X's parents lived in the city before they retired. Every new year, both brothers and sisters go to eat, which is quite lively.
At that time, the old people were in good health, and housework was a piece of cake for them and they lived comfortably. Every time they go, X always pulls the big bags back.
Once X told me that she had been the mother of a female cadre all her life, and her personality had changed, and she had become gentle and cultured, and she no longer tried to be brave in everything. Let me guess the reason again, I can't guess either, she said mysteriously. Her mother is a Buddhist now and recites scriptures every day.
The implication is that the Buddha calmed her mother down and abandoned her competitive temperament all her life.
Six months later, X said that her mother was crazy about Buddhism.
The old lady who used to be confident and uncompromising is now nervous and suspicious. What is even more ridiculous is that I doubt my wife's loyalty. Seeing him talking to the neighbor's woman, he immediately went up to scold, as if he were training a child.
Once, a family was eating in a restaurant, and the old man went to the toilet halfway for a long time. The old lady's face gradually changed and she got up to look for it. When the old man came out of the bathroom and the floor slipped, the waitress went to help him. When the old lady went, she just saw the old man being pulled out by a young woman, took a few quick steps, slapped the old man and called him shameless. Wipe your face and criticize the infidelity of your young wife in public. Children will drag their parents home early. Break up.
After a while, the old lady called and said that she wanted to divorce her father X. All X went out to work for several days, and her father apologized and promised countless times before the old lady suppressed this idea. Since then, the old man has been afraid to go out to exercise every day. Even if there is, it just stays where no one is, doing exercises symbolically, staring at the old lady carefully after dancing the sword, and following her home step by step. No, the old lady said he had ulterior motives, seemed obedient and was confused. It is always shivering, flustered, and even crying, which makes X people feel distressed.
One day, the old lady had another big fight with her wife and slammed the door and left. She left in the morning and the light was still on at night, so she didn't come back. Dad X panicked and went out to look for a circle, but he couldn't find it. When he came back, he called X. The sisters went to town overnight and finally found her by the moat. She looked at them stupefied, just like a stranger, with an inextricable distance. That look scared x.
Brother X from Beijing took his mother to the hospital, and all the tests showed that the old lady was ill, and it was an incurable disease.
When X talked about illness, his eyes filled with tears. Alzheimer's Harmo's disease (AD) is a particularly hidden neurodegenerative disease, commonly known as Alzheimer's Harmo's disease. Under the control of drugs, the old lady's paranoia began to subside, and then she became sleepy and dull, and even the denomination of money in her pocket could not be distinguished. Once after buying food, the seller sent back more than 200 yuan. Chatting with her, slowly talking about this and that, suddenly stopping, silent, as if pressing an organ and locking yourself in an instant. This situation lasted for more than half a year.
Clinically, the common causes of Alzheimer's disease are family history, head trauma and so on. However, in the X family, a strange thing happened, which became an infectious disease among the closest people. It is said that men's resistance, willpower and even patience are weaker than women. From the onset, father X soon became heavier than mother X. He omitted the initial symptoms of amnesia and poor judgment and directly entered the state of aphasia, apraxia and agnosia, as if in a relay race, two people had to complete the presentation of a disease together. Interestingly, after the onset of the old man, the old lady's condition did not improve, but slowed down. She was in a daze, at a loss, and the old man began to stop recognizing the generations between relatives, together with the closest children. Just like a person walking alone on the road, he plays the role of a pioneer and a barrier breaker, no longer accepting any current personnel development, but confined to a certain point in time, where he seems to want to be happy or enjoy much more. He called his wife his mother and his children his brothers and sisters, which made people laugh and cry.
When X took them back, the small county where they were born and raised was a strange place for them.
Old people seldom communicate with each other, but it seems that there is always a moment when they will recognize each other. It is this moment that makes them linger on the other side of life and never give up. Once, when X's eldest brother came back from Beijing, my father called him after them, took X's younger brother by the hand and said, Brother, while you were away, this young man was very kind to me, gave me food, bought me new clothes and shaved my head. At that moment, both big brother and little brother cried.
