It is true that two people from three views get along more tacitly and have less chances of conflicts.
But can the people from the three views definitely make it to the end?
Not necessarily, many people who fall in love at first sight have nothing to say, not because the three views are inconsistent, but because they have not been able to get through the burnout period in their feelings.
In the recent hit TV series "The World", Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng, one is a literary young woman who loves literature and the other is a poet. Zhou Rong is willing to break up with his family for love and go to the mountainous area of Guizhou to marry Feng Huacheng.
Two people live a hard life and live in a cave, but they are happy to live such a hard life.
Zhou Rong recalled that Feng Huacheng often brought a bunch of wild flowers when he came back from work. Once he really didn't find flowers, so he brought back a handful of dog tail grass.
Zhou Rong can understand Feng Huacheng's love for life. As long as she is with him, she will feel happy. In Feng Huacheng's mind, Zhou Rong is his greatest spiritual pillar.
However, with the improvement of living conditions, Zhou Rong became a university teacher, and Feng Hua became a national famous poet, but their feelings became weaker and weaker.
Feng Huacheng thinks Zhou Rong is too lofty and ungrounded, while Zhou Rong thinks Feng Huacheng is becoming more and more vulgar. Finally, this pair of lovers who once struggled with the whole world for love went to divorce.
The once enviable intimate love has turned into a boring relationship.
There is a definition of relationship burnout in psychology: when you are numb to the current relationship, relationship burnout occurs.
Burnout relationship has the following characteristics:
1, there is no willingness to communicate in depth.
She doesn't want to hear what you say, or she doesn't stop at all. She doesn't care what you say, much less how you feel.
You told her about your troubles at work, and she only replied, "Just change it." So you don't want to talk about it anymore.
2. Don't care about each other's dynamics.
One of the biggest characteristics of people in love is that they like to talk nonsense. They must tell each other everything, from the direction of work to what they had for lunch.
Now no matter what the other person has experienced, it seems that it has nothing to do with you.
It is easy to see each other's shortcomings.
Find that there are many shortcomings in the other person, and even the advantages that used to be in your eyes have become shortcomings.
You used to think that ta was naive, but now you just think that ta is immature and naive.
4. I feel that the other person is too boring and even a little annoyed.
You used to feel very happy when two people were together even if you didn't do anything, but now ta will feel a little annoyed when she is around you for a long time, so I would rather stay alone for a while.
Once the relationship enters the burnout period, it is easy to enter a vicious circle.
The two sides are increasingly dissatisfied with each other, and the shortcomings of the other side will be magnified, which will lead to reluctance to communicate with each other, which will lead to more contradictions and conflicts and accelerate the burnout of the relationship.
Reasons for relationship exhaustion:
1. It's no one's fault that the relationship enters the burnout period, which is determined by human genes.
We all know that love is actually influenced by body hormones, but the stimulation of hormones to people will decrease with time.
Just like antibiotics, if you eat too much, the efficacy will weaken after your body adapts.
As two people in love spend more and more time together, the hormonal stimulation of love stimulates people less and less, and gradually becomes numb.
Everyone faces different tasks at different stages of life. When the intimate relationship is established, people will pay more attention to other things in life, such as career, and the energy devoted to intimate relationship will naturally decrease.
2, trivial and conflict in life, will also cause the burnout of the relationship.
In TV series, the biggest reason for the deterioration of the relationship between Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng is that they are eager for the unit to give them a room to live with their daughter.
So Feng Huacheng bowed his head and gave gifts to others, in order to win the bonus for his work and get the qualification of housing distribution. But in Zhou Rong's eyes, Feng Huacheng's behavior embarrassed her.
Two people can't really understand each other, they just complain about each other, and naturally they will feel bored.
3. Life lacks originality.
The reason why feelings are sweet from the beginning is that two people will do many novel and romantic things to promote their relationship.
Two people * * * explore the world together and share their feelings, such as eating together, watching movies, traveling and playing games ... In these fresh experiences, the two people have more and more * * * the same topic.
When the relationship between two people enters a stable period, if you stop creating new experiences, the relationship will stagnate.
Just like in the TV series, Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng, once Zhou Rong listened to Feng Huacheng read a poem, and his eyes were full of appreciation and admiration. But later, when Feng Huacheng read poetry, Zhou Rong's eyes were only impatient.
It is inevitable that the relationship will enter the burnout period, but entering the burnout period does not necessarily mean breaking up. If handled well, it may become a good opportunity for the development of the relationship and let the relationship between the two enter a new stage.
How to break burnout?
1, communication.
The premise of making changes is that both sides have the will to change. The first step is to communicate and express expectations of each other.
Communicate with the other party as much as possible, express the responsibilities that you want ta to take, or the places that can be changed, and let the other party know how to do it, which can reduce many conflicts and contradictions caused by incomprehension.
2. Expectations of each other are within a correct range.
Be sure to know that at all stages of life, the focus of life is different. When I was a student, when I was young, I could put more energy into love without the pressure of life, but with the pressure of life, I would definitely take some energy away.
At this time, both sides in the relationship should realize the change of their identity and adjust their expectations of each other.
It is common in marriage that I want you to love me and spoil me, but you want me to be sensible.
If you can't manage your expectations, the relationship between two people will only wander in unrealistic fantasies and disappointments.
3. Determine the scope of your compromise.
Both of them should make sure whether they are willing to make those changes and compromises for each other, and whether they can find a balance point to make both of them comfortable.
For example, girls want boys to spend more time with themselves, and boys want girls to understand their work.