Upstairs, Transparent Sorrow is a collection of her essays.
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Xi Murong's main poems are: Li Qixiang, Actor, A Flowering Tree, Youth Without Complaints, Nine Essays on Time, Light and Shadow on the Edge, Lost Poem, I Fold My Love, Song of the River, Grassland of Time, and Dialogue between Shuishi and me.
Prose: traces of growth, painting the rainbow in my heart, there is a song, concentric collection, written for happiness, keepsake, sketcher, poems of my home on the plateau, mountains, flying fish of antelope and rose, song of geese, golden saddle, Nuoenjia, the splendor of human fireworks and peace.
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"Shell" was selected as a junior high school textbook (together with Xiao Si's "Cicada", it was included in two short articles in the middle school textbook of People's Education Press).
Nostalgia (Poetry) and Grandma and Shoes were selected as primary school textbooks.
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A hometown I have never seen before.
What bothers our generation is rootless memory, which is endless. Sometimes a surging undercurrent suddenly rushes to you, which makes you unable to cope. Sometimes I will get close to you and tie a knot in your heart. But you can't find out where this knot is, why and for whom.
Three years ago, I spent a summer in Switzerland and made some local friends. We often climb mountains together. One day, one of the boys invited us to his house to play. His home is located on a hillside with a big orchard. When you go out from the back door, you can see a large forest surrounded by a deep lake behind the mountain. The boy pointed to a big cherry tree outside his courtyard wall and said:
"Do you see the fifth branch on the left from below? That hand is crooked, see? It was when my father was seven years old. He climbed the tree to pick cherries. It was also in that summer that my grandfather saw him and punished him for sitting on that branch all afternoon, and he was not allowed to come down. That branch has been crooked ever since. "
Maybe he is scaring me, or maybe his father is scaring him. However, his attachment to home, his nostalgia for childhood and his denial of the passage of time can all be satisfied by this big tree, even by a crooked branch of this big tree. Therefore, he even speaks with a little pride. What about me? Shall I show him my slippers? I may be able to sing him that nursery rhyme, but can he understand it? Even if he finally understands, can this weight be equal to the huge plants planted by his great-grandmother in front of him? Can it stand that he was born on the ground and he has his land?
And the more I miss my hometown I've never seen before.
When I was a child, I liked listening to my father talk about the scenery of my hometown. On winter nights, several people sat together and pestered their father to tell stories that happened outside the Great Wall over and over again. We children were born in the south, but we still have the blood of a land we have never seen before. Relying on the story of my father's ancestors, the photos of desert scenery we accidentally found in some magazines, and the annual ancestor worship festival, I accumulated bit by bit and pieced it together bit by bit, and my lovely hometown gradually took shape. And my childhood, it is in this patchwork of warmth that I grew up slowly.
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Traces of growth
-Xi Murong
Maybe things don't always go as expected. However, I always think that just giving me a good memory is enough. Even if it's only one day and one night, be content.
Many wishes, what I want, are given to me by God. Fast or slow, I received them one by one. And my desire for a beautiful youth, although it seems that I have never been able to get it, seems to have passed when I walk back. A few times, I didn't feel it at once, and a few times, I suddenly realized in my heart: originally, this is youth!
That summer, I was almost eighteen years old. I crossed the road to sketch with my college classmates and lived in Tianxiang. These mountains are green in summer. One afternoon, three male students and I had a whim. Instead of sketching with other students, we climbed a mountain that we studied for many days without anything. It is a very handsome mountain, surrounded by many mountains, with a faint temperament of a king.
And when we finally reached a grassy slope after more than an hour of tiring climbing, it was almost dark. Facing the ups and downs in front of us, there is a beautiful grassland behind us, and the wind blows up from the valley below. We are surprised to find that white lilies are blooming everywhere on this mountain, which is full of weeds.
At that moment, I began to feel a slow pain in my heart, as if there was a voice in my ear, telling me coldly: you can only have this moment. Before that, you didn't expect you to have it. After that, you will forget what you once had. Lily belongs here completely. You are just a passer-by. You have to leave. You can't grow and bloom on this mountain forever like a lily.
