People often ask me curiously when and how I believed in God.
( 1)
Like most of my peers in China, "atheism" and "materialism" are the "correct outlook on life" that I was educated from an early age. The theory of evolution is natural "common sense", and Christianity was once a tool of imperialist aggression against China and a "spiritual opium". Before 1997, I couldn't imagine that I would accept God and believe that I needed a "savior". Now I can become a child of God, which is really a wonderful grace of the Father.
My father's job is to teach and educate people. In addition to teaching professional courses, he has been directly engaged in student education for a long time, and has also taken vocational education classes to cultivate students' correct outlook on life. But in the face of the ever-changing society, he began to feel powerless in the face of students and pale and powerless in language. My father will feel very helpless: "These textbooks are almost out of date, and even I am often confused in today's society. How can I persuade students to establish a capitalist outlook on life? "
When my mother was a child, she went to Wenshan Primary School in Fuzhou, where she was a missionary primary school. Six years of primary school is the best time of her life. After grandma died of tuberculosis, her stepmother came home, ended her childhood and began to work as a child laborer early. Every time my mother recalls the rich activities and gentle teachers of her group primary school (Wenshan Primary School), her pride is beyond words. Mom's heart is very simple. Whenever she sees some "uncivilized" behavior of us, she always says, "Look at you people, you have read so many books for nothing. On the first day of primary school, the teacher taught us not to be so uncivilized. "
(2) Confusion and confusion about life before believing in the Lord
Before I knew God, I always thought I was a "materialist". However, I don't believe in ghosts and gods, but when I am afraid and need help, I will secretly kneel down and call for my dead grandmother, so that my heart will be more practical. When I was young, I looked at the night sky outside the window and thought about "death" and "after death". I never imagined what it was like to be in nothingness at that moment. Every time I think I am in a trance, I am busy taking my thoughts back, thinking that there will never be an answer.
On the first day of junior high school, in the evening of summer camp, friends sat around the beach in Pingtan for a watermelon party. Looking up by chance, I was stunned by the stars all over the sky: the stars are brilliant, but I feel so awed in front of nature for the first time. Heaven and earth seem to blend in. The vast sea of stars, where am I? I seem to fall into it, melt and disappear. In fear, I quickly lowered my head and "pulled" myself out of the vast universe, from which I realized how small people are. Later, I learned that the German philosopher Kant said, "The more I think about it, the more I feel shocked and awed, and that is the starry sky above me and the moral code in my heart. They * * * proved to me that God exists both in the sky above me and in my heart. " ; I can't help wondering that I feel so similar to a great man.
When I was a sophomore, my good friend Zheng Hong, who grew up with a beautiful face, was washed away by a sudden flash flood while playing in Shibazhongxi. If I invited her at that time, I would definitely go with the playful one, and I would definitely not go back if I was stupid. I suddenly feel that death is so close to me for the first time. "Life" and "death" are only moments. Life is as fragile as a piece of tissue paper, which cannot be grasped and predicted. When I was in college, I often wandered around the campus in a foreign land alone. Autumn leaves have fallen, and every cycle of nature will make me sad, which is a kind of helplessness and sigh that life will eventually die.
When I was a teenager, out of curiosity, my friends and I went to the Huaxiang Guild Hall in Fuzhou to play and read some books hanging in the Guild Hall. Many people's "strange" words were written on them (I now know that they are grateful or witnesses), and I couldn't understand their ignorance and superstition. At that time, I felt that all the people who entered the church were uneducated old women and helpless weak people. Anyway, I didn't need this kind of "spiritual sustenance".
On a white Christmas in college, I was attracted by the angelic singing from the dormitory apartment for international students. I can't help but go in and listen to their Christmas gratitude. Some people there were talking and singing, tears streaming down their faces. I don't understand why they shed tears during a happy Christmas, but their faces clearly show peace and joy. I heard them talk about babies in the manger and some of their own experiences. I don't understand why they all associate some "accidental" experiences or experiences with God. What they said was as ridiculous as what I saw in the church, but they were obviously a group of healthy and normal people who walked out the door like me. Confused, somehow, I began to envy them a little, thinking that Christmas was a holiday only for them.
(3) God has been waiting for an opportunity to call me home.
In the year of graduate school, my mood was very low. I can't believe that there is eternal true love in this world, which makes my heart empty.
Go home in winter vacation and chat with my classmate Ye. At that time, my middle school classmates were basically out of touch, but we had different personalities, but we would get together every holiday. I didn't expect her to tell me about God, Jesus and our sins. She is the most difficult Christian for me to understand. She said that each of us is guilty and owes the glory of God. Only by accepting God can we be saved. He also said that God is a kind of spirit, and only by believing in it and experiencing it can we understand the mystery. At that time, I had infinite questions in my heart, but she said that we could never understand God, because we were just creatures, and she couldn't answer all my questions, and I can't understand all the answers now. Although I still felt that God was so far away from me at that time, and I didn't really believe in the existence of God, she said to her face, "Only by experiencing God personally can you feel his truth and presence." God has a wonderful plan for everyone's life. He will lead you to the road ahead and let you live a rich life. First, you have to be willing to accept him. Why not give it a try? "I can't refuse her enthusiasm and kindness.
