◆ "I am a child spoiled by God"
Loneliness is a poem and loneliness is a song, written on 20/2009-20 10/0. Originally, it was planned to be published on 20 10, but it was postponed to 20 1 1 because of the temporary intervention of the novel "China ant tribe". After stopping writing for several months, I accidentally opened the previously published "I saw her smile for the first time" and "Three Days" in the bookcase, and suddenly felt that I was no longer "poetic". In computer documents, I also smell the invisible "word dust".
What kind of state have I been in these two years? For a while, I was fascinated by the writing impulse on the internet, doodling around the clock on a computer without internet, and then leaving the computer to write down some so-called experiences in a notebook.
I seem to want to end all communication with the outside world. I became strange to poetry, and so did poetry. But maybe I like this state. I don't have many friends, but occasionally I have intimate friends. My harvest, to a large extent, stems from fate. However, 20 10 years ago, my "literary dream" seemed to be intentional.
Fortunately, I started my journey again. I came to Xiamen from my hometown and finally met my lover. After living in Xiamen for nearly a year, we often go downstairs, walk around the island together, sit on the beach, talk to the sea and whisper to the stars and the moon. We are alumni and bosom friends, just as Xu Zhimo looked for in the newspaper during the Republic of China, "the only soul mate in the vast sea of people." On the kapok island, we left some clear and pure love at first.
My work in Xiamen is relatively leisure. I used my spare time to set up Xiamen Book Drifting Association, which is the first NGO organization about book drifting in Xiamen. Because of this organization, the lightness, cheerfulness, yearning and budding of my poems at this stage make me more and more casual. In 2009, I participated in Gulangyu Poetry Festival and Jimei Poetry Festival again, and met some poets from all over the world. At that time, I thought poetry was an extremely important part of my life. Perhaps the cultural atmosphere of Ludao and Gulangyu here impressed me deeply. Literary friends of Baihualin Poetry Society often come to Xiamen to find me, and I intend to take them out of campus to feel the beauty of poetry. Here, poets are most respected. As a result, several old birch forest people published a collection of poems, Youth is a Coin. Loneliness is a poem, and loneliness is a song, which contains most of it.
At the end of 2009, we continued to go south. I came to Guangzhou again. After two years, the commercial atmosphere brought by Guangzhou is far greater than the cultural atmosphere. My writing has become as impatient as the heartbeat of this new city. I tried to adjust, but it often backfired. The sharp contrast made my pen dry at once. I can only say that I am a traveler with poor adaptability to the environment. But words have no boundaries after all. After work, I will use poetry to describe the seemingly boring surroundings, hoping to find the smallest beauty from a positive perspective.
20 10 After writing the poem, I tried to create the novel China Ant with an ox cart. It took me half a year to write this novel. When writing is addictive, there is a state of "doing nothing" if you don't write tens of thousands of words today. Therefore, Guangzhou poetry in this period is full of elements that narrative is greater than lyricism. That doesn't mean I've become rational.
The wind in Lingnan is not as gentle as that in Xiamen. The sky in Lingnan is not as clear as that in Xiamen. But here, I am addicted to photography. On May 20108/KLOC-0, a few friends and I established the Guangzhou Time Light and Shadow Society in shipai village. We wrote scripts, filmed DV, took plane photos, directed works, and basically stepped on several major scenic spots in Guangzhou. At the end of the year, we also organized several social figures to go to Macao. Perhaps, only a long journey can make me less silent, because outside the words, we listen to the heartbeat of the scenery and temporarily forget the noise of the city. My willfulness is always shown in my life.
At the bottom of the twentieth century, it should be more and more calm. However, when we wash sand at illegal time, we still can't see any change. Only in the dead of night, lying in bed reading a book that can only be finished in a week, or listening to the recitation of a dream of red mansions once or twice, will you be complacent in the memory of the past words.
So I firmly believe that I am a child spoiled by God, although God is not my belief. What is my belief? Is it a distant freedom or a looming journey? I will write three or two sentences on Sina Weibo that have nothing to do with literature, and occasionally I will travel across the southern land, just for my childish and impulsive "brave words" in front of the world map when I was a child. In the past few years, a small step of measurement has still made me feel happy. Where is my next journey? Passports and Hong Kong and Macao passes in drawers are hidden in unknown pages of the World Atlas.
Loneliness is a poem, loneliness is a song. It may not be my best collection of poems, but it may be the last collection of poems in my youth.
Guangzhou Huangpu Avenue West Shangguan Asahi.
2011March 12