Praise to Horses
(stand-up comedy)
Let’s talk about something happening in our neighborhood. Every special incident like this happens in our neighborhood. The person said, "Where do you live?" Don't worry about that. I'll just say this and you just listen. Don't ask me where I live.
When I was a child, the rich man in our neighborhood was a big landowner. This old man and the three girls in front of him were all hired from the same family. The old man has served as a foreign official twice, and he is a Jinshi. What does my uncle do? You’re a student—Wenju, so you’re well-matched, right? Where is the second uncle? It is a tribute, which is as high as a juren. Third Aunt, my family is a rich man, Third Aunt is almost in trouble, what’s the matter? You're a fool, you're a fool! The man said: "That's not right. Why did he give the girl to a fool? Such a rich man." This is the order of the parents. When I was a child, I decided to kiss my baby wherever I wanted. It looked good to the child, and everyone in the family took advantage of the money. The girl gave it. Suddenly something unexpected happened. The child was sick and had to take too much cold medicine! You can't break off your engagement in old age. Why did this Third Young Master not consummate his marriage until he was in his thirties? I don't want to give it either. I can't do it if I don't give it. I can't cancel the marriage if I delay it. He eats and sleeps all day long. He is fat and old. Have you seen Wang Dianyu who plays the string in our group? Fatter than Wang Dianyu! When I got on the scale, I weighed over 480 pounds! It doesn't matter! He is in his thirties, wearing a big bib, and his hair is flowing! The halazi is roaring! He doesn't know how to blow his nose when the mucus comes out, but he spits it in! If you don't go back for a while and wipe it with your sleeves, it'll be fine! 颢里颟顸! Just because these three girls are so beautiful, it’s her husband who is so wicked! Look, isn't this harmful? There is no other way, the kiss has already been done! What is this called? In the old society, people paid great attention to "fate" and accepted fate in everything.
This is the old man’s seventieth birthday, and the three aunts have been here for several days. The three aunts have to come to the longevity hall to pay their respects on the official day. When the servants came inside, they reported back and said, "My eldest uncle is here." In the old society, the aunt's arrival had to be reported, and Lao Taishan had to welcome him out. Old Taishan is the father-in-law. This Old Taishan is waiting outside the gate. Hey, that one is very particular. At the gate, the son-in-law salutes like this, and walks in like this. The old man and his eldest son-in-law talk while walking along the walk, and walk to the gate. Outside the second door inside, there is a piece of bamboo planted against the wall. Lush! The old man said this unintentionally: "My aunt, look at this bamboo. It was not big the first year, but it has already grown this year! Haha! Why is it so tall?" The aunt said: "This kind of thing It sounds hollow, so it grows taller!" The old man made sense when he heard it. Bamboo is hollow. As soon as I entered the second gate, a goose came over. It was so tall, snow-white, and had a bag on its head. It called like this. The old man said: "This thing likes to squawk. Why is it such a loud voice?" The uncle said: "This kind of thing has a long neck, and its voice is loud." "Well, that's right! Hey, uncle, this goose is different from a duck. "Why is it floating in the water?" "It has water-distributing palms and water-reducing hairs, so it floats." "It makes sense." When I paid my birthday, my wife was waiting on me. This wife's eyes are red. Wipe your eyes with a handkerchief. The old man asked: "I wonder what's wrong with your mother-in-law's eyes?" The eldest uncle said: "It doesn't matter, my anger is rising. Buy Niuhuang Qingxin Pills quickly and just take them." While they were talking, the second uncle came, and the second uncle came. My uncle is a tribute, so the old man also greeted him and went to the door to finish the ceremony. Go in, walk this way, and ask the second uncle what he said to the eldest uncle. The second uncle's answer is similar to that of the eldest uncle, not much different.
