My daughter is about to turn three months old. She seems to have learned to recognize people. Since September 17, she has always said a lot of meaningless baby talk to me. When she hears my The laughter also made his mouth wide open.
She ate well and slept soundly, waking up exactly every three hours.
My wife and I put her in the middle. Every time she wakes up at night, we can find that she has arched herself forward from the original position until the top of her head reaches the edge of the bed to protect her. The pillow didn't give up, and the body began to move forward diagonally.
Normally, my wife would carefully let her lie down for a while after she finished feeding and when she was in a good mood, but she no longer cried, but looked around curiously, and her saliva remained after lying down for so long. Reluctant to lower his head, he stretched out his hands and kicked his legs, smiled from the left to the right, and occasionally shouted loudly twice. He did not start to protest until he was tired, but even so he was not willing to lower his head and rest for a while. This strength makes adults Tsk-tsk, it seems she is about to learn to stand up.
At the same time, I feel that the changes in myself are quite big. It can be said that all the changes are basically brought to me by my daughter, and the important thing is that these changes are basically towards the future. The good stuff is moving forward, leaving me to think about it after she falls asleep.
In terms of understanding, I want to understand a few things.
First of all, my wife’s love for me is not based on my relationship with my parents. This is correct. Then the general direction is good. I can discuss other details with her slowly. If there are any, then correct them; if not, then encourage them.
Secondly, I love my wife and I cannot just look at the small things and ignore the big things. I can't blame her for not being able to take care of the baby just because I'm at work and my wife is still on maternity leave because the baby has a red bottom or spits up milk. Invisibly, this ignores most of her efforts.
In terms of personality, I used to have a short temper and was quite impatient.
What's the impatience method?
When I was alone and working overtime at night, my legs hit the table and it hurt, so I would scold my mother. How stupid and narrow-minded this is to curse the corner of the table after touching it!
The ancients said that you should be careful when you are alone. It turns out that you can only see your true nature when you are alone. For example, when I spend the weekend alone at home, I will make do with it all day long, but I always blame my wife for not eating well, and there is something wrong at home. I also need to go out for snacks. Another example is that when I am preparing to be on duty in the lobby, I often spend most of the day reading a book but watching videos. However, I always blame my wife for not being able to put down her mobile phone. Self-cultivation really has to start when you are alone.
My wife also has an impatient personality, and she can associate a lot of things with a little bit of things, and it is impossible to reason with her. , even a few casual conversations were regarded by her as criticism and education, which turned into internal conflicts among the people and launched family struggles.
The two of them had a lot of stumbling blocks together, but to put it bluntly, it was all trivial matters that mattered.
Being young makes us reluctant to face it head-on. Problems have been accumulated for a long time, and no matter how fierce the argument is, it will not help.
The conflicts are getting deeper and deeper. When it comes to talking about it, the two people always fall into a vicious circle of listing crimes and self-flagellation. They are neither willing to bow their heads and reflect on themselves, but also know that they are separated from each other. I don't like each other, so I complain that I got married too soon, and at the same time reluctantly take the initiative to make some small repairs, hoping that my life can continue to live. When I encounter something worth laughing about, I will temporarily forget about the knots in my heart and continue. Live that small life of beauty and passion that is still pleasing to the eye, even though you know you have not completely let go of your grudges.
We all know that neither of them is the open-minded and generous type, otherwise they would not be able to get together.
We don’t know that when we are angry, we say things that completely ignore the feelings of the other person, and even the feelings of both parents, and we do things that completely ignore the efforts and responsibility of our lovers, and our inner thoughts are even more... He is extreme to the point of being extreme, desperate, and desperate, all he needs is a heavy artillery strike to achieve a decisive kill.
But with children, everything is different.
Children should live in a better world than ours. The first thing to bear in this is how to be a qualified parent, what kind of instruction and influence can be given to her so that she can develop science, health, discipline and orientation. Good habits so that she can develop an attitude of optimism, positivity, peace, and elegance, and face the world with an attitude of neither giving up easily nor going all the way, so that when she grows up, she can use her own life to prove that "one generation is better than the next." The motto "better than the previous generation" is definitely not a lie.