The mountains at dusk have a gentle and sad beauty. Where does my heart belong? Three boys were lying on the grass slope behind me, singing some popular songs loudly and laughing at the same time. Youth should be so happy and carefree, and why can't I be like them? Why are you standing here stupefied, full of envy for these mountain lilies blooming in front of my eyes?
It is with such strong jealousy that I asked a male classmate to pick me a lot of pure white lilies. I held them tightly in my arms and led them down the mountain.
But, it's useless, it's really useless. As the voice told me, I still can't grasp those lost moments. Although the lilies I picked soon withered, every time I think back, they still grow on the mountains in the faint sunset, blooming, pure and white, showing me a kind of beauty that will never change and never melt in the gray-green twilight.
... * Number of months in that round: ...
So, when the moon shone into the ancient forest that night, I must have been deeply moved.
At that time, when I was young, I always thought that these moments had already appeared and should be enjoyed. My heart was touched, just because they were surprisingly beautiful. However, I never imagined that such a night, such a high mountain in early spring, such an endless shady tree and such a clear moonlight all night were really a rare encounter between people and a dream that would never reappear.
That night, when I stood in front of the winding mountain road, I was just twenty years old and the moon just rose from the side of the mountain.
What a full moon this is!
Before it appeared, the world was dark, the road seemed deep and terrible, and I hardly had the courage to take a step forward. When the moon rises from the back of the mountain, at that moment, everything and things, like the moon, give me a clear and bright luster like water, and my heart becomes full, happy and peaceful at that moment.
Happiness is sometimes just a very simple feeling, and. That night, when I slowly climbed the mountain along a path full of ferns, perhaps because of the detour of the road, perhaps because of my happiness in my heart, I didn't feel the hard and laborious climbing at all.
When I walked to a clearing with slightly sparse trees, there were just a few big stones for us to sit down and rest. When I looked up at the sky, I only felt that the trees were so straight and so tall. Moonlight pours like mercury in such a clear sky, soaking me in the moonlight and making my heart transparent. Youth is really like wine. It seems that I drank it that night, but it was fragrant.
What a kind of youth this is!
Not every night can have such a full moon, and not everyone can meet such a full moon. The beauty and preciousness of youth lies in its innocence, in its meeting without asking for anything in return, and in its gone forever.
Today, when I look back with disappointment, I am not only surprised and amazed at the arrangement of my creation, but also deeply convinced and grateful for what I failed to perceive when I was young.
... * Bali Ferry Terminal; ...
I can't say what it is for. Every time, when the work in front of me is piling up, I am busy for a while and tired for a while, or when I feel lost; I really want to go to Danshui alone again.
I just want to take a trip to the long and narrow old street, take the ferry and cross me to the other side.
On the other side is the old place, a place that has existed for a long time, and a place with a simple and gentle name, Zaobali Ferry Pier.
In this world, many things and things will change, and they will change quickly and greatly, so I have begun to be vigilant. Every time I meet that moment, I have built a thick wall in my heart to protect the most vulnerable part and try not to get hurt. After several times, the wall became thicker and thicker. After a long time, I will forget that there was a weakness in my heart that I couldn't touch.
However, once, incredibly, so many years have passed, I still persist, refuse to change, still smile at me as I did when I was young, and look down at my mountain affectionately, and my weakest point suddenly wakes up and expands at an alarming rate.
It's an early winter afternoon. I haven't been here for many years. By chance, I got on the ferry. Intention is very annoying, because you have to deal with so many strangers and say so many polite words, so reluctant, so reluctant. However, when I walked to the old pier near Danshui Port, I suddenly felt something familiar, something very quiet, and gradually calmed me down.
After boarding, the ship slowly sailed to the other side. The sea breeze kept blowing my face and clothes, and the island passed by the bow. I quietly stared at the Guanyin Mountain on the other side, and the mountain colors approaching me were green, gray-blue, lavender, and every change was a familiar color.
