Why didn't the Lady Dowager finally marry Daiyu to Baoyu?

It should be said that among grandchildren, Jia Jia loves Baoyu the most for boys and Daiyu the most for girls. Not to mention why I love Baoyu the most, now let's talk about why I love Daiyu the most. There are Daiyu, Baochai, Xiangyun, Baoqin, yingtan Xi Sanchun and Xing Xiuyan in the Grand View Garden. Among these granddaughters, Lady Jia loves Daiyu the most. Why does Lady Jia love Daiyu the most? First of all, when Dai came for the first time, she put Daiyu in the blue gauze cabinet nearest to Grandmother Jia. When Daiyu didn't come, only Baoyu could enjoy this treatment, and others, such as Ying Sanchun and Jia Huan, could not enjoy it. Daiyu came and enjoyed the same treatment as Baoyu. Compared with other grandchildren, my grandmother loves Daiyu more. Secondly, in terms of service personnel, there are also concessions. When Daiyu came, she only brought two people, one was Sister Wang and the other was Xueyan, a ten-year-old maid. Grandmother Jia saw that Xueyan was young, but she was not young. She is four years older than Daiyu, and Mammy Wang is very old. In the same situation that other service staff welcomed Sanchun, they gave her a second-class maid, Ying Ge. Grandmother Jia gave all the maids in the room to others, only Baoyu and Daiyu. Xiren and Qingwen were originally used by the old lady, but later they were given to Baoyu. Now that Daiyu has arrived and given Ying Ge to Daiyu, it can be seen that my grandmother loves Daiyu more than anyone in her grandchildren except Baoyu. Why does Grandmother Jia love Daiyu? First of all, it goes without saying that Baoyu is his grandson and Daiyu is his granddaughter and daughter. By blood, she must have kissed Baochai, Baoqin and Xiangyun. Xiangyun is also her granddaughter, but not her own brother's granddaughter, but an uncle's granddaughter, which is bound to go further than Daiyu. Baochai and Baoqin are only daughters of the daughter-in-law Mrs. Wang's sister, and they can't be compared with Daiyu Xiangyun at all. You know, blood is always thicker than water. Secondly, when Daiyu was a child, her parents died and she was lonely, which made people feel sympathy, not to mention her grandmother's sympathy. Sanchun, Baochai, Baoqin and so on. Everyone has their own parents or siblings to get together, or at least one relative around. Although Shi Xiangyun's parents are gone, she is much better than Dai Yu because she is embarrassed to live with her aunt and uncle. Jia mu has a kind heart. She has compassion for ordinary poor people, not to mention her own flesh and blood. This is why, besides Baoyu, Grandmother Jia loves Daiyu the most. At first, Grandmother Jia wanted to marry Daiyu to Baoyu. However, why did Jia later change his mind? Why did you change your mind and choose Xue Baochai? The first thing to see here is who loves Daiyu. Compared with Yingchun, Baochai and Xiangyun, Lady Jia certainly loves Daiyu the most, but if compared with Baoyu, Daiyu will come second. Why? First, under the feudal social system, it is the mainstream consciousness and concept of society that men are superior to women. In the end, men are the masters of society and family. Compared with Daiyu, Baoyu is certainly more important than Daiyu. Baoyu will be the pillar of Fu Rong in the future. Although Jia Mu has two sons-Jia She and Jia Zheng, the eldest son Jia She doesn't like it, which will inevitably affect Jia Lian's position in her heart. For various reasons, Jia Mu doesn't like her eldest son Jia She. One possibility is that Jia She is not as good as Jia Zheng. Although Jia She was the boss and impacted the position of the first-class general, she was arrogant and extravagant, and colluded with lawless people to do evil. It was because of her moral corruption that the Jia family was copied later. Jia was tired of playing, so he took his son Jia Lian as a concubine and forced Yuanyang. Jia Mu knew that Jia She was morally corrupt, but Jia Zheng was different. Jia Zheng is studious and enterprising, and is honest and upright for the officials. He is a gentleman, so to speak. Of course, Jia Zheng likes Jia Zheng. There may be another reason why Jia Mu prefers her second son Jia Zheng, that is, Yuan Fei is Jia Zhengsheng's daughter. From this perspective, Jia Mu will also like Jia Zheng better. Because it is Jia Zheng's daughter who brings incomparable glory and noble status to Jia Fu, it is understandable that Jia Jia prefers Jia Zheng. So the old lady lived in the main courtyard, leaving Jia Zheng to live in the main courtyard and his eldest son Jia She to live in the side courtyard. Because grandma doesn't like the eldest son, she likes the younger son, and because she loves me, love my dog, she certainly doesn't like Jia Lian and likes Baoyu. This is one of the reasons for loving Baoyu. Second, Baoyu looks like his grandfather Jia Daishan. This is an important reason why Grandmother Jia loves Baoyu. Entrusted by Yuan Chun, Jia Mu led the people from Rongning House to Qingxuguan to get food. Zhang Daochang of Qingxuguan said to Baoyu, "I think a brother's description of his body, words and actions is nothing more than that of the Lord protector of that day!" Grandmother