In the autumn dusk, everything is hazy, and the world seems to be in the sleeve of God, which is suffocating. Fortunately, they are all alive. When X said this, they were already lying down. Two beds are like a road. They were tightly bound together by a rope of Alzheimer's disease. One is like a pioneer, the other is like a backer, walking alone in tandem.
Disease sometimes magnifies the desolation of life, like a painting hanging on the wall, which is ruthless, eye-catching and shocking.
Story 2
I have a relative who was diagnosed as a real autistic by the hospital.
Autistic people are called "the darling of God". He has noble and lonely temperament, clean and orderly habits, and this almost godlike existence makes me humble and ashamed in front of him.
But people always compare him with three psychopaths who appear on the street all the year round. They are collectively called lunatics.
The grotesque attitude and lifestyle given to them by diseases always make people blame or laugh at them. But for a moment, I thought, it's hard to protect, which is not what they want. My friend thinks that a person can only achieve his goal by aiming at it. If you want to live there, you must turn your faith, mind, language and body there at the same time, and then, in the end, you will realize your wish to get there. This is called the spiritual realm.
My relative was a beautiful and alert boy when he was very young. He has all normal manners and behaviors. When he was five or six years old, he had an extraordinary skill, that is, turning in circles, turning all the time in one direction, and turning constantly. At that time, his mother would show off his skills. In the yard, she would say, honey, turn around and show it to the aunts. So he turned, and if his mother didn't stop, he kept turning. After turning the corner, he didn't feel dizzy or uncomfortable, but calmly walked up to his mother and held her hand.
People say that he is a man with special skills.
Later, he liked fire. At first, he just lit a stick of incense. Later, he lit paper and plastic rope. He likes to watch the flaming plastic turn into liquid and drop to the ground, as if it were generosity before he died.
He was seven years old and his mother sent him to kindergarten, so he followed him all the time. He once held his mother's hand and seemed unable to let it go. That is, that year, he suddenly liked to run to the street alone, collect plastic ropes everywhere, come back and light them, and watch them fall to the ground and turn into a mass of black. On one occasion, he actually took back a plastic spittoon and lit it, risking choking black smoke. At that time, people in Nanguan Street still lived in quadrangles. During the day, the door of the yard is wide open. When eating, people also like to sit on the street and stutter, borrow salt from neighbors, and children borrow vinegar from bowls. They called their uncles and aunts sweetly and walked slowly with the borrowed bowl of vinegar. Accidentally, the vinegar overflowed from the bowl. During that time, he set all the plastic urinals in Nanguan Street on fire. At first, people were just surprised. At night, they are used to reaching out, but the place in the toilet is empty. I will occasionally mention it to someone tomorrow, and so will the other family. Only later did I know that he did it.
He also likes birds. When he saw birds in other people's cages, he stared at them with a smile, as if he knew bird language, and a beautiful cage was not the real sky for birds. Then, he will open the cage, let the birds out and watch them soar. Once, he entered a house through the window and set the bird free.
After that, his parents realized that he was abnormal and took him to see a doctor. Doctors in the county can't tell why. In the city, the doctor said it was ADHD, and they came to Beijing again. He came back with a lonely disease that people had never heard of.
Autism, also known as "autism", is an isolated disorder with unknown causes, but it is extremely difficult to cure. Drugs have little effect on him. His father brought a bunch of plastic spittoons on his motorcycle, which became a topic of ridicule, but he still couldn't help looking for birds.
Dumb raised a fat goose and swaggered in the yard, blocking his way several times. One day at noon, while someone was taking a nap, he successfully held it and twisted it around his neck. It died, and he ran away happily. At night, when the mute is crying, he is laughing.