Yes! It is the kind of memory and color that has been lingering in my heart. The kind of worry that can't be described, described or believed, the kind of sadness that exists at an early age.
After so many years, the sadness is still there. In front of the ferry at dusk, between the mountains overlooking me quietly, sadness is still waiting for me there. At that moment, the most tender part of my heart was finally touched, the wound opened, blood burst out and tears gushed out.
It turns out that everything in the world can hurt people. Change will hurt people, but it will also hurt people. Everything is because of that stubborn heart that will never be forgotten anyway.
It turned out that the reluctance and helplessness of creative arrangement that I felt when I was young came to my mind again very strongly after twenty years. Although some things around us have definitely changed, although the clues of many officials have disappeared, there are still some unchanging witnesses who insist. That's the oncoming towering Guanyin Mountain, and the steep and narrow Zaobali Ferry Head that extends into the sea.
Since then, this place has become a secret pain for me and a secret comfort. Whenever I want to escape from the work that is always piled up in front of me, whenever I feel very tired, I really want to go to Danshui alone again.
I want to take a trip to that long and narrow old street, take a ferry there, cross it again and cross me to the other side.
Take me to my other side.
... * On the southbound train: ...
Sometimes, what I cherish is often just because of an idea, that is: this is the only time in my life, the only time.
Then, all love and cherish, born from now on, unstoppable. No matter what you can get or can't get, there will always be sadness and resentment, so life becomes difficult and complicated.
Now, sitting on the train heading south, watching the scenery pass by, I suddenly find that the only time in my life is just some fragmentary things.
My own life, my own life, I can only have it once, and it's my only time!
Then, everything that comes will pass, and the past will never come back. This is the only law in my only life.
Then, in that case, why should I be reluctant to part with some people and be obsessed with some people?
In that case, why are you still ecstatic when you meet and still sad after you leave?
Since there is no time to stop forever and there is no constant space, I am like a wanderer with no beginning and no end. What ability can I have to collect those things that I cherish? It's collected. Where can I put it?
And now, sitting on the south train, I keep writing, and for what?
I always feel that everything in the world is arranged, but when the time comes, the moment you can't understand and understand is your destiny.
People who are predestined friends always meet at the full moon. Only when they understand what they should understand at the right time, neither too much nor too little, neither too early nor too late, can they say the right words at the right time and form a right marriage.
People who miss each other will always miss each other. If you can really miss it, it doesn't matter, because in that case, just like two strangers who have never met in their lives, since they don't know each other, there will be no gains and losses, no scars and no regrets.
Unfortunately, "fate" can only be understood afterwards. It always happens on the occasion of "missing each other" and after passing by, I find that you have said something I have been waiting for for a long time, but why can't I understand you when you are saying it? And why did you disappear when I turned around and re-directed you in a panic in the crowd?
When I was a child, you and I could never find it again. Life turned out to be a constant mistake. Everything has become a trace of growth, which has touched disappointment, but there is nowhere to pursue it. Only in a past time, taste a different kind of vicissitudes. Ironically, knowing that the performance should be a tragedy, we still feel that there is a sweet sadness in the tears in our eyes.
This must be God's compensation for all those who missed it. Therefore, life can go on, so many similar stories will be staged for thousands of years. In the hearts of those who have no chance, there will always be a vague melancholy of deja vu.
But at the moment, sitting on the southbound train, it was already dark outside the window. There are few passengers when the lights are on in the carriage, so this carriage is particularly clean and quiet. I looked out of the window, and the field outside was dark, so the window was like a dark mirror, reflecting my tearful face.
In front of this suddenly appeared mirror, I found that no matter how much I love my life, no matter how sorry I missed you, no matter how hard I tried to find those traces of growth again; All the moments still have to pass. Under all the joys and sorrows, life will still pass quietly and never return.
Perhaps, after many years, the only thing I can remember is that on this southbound train, in front of this dark mirror, the tears on my cheeks gave me a little warmth and a little cold feeling.