People's moral conscience betrayed me, but I don't want to go with the flow. I don't know where to go with a grain of salt, and start a journey that I have never had before. Thank god for his kindness. It turns out that he has prepared for me for so many years. I didn't expect God to arrange a sister beside me, that is, my dear classmate. I'm not sure if she had talked to me about it earlier, I would have laughed at her, but I accepted it that day. When I made up my mind to pray for the first time, I was confused, but at that time God did get me back. Since then, I have embarked on this journey to truth and eternal faith like a child.
(d) Changes in life after conversion.
After believing in the Lord, I really like a poem sung in amazing grace, "Now I have been found, but now I am blind." . God gave me the answers to all my doubts in the past. We are not "advanced animals", but spiritual beings, the creation of God's love. When the Father created us, he had deeply imprinted in our hearts the pursuit of eternity and the source of life. So before we find the true God, there is a void in our hearts that we can't fill with anything. "Man can conquer nature" is such an ignorant arrogance that I will never forget the starry sky on the beach. Between heaven and earth, "what is man, you take him as the biggest and take him to heart" (Job 7: 17), "What is the world, you care about him?" (Psalm 8:4) Since the day our fathers abandoned God, the Lord God has been calling his children and saying, "Where are you?" (genesis 3:9). Ignorant and proud, we are like Saul. When the light of God shines on us, we are still asking, "Lord, who are you?" (Acts 9:5). From thousands of years ago to today, the heavenly father is still anxiously calling the lost children home, waiting for us to wake up.
Everything in heaven and earth is perfect until life and the universe operate accurately. God has long told us through his creation, but we blind people often ignore the power of God and take everything for granted. The Bible Romans 1: 20 says: "Since the creation of heaven and earth, God's eternal power and divinity are well known. Although it is invisible to the naked eye, it can be known through what it creates, and people can't shirk it. " Today, I can hear the infinite praise and gratitude of the universe to the Most High God in the beautiful nature. From the fear of God, I learned to respect life and every creation of God.
After believing in the Lord, I naturally have answers to some of my father's puzzles. * * * The spirit and ideal of capitalism are getting farther and farther away from China, where the economy is developing rapidly, because the evil of human nature prevents us from making all good theories. The Bible tells me that we were created in the image and style of God, so God endowed us with the same nature as him: we pursue eternity; Pursuing truth, goodness and beauty; Pursue true love, holiness and justice; We all have a conscience; We are as creative as God ... Oh, how glorious and glorious we are! However, when we are isolated from the source of creation, when we have a rebellious heart, how ugly and self-centered we become. We often think that people can live by morality and conscience, and education can improve the internal quality of a nation. But in real life, I obviously feel how powerless all this is. Even my simple mother understands that knowledge cannot make people more civilized. Conscience will be numb, and moral standards will change with the development of society. Often, "it's not that I don't understand, it's that the world is changing too fast." Only our God, whose standards have been consistent since the creation of heaven and earth, has never changed his words.
The apostle Paul saw through people's hearts thousands of years ago. He said in the Bible Romans 7: 18- 19: "I am determined to do good, but I can't do it." Because I want good, I won't do it; I will do bad things that I don't want to do. "Many times, we are only bound by various moral laws on the outside, but we are selfish, greedy, jealous and even curse others on the inside. Only God knows what we are hiding. " There is no righteous man, not even one "(Romans 3: 10). All men have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. "(Romans 3: 23) Today, many people, in order to earn the whole world, completely ignore the destination of their souls. Some people describe the United States and China today as follows: "A world of sin, God and repentance; One is a sinful world, without God and repentance. "Although I used to know that I had many shortcomings, I never reflected on myself and felt uneasy about my sin like I believed in the Lord. Admit that you are a sinner, that is me! Zhang's "everything is born to support people, and there is no virtue to report to the sky." Kill, kill, kill, kill! "This statement is conclusive.
