I wrote a poem. Who can help me comment on our composition?

Internal logic is not very strong. The language of poetry is not very good. Can be written in more detail, such as a more realistic description of the relationship between the spring rain and the car factory.

If you don't mind, I can help you modify it.

Let me tell you the truth, don't let that happen again on the train. Although I know this is not your worker's responsibility, you are also suffering.