Jia couldn't help crying and said, "Exactly. My son and grandson are not like his grandfather. Only she is like his grandfather. " Jia must have deep feelings for her husband. After so many years, Jia Daishan has probably been dead for decades. Jia Daishan was still in tears when someone mentioned her. It can be seen how deep the grandmother loves her husband. It is because of Jia Jia's deep affection for Jia Daishan that she especially likes and loves Baoyu who looks like her husband. It should be said that grandma loves Baoyu more than half because she loves her grandson, and part of her love for her husband extends to Baoyu. Therefore, compared with Baoyu and Daiyu, Grandmother Jia certainly loves Baoyu more. Jia's love for Baoyu is bound to attract more attention in life, especially marriage, a lifelong event. She must ask her own questions and make her own decisions. She wants Baoyu to live a happy life in the future. She wants to find a good wife for Baoyu. The standard for her to find a wife for Baoyu is to tell Zhang Daoshi, "No matter how precious her foundation is, as long as her appearance is worthy, you can tell me. That family is poor, just give him a few taels of silver. It's just hard to look good. " On the concept of marriage, Jia's concept is still very fashionable. What is rare is that she does not have the concept of belonging to the family in feudal society. From Jia family to Baoyu's life, they can be said to be the home of four generations of officials. Jia's father-in-law is Rong Guogong, and Jia Zheng is a hereditary official for three generations. In addition, the imperial concubine was born at home, which can be said to be the glory of dignitaries to the extreme, and Jia Xue's four big families married each other. This is all because the older generation has the concept of being suitable for the family. I think the marriage between Jia She and Jia Zheng was decided by Jia Daishan's father Rong Guogong. I don't think that old woman had the influence and authority at that time, otherwise they wouldn't all say so. Of course, in marriage, it is best for the other party to have a high family status. The woman or man meets the standard, has money at home, and the higher the social status, the better, which is the icing on the cake. However, when "people" and family can't have both, grandma will of course give up her family. In other words, Jia Mu insisted on two standards in dealing with Baoyu's marriage. First, the appearance should be beautiful, with Baoyu. Because Baoyu is quite beautiful and charming. The book tells him that "its face is like the Mid-Autumn Moon, its color is like the flower of spring dawn, its temples are cut with knives, its eyebrows are like ink paintings, its face is like peach petals, and its eyes are like eyes." Laugh when you are angry, you will be angry and affectionate. "Especially after Baoyu dressed up," the more pink his face is, the fatter his lips are; "Looking forward to love, language often laughs. Natural coquettish, all between the eyebrows; There are thousands of feelings in life, and I am aware of the corners of my eyes. " It should be said that Baoyu is not only beautiful and handsome in appearance, but also has a rare inner temperament beauty. Otherwise, why did Jia Baoyu become a popular lover in the Grand View Garden? Even Miaoyu, who fled into an empty net, had fantasies about him. Therefore, the Lady Dowager and Baoyu must value their wives first. Jia's second criterion is that she must have a good personality. What is Jia Mu's personality standard? It should be gentle, considerate and respectful. It should be said that Mrs. Jia first valued Daiyu and wanted to marry her to Baoyu in the future. She often says that Baoyu and Daiyu are a pair of small enemies. Whenever two people disagree, Jia Mu says they are enemies. There's a saying in China, it's not that enemies don't get together. It's often used to describe the comfort words when a husband and wife are angry. So in fact, the old lady has long regarded Baoyu and Daiyu as future couples. Then someone wants to ask, why did the old lady introduce Baoqin to Baoyu as her wife? I think it was a trick of Jia Mu, and it was just an empty shot. She may know privately that Baoqin is seeing someone. In the past, as long as the other party was engaged, others would never find the Lord again. This is an unwritten rule of society at that time, and it is a public morality that everyone should abide by, even the emperor should abide by and cannot be destroyed. For example, if the emperor wants a woman, as long as the in-laws are appointed, they cannot be elected to the palace. Why did some girls don't want to enter the palace at that time, and they tried to find their husband's family before the emperor's draft? This is because no in-laws were elected to the palace. Of course, there are also some emperors, bureaucrats, local tyrants and bullies in society who know that girls are married or married and forcibly take them away, but that is an abnormal phenomenon, belonging to the act of robbing men and dominating women, which is not allowed in the Jia family. Even Jia She wanted to marry Yuanyang, his mother's maid, as a concubine. Yuanyang didn't agree, and Jia