An Ruo Hibiscus, waiting for flowers to bloom. An Ruo Hibiscus is my pen name, which means as safe and calm as Hibiscus; Waiting for the flowers to bloom is my expectation for myself. I am waiting for the opportunity and the moment when the flowers bloom in quiet efforts. Walking and reflecting are my requirements for myself and the way to move forward ... When I was at a loss, these things made me slowly find my position.
A conversation with my best friend in the morning made me deeply realize that I am more like a little child now, willful and withdrawn. Every day, I constantly stir up my thoughts in my mind, wearing a mask of innocence and stupidity, putting myself in a dream and refusing to face the reality. She said that my simplicity is spoiled by people who love me around me, but no one can spoil me all my life, and I have to go my own way in life. I have chewed these truths repeatedly since I started writing. How could I not know them?
However, when people are in different situations and their reason is occupied by emotions, it is easy to get into a dead end and get into a dilemma that is difficult to get out of. At this time, unless they really sort it out, other people's words can play little role. After all, everyone has their own experiences and ideas, their unique feelings about everything around them at their own stage of life, and the road to life that they can't start again.
from my own experience and experience, I am really just a child. As a college student in her teens, although my family was poor, I was never really hungry and cold. From primary school to middle school, they are excluded from class life for various reasons, and everything they reach seems very simple; In addition to textbooks, there are only books similar to Grimm's fairy tales in my childhood, so it is inevitable that there will be a lack of extracurricular reading and my vision will not be broad enough.
I always feel that I have lived for 2 years, at least 19 years, and I have been living in a muddle. It was not until I started writing in recent months that I had a further thinking and understanding of the world and life. After reading Walden and wrapping myself in an ivory tower built with pure literature, I felt that the world was so beautiful that I could do anything if I worked hard enough. At that time, my mind was positive every day.
The ivory tower that can be built with thin reading is fragile and will break when touched. The first thing that destroyed it with destructive power was the love that I have been looking forward to most and started in a particularly romantic way. What my lover brought me was a tug-of-war between dream and reality. It destroyed a world that I had finally built, made me begin to doubt what I once believed, and made me suddenly lose my direction. I don't know what to do. This helplessness continues to this day.
childish, I always want to return to the state of locking myself in an ivory tower, where I lived a life of reading, writing and playing the piano every day in a simple town. Therefore, as a child, I deeply love him, but at the same time, I can't help but have some lingering resentment.
But I'm not just a child. I know there is more than beauty in this world. In those lonely times spent in cold eyes and ridicule, I also realized what is the grievance that no one can talk about and what is the pain that is difficult to heal. I also know that after he broke my ivory tower, he spread out in front of me a more vivid and clear picture about the world. This picture is like a mirror, which shows me a poor and immature self.
Recently, I am teaching Chinese to primary school students because of male tickets. This is an educational institution, and the quality of the students is good. It is said that the family conditions of these children are relatively good, and the primary schools they attend are also relatively good. Before the formal class, I had no idea about these things, because the school I went to was not very good, and I had no specific impression of the so-called "good" school. I thought it was difficult for children to listen to the class carefully, but after the formal class, I found out that although many children are also pretty timid and fight in class from time to time, on the whole, their foundation and study habits are not much worse.
Although the word "Xueba" has hardly touched me since I was a child, I have been a Chinese major for two years, and I want to keep on writing. Therefore, I know very well how important it is to really learn this major well, to write good quality articles with a wave of my hand, to lay a solid foundation for the basic knowledge of Chinese from an early age, to enrich reading and broaden my knowledge, and to have a colorful life experience.
Writing is a process of output, and before output, there must be a process of accumulation before anything can be output. The so-called accumulation, but roughly two directions of study and life. If you have a solid basic knowledge since childhood, your vocabulary will be richer, and if you read a lot and have rich life experiences, you will have a stronger sense of language and better language expression ability.
That is to say, only from the perspective of Chinese learning and the cultivation of writing ability, a good material foundation is of great help to learning. But as far as I am concerned, I can't change my background or my past. All I can do is to try my best to make up for these gaps that have been doomed since birth after seeing the reality clearly.
all this is not difficult to remind people of the recent hot discussion of "poor children". With the unbalanced development of economy and the increasing polarization of society, the allocation of educational resources is becoming more and more unreasonable. The quality of educational resources has a great influence on a person's future development.
Generally speaking, the better the educational resources, the higher the overall quality and the stronger the ability to enhance economic strength. Similarly, for many families with food and clothing problems, investing in education may not be as real as selling physical strength to earn money directly. Even those who attach importance to education can hardly provide a good learning environment for their children. In other words, it is difficult to cultivate talents with high overall quality when the quality of educational resources is not good enough and the learning environment is not good enough.
The quality here refers to the overall quality, which means that it refers not only to the knowledge reserve, but also to the ability of vision, pattern and interpersonal communication. As far as I am concerned, through two years of study and life in college, immersed in a relatively strong literary atmosphere, my vision and pattern have been improved to a certain extent, but my interpersonal skills are not so good.
Maybe this is a common fault of literati, or maybe the experience of being excluded makes me feel uneasy easily, or maybe it is the inferiority complex that is deeply rooted in the bone marrow and hard to eliminate because of poverty since childhood. In short, I don't like to communicate with people actively, and I don't like to keep a distance from people, and I just keep a seemingly peaceful and beautiful relationship with some beautiful words. Therefore, in the face of a brand-new environment and simple or complicated colleague relationship, I subconsciously chose to escape as much as possible, which seems to cause a lot of mess for stupid male tickets.
this kind of character is called simplicity in a fair way, and it is called true temperament in the eyes of the appreciator, but it is a manifestation of ignorance in society. This is a world where it is difficult to distinguish between true and false and black and white. After all, everything is developing along its established laws and there are various variables at the same time. Facing the complex society and people's hearts directly may make people grow up more than escaping. Innocence is more pleasing, but long-sleeved dancing is an ability that enables us to survive better in this society.
when I finally got up the courage to face these problems that I had been unable to avoid, and face my truest and bad self, the confusion and pain derived from escape seemed to suddenly disperse like smoke. There are always many things in life that we can't do, but find out what we really want, and then work hard for it, An Ruo Hibiscus, waiting for the flowers to bloom.