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Draw a rainbow in your heart.
-Xi Murong
There is nothing we can do about the color of the whole city at present, but we can try to add some color to our home.
In the child's childhood, what we have to do is to provide him with some rich color experiences. The first environment is your own bedroom. It is best to use harmonious colors, which look quiet and gentle, because children need a quiet atmosphere when they rest, and harmonious colors can increase this atmosphere.
If the home is too small and the child doesn't have his own bedroom, then work hard on the crib on the ground, give him a clean crib, and often change some gentle sheets and quilts for him. If the crib is against the wall, then mother will try to draw him a curved rainbow and a shallow rainbow on the wall. All children like rainbows, whether they are painted in the sky or on the wall. If mom can't draw, please ask dad to draw. If dad can't draw, let the children try to draw by themselves. If the child is too young, please ask the neighbor's child to try. If you are afraid of his poor painting, please let him try it on paper first. You'd be surprised.
I have this experience. Moved to a new home, the walls are all newly painted, and my hands itch. So, one Sunday afternoon, I prepared a lot of water-based poster colors and several large and small watercolor pens to draw on the wall of the children's room. My four-year-old daughter saw it and wanted to draw, so I gave her a small corner in the lower right corner of the wall to entertain herself. I use the whole wall to express my ideas. I thought I was painting with a childlike innocence, and the composition and theme were as naive and interesting as possible.
We both finished painting, but the value of the works is really different. There is rhubarb dog in the middle of the wall, a fat doll riding a bicycle, flowers, trees and a house, but they are all dull and conceptual, much like those stupid picture books that children use for coloring training.
In the lower right corner of the wall, there is a curved rainbow. Under the rainbow, there is a waterfall with fast flowing water. There are many grotesque rocks beside the waterfall, and beautiful and happy flowers grew in front of the waterfall. Four-year-old girls are not good at using watercolor pens and color matching, which makes clothes and floors dirty. However, she drew a very happy picture on the wall. Everyone who comes to visit will unconsciously grin and say:
"So cute!"
Yes, childlike innocence is the most lovely thing in the world. They don't have the burden of gain and loss, they don't have to compete, and they don't have to figure out the likes and dislikes of others. He naturally drew the rainbow in his heart, their favorite rainbow.
Of course, we don't have to draw a rainbow. I just said: if children are given more choices, they will have more happy experiences. Everyone is born with different physiological phenomena. For example, some people are afraid of heat, while others are afraid of cold, so the former will definitely prefer blue-green with cool colors, while the latter will prefer red and orange with warm colors. Moreover, due to different life experiences, different sexes, and sometimes even the same person, because of different ages and changes, there are also great differences in color selection and sensitivity. "Recalling the blue silk clothes, I pity the grass everywhere." It's already empathy for color.
Therefore, in the cultivation of children's color sense, parents should avoid infiltrating their own personal factors, so as not to affect their children's psychology. Of course, this is extremely difficult to do. I just hope parents can pay a little attention.
I am an example of failure that I can't control myself: at one time, I preferred to use earthy tones when painting, and I didn't notice the result. After a year, all the husbands' suits, shirts, ties and even handkerchiefs are brown, and so are the daughters' coats, shoes and skirts. Only my youngest son survived, because he is still a baby and can't afford brown diapers. One day, the whole family went shopping together, and I suddenly saw my family in the big mirror of the store, much like the image of a tramp I created on the screen. Dirty and boring. The moment I saw the mirror, I was shocked and felt familiar. Then I figured it out and couldn't help laughing until tears came out.
So, young Chinese mother! We are really the most important role in the family, and we can't ignore it at all!
The children are still young, so they eat as much as you give them. As long as we pay gently and naturally, they will be happy.
Therefore, I hope every mother can help young children, let them cultivate their interest in color life, observe the color changes of nature more, improve their attention to color, and at the same time boldly express their inner feelings with color, so that they can touch themselves and others with rich colors in future paintings and become healthy and intelligent children in life.
Let's carefully protect the beautiful rainbow in his heart.