Author: Guo Xiaochuan
On a gloomy winter night, the wind was blowing wildly.
The stars crouched in the cold and dozed off.
The kettle on the fire snores,
The steam stained the flowers on the glass window.
Two women sat by the bed and talked to each other.
There is passion in the voice, and I am not tired at all.
Old dexterous fingers in sweaters,
Young with bright tears in his eyes.
"Yes, Liu, I'm really not strong enough.
Thinking of him makes my heart cold.
He gave me too much happiness,
It also left too much trauma.
The wind and snow in winter blew away the heat in summer,
But my past experience can never be forgotten.
Alas, this generation has lived too well.
Why is my fate so miserable! "
Liu gently put down his knitting,
Hold each other's left wrist tightly with your right hand:
"Be quiet, xiao yun.
This storm is nothing.
In the long river of life,
Who can not meet some twists and turns!
Love is always a super deal,
Pay more than you earn.
"Maybe you think I'm too happy,
I don't know your pain.
No, I have terrible memories too,
Pressure in my heart, hard to walk a distance.
On a cruel day of war,
Love also enveloped my life.
I've fought, I've had glory,
But I am addicted and humiliated.
"... that was the early days of War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression.
I am as young and beautiful as you are now.
A girl's heart is like a clear sky,
I am calm and carefree about everything.
Due to the fanatical pursuit of revolution,
From the far south to the Shaanxi-Gansu-Ningxia border region,
No relatives, no companions,
I walked thousands of miles alone.
"Like all young women,
I see that man's bold eyes everywhere,
Like all serious girls,
I always avoid it and keep my eyes on one place.
No matter in the military station of northwest decadence,
No matter on the