The first step is to change, change ourselves, correct our mistakes, make up for our shortcomings, correct our gains and losses, and balance our weaknesses.
We have to change, we have no choice but to change, otherwise everything will be empty talk!
And we understand that even if we can't change it for a while, we still have to learn to restrain ourselves.
Because learning to be restrained is only the first step towards maturity. The attitude and behavior of being casual and showing off to the end have parted ways with us, and we are still far away from being able to be relaxed and relaxed.
Of course we understand that we are still several stages away from "not being confused" to "doing what one wants and not going beyond the rules" before we can truly understand the words "hiding clumsiness over skill and using obscurity to make things clear".
At the age of thirty, we see a lot and hear a lot.
We don’t want to blame our children for not progressing in their studies while playing mahjong every day.
I don’t want to be unable to put my phone down every day but blame my children for not studying seriously.
I don’t want to use words as the opening and closing remarks of all occasions and then blame my children for not looking good when they go out.
I don’t want to be a monk and hit the clock all day without planning, but blame the child for being careless and hairless.
I don’t want to eat and wait to die but blame my children for wasting their time.
I don’t want to rely on my parents to find a job but blame my children for sitting on the job.
I don’t want to blame the children for disrespecting the elderly.
I don’t want to blame my child for being narrow-minded when I am stubborn.
I don’t want to blame my child for being ignorant because I am ignorant.
I don’t want to blame my children for being incompetent while being strong on the outside.
I don’t want to blame my children for being extravagant and wasteful.
I don’t want to blame myself for my child’s lack of quality.
I don’t want to blame my children for not being able to make friends because I value profit over justice.
I don’t want to spend my whole life speculating and blaming my children for not knowing the rules.
I don’t want to despise family affection but blame my children for not knowing filial piety.
I don’t want to blame my children for learning to lie early on if I don’t mean what I mean.
I don’t want to take it as my responsibility to stir up trouble in other people’s homes, but I blame my children for not having lofty ambitions and ideals.
I don’t want her to live in a chaotic environment since she was a child, nor do I want her to be submissive and have no independent opinion when she grows up.
…
When you have a child, you naturally have to consider many things.
She is young and doesn’t understand anything, not to mention issuing birth certificates, registering, applying for social security, and getting vaccines. My wife is particularly worried about her health, and she has done all these things.
And I always think about what kind of person you want your children to become. You have to think carefully.
In the past, I would have thought "The Outsider" was an interesting discussion, but with her, I don't want her to become Meursault at all, at least one who has experienced all the ups and downs before becoming one. , but don’t treat the world negatively without experiencing anything.
In terms of character, I don’t want her to be a top student like Hermione, nor do I want her to be a crazy girl like Luna.
In terms of career, I neither agree with Su Dongpo's "I only hope that my child will be foolish and reckless, and will be able to serve as a minister without any disasters", nor do I want her to work hard and die for a grand theme.
As for her destiny, I would rather advocate that she be calm and stable, and do whatever she wants at any age, as Sister Sheng said. Don’t be as smart as Wang Qiyao but end up miserable, let alone be as confused and miserable as Li Baoli. Working hard for half a life and getting nothing.
For myself, at work, because I have the next generation, I naturally understand better what responsibility is, want to do well, and think about ways to do well.
When she was just born, my mother slept in the second bedroom, and my mother and I slept on the bed in the master bedroom. I made a bed on the floor next to the bed because I was afraid that I would move around and crush her while she fell asleep. Although I have always slept honestly and took the initiative to sleep on the floor, and I even had diarrhea in the days when the weather turned colder, I still feel it is worth it to see her getting better and better and becoming more regular.
I would rather watch her fall asleep and then quietly get out of bed and go to the kitchen to drink a little wine and smoke a few cigarettes. Afterwards, I would wash up and lie next to her, rather than attend any evening dinners.
Because I know that once I go there, I won’t be able to get home unless I eat from 7 or 8 o’clock until early in the morning, and I will have to sleep on the sofa because I smell like cigarettes and alcohol.
In my opinion, the most important thing for a child is not spending money or sending her to learn this or that, but companionship.
