Gu Yitong
When I woke up,
It has stopped flying.
The wind and flowers in spring are gentle.
Butterfly theory
She just wants to sleep here.
Comments: 1: The language is childlike, but not refined enough. Language quality is second, but at least it can avoid low-level mistakes such as inconsistent names and typos.
2. Talking about the poem itself, the meaning is too simple. Let it say something. Now that the butterfly has said it, you have to create a field suitable for the butterfly to speak, and suddenly an embarrassing sentence comes. Short poems should make full use of their characteristics to help themselves.
Trinity Comments: There is a hazy aesthetic feeling.
Comment: There is no resistance to fine short poems. The wonder of short poems lies in their infinite imagination! The author uses a butterfly to express his feelings. If it's such a gentle dream, why don't you sleep? However, more than that, the gentleness of the small world is willing to awaken in the big world.
Ll: As soon as I woke up, it fell asleep. My butterfly dream, or I dream of butterflies, is that I will sleep when spring comes, because butterflies are intoxicated in spring, or I don't want to miss the tenderness of spring? Maybe it's spring all the year round in the dream.
Lust for the prosperity of the city center.
Remaining numb joys and sorrows
Indulge in the years when you don't understand amorous feelings
It's just that I'm a little angry with my emotional obsession.
Why miss the past when you can't make ends meet?
Numa in new clothes is pale after the pale dog in white.
The obsession on the fingertips is always too cruel.
Can't control the fleeting moment.
Can't catch the ethereal heart
Give yourself feelings of ecstasy.
It is better to be boundless than thoughtful.
Only in the end, loneliness, blandness and mediocrity are also quite good.
Comments: The first feeling this poem gave me was like dividing the flashy "ancient beauties" in the qq tribe into several sections. I went back to the car and looked forward to falling in love, but I couldn't be together. It is not impossible to write ancient poems, but it is not written like this. Ancient poetry pays attention to meaning and context. If they are too flashy, the meaning will be split. Writing poetry is still vast, lonely, dull and mediocre.
Trinity comment: a beautiful dream is just a dream, so it is better to live this life flatly and faintly. If you sing it as a song, it should be very nice.
Comments: Then I'll sing a song: Looking Back.
I used to ask questions repeatedly when I fainted.
I just know that plain leisure is true.
To tell the truth, this poem is neither good nor bad, but it is too far from the point. Where are the butterflies?
I want to see butterflies. You said you were a butterfly! Oh, okay.
I used to ask questions repeatedly when I fainted.
I just know that plain leisure is true.
Ll: I can't forget that touching past, and now there is nowhere to put the rest of the moment, which is so similar to human love. The dullness after love is so pale, and the moment when there is no response is so difficult and so lonely. If you can't go back, just let it go. You still need to move forward silently in the future.
3. Butterfly Dream
-Carmel
Lush forests and mottled yards
no difference
Every leaf will have fresh and shy memories.
I am not a good listener.
With wings of truth and fantasy.
Reject desolation
I try my best to make it beautiful.
Turn into mud.
I can't wait for a voice to cry for me.
Comments: A clever song is not good, but it is also a kind of interpretation. At least the meaning of dreams is in it. The collision between illusory beauty and reality is like ashes and mud, and a heavy feeling arises spontaneously. Just not beautiful, butterfly dream, what a beautiful topic.
Trinity comment: If falling red is a heartless thing, then soft fingers surround butterflies and dreams.
Comment: I am the best! I am the best!
LH: Butterflies are very small. A flower is a world, and a leaf is a bodhi. Butterflies always want to see how big the world is Every leaf wants to stop. Butterflies want to prove their existence, but who wants to witness it? It is well known that butterflies are beautiful. Perhaps this poem can appreciate the persistence of a little life and the embellishment it tries to add to the world.
Comment: Another girl who likes antique style. The butterfly came out, but she didn't feel love. It's best not to sigh at the back. There is always something stronger than memory ... why ... you should write poetry and complain in a more advanced way. Some parts of this language still need polishing. It doesn't matter. Take your time. Even so, there are some bright spots in this sentence.
Trinity Comments: become a butterfly broke the cocoon and was born in the sun.
Comment: Love in weight is strange, but everything else is fine. It is very poetic to read, and it will be much smoother if it is removed, and the whole article has nothing to do with love. Perhaps the author will say that the whole poem is because of love. Well, I am blind in half an eye. Can you make love clear next time?
Ll: The butterfly cried, but it was born in winter? Whether it is winter or the desolation of spring, how can it live without a breath of spring? The beautiful scenery imagined in cocoon and pupa is the pursuit of butterflies. In that long dream, how could I wake up so willingly?
