After all, showing off children is a kind of psychological compensation for parents.
Its purpose is to earn cheap admiration and praise from others, so as to gain self-satisfaction and think oneself superior.
Really knowledgeable parents never show off their children, because it is easy to lose what they show off.
Liang Qichao, known as the most successful father in the Republic of China, was not only an encyclopedic talent, but also cultivated a truly all-elite family and created a mentor legend with three academicians and nine talented children.
Liang Sicheng, the eldest son architect, Liang Siyong, the second son archaeologist, and Liang, a rocket expert of Wuzi, are all academicians of China.
In addition, there are Liang, a famous expert in poetry research, a librarian, Liang Sida, who graduated from West Point Military Academy and studied economics, and Liang Siyi and he who later took part in the revolution.
Nine children, all brilliant, each with his own strengths, no mediocrity.
When Liang Qichao treated his children's studies, he borrowed Zeng Guofan's famous saying, "Mo Wen harvests, but strives for cultivation." He told his children to treat their studies, not just thinking about rewards, but cultivating their own world, which will naturally lead to good results.
He never lets his children learn some popular majors so that they can show off after learning. But it varies from person to person, so let them choose the major they really like. As long as it is beneficial to society, he will fully support and lead.
If a child encounters setbacks, he never shows anxiety, but gives timely encouragement.
Liang Sicheng had a car accident when he was studying, and he was worried about falling behind in his studies. He wrote to comfort his son:
The journey of life is very long, and the struggle will never last for a year and a half. Don't be anxious and disappointed. You're just mentally scared. Your life situation is too smooth, and a small setback is a good opportunity to temper your virtue.
It is precisely because parents don't show off that they are not afraid to show off when their children are frustrated.
Excellent parents never show off their children, treat them as independent individuals, respect them and encourage them. They are children's spiritual and spiritual guides.