My mother has been a nanny all year round. She often says that many children today lack love since childhood. Their parents are busy with work and have no time to accompany their children. Children do not understand anything but only cherish their parents around them. As time goes by, he seems to be good at relying on him. He clings to his body when his parents are around, and cries like hell when his parents leave.
She also said that when I was little, I would be around her every day, doing everything non-stop. When did my first sentence when I came home from school be "Mom"? Only when you hear the response can you feel at ease and then you can do other things.
At that time, she often thought: It would be great if there was a place to store children like the small luggage storage at the train station. She would be much more relaxed even if I was sent away for a day...
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Now I understand that in addition to the feelings that I am no longer with her when I am an adult, it is more about the rational thinking of raising children.
Now my wife’s daily homework is to smell poop. Every poop she poops, she has to look at it carefully and smell it up close. The color is not too golden. It didn't turn dark green or khaki, and the smell was slightly sour and slightly stinky - she was relieved.
Every inch of a child's body is growing up little by little day by day, and you may not be able to notice it even if you get along day and night.
One day, we suddenly discovered: Oh, her hands are so big and her body is so long, and we suddenly felt that she was growing very fast.
At the beginning, her hands were so thin and small that I would sweat profusely even if I cut a nail.
Later, I found that it was especially easy to cut when I was halfway through feeding. I had to pull which finger was which.
Later, I could cut her nails when she was breastfeeding, when she was asleep, and when she was awake and waving her hands and feet, I felt no less accomplished. I wrote a good article or completed a big job at work.
You think about it, her patience is undoubtedly tested more when she is awake. She has to gently coax: "Oh, there are four fingers left, don't move around, stay quietly for a while, you know." "You have to strike decisively, see the right moment and strike with one blow, and wait for the opportunity to strike again. When it's done, it's not smooth until you touch it. Well, it's okay, so you won't gouge your face.
…
Just the night before she learned to have meaningless conversations, my wife suddenly had a fever of 39 for no reason. She did not dare to disturb the old mother-in-law who was sleeping. Baidu After checking, the most reliable possibility was that it was caused by breast engorgement, so I sucked out the breast milk and wiped her body with a warm wet towel. Finally, her temperature dropped to 37.5. After sleeping for an hour, the fever went back to 38.5. That night If I dare to continue breastfeeding and struggle until dawn, I quickly report to my work and community and ask for leave to go to the hospital.
The epidemic had just passed at that time, and the police station car drove us to the hospital, and we had to go to the designated Fifth Affiliated Hospital in the new urban area.
I put my wife down and continued to take my mother-in-law and daughter to the medical school for a physical examination. She had been unable to go out. She had not had her vaccinations or 42-day physical examination, and she did not dare to delay.
There happened to be a lot of cars around the hospital, so we had to park the car on Xibajiahu Road and walk to the hospital with her in our arms, going back and forth between the pediatric department and the B-ultrasound room. Fortunately, the baby was surprisingly well-behaved. , I was particularly cooperative during the fluoroscopy. Fortunately, my hip and skull were normal, and I was one step closer to getting vaccinated.
That day, my wife’s test results came out and it was indeed acute mastitis. The doctor prescribed cephalosporin and told her not to breastfeed for a week, but also arrogantly refused to keep her under observation for three days.
So I went back to my days as a dairy farmer. After feeding her the milk bottle at night, I started to express milk for my wife.
There is no need to store the milk, just put some old clothes on it and squeeze it all out. At this time, there will be no obstruction. With a little effort, a large amount of milk will gush out. It is much easier than when you just gave birth. , but it still takes a lot of trouble to completely squeeze out the deep knot.
I was on duty on September 18. That night, my wife was in a daze until three o'clock in the morning in order to squeeze out the lump. Later, I also learned the technique from her, and my mother-in-law also tried her best to adjust. I ate a light diet with less soup, and those days were pretty smooth.
The 19th was the weekend. I went back and quickly let the two of them have a rest. I carried Haiwa and went shopping for groceries. The sellers in the basement kindly helped me put the groceries into the schoolbag on my back. In the afternoon, we went back to school again. After taking the mother-in-law to get her hair done, the adults' moods were adjusted well.