Every day in early autumn and September is melancholy.
Those straight little trees face the sky.
Like love, it thrives.
The blue sky is overhead.
There is a cotton-white cloud floating in the sky.
As long as you have faith in your heart
It will never leave you.
Comment: Are these two paragraphs poems? The first paragraph is quite smooth, with a pleasant sensation in one go, full of emotions, which means retrogression. There is also a cynical image, which can be written down according to the meaning of the first paragraph. The second paragraph is abrupt, not out of line, and the momentum is obviously weak, giving people a top-heavy feeling.
Trinity comment: I plunged into this muddy stream and grew my faith into a towering tree.
Comment: The Beatles played the violin, and the people who ate melons fell to the ground. Is it still a poem that the radical Liangshan hero and the melancholy Liang Shanbo partner? Don't! All surnamed Liang.
Ll: You have faith in your heart, and walking in this world has power. Darkness still exists, but in my opinion, the sky and clouds overhead will not be affected by this darkness, and I will be like them. But it is not clear what this belief is insisting on. Go with the flow, or forget it.
When you left, the forest was filled with black fog.
Now, the black fog has not dispersed.
I set foot on the opaque path, calling
Come back, my baby
Everyone is thinking about their own business.
No one will blame you for leaving when you come back.
When you left, the morning dew wet the stone beside the grass.
Now, the stars stare at each other in the night sky.
I stood under the moon and looked at the shadow of the forest.
The stream whispers the mystery of the night.
Everyone went in and dreamed.
When you come back, no one will find that you left.
When peaches ripen again and again
When the vines are green and yellow, yellow and purple.
I looked at the shadow facing the sun.
Pack your bags quietly.
Baby, don't come back.
You will know when you come back.
A large group of uniform heads.
Comments: 1. The language is too heavy and not clean enough. You are writing poetry in the form of a novel. When you are in a hurry, you can tell them directly. When appropriate, you will shout a few more times. There are many images, and there is no strong connection between them. The form of one or two paragraphs makes the third paragraph look awkward. You can have lyrical words, but if you want to learn lyricism well, you must at least pretend to have a sense of culture. Otherwise, you can only say, ah, you're back, ah, you don't love me.
2. What does retrograde mean? I don't see it in the poem.
Have advantages, but don't say it.
Trinity comment: There is a feeling of sunflower. When you meet the sunshine with it, you are also facing a large group of people.
Comments: Feelings are full, but not detailed enough. Perhaps the landlord rarely tries this style of poetry, and it seems that the delicate place is still confusing. Some words are not in harmony with the overall tenderness, and the final inflection point is not sudden, but it can't highlight the climax. After all, the starting point is already so high.
Refute the comments of 1 It's dark and I can't see the sun, but I know it's always there. You didn't see the retrograde. The whole poem is a retrograde shadow.
Ll: Call your partner, lover or yourself? The meaning of coming back is because I'm here, and I'm not coming back because I'm leaving. I waited for you again and again, but you never showed up. Time is too hard, I don't want to wait any longer. Please don't stay, the hesitant figure finally says goodbye, and I will travel far.
-Never home.
I woke up before dawn.
I can't feel it except adding two more clothes this season.
They said there was a virus, so I didn't go out.
I'm awake, asleep, awake.
It doesn't work.
I want to work.
I also want my boss to tell me to delay my work.
No company, no one.
Who must accompany you?
So I woke up before dawn.
I slept for a while.
Comments: It's a bit like entering the country, but intentionally or unintentionally. The whole poem is very light, so even if it is tangled with contradictions, it is indifferent. It should be said that it is rather foggy, such as what we are experiencing now. Ordinary things have become unusual again, such as going out to sleep, so I wake up and go to sleep at night, hiding a lot of worries in the middle. I like the sentence "I can't feel this season except adding two more clothes".
Trinity comments: the sky will be bright and people will live.
Comments: Bad review, extremely poor! Reading the first comment is even more disgusting. When hooligans meet fans, anything strange can happen. Let me give you an analogy.
It's not dusk yet, but I'm going to have afternoon tea.
Ah! Dusk, how poetic!
Afternoon tea, so romantic!
Why do you have afternoon tea so early? There are many hidden worries in this.
I like it very much: dusk hasn't come yet.
Ll: I want to go out and be lazy. It's no use thinking too much. Go to sleep.
orchid
pack one's luggage
buy time
March in the dark
Heart is China.
Soul reappearance
Skyquake's land consciousness
Fight again, fight again-
Comment: Come on.
Trinity comments: invincible, invincible
Comment: I poke my eyes for the sake of darkness.
