(a) can not fight, don't fight-non-priority principle.
Punishment is not the preferred means of education. If children can be educated in other ways to make them understand things, it is best not to use punishment, especially corporal punishment.
Peking University student ODA said:
When I was a child, my father was very strict with me, even corporal punishment. I played very hard, so I was afraid of my father since I was a child. But from the sixth grade, my father changed the way of education, from corporal punishment to reason.
Sometimes I am surprised at my father's change at that time, but my father told me that he did have his plans. He said that when I was young, I had to form a habit, no matter how strict I was. But I'm old, I have my own ideas, I'm beginning to understand, and many of the most important habits have been formed, so my father said that I should be disciplined as an adult, not as a child.
I was really touched by my father's explanation. I didn't expect my father who looked rough and crazy to be so careful. He chose the path of education for me from an early age. I really appreciate him. As for the effect, I want to see the students studying in Peking University now.
(2) Tell the child why he was punished-the principle of knowing.
Children must be made to understand why they are being punished. When some parents punish their children, they don't explain the reasons clearly, which makes them feel that their punishment is unfair. This kind of punishment will not only fail to play its due role, but will destroy the parent-child relationship.
(3) The punishment should not be too heavy-the principle of least harm.
You can't convey hatred, denial and disgust to your children just because you "hit". Excessive punishment will damage children's physical and mental health. Only by giving love while fighting, respecting the child's personality and dignity, and talking about the matter, can we protect the child's mind and minimize the negative effects of punishment. When parents spank their children, they should let them know that spanking is aimed at your wrong behavior, not denying yourself; As long as you correct your mistake, your parents will still accept you and welcome you. Therefore, once the child shows remorse, parents should enthusiastically open their arms, embrace the child, accept the child, and let the child truly feel that the parents still love me.
(d) Punishment should be sufficient-the principle of proportionality.
We should grasp the degree of punishment according to the child's mistake, age characteristics and personality characteristics. As far as hitting people is concerned, it is necessary to master appropriate discretion. The so-called moderation, first, can not use frequent spanking to educate children, and second, should be measured to accuse spanking, can not hit too hard, children can not bear.
(5) Don't take it out on your child-the non-emotional principle.
In the process of punishment, children should be told how to avoid repeating the same mistakes, not just to vent their anger. Punishment should not abuse the authority of parents. "If I say no, I won't." Whether it makes sense or not, children are forced to accept it.
(6) Do not label children-the principle of not labeling.
Labeled children will be rebellious and think, "Anyway, I have been looked down upon by you, and I have nothing to worry about if I do it." Driven by inferiority and self-esteem, some children really identify with label identity. Parents can't take children's occasional negligence seriously indefinitely, thinking that the more serious the problem, the more effective it is. They can't say that children are useless because of their occasional negligence, and new accounts are counted together with old accounts. This kind of punishment is often counterproductive.
Children with weak personality often think, "I'm probably the kind of person my parents say I don't deserve" and lose confidence in correcting mistakes and striving for progress.
Stubborn children will have serious opposition to their parents: "you want me to do this, I won't." See what you can do to me. "
(seven) the punishment should be timely-the principle of immediacy.
The principle of immediate reinforcement in psychology holds that whether a person's behavior happens again is closely related to the results immediately after the behavior happens. If the result of the behavior is satisfactory, the possibility of this behavior will be greatly enhanced; If the result of the behavior is disgusting, then the possibility of this behavior happening again will be greatly reduced. Parents' punishment is an unpleasant consequence of bad behavior imposed on children. In order to avoid this unpleasant consequence, children may reduce their bad behavior. Appropriate punishment can make children get rid of bad behavior.
(eight) the principle of consistency
When criticizing and punishing, parents' attitudes and opinions are consistent. Not only the same, but also the attitude between parents. Even if parents have different views on whether to punish their children, they must be careful not to quarrel in front of them, but should remind or discuss each other afterwards to unify their understanding. Let children clearly feel that punishment is the unanimous opinion of both parents, so as to receive the expected results.
(9) Punishment alone is not enough-the principle of matching.
Corporal punishment should not be the only or commonly used disciplinary measure, nor is it appropriate when parents are angry and children are teenagers or under three years old. Many experts in favor of corporal punishment also pointed out that corporal punishment can not be used often, but can only be used as an auxiliary punishment means. Family education based solely on corporal punishment will never succeed, and corporal punishment can only play a positive role if it is combined with educational methods such as reasoning, communication, influence and encouragement.
(10) Am I a qualified parent? Principle of introspection
Before punishing yourself, ask yourself: Are you a qualified parent? Is there something wrong with your words and deeds?
Thinking about the problem:
1. Under what circumstances have I punished my children, and is the punishment appropriate?
2. What means do I use to motivate my children?
This is the conclusion drawn from the investigation of Peking University students. Parents should pay attention to absorption. When punishing children, we must pay attention to discretion.
discuss