"The wage of sin is death", we are filthy, and we really don't deserve and can't come before the holy and righteous God. However, the loving heavenly father could not bear to abandon us, but became a body, crucified us, paid a heavy price for us with precious blood, and bore all our sins: "Only Christ died for us when we were still sinners, and God's love is here to reveal to us." (Romans 5: 8) What a love! When I look at the world with the love God has given us, I know tolerance and forgiveness. I didn't speak for a few days because I was still angry with my parents as before, and I didn't care about others' evil, because God didn't like that we only saw the thorn in our brother's eye, but we didn't want the beam in our own eye. When my heart is broken, I will remember that the Lord Jesus said on the cross, "Father, forgive them. Because they don't know what they are doing. " I am not comforting myself with the spirit of "Ah Q", but I sincerely thank the Lord for giving me guidance in life and letting me know what to do. "We love because God loved us first." (1 John 4: 19) I know that today I have the strength to love myself and others, because God loves us.
One day after believing in the Lord, I remembered that I was born and raised, and found that although I didn't know God before, God had already taken care of me. "My heart is made by you. I was in my mother's womb, and you covered me. " (Psalm 139, verse 13) My parents said that I was a "medicine jar" since I was a child. I only vaguely remember that I was always drinking all kinds of black medicine soup or strange folk remedies. There seems to be another thrilling fall, which once turned my foot over, but these didn't leave me any painful impression at all. I am a silly child, and I understand things very late. Unlike other children, I have almost no memory of my childhood, and sporadic things are extremely stupid and ridiculous to my parents. However, I have been studying very well, receiving the best education in the local area, and my parents rarely worry about my studies. Despite my efforts, in countless competitions and selections, I deeply know that not everyone's efforts can always be rewarded with luck like me. In the year when the university is about to graduate, I often shed overwhelmed tears when reviewing the political course for postgraduate entrance examination, because I can't remember those "boring" things at all, otherwise I might choose liberal arts when I love language art. I didn't expect to have an exam-free direct master's degree in our major. This is the first time over the years, and I became the only lucky one. I thank the Lord for loving me so much before I knew him, and let me grow up safely without taking any detours. God really loves me.
When I didn't know how to follow geometry after I believed in God, I also began to think about my countless "accidents". For example, as soon as I get close to the car, I start to get carsick when I smell gasoline. Now you can ride safely for nearly 9 hours. I don't know which day, the stomachache that has been bothering me for many years disappeared. A few years ago, when I was about to go to work in Xiamen, God wonderfully introduced me to a Quanzhou boy who stayed in Fuzhou for a short time. Since then, because of his introduction, I have a spiritual home in Xiamen. There are many "accidents" in my life, but I know that my father loves me and leads me. Although I still feel the delicacy of flower of life and the impermanence of life, I am no longer afraid, because I have the promise of the living God: "Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am not afraid of harm. Because you are with me. " (Psalm 23: 4) "Love and kindness will accompany me all my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever" (Psalm 23: 6). I know that even death cannot isolate my father's love.
After believing in the Lord, I began to read the Bible and attend church meetings, which helped me a lot. The Bible alone can convince me that my faith is true. Archaeologically, we can't deny the historical truth of biblical prophecy. I am surprised that the prophecy about the Messiah written in Isaiah Chapter 53 more than 600 years before the birth of Jesus is a true portrayal of Jesus' life. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls dispelled those critical people's doubts about the authenticity of its writing age. When I first started reading the Bible, I often didn't understand what Jesus said. With the growth of spiritual life, when I gradually began to understand Jesus, my heart felt unprecedented shock and emotion. Jesus is such a man, he is so humble, but his words reveal supreme authority, which can never come from the world. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life;" I am the bread of life. Those who come to me will never be hungry, and those who believe in me will never be thirsty. I am the light of the world. Those who follow me will not walk in darkness, but will get the light of life. People who walk in the dark don't know where to go. While there is light, you should believe in the light and make you children of the light. " (Gospel of John) What an eager and unquestionable call this is. This is our God, a compassionate and gracious God who can create all things in the universe. I believe that this truth, road and life must be unique. Jesus is a "way" rather than a "way". No wise man or philosopher, king, scholar or writer in the world can say such authoritative words like Jesus.
Confucius once left a sentence on the long road of seeking: "If you listen to the Tao in the morning, you will die in the evening!" I lamented for a long time that a generation of saints finally failed to find the truth, but now they are stupid enough to return to their father's arms. "Blind eyes can see now." Knowing the God who gives life, light, love, wisdom and all other beautiful things is really the most important thing in my life. How vast and wonderful God's grace is.
I hope my relatives can be saved.
Every time I go back to my hometown in Fuzhou, my mother will almost think of the teaching of her church primary school and teachers. I can't help but say, "Yes, Mom, this is God's grace, but when will you believe him?" Mother was silent. Influenced by the ancestor worship tradition of the extended family, my parents have not yet believed in the Lord. This is an eternal prayer in my heart. Lord, please listen to my prayer! Please give me more wisdom, patience, gentleness and tolerance, let me bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and let me know how to love with love from God. Lord, please use me to testify for you and bless many people. Dear heavenly father, I put my whole family into your hands. I pray you don't leave anyone I love and those who love me behind.