Ll: Retrograde is exclusive to the retrograde, and unyielding is the soul of the retrograde.
Comments: I saw an eagle, a very immature poem, but it digressed, and the most important thing was done. In the process of writing, you can try to get rid of some very empty words and replace them with sentences similar to (……). Generally speaking, it is a poem with great momentum.
Trinity comments: the laws of nature, the freedom of bondage, the shackles of struggle, and some brave people.
Comment: Some poems are difficult to read, but the impression is lingering. Some poems dare not comment for fear of weakening the artistic conception. Is it a dream or an illusion? It's just an obsession with the dawn.
Ll: Retrograde is pain, arrogance, unwillingness to go against the wind, and the eagle's pursuit of freedom. I am an eagle. Although I am forgotten, I still want to fly.
Step 6 go backwards
-Carmel
A beautiful melody came from midnight.
In old poems, widows are awake.
Tear the black sky
Pour shining silver light.
Only a moment's touch.
Dawn and the future
Your shadow is swaying in the dim light.
Seems to have stepped into a more desolate dynasty.
A long-lost poet
Bring money.
So you read the tears.
Smash your golden dreams one by one.
Your eyes
Never been so determined.
Comment: The word "leisure" is not well used. This poem is about a warrior, which has a strong impact between sentence and imagination.
Trinity Comments: Write a prairie fire with thunder as the pen, night as the ink and thought as the paper.
Comments: the thought is far away, and the beat can't keep up. So I threw an egg at them and imagined that it had the power of a bomb. Rhapsody in Silence, a poet who shook hands and made peace across history, has the power of four or two thousand pounds and the ability to turn the tide. Times can be without generals, but not without poets. If the battlefield uses pen and ink to destroy bullets in a romantic way.
Ll: A firm heart will not be annihilated in the falling time, but will survive in the twilight, break the illusion and face the reality bravely. You understand the poet's heart and your own.
The doll cried sadly,
Two glasses of wine spilled on the kang,
That man is missing.
Tears lost their direction,
Crows doodle in the sky.
Mother's hairpin salutes the pawnshop,
Stumbling in the same place.
Grandma's dowry is buried in the backyard,
Who will remember?
The trail of the wilderness,
Counterattack, another year.
Comments: 1. A poem with a strong story. Although there is no mention of the doll's mother, there are images of women who run away. Such a thing is quite common in reality, perhaps sad or helpless. The story is a good story, but tell me, what does this have to do with retrograde?
2. The sentence "Crows scribble in the sky" is a bit abrupt in that place. What happened in the second quarter? At least our style of writing is the same. An unfinished pen of God. .
Trinity comment: sometimes not only the rules are broken, but also someone has to hit the blood.
Comments: The brain-catching article has no poetry, no details, no ending, only naked reality. There may be ten thousand possibilities in life, cruelty is an inescapable fate, and living is war.
This poem is written with great care, but the author can't control the focus of the picture. It is suggested that Mo Yan and Zhang Yimou shoot.
1 comments are wrong. No wonder there are so many problems.
Ll: In the war years, poverty made people sad, and the happiness of the family had long since disappeared, and reunion was far away. In order to make a living, some people have to work in this barren land.
Step 8 go backwards
-sunflower
Now look at the sky.
What color is that?
Or think of the eagle gliding.
Or when you wake up
Your heart misses someone too much.
And a dull pain. What do you call it?
Thousands of pieces were broken from the side.
But these won't make me afraid to back down.
You said come back, come back quickly.
It doesn't seem to give people much pleasure.
But this pleasure is necessary.
The old blind man would rather be dark all his life.
I don't want to trade my life for five minutes to see the world.
I am willing to change, yes!
Salmon struggled to swim to the breeding ground.
Every step, its heart is full of joy.
Even the end is the moment of death.
Comment: lack of poetic sense, the picture comes together. This poem has a strong sense of rhythm as a whole, and it is not difficult to find that some sentences are patchwork of classic lines. But it was not intentional, from bedding to turning around to sprinting, like a fake lens.
Ll: I miss love, light and life. These are all worth paying and jumping with joy. But if I can fulfill my wish, I will lose my life. I am willing to do this, I will not accept my fate!
9. retrogression
Yanzi
The nightmare scared away all my drowsiness.
Use a clear head to calculate
Between daydreaming and dreaming.
Maybe it's a day apart
I am eager to daydream.
At least it won't be like a dream at night.
It scares me.
I'm afraid of the dark
It's like being afraid of having nightmares
You will suddenly lose your mind.
Be possessed when you are afraid
Comment: I have a bold idea to upgrade the equipment obtained from daydreaming to defeat the monsters in nightmares.