Nine years ago, I was reading a novel, and I finished it by lighting candles after the lights went out in the dormitory at midnight. I remember seeing Han Xinyue alone looking at my mom and my childhood photos, missing my mom, and watching me cry alone in the quilt.
Later 1998, when I went to Beijing with my classmates, I deliberately went to the unnamed lake of Peking University, looked at the exquisite Boya Tower and the secluded unnamed lake, and told myself that this was the place where Han Xinyue and Chu Yanchao walked side by side, recited poems against each other and sprouted love. At that time, I was very dissatisfied with their love, and my heart was full of resentment against Bi Er, the stepmother of the crescent moon. The better Xinyue's brother Tianxing and the wet nurse treat her, the worse her stepmother Bi Er treats her. The biggest feeling at that time was that it was most unfortunate not to get maternal love, which could not be compensated by other love.
Nine years ago, when I was reading a novel, I shed tears for Han Xinyue Chuyanchao's fearless love. Unexpectedly, when I saw Xin Yue reading the letter left by her mother today, her eyes were still wet: "Xin Yue, my dear daughter, you are still dreaming, but my mother is leaving." I don't know how you woke up crying and looking for your mother. You should never forgive your mother. I left you when you were less than three years old and didn't take you away when you needed maternal love most. Mom's heart is too cruel. But I have to go. I entrust you to your father, my sister and your aunt. Ask her to be your mother instead of me. With the passage of time, in your young mind, you won't leave too deep a memory. You soon forgot me. Mom left you nothing but this letter. This letter will wait for a long time. It should be a girl in her twenties when she saw it ... ". A woman, when her daughter is three years old, will be forced by life, leave her daughter and never see each other again. What kind of pain will it be? Relative to such "separation", it seems more embarrassing than "death".
If I was more angry about the unfairness of her love with Teacher Chu nine years ago, I am even more saddened by her loss of maternal love when I review this story today. How painful and cruel it is for a child to lose his mother at the age of three?
I think more about my mother, how happy I am to grow up with her all the time.
When master Tze-ki hon died, I was surprised by Bill's courage and strength. But what made her so powerful and overbearing later? She played tricks to interfere with her son's happiness and tried to control her daughter's fate. I know my daughter's heart disease is incurable, but I have to intervene in the love between Xinyue and Teacher Chu. Apart from war and fate, I think it is because of the disillusionment of her own feelings that she lost her normal mind and kind nature. Just like Zhou Zhiruo's love for Zhang Wuji, she began to love Tze-ki hon. But when she saw her husband Tze-ki hon and her sister Yuer coming back from England with their daughter Han Xinyue, Bi Er's heart died and her feelings were shattered. She only left Tze-ki hon, not only to protect her family but also to protect her dignity. Therefore, she and Tze-ki hon lived together for decades and had no feelings for a long time. Only calculation and performance. In her mind, being with her husband and sister is a betrayal of herself. The new moon is innocent, and it happens to be the witness and product of that betrayal. Therefore, after her mother left, the new moon was doomed to be unable to have a normal, motherly and warm family.
And why did Tze-ki Han, who was ambitious and tried to revive Master's family business, end up so weak that he couldn't even protect his own daughter? He was so happy when he retaliated against his master's boss Pu, but how weak and helpless he was when he faced his wife Bi? What made Tze-ki hon, who was once in high spirits, so timid and passive towards Nuo Nuo? I think it's because he thinks he feels guilty about his wife. In order to make up for this guilt, he gave up his love for her and her innocent daughter.
For Zi-Han Qi, being with his wife's sister Yu 'er should not have happened, but it seems unfair to judge their right and wrong in the specific historical background of World War II. There seems nothing wrong with two people who have lived in a foreign land and experienced life and death together.
The problem is that they came back late, and when they came back, they had to face Bi Er, Tze-ki hon's wife and her own sister. When you come back, you have to face contradictions and choices. If each of us had to choose again from Tze-ki hon's point of view, should we stay and live with Bi Er or go back to England with Yuer and Xinyue for the first time? I don't know what the answer will be. Maybe there is no correct answer to this proposition.
Stay? It will hurt her and the new moon, which is a betrayal of love.
Leave? That's even more sorry for Bi Er, and it's an evasion of morality and responsibility.
At that time, I believe most people will choose to stay. You should stay even if you know whether it is happy to stay. Because at many moments in life, feelings are often killed by morality.
In the end, Tze-ki hon really stayed. So he was lovelorn and unhappy all his life. From that moment on, he lost control of his life. After all, Han Qi, a son who worked hard to turn the tide, was unable to save his love or even protect his daughter.
On the other hand, Rain is falling all bid farewell to her husband and three-year-old daughter, and to the two people she cherishes most. She lived alone in a foreign country and was lonely all her life. High flyers of Peking University can confidently go to Oxford University and bravely pursue his own love. But when she returned to China, under the great pressure of secular ideas, she was unable to maintain her love. How painful is it for a person not to be with the person he loves and his daughter all his life?
I used to feel that it was a pity that Crescent Moon didn't get maternal love. Now, from her perspective, I find that she is actually the one who made the greatest sacrifice. What kind of pain will it be if my daughter leaves at the age of three and never sees her again? I can't even imagine how she would live alone abroad. How to endure the thoughts of my daughter?
Most pitifully, the innocent new moon will live in a family without maternal love from now on. I can only ask myself repeatedly in front of my mother's childhood photos every night: Why did my mother treat me so well when I was a child, but now she doesn't love herself at all? Did she do something wrong? She didn't know that her biological mother, Rain is falling all, must miss her in a distant foreign land in those nights.
Bi Er seems to have saved his family and preserved his dignity. But in fact, how can she live well? There is no affection between Yao Ming and Tze-ki hon, but they still want to live together. Even the money for a son's marriage should be snatched from her husband while her daughter is at school. Just because Crescent Moon is going to Peking University can make Bi Er inexplicably angry, because Peking University is where Crescent Moon's mother Yuer went to yenching university before. This is enough to show that she is unhappy inside. She knows that she can't compare with her. "She can't read or understand English.". But she just doesn't want Tze-ki hon to be with her, and wants to break them up. She would rather be alone in a home without love. Bitter Tze-ki hon, bitter her, more bitter innocent crescent moon.
Tragedy is so doomed. Jade and Moon, the tragedies of mother and daughter, are equally lamentable, emotional and helpless.
Maybe I will come back to see the Muslim funeral in ten years, and I will have a new answer.