One:
At dusk in summer, I walked into the garden of my apartment and saw a five-or six-year-old girl skipping along the bluestone road with a string of long kites in the shade of green trees. Long black hair and soft hair, Liu Haier, Qi Mei, have vigorous and small bodies. Stand by and watch the girl play with her quietly. Even the children next door can't help smiling happily on their faces. The so-called empathy means loving your own children and loving all children.
I don't think I am a meticulous mother in the secular sense. Since she was born, I seldom talked about her, never attended the so-called mothers' organizations and parties, and never hung out with her. Besides taking care of her necessities, our relationship also has a sense of independence and mutual respect. In other words, I pay attention to keeping a slight sense of distance from her. This sense of distance is to give each other a good feeling of being concerned, not to invade and control each other's emotions and will.
Even if a woman is a mother, the most important core is still the need to have her own life. Mothers not only have to do daily chores for their daughters, but also can't get rid of their self-power and turn around their children. Our lives are independent of each other. She wants to grow, and I want to grow, and that's how it should be.
When she turns two and has a nanny at home who can get along with her, I will start to return to work. Sometimes a person stays in the study for a long time, reading books, taking notes, sorting out information and writing manuscripts. Sometimes there are long or short trips, almost every once in a while. In those years, I went to England, Germany, Japan, America, India, Switzerland, Italy, Greece ... and I was often separated from her. But every time I go to a country, I will deliberately collect beautiful local postcards in museums or markets or shops and bring them back to cover the walls. Sometimes after her nap, I hold her like a baby, let her read colorful postcards one by one, and tell her that this is the ancient city of Florence, the Empire State Building in New York, the temple in Kyoto, the bridge in Venice ... The world is big and beautiful, and all this is waiting for you to explore when you grow up.
In those years, I finished the novel Spring Banquet, the collection of essays Sleeping in the Empty and Interview with the Beauty of Ancient Books. I'm not slacking off. I want her to meet a mother who has been working faithfully, a mother who is learning and growing up, a mother who is traveling and exploring, and a mother who cares about personal and world secrets and expresses them in words. So when she grows up, she will know what is really important in a person's life.
She entered kindergarten at the age of three. This kindergarten pays attention to children's moral education and artistic development ability, so she often brings back handmade works and paintings. I marked the specific dates and saved them for her one by one. There is a big camphor box at home, which contains the lace shirts she wore when she was a child, gifts given to her by some publishing houses and foreign editors, toys I sewed for her, embroidered cloth shoes and knitted sweaters made by the elderly at home, and birthday cards she made for me ... they are all precious souvenirs.
I often take pictures of her, and I think the children's faces and eyes are really beautiful, so clear and so fragrant. Some photos were framed and hung in her room. One is in Jiangnan in spring. She was in the middle of the flowers, holding a huge and full magnolia in her hands, slightly absent-minded One is her temple in Hubei, where teachers teach her to write and feed rabbits with leaves. She was wearing a small white shirt, wearing a flower head and smiling happily. For a girl, it is particularly important to let her know that she is beautiful and feel this beauty.
When I was more than five years old, I went back to my hometown because of something at home, so I was always accompanied by a nanny. I began to do chores for her. Get up early every day to make breakfast for her. Soymilk is sometimes made of soybeans, pine nuts, sunflower seeds and red dates, and sometimes it is squeezed from fresh corn with whole wheat bread and olive oil. Sometimes I cook sweet potato porridge. I'm not good at cooking, but she likes my apple pie, mashed potatoes and egg custard and often asks for another try. I have been paying great attention to buying all kinds of excellent picture books for her, so that she can gain knowledge in stories and paintings. That time, I found a picture book about making apple pie, which was about how a girl collected materials about making apple pie all over the world. Flour, milk, eggs, cinnamon, butter, apples ... We read this book together before going to bed, so she learned something about geography and food that she didn't know before. She became very interested and said, Mom, let's make apple pie together tomorrow. I said, of course. So, that day, she came back from school, tied on a small apron and stood on a small bench. She solemnly began to stir eggs and knead noodles in a glass bowl. I took photos quietly while she was working wholeheartedly. If she grows up and sees herself studying in the kitchen, she will feel happy.
During the day, she has classes in kindergarten, and I deal with housework and my own work. When she came home in the afternoon, I gave her a cup of freshly squeezed juice and mixed some yogurt. She walked into her small study with a cup in her hand, and continued to draw and make handicrafts. A child's mind is still like a blank sheet of paper, and what color it is dyed is particularly important. You can't be disturbed by vulgar and complicated TV entertainment news, and you can't be immersed in the electro-optical light and shadow of IPAD games. Therefore, everything she comes into contact with needs to be screened and selected.
I never expect too much from her, and I don't try to instill anything in her. Sometimes I hear some mothers proudly announce how many ancient poems their children can recite, the three-character classic disciples' rules, and even Lao Zi Zhuangzi. I never tried to make her learn anything. I just hope that she can play happily, be curious about the world and explore and move forward in her own way, that's all. She took ballet lessons and finished the first stage. Sometimes she is tired on her way home and falls asleep in the car. I asked her advice. She said she had too many classes and wanted to have a rest. During this time, she also took English classes and art classes after class. So I respected her choice and didn't go to the second stage. She sometimes goes home, reading picture books, drawing and doing manual work by herself, and forgets to do math and pinyin homework. I won't rush her. Because one day she will formally learn these things.
What is there to worry about? Children always grow up according to their own inner rhythm. For them, nothing is more important than protecting nature, keeping cheerful and energetic. All I want now is to make her feel happy all the time and grow up according to her imagination and nature. Her happiness and self-esteem are important. As for the rest, she will know one day. Moreover, what she knows now has gone beyond some standardized answers.
It was our happiest time. Two people walked up and down in the cold dusk, and sometimes they walked far away. She was playing with a fountain in the square, and I waited patiently for her. Before going home, she accompanied me to the supermarket to buy delicious rye walnut bread, yogurt and fruit. Once, she said she wanted to choose a bar of soap. I said, no problem. She sniffed the beautifully packaged soaps in front of the soap stand, carefully observed the colors and patterns on the box, and finally selected a piece of white lily of the valley soap. She said, I like the smell. I said, well, go back and wash your little hands with it, so that your hands will smell like lilies of the valley. She smiled happily and offered to help me push the shopping cart.
On the way at night, we passed through a small garden. She had a good time on the grass and ran fast and far at once. Small figures shuttle through cherry trees, mint grass and faint moonlight. I looked at her and felt a little infatuated, just like seeing the flowers in the dew and the pearls in the crown. What is the difference? The beautiful and pure existence in this world will always move us and make us respect. I once read a passage in a book that if there is a girl of five or six years old at home, then they are all angels sent by God. They bring too much happiness. Now it seems that this statement is not exaggerated at all.
They are so gentle, cheerful, strong and enthusiastic. Sometimes they are children who need to be taken care of and guided, and sometimes they are mirrors that inspire and perceive adults. The breeze and fragrance brought by a little girl are completely different from the muddy and rigid adult world. Therefore, I have always been grateful to her.
Every night before she goes to bed, we will hold a little prayer ceremony. I put my hand gently on her forehead and whispered in the light-out room, praying for her. I said, you will be healthy, happy, beautiful and peaceful, you will be a polite child who loves to learn, and you will be a helpful person to everyone. In your dream, you see a big blue lake with water lilies, clouds and rolling mountains beside it. Angels and fairies will meet you, and you will sleep sweetly until dawn. So she closed her eyes in my voice and fell asleep quietly.