The third uncle is here, and the old man has to go and greet him. If he doesn’t greet him, he’s afraid that the third girl will look back and look at him. The old man came out to greet him and saw that the third uncle had got out of the car. He was huffing and puffing in the aisle, and there was a lot of sweat. He bowed from afar: "Okay, old man! Old man, old man, playing with fireballs!" You still have to pull him, because the two uncles came in holding hands. If you don't pull him, you're afraid that the three girls will look back. "The third uncle is here, let's go." Pulling his arm, the old man frowned. how? His hands are full of snot, so go back and wash them away. After entering the gate, I walked to the bamboo and asked him: "Third uncle." "What are you doing, old man?" "Why is my bamboo so tall?" "Why is it so tall? Ask it, you ask it!" the old man said. : "That's outrageous. You two brothers-in-law said, 'It grows tall because its heart is empty.'" "It's taller because it has an empty heart. Where's the cedar pole?" "Oh, you're right! Hey, why is this goose so big? "It has such a big voice!" "That's ridiculous! The longer the neck is, the louder it is?" "Then it's louder without the neck!" Why is it floating in the water? “It’s going to float! "This is wrong!" It has water-distributing palms and diuretic hairs. "Water-dividing palm and water-diminishing hair?" The toad has no hair and is still swaying in the water! "When we arrived at the longevity hall, the old man said, "Do you see why your mother-in-law's eyes are so red? "She wants to be so red!" "Do you want it to be so red?" Your two brothers-in-law said, "When the fire in your heart rises, it will turn red." "The fire in your heart is rising?" Where's the monkey's butt? Why is it always red? "
After dinner, those who want to listen to the opera will listen to the opera for a while, and those who don't like to listen to the opera will chat with the old man. The old man suddenly remembered something, and he was also happy: "Dear relatives and friends, Today a friend gave me a gadget, please take a look, it’s very interesting! Walk. "Everyone didn't know what it was, so they followed the old man out. Hey, a horse was tied at the door. It was ten feet long from head to tail. There wasn't a single hair on its body. It was like purple satin, and its head was like a horse. There is a white light on it, named Yuding Zihualiu.
The old man said: "Everyone, take a look." Everyone agreed. "I'm going to ride a horse. Let's take a look at my steps." This old man, who was in his seventies, was happy for a moment, as people of all ages like to show off. The servant took the whip in his hand, got on the horse at the door, kicked the horse's saddle with both feet, and the horse slumped down and walked all the way. When I got to the door and was about to come down, my uncle came over. My eldest son-in-law was a civil servant. He held the horse's reins and clasped his fists: "Father-in-law, this horse is good! Not only is the horse good, but you can also ride it well! A thousand-mile horse and a thousand-mile man! My son-in-law can't say this in front of you. This is called playing tricks on others. Today is the day." The scene is beautiful, I have four words of praise. I praise your horse, but it is really embarrassing. "The old man likes to hear, swords are given to strong men, and pink powder is given to beauties. He is a scholar and likes to listen to these poems and lyrics. Songs and poems. "Hey, okay, my eldest sister-in-law has given me a thumbs up. Once I've finished my compliments, I'll go over again to thank you for your compliments!" What did my eldest sister-in-law say? Said: "My father-in-law got on the horse, dropped the golden needle from the water bowl, and the horse traveled eight hundred miles, and the golden needle has not sunk yet." This means that the horse is fast. The old man: "Thank you, thank you!" and walked away again. The second trip was about to come down. The second station master thought: "I've finished talking. If I don't say it, people will laugh at me!" He came over, grabbed the reins and raised his fists: "Old Taishan, this horse is really good. You can ride it." It’s a good thing! It’s such a good thing, my brother-in-law is called Gouweixudiao. If I don’t say a few words, it’s embarrassing.” “It’s not wrong! I’m done!” One trip." The second uncle said four sentences, what did he say? Said: "My father-in-law went up to Anqiao. The fire burned the goose feathers. The horse traveled eight hundred miles. The goose feathers were not burnt yet." Faster! The old man left again. Isn’t it over when we finish walking? He felt uncomfortable, reined in his horse, turned around, and saw that the silly uncle was there: "Third uncle, can you also say a few words?" Don't look at him for being stupid. He also had to say something, so he came over and said, "What are you talking about? You're talking nonsense!" He grabbed the reins of the horse and frowned, his eyes opened wider and wider, and the tears flowed down. Look at this silly look, everyone! Those two people, with their hands holding the reins and this hand pressing the horse's hair, brought Zan'er up. He couldn't think of words, so he clenched his fists and punched the horse's cheek, boom! The horse kicked his leg and almost threw the old man down! The old man said: "What's the matter with you? Why are you typing when you have no words?" The relatives and friends looked at it. Everyone was happy, but they didn't dare to be happy. When they were happy, the third aunt and grandma were picky, and if they weren't happy, they had to hold it back! The mother-in-law was watching the third uncle's silly appearance, and she was not happy. She was happy and suppressed, and she farted! Boom! Fart noise. The third uncle turned around and saw that it was his mother-in-law who farted: "Okay, I have something to say!" The old man said, "If you have something to say, just say it." "Father-in-law gets on the mount, mother-in-law farts loudly, and the horse moves eight hundred Inside, the anus is not closed yet.
"This is faster