Hu, a professor at the College of Literature of Henan University, commented on this article in Selected Works of Shi Tiesheng: "There is no place or word in the full text that mentions maternal love, but maternal love permeates everything, every sentence, every expression and even every word; Every sentence is full of affection, and every word is like gold, creating the classic beauty of dispatching people. "
At the beginning of the article, there is no elaboration or exaggeration, except for a seemingly ordinary and calm sentence: "After my leg was paralyzed, my temper became furious."
Shi Tiesheng 195 1 was born in Beijing, and 1969 went to Yan 'an to jump the queue. In April this year, he returned to Beijing for treatment due to waist and leg diseases, and returned to the village in June. The production team took good care of him and let him be a breeder and feed the cows. 197 1, in September, Shi Tiesheng's back pain worsened and he went back to Beijing for treatment. 1972,65438+1October 5th, and stayed in Beijing Friendship Hospital for one and a half years. When the treatment was over, my wheelchair career began.
According to the time calculation, he was the youngest when his legs were paralyzed. It was the age when he measured the world with his legs and feet and pursued his dreams, but he could no longer stand up. So he has nowhere to vent and nowhere to put his emotions. It can only be "violent and impermanent".
Then, I listed several expressions of anger and impermanence. "Looking at the array facing north in the sky, I will suddenly smash the glass in front of me; Listening to Li Guyi's sweet singing, I will suddenly throw my things on the walls around me. "
Why do I feel angry when I look at the military formations returning to the north? The return of wild geese to the north means the arrival of spring.
In spring, everything germinates and thrives. In spring, the grass grows and the warbler flies, and it is full of vitality. However, my legs are paralyzed and I can't go for a walk in spring as before. My leg is paralyzed. Without a healthy person, his four seasons are incomplete. Probably, there is no spring.
Why am I furious and willful when listening to Li Guyi's singing? Songs interpret beauty, songs flow happily, and songs expect happiness.
When Li Guyi's sweet song fell into my ears without reservation, the scar of "I" that was only covered was brutally torn open again, bloody and twisted with the pain of grinning.
What happiness, what happiness, what beauty, isn't that all exclusive to others? Why show off in front of the unfortunate person "I"? "I" was furious, because "I" had not been freed from the physical pain, had not looked down on life and death, and had cultivated a soul beyond things.
"I" tortured myself in anger and impermanence, and also tortured another person, that is, my mother.
Throughout Shi Tiesheng's works, his mother is written in many words, and his mother's shadow is in many words:
"At that time, her son was too young to think about his mother at all. He was stunned by fate and thought he was the most unfortunate person in the world. He doesn't know that his son's misfortune is always doubled by his mother. She had a son who was suddenly paraplegic at the age of twenty. This is her only son. She would rather have her son paraplegic, but this is irreplaceable; She thinks that as long as her son can live, even if he dies, she is convinced that a person can't just live, and his son must have a way to make himself happy. And this road, no one can guarantee that her son will finally find it. -such a mother is destined to be the mother who lives the hardest. " (Shi Tiesheng's "I and Ditan")
"Twenty years old, my leg is disabled. I think I should do something besides drawing eggs for others. I changed my mind several times and finally wanted to learn to write. Mother was not young at that time, and for my legs, my head began to have white hair. The hospital has made it clear that my condition cannot be cured at present. My mother's whole mind is still on treating me, asking doctors for remedies everywhere and spending a lot of money. She can always find some strange medicines for me to eat and drink, or wash, apply, smoke and moxibustion. " Don't waste time! It's useless! "I said, I just want to write a novel, which seems to save the disabled." Try again. How do you know it won't work unless you try? "She said that every time she was piously hopeful. However, I was disappointed in my leg many times, just as I hoped. For the last time, my crotch was burnt by smoke. The doctor in the hospital said it was a real sling for paralyzed patients. This is almost fatal. I'm not too scared. I wish I was dead, but I'm glad I am. My mother was scared for months and stayed with me day and night. As soon as she changed her dressing, she said, "How can it be hot? I'm still paying attention! "Fortunately, the wound is getting better, otherwise she will go crazy.
Later she found out that I was writing a novel. She said to me, "Then write well." I can hear that she has finally given up hope of curing my leg. "I liked literature best when I was young," she said. "When I was your age, I wanted to write," she said. "Didn't you win the first prize for your composition when you were a child?" She reminded me. We all try our best to forget my leg. She borrowed books from me everywhere, pushed me to go to the movies in rainy and snowy days, and hoped to find a doctor as before, asking for remedies.
When I was thirty, my first novel was published. My mother is no longer alive. A few years later, my other novel was lucky enough to win an award. It has been seven years since my mother left me.
After winning the prize, many reporters came to interview me. Everyone is very kind and thinks that I am not easy. But I only prepared a set of words, which made me feel very uncomfortable. I shook my car and hid out, sitting in the quiet Woods of the small park, thinking to myself: Why did God call my mother back early? In a daze, I heard the answer: "Her heart is too bitter. God saw that she couldn't stand it and called her back. " My heart got a little comfort. I opened my eyes and saw the wind blowing in the Woods. "(Shi Tiesheng's Acacia Tree)
This poem "Missing in Autumn" can be regarded as a memorial to my mother and a confession poem to my mother.