He spent his best years in a cage, like a bird, as if his life belonged to a bird. He would replace them and be imprisoned in the middle of the cage forever, and nothing could save him. He doesn't like lights and glass. He smashed them with everything around him. But he likes stars, and looks at the distant stars through the window outside the railing all night, as if there were his past lives and afterlife there.
Story 3
It's not just the symptoms diagnosed by the hospital that are called diseases. My friend goes to massage every morning, as if eating, going to the toilet, and even the time and place can't be different from the massaged hand.
Every morning, it seems like a battle, with pale face, blank eyes and exhausted. He also joined the morning exercise crowd, but drowsiness bound him and left him in a coma and weak state. On one occasion, he accidentally walked into the massage room that just opened in the morning in the community. At that time, he felt that every bone in his body was misplaced. They fought and quarreled in his body, which embarrassed him. He hopes that his body and breath can be restored to their original position through the kneading of the massage master. That day, he actually put his head into the hole in the bed and fell asleep in a very uncomfortable posture with a loud voice.
Tomorrow he will repeat today's order, so his sleep always starts at 8: 00 in the morning, wakes up at 10: 00 at first, and extends to 11: 12. He always said that his insomnia turned into dependence. We joked that you should be regarded as a contributor to the cause of the disabled in China. The blind masseur, unexpectedly, did not laugh, but calmly did the action. In his colorless world, eternal loneliness and darkness seem to have done him no harm. It is precisely those who are in the world of mortals who first feel excluded, neglected and lonely.
My friend came back from abroad. She hugged me when we met. At that moment, my eyes filled with tears. This is the first hug I got when I grew up. The warmth and friendship from her make people feel the beauty of the world. Now my closest physical contact with children is holding hands. Maybe he will hug me when I am very old? I don't know, but I really long for a sudden hug, a hug that shows recognition and acceptance. That kind of hug will make loneliness less ferocious.
A friend said that he likes to be massaged just because he likes the temperature from others. There is trust, closeness, concern, peace of mind and relaxation in it. The temperature reduced the desolation of the world and his loneliness.
I always think that doctors are gods, angels and should be omnipotent. Of course, I told people this when I was a child, but now that I am old, I am not ashamed to say it. First of all, doctors don't seem to do this. My familiar doctor always likes to discuss some literary issues with me when taking my pulse, which makes me doubt the credibility of him and his medicine. As a result, after my trust in doctors decreased, I had to buy some medicine for my symptoms. Some medicine tastes good, and some medicine will never cure my illness. Sometimes I wonder, is it the medicine or me? Maybe, for a moment, I became a medicine? Even so, I will go to the hospital to see a doctor. I hope that God and angels will exist and doctors will relieve the pain.
When I came out of the hospital, I met a new face. For a small county, its throughput is limited. I have lived for a long time, and I face familiar faces every day. There are already three people sitting or in a hurry all the year round in the street. In order to distinguish ourselves from them, we call them crazy. In contrast, male madman is the most hateful, because he likes robbery. As long as he sees that you have something to eat in your hand, he will run quickly and catch it in his own hands with lightning speed. Most of the objects he chooses are women and children, which makes people feel very scared. Two other women, one of whom likes to walk, walk fast and fly in the street. She is also very thin, often with tears all over her face and feeling that she has all kinds of grievances. The other is a middle-aged woman who likes red dresses, just like the bride, sitting on the street, waiting for the groom.
I have always met this face, young and with fine eyes, but dressed strangely and smiled strangely, and looked like a patient. He ignored the surroundings, just walked and said, his expression relaxed, serious, laughing and angry. His face, 45 degrees to the right, seems to be there, and there is another world that we can't enter. I am also puzzled by this discovery. I approached him slowly, so I heard what was going on in his inner theater.
A: You said, you have no money and no power. Why should people look at you?
B: What? Du Shiniang still has a crush on poor scholars. Don't worry, she will have a crush on you.
C: Impossible. Why should I be liked and not disliked?
D: Good-looking and talented!
