Electronic version of student original manuscript:
I love the ancient alleys of Jinan. ?
Especially in the winter in the ancient city, there are tall towers, and looking down, there are wide and thick stone walls, and the narrow ancient alleys connecting the stone walls. Walking in this ancient alley in winter, you don't feel cold but feel comfortable and comfortable.
? Going forward and backward, it’s time to see the ancient city in autumn after seeing winter. The ancient city, ancient alleys, reflections of the mountains and ripples of the water are carved into the simple picture, which is Jinan in autumn. Autumn and winter are inseparable, and they happen to be both in Jinan.
? There must be landscapes in ancient paintings. Walk out of the ancient alley and look into the distance. The layers of the mountain are gray, yellow and green, so intertwined. Some mountains are higher, and the unique green color of the mountains is looming through a layer of mist. Such mountains add a touch of light blue to the sky, and the sunshine also adds color to this painting. Some more cool breeze. As gentle as poetry. Against the backdrop of these ancient alleys, it’s Jinan’s autumn. That scene is so beautiful.
? Set foot on this winding ancient road again. Walking towards the south of Daming Lake, we arrived at the famous Qushuiting Street. The street is not wide, and half of it is occupied by the river. There are old houses with red tiles and green walls on both sides. The street follows the water, and the water follows the street. ?
? On the street, you will see a rare glimpse of old Jinan folk culture. People who are used to high-rise buildings. Walking in this quiet alley. Listen to the long tune played by the old man playing the erhu on the roadside. You have already earned the prosperity that Qushuiting Street once had.
? By this alley. There is a teahouse, which adds some elegance to this ancient alley. When autumn and winter come, I go there to drink a cup of warm tea and look at the tourists outside the window. This scene is so pleasant.
? The ancient city of Jinan is a history book that exudes a fragrance, which you can never tire of reading. This is a memory that belongs exclusively to this ancient alley. It needs to be savored and read carefully. The Creator really loves Jinan very much. . ?
(550 words)
Advantages:
1. The material is selected from the surrounding scenery and focuses on Jinan cultural elements.
2. Use beautiful language and use rhetoric.
3. The content is substantial and the ideas are relatively clear. He wrote about the natural beauty and humanistic beauty of the ancient alleys.
Improvements:
1. The writing ideas and article structure continue to be refined.
2. In the content of natural beauty, there are too many interfering scenes, such as too many descriptions of towers and mountain views, which dilute the main position of the ancient alleys.
3. Collect information and further enrich the content.
4. Sublimate the theme and reflect the profound connotation of cultural prose.
Revised draft: (Yang Qing, Class 2, Grade 2)
Escape from the hustle and bustle of Quancheng Road and walk north along the narrow Xigeng Street, and soon you will reach Qushuiting Street .
Here you can touch the warmth of the years and chant the seasons. In the lingering time, feel the leisure and comfort, and feel the rhythm of the soul.
? At noon in winter, the sun breaks through the haze and shines through the gaps in the clouds. There is a pocket park at the corner of the alley of Qushuiting Street. The old men were playing chess and cards around the stone table, while the old women were holding their children in the pavilion on the other side and enjoying the daily routine. The chess pieces fell to the ground, and the sound of cards being thrown echoed in the streets along with the sounds of children learning to speak.
? The river flows slowly along one side of the stone path, and the water plants dance with long green sleeves, floating and rippling in the direction of the water; the path meanders along the river, walking on the bluestone road. Move forward, slowly savor the quietness of the alley at noon, and watch people at both ends of life enjoy the happy time of life. ?
? In the spring and summer, thousands of green threads sway gently in the wind, stirring the old houses with broken bricks and tiles. There is vitality in the antiquity, and there is no lack of vitality in the silence. The clear spring water flows in the courtyard, on the streets, and at the end of the alley, singing softly in the lives of every household. People on the street go to the river to wash rice and wash clothes, while urchins play in the water and old men fish.
After the aroma of the food wafted out, no one was around in an instant, and only the weeping willows and crystal clear river water were left outside. The days were rippling slowly, simple but tender...
< p> ? Jinan in autumn is a feast of colors. Who has planted ginkgo in their yard? The golden fan leaves float out from the broken tile walls like butterflies. The orange-red round leaves of cotinus also join in the fun. The fiery red five-pointed maple, Still green willow leaves... A gust of wind blew by, and the blue brick road was quickly decorated with large-scale paintings by them. Against the white walls and gray tiles, it was hard to tell whether it was a watercolor or an oil painting.? In a daze, you will feel that the poetry and wine gathering of the literati of the Wei and Jin Dynasties has not gone far. The carriages and horses of the government, the provincial examination of Gongyuan, and the prosperity of the Confucian temple are all as before your eyes.
It is like a dream, engraved with a bit of alluring tenderness, and tinged with the vicissitudes of romance...
? My dear, if you come to Jinan, I will accompany you to walk on Qushuiting Street and in the alleys. In the ancient rhyme, accompanied by the spring water, we look back at the quiet and simple gaze together, and pursue the waiting across time and space.
? In the depths of time, the fragrance ripples in the heart; in the cycle of time, several thoughts rise and fall in the heart.
The affectionate gifts from our ancestors make us feel a little panic and embarrassed - what do we leave to future generations?