Look back at what you did. Suddenly, I was shocked. I have never found that I am so restless and ambitious, always sending my thoughts to infinity. Often irrational, duplicity, no signs of maturity, like a tireless naughty urchin, not on the right path, unrepentant, grumpy, cough! Living at this age, I always feel that there is no lack of pursuit in life. How can I be embarrassed and accomplish nothing? Should I really catch up with reflection and vigilance?
I have always felt that I am persevering in pursuing a sacred goal. Now it seems that the goal is still far away and boundless. What makes you struggling, or do you unconsciously deviate from the direction? What caused the sailing ship to run aground on the beach? What makes me unable to keep my loneliness, so restless and eccentric? I can't figure it out.
As early as the youth, rebellious psychology began to sprout. Should be the object of revolution, but determined to rebel vanguard, being a poet has always been a dream. There is "Poetry Sword" as proof: "I want to write poetry as a sword and dance with a light cold sword. The young eagle spread its wings and asked Kunlun, and Li was more green. " . Although I am respectful and polite in appearance, I am defiant and arrogant in my bones. "The sword sweeps away the world of mortals, and the long wind connects heaven and earth." Although a little boastful, I also speak my mind, but I still can't struggle out of the cocoon, leaving myself a little regret. After all, there was a historical background at that time, so we should look at it historically. This is probably to find reasons for our sophistry. I also complained for myself, "I will definitely call that frivolous and heavy-eyed beauty to dance wildly with angry swords." But after all, it was all crazy talk when I was young. I am a lonely goose that has lost its group. Once I get back to my nest, I won't think about my previous dreams. I will comfort myself with my scabbard.
Later, perhaps influenced by the general climate, poetry became "light" with the planned economy. But I still don't want to give up my dream of becoming a poet. Although my enthusiasm has decreased, I still write a poor article for myself from time to time. Occasionally meet experts, you can also ask for advice. After several points, I failed to make it, and I was disheartened to confirm that a stubborn stone had no carving value. One day at the age of 30, inspiration suddenly reappeared, and the ups and downs of poetry broke out again. Therefore, with the inspiration of "Road", I can only walk silently from now on, and there is no longer whimsical hope.
No matter what one wants to achieve, he must have a deep foundation, which is the same as building a tall building. The higher the building, the deeper the foundation. I know I have a shallow foundation. If I were a reed on the wall, I would feel more empty in my stomach. I dare not talk quickly. Only down-to-earth study is the only way out. Perhaps this is another seemingly reasonable reason for fidgeting, but a middle-aged professional woman, who is also a housewife, is supported by her parents and raised by her children, shouldering a heavy burden and must stand up straight.
The spring tide of market economy is beating the traditional ideological levee that has been stuck for more than two thousand years. Finally, one day, the levee burst, and people suddenly found that the "benefit" that was originally talked about was actually so cute, and "a gentleman does not say harm" became history.
People flocked to the seaside, and many people rushed to the sea to catch the world before they could take off their clothes and throw off their shoes and socks. More people are waiting, waiting. At this point, my heart is restless. So, I put aside the idea of "miscellaneous" and quietly went to the seaside to pick and choose.
A year later, I never took diet pills again and drank a cup of diet tea. I naturally lost more than ten kilograms, which made my girlfriend envy me. I secretly asked the secret recipe for losing weight. This secret recipe will naturally not spread easily, and only close friends will make an exception. The secret of losing weight is only clear in your heart. Only when I personally experienced the ebb and flow of the tide, my heart was pounding for that "little thing" that made you unable to eat or sleep. After that, my heart will never end and my thoughts will be at a loss.
When my thoughts were scattered by the sea breeze, I suddenly found that I didn't cherish these "little things" very much, and my treasure was still the "inspiration" that could never be excavated. So, I bid farewell to the "little thing" and said to it emotionally: I'm sorry, I chose you wrong before, but you are really charming and exciting. My lovely energy is limited. I don't want to spend more time looking for you, leaving me at a loss about you.
Find yourself, work hard, crawl on the land that belongs to you, and hope that one day we can meet in the rustling autumn. The hope of hard work is hard and sweet; Being disgusted and giving is painful, and there is no regrets. The yearning mood is so pious and anxious, and confidence and worry have always accompanied me. But the hope of growth has to go through wind and rain, heat and autumn frost, so long.
Hard work is fun, and Tao Ran can't forget self-appreciation. As long as there is a green leaf and a flower fragrance, the ego will swell and fly. Occasionally, inspiration suddenly appears, straight into the beautiful world, whimsy, you will calmly put pen to paper, if the neon fountain, it is incisive, incisive! Come on!
Send out, an idea drives the inner slave, and then stage a tragicomedy. Hope and despair play the leading role, hope always appears first, and despair always appears frequently. Although they are enemies of life and death, they also cherish each other. From this tragicomedy, I realized a truth: the most desirable and hopeful hope is the easiest to die; The most distressing despair often hides a glimmer of hope inside. If there is no despair, everything will cease to exist. Only in this way can a glimmer of hope rise from the broken ruins.
However, more often, the brain can only copy a blank sheet of paper, which can't satisfy the restless desire, so it begins to doubt the truth, deny inspiration, and desperately dig and fabricate. It is often because thinking is fixed in a fixed framework, which is not vivid and deliberately dull. I am so tired that I have no choice but to turn back to the starting point. Finally, I think the primary colors of life are too monotonous to light up the sky of hope. How can I rest my mind?
I can't help but admit that restlessness has cost me a lot, and it has also made me taste the bitter fruit of failure, but it also often makes me have pleasant reverie, enjoy that luxurious happiness, and let me taste the five flavors of life; Let me experience romance and passion; Let me put aside emptiness and boredom; Makes me feel full and confident. Agitation can always end the bitterness of disappointment; Always arousing the urge of desire. Write here, fidgeting, puzzling. You never know the final result, but you are never willing to let go. Maybe this is my interpretation of life.
I really don't know when I will settle down and whether I can settle down. I think, if there really is that day, then I believe that my heart must be old.