What mysterious things are contained in a small heart and a lonely body. Did he give up all his gifts for this mystery? Or is he just using his illness as a cover to manage the complexity and perfection of his inner world with peace of mind?
There is a slight chill in the air, and the passing flowers are covered with crystal dew. We also have a heart tangled in a bag, where there is another world, a weak desire to get rid of loneliness, but we have no courage to express it. At the moment, near the hospital, he is not a patient, I am.
Story 4
The gathering place of people is nothing more than stations and trains. Every time I hear my hometown, I will always look for it unconsciously. Like a beam of light, only it can dispel the loneliness and panic of the journey.
Once waiting at Nanjing Railway Station, I heard a girl talking to a middle-aged man in a low voice. Occasionally, a loud voice poured into the eardrum in the tone of a small northern county, and I unconsciously answered it. They looked at me in awe as if I were a monster from some planet. I laughed, and they laughed. After a brief greeting, they stopped talking and held their bags tightly to their chests. After that, they only make eye contact, put an end to language expression and guard against infringement by others or things. I'm at a loss. In front of this crowded crowd, it suddenly turned into cold stones, one by one highlighting the external edges and doubts, without trust and temperature, one by one alert and conservative.
I saw a funny post on WeChat, asking, what would you do if you saw a person being hit by a car and the scene was extremely horrible? Reply: Take photos and send them to friends. For an instant, I was speechless, and this picture appeared in front of me. On the busy street, people coldly cross the scene and rush to their respective destinations. Could it be a coincidence that the relatives of the injured happened to pass by here and he didn't feel anything about it?
On the train, a young woman sat next to her with a baby in her arms. The baby seems to be about one year old. He twisted in his mother's arms for a while, raised his head, or leaned down, sometimes stood up, knelt on his mother's shoulder, and sometimes sat down, trying to squat down. Because I can't talk, I have been making impatient sounds in my mouth. Grandma sat next to a child and kept singing children's songs to him, turning a blind eye to the whole carriage. In her, this child is her whole visual world, and the child doesn't seem to buy it. She didn't stop twisting because of her ridiculous voice, expression or even action, but she was still crying.
Grandma took the bottle out of her bag, filled it with water and put it in the child's mouth. The child finally cried. At that time, the car was full of children's cries, and the surrounding eyes were all aimed at the child and his mother and grandmother. Those eyes were indifferent, even disgusted, and did not care.
There is a switch on the child, and since then, his crying will not stop. Later, the mother stood up with her child in her arms and coaxed her as she walked. The child was crying, but his mother obviously didn't see it, or didn't care at all. The child cried and wiped his face with his hands, as if washing his face with tears. Many people should have seen it, including his grandmother, but everyone didn't remind them to wipe their children's bottoms, and the language was blocked at some exit here.
I don't want to talk anymore. I always hesitate when I meet my friends. Some words are meaningless or not, and some words, because times have changed, have no desire to talk. The interaction between people gradually weakens or even disappears. If this continues, I really doubt that I will lose my language function in a few years.
At the moment, I, like a dozen other people around me, stared at everything in front of me indifferently, and the details were deeply engraved in my mind, but I never said anything again. A few years ago, I might have held the baby for her, Doby, to make him happier and quieter. Now, I don't want to and dare not doubt and distrust like an infectious disease. We are all patients.
The child's mother carried the child to the junction of the carriage, and his crying became distant and empty, with a sense of relief. Grandma is talking on the phone alone, and her voice is still very high. She told the people on the other end of the radio that the child was afraid of people and cried badly. Later, I couldn't hear the child crying. A car full of people is still silent, most people are watching their mobile phones, and some people are sleeping. Outside the window, there is a beautiful view of Jiangnan.
When the child cried again, the child's mother complained that he just stopped crying in the toilet and could not stay in it forever. The child's eyes are full of horror, as if the space and breath in front of him are full of danger. He can't resist, can't resist, only crying is amplified.
He is so lonely, in his mother's arms, in the crowd.