She didn't dare to run amok. The old lady wanted to marry Baochai to Baoyu. It is very likely that she knew that Baoqin was seeing someone, so she said it on purpose. The purpose of the smoke bomb is to tell everyone that she has no intention of marrying Baochai to Baoyu, so don't try to get rid of Baochai. By then, she had heard about the marriage of gold and jade. Mrs. Wang must have instilled in her the idea that Baochai is suitable to marry Baoyu, and others, including the maid, may continue to instill in her the idea that Baochai is good for Daiyu and bad for Daiyu. I think Mrs. Jia is old-fashioned Realizing that Baochai was going to marry Baoyu, she deliberately said that she would marry Baoqin to Baoyu, in order to shut up Mrs. Wang and Aunt Xue. Jia Mu didn't like Baochai at first. The forty-fourth time, the grandmother Jia took granny Liu and others to visit the Grand View Garden with great interest. When they came to Xue Baochai's Wu Heng Garden, they only felt the exotic fragrance coming to their nostrils. The colder the strange grass and vines are, the greener they are. They all bear fruit, just like coral bean. Fruit is really delicious. When I entered the room, it looked like a snow cave, without a monochromatic plaything. There is only a rough white and yellow ceramic vase with several chrysanthemums, two books and a tea set. There are only green curtains hanging on the bed, and the mattress is very simple. At that time, Jia Mu thought Baochai was too honest. Grandmother Jia said, You just arrived, and you didn't bring anything at home. I won't say anything if I ask everyone for some. After that, Yuanyang was asked to pick up some antiques. She was angry with the housekeeper, Xifeng, because she didn't send some antique utensils to Baochai. Mrs. Wang and Xifeng told her that Baochai didn't want it, and they all returned it. Aunt Xue also told her that Baochai didn't like it. Grandmother Jia shook her head and said, "No way. Although she saves trouble, if relatives come, it doesn't look like it. Second, young girls, so plain and clean in the room, are also taboo. We, an old woman, should live in a stable more and more. " Grandmother Jia said that Baochai's plain and white furnishings were taboo, but it was unlucky. It seems to indicate that Baochai will be lonely and widowed all her life. Therefore, grandma doesn't like Baochai's words and deeds, and thinks Baochai's future fate will not be too good, fearing that Baoyu will be implicated in the future. Therefore, grandma didn't want to marry Baochai at first. Also, why did Jia Mu ask Zhang Daoshi from the Qingxu Museum to find out and say, "No matter how rich she is, as long as she looks good, you can tell me." One is an excuse. Because Zhang Daoshi wanted to introduce Baoyu to an object, Grandmother Jia refused, saying that the monk said Baoyu was doomed not to marry early, and he would wait until he was older. This is just an excuse to reject Zhang Daoshi. Zhang Daoshi and Jia were contemporaries, and Jia could not refuse, so he had to prevaricate with the monk's words. You know, in those days, people believed in fate, that there were superior people in the sky, and what monks said was authoritative. Second, Jia said that Baoyu's daughter-in-law has only one condition, as long as she looks good, no matter what her family circumstances are. In fact, she is implying that she will marry Daiyu in the future. Daiyu is just good-looking and has no family background. Although her father was a modest official, he died a long time ago and had no family background. This is the foreshadowing for the future marriage of Lady Jia to Daiyu. Grandmother Jia said that Baoyu was destined not to marry early, but in fact he was waiting for Daiyu. Because Daiyu is one year younger than Baoyu, she is still young. Why did grandma change her mind later? The reason is that Baoyu loves Baoyu more than Daiyu, and she hopes Baoyu will be happy all his life. So she must marry Baoyu a daughter-in-law with gentle personality and good looks. Her criteria for marrying Baoyu are beauty and good character. The door is the second best. Of course, it is better to have the right mix, which is the icing on the cake. Daiyu is measured by two standards: beauty and good character. The first one has nothing to say. Daiyu's appearance can be said to be quite beautiful, not just beautiful, enough to deserve Baoyu. The book said that she: "Two bends are like a frown, and a pair of eyes seem to be happy but not happy; It is a disease to have two sorrows; Tears a little, breath slightly; When it's quiet, it's like a dumpling flower shining on the water, and when it's moving, it's like a weak willow The heart is a little more than the stem, and the disease is not as good as the west. "How beautiful Dai jade looks! Two shallow eyebrows like mofei ink wrinkles, a pair of watery almond eyes like joy but not joy, full of affection; Touching modality comes from a sad face, while delicate modality comes from a delicate body. Clever than dry, beautiful than beautiful. How rare do you think such a beautiful woman is? Is it more beautiful than an out-of-touch fairy? Therefore, from the appearance, Daiyu definitely meets the standards set by Jia Mu. The reason why Mrs. Jia didn't choose Daiyu in the end was because Daiyu's character was not up to standard. I think the standard that Jia Mu said should be roughly as follows: First, gentle and considerate personality. Daiyu can't reach this point. Daiyu's personality is small and easy to get angry. Maybe she can be gentle sometimes, but not considerate, but Baoyu is very considerate to her. Knowing that Baoyu and Daiyu were always at odds, Grandmother Jia got angry and quarreled, and sometimes made a scene until Grandmother Jia came out. Sometimes, she is so angry that she even calls them enemies. Two people get angry and fight, which is nothing when they are young. It is normal for children to play and fight together. Sometimes they run together and have a good time before their tears run dry. But it's different when you grow up. Two people want to live together, which is related to their happiness, especially Baoyu's life. Nowadays, we pay attention to equality between men and women. In feudal society, men were superior to women, and Jia Mu's thoughts were open again. The idea that men are superior to women may not be too serious, but it does exist. Women serve men, serve men, serve men well, and make their men feel at ease and healthy in their careers, which is also the dependence of women all their lives. It is impossible for Daiyu to serve Baoyu tenderly and tenderly. On the other hand, Baoyu served Daiyu almost as well. And if a man spends all his energy on housework and serving women, how can he do his career? Without a successful career, how can one stand in society? How to pay homage to ancestors? Grandmother Jia knew that Baoyu and Daiyu were so noisy before they got married. In the future, after they get married, Daiyu's sexual ability will be worse. How can her precious grandson stand it? Therefore, although the Lady Dowager knew that Daiyu loved Baoyu deeply, she would not fulfill them both. The second is to respect the elders and live in harmony with others. When a woman gets married, she is no longer an independent individual. She should take the responsibility of being a daughter-in-law, honor her elders, live in harmony with her peers and servants, and unite with people around her, so that your life can be harmonious and sweet. If your in-laws are dissatisfied with you, your sister-in-law and brother-in-law can't handle the relationship well, and the servant says that you are not good all day, then your life will not be harmonious and beautiful, and it will definitely affect your husband. Officials, in particular, have a large population and complicated relationships. Just like a small society, it is difficult to handle personnel relations well and flow. Let's look at Daiyu's human relations. Jia mu has no problem with her, which is also because Jia mu is her own granddaughter. Mrs. Wang, the future mother-in-law, is enthusiastic about Daiyu on the surface, but cold inside. Aunt Zhao also avoided Daiyu. Among her peers, Daiyu's relationship with Baochai, Xiangyun and Miaoyu is not very good, but rather tense. Baochai and Xiangyun, in particular, are often bickering, angry and awkward. Even the relationship with Yingxi Sanchun is lukewarm. Daiyu is even more unpopular with the people below. Her language is sharp, and the maids all went to Baochai's place and didn't want to play with Daiyu. Daiyu is still very stingy, but the responsibility lies with herself. Seeing that Daiyu was unpopular, Grandmother Jia dared not marry her to Baoyu. If they get married, Baoyu will be alienated from everyone and become a loner. Third, you should have a good hand at needlework, sewing and painting dragons and embroidered phoenixes, which should be almost affordable. A well-off family doesn't have to do rough work on and off the kang, but it can't be needlework at all. Daiyu usually likes to recite poems and read casual books. She may embroider some flowers, but she is certainly not as skilled as Baochai. Fourth, we should have a good figure. As a daughter-in-law, good health is very important. First, a man can't wait on his wife without good health. In feudal society, women were virtuous but not talented, and there was no employment problem. Under normal circumstances, it is men who work hard in the society. Successful men should have their own careers, and unsuccessful men should also undertake the obligation to support their families. Therefore, a woman with good health must build a comfortable nest and a reliable rear area for him. Second, the daughter-in-law should carry on the family line and have children. There are three kinds of unfilial, and the last one is the biggest. In feudal society, there was no problem of family planning, but the more children, the better. The ancients didn't understand that childbirth is the responsibility of both parties, and sometimes the responsibility of childbirth is not the woman but the man. Therefore, the daughter-in-law must be required to have a good body and carry on the family line for the man. Daiyu can't do this. Sick all day. Regarding Daiyu's health, the old lady was uneasy about marrying Baoyu. Therefore, according to the above reasons, grandma finally did not marry Daiyu to Baoyu. The couple didn't get married in the end.