At 4 o'clock in the morning on the 20th, after finishing feeding, she actually laughed out loud, her voice was surprisingly clear, and I, the second-year-old monk, couldn't figure it out - "Why are you laughing? It's so late at night, go to sleep." , go to sleep..."
On the 23rd, my wife was ready to start breastfeeding again, and the little guy who had been eating a bottle for another week took it in his mouth and swallowed it without hesitation, which also made him sad. My wife was quite pleased and had another reason to praise - "You are so good, what a good mother's egg!"
...
Finally, Wang Jinkang wrote an article The science fiction novel "Observation Record: Maternal Love and Death" uses montage to show the survival choices of two mothers in the Tangshan earthquake in reality and the San Francisco earthquake 100 years later. Of course, the stories are all fictional, and the purpose of science fiction writers is to reveal whether the advancement of technology will lead to the decline of the glory of human nature, but the discussion is still impressive.
The story tells the different fates of two mothers who were buried with their children in two earthquakes.
The mother in the Tangshan earthquake was uneducated, but loved her own flesh and blood. She repeatedly blamed herself for spilling a bowl of non-existent milk, and had no choice but to feed it with her own blood. child, but she did not survive.
The Kochi mother who suffered the San Francisco earthquake also loved her cloned, artificially surrogate, and robot-cared-for baby. However, after finding the milk supply tube in the wall, she gave priority to swallowing it herself to save energy. Although He also made efforts to save the child, but could not resist the temptation of hunger. After rational thinking, he ate his dead daughter's arm in exchange for holding on until he was rescued.
This story shocked me for a long time. In my current understanding, I was deeply moved by the uneducated mother who saved her child with her life, but I also often felt that I had devoted myself to my child. Far less than what my mother gave me, so I dare not make any judgments about Kochi’s mother.
However, after seeing this, I think people who don’t want to get married or who haven’t had children yet will also want to have a child.
Because I am like this. In the past, I always felt that I was still a child. How could I take care of my children? I was not ready to be a parent at all. But after having children, many things come naturally. Children It is hope, the meaning of life continuation, and an opportunity for parents to become better versions of themselves.
Raising children is a spiritual trial for parents. I have changed, I have become calm, and I no longer laugh unscrupulously to mock all sentient beings, not only because I can’t sleep all night every day and don’t have enough energy to laugh, but also because I realize that I am one of the ordinary people. As a speck of dust, I can set an example and work hard towards a better life.
Raising children is a spiritual trial for parents. I have changed, I have become patient, and I no longer accuse the newborn of misbehaving when I am dozing off, not only because I know that is ridiculous, but also because my empathy makes me realize that there are different people who come to me to communicate and do things. Everyone has their own secrets, and being able to deal with each other is also a kind of fate. In many cases, if you are more patient, you will understand each other better and have fewer misunderstandings. Being patient is a good thing and an auxiliary condition for getting things done.
Raising children is a spiritual trial for parents. I have changed, I have become optimistic, I no longer listen to the wind and rain, and I no longer live depressed because of the unsatisfactory things in front of me, because I see that if I write down my hope on the white paper of my child, it will turn into a dream. Disappointment will turn into confusion. Be more optimistic and work actively, and there will be a possibility of change for the better in the unknown tomorrow. Who says that this world cannot be changed?
Raising children is a spiritual trial for parents. I have changed, I have become a little more broad-minded, and I no longer worry about personal gains and losses. The world is changing with each passing day, just like a child. What we see is far less than what we don’t see. In reality, there will always be Higher, farther, and better goals are worth the effort to pursue. Even if I really don’t achieve anything, the worst thing is that my children are better than me.
Raising children is a spiritual trial for parents. I have changed, I have become able to stay calm a little. Children will make mistakes and be indiscriminate, but adults will not? Adults are all children who have grown up, and they are all children who will not grow up. Any expression that is too ardent will fall into the vortex of "the debater will not see it". It is not easy to have one's own judgment objectively, fairly and comprehensively, not only in raising children, but also in all aspects of life such as work, life and study. In this experience, we still need to practice a lot, a lot.
(Thank you for loving reading, thank you for being kind)