The article said that every time "I" broke something, my mother didn't give a word of advice, but just "quietly hid out." In this "quiet" action, the full text * * * appeared three times. "She came in quietly again." "She went out quietly again." . This time "quietly", the action is very light, very slow and very careful. Under this "quiet" action, it is the tolerance of mother and the delicate silence of maternal love. She went out quietly, "secretly listening to my movements." She shed tears quietly. "Look at me with red eyes."
She is like a gust of wind, a shadow that can't speak. Like a trapped animal in front of me, she was silent like a tree, always quietly, and I was so ignorant at that time! "I" don't know how many stormy waves there are under her calm actions! "I" also don't understand "I" rage impermanence, once let her how afraid, tremble with fear!
In order to make "I" less violent and more calm, the most common sentence my mother said to "I" was "I heard that the flowers in Beihai are blooming, so I pushed you for a walk." "Chrysanthemums in the North Sea are blooming. I'll push you to have a look. "
The reason why my mother wants to push me out to see flowers is because my mother loves flowers very much, and secondly, seeing flowers is just a shadow, and my mother's good intentions are the essence. Mother doesn't want me to be locked in a room. She is in a terrible mood. She wants me to walk around and see the outside world. She wants me to live enthusiastically, wonderfully and wonderfully like a flower, even if it is only a short season.
However, it was at my most arrogant age that I suddenly became disabled in both legs. In the first few years after my leg was disabled, I couldn't find a job, couldn't find a way, and suddenly I couldn't find anything.
Being carried away by pain, how to understand my mother's intentions? Once my mother suggested pushing me to see flowers. I was furious and refused: "No, I won't go!" " "In addition to the decisive refusal in language," I "slapped my paralyzed legs desperately. I resent my ruthless fate and my unforeseeable disaster. Alas, at that time, "I" was desperate and felt alive. What is the strength?
Mother's actions at this time have a special charm: "jump", "grab" and "hold back". The word "jump" has three meanings:
Here, obviously the first meaning, rush forward desperately. Isn't this action of mother a delicate portrayal of maternal love?
Let's look at "catch" again. Did my mother just grab my hand? No, no, no, what this mother captures is the love in her heart, her hope to live, and the weight of her courage to fight the disease. If "I" can't live, my mother's life will have no attachment, no dependence and no support.
"I" was furious because my legs were paralyzed, and I casually gave birth to despair that I couldn't live, but "I" never thought that my mother was suffering from illness at that time. "She often stays up all night because of liver pain." "She was still vomiting blood when the neighbors carried her to the car." Unexpectedly, after she went out, she never came back ...
At this moment, at this point, we will understand why my mother pushed me to see flowers in Beihai again and again, and why she went "quietly" and "secretly" again and again. Why does she "pounce", "scratch" and "endure" when I hit my leg and complain endlessly? Mother has the pain that she wants to talk about, and she has the concern and worry that she can't let go.
My mother's last words before she went into a coma were "My sick son and my underage daughter …", but they were clear, clear and thorough. The second half of this unfinished sentence is "Tell them to do well ... do well!"
The author really lives well in his mother's "masterpiece". He used a pen as a plow, worked hard on the fertile soil of life, and wrote down his profound thoughts on life, fate, love and death.
"Ditan and I" is a long philosophical lyric article by the author. This work is one of Shi Tiesheng's literary works, full of philosophical thoughts and extremely humanized. It is the crystallization of the author's fifteen-year thinking on the wheelchair platform. Prose is full of the author's feelings about life and family. Ditan is just a carrier, but the essence of the article is a process in which a desperate person looks for hope and misses his mother.
Retreat Notes is Shi Tiesheng's first novel in a wheelchair.
Broken Pen is a long collection of philosophical lyric prose published by People's Literature Publishing House in 2008. With vivid, popular and even beautiful language, the book pursues and controls books about our lives and unknown truths: life, fate, love, money, morality, faith, healthy mentality, successful ways and values, children's education and family ties.
In addition, his works such as Acacia Tree, Grandma's Star and My Distant Qingping Bay are also very classic works.
It's autumn again, and my mother is gone. It was my sister who pushed me to the North Sea to see flowers. Yellow flowers are elegant, white flowers are noble, and purple flowers are warm and deep. They splashed with water and bloomed in the autumn wind.
Yes, who says that autumn is only bleak, autumn is only withered, autumn is only cold, and autumn is only near death and silence? The flowers in autumn are just right. Even if life enters the irreversible autumn and fate falls into the autumn where there is no escape, people should live well and live well. ...
Many years later, "I" realized my mother's painstaking efforts, and realized that maternal love is like this, swaying in the wind like a flower.
Mothers in the world look different, and maternal love in the world is exactly the same. Shi Tiesheng's mother is an angel, a saint, a spiritual pillar and a long-term convert.
Pay tribute to the suffering mother! Salute to the merciful soul!
I recommend reading Acacia Tree, Me and Ditan, Broken Pen in the Cracks and Memories of the Temple.
Qi Yue dreamed of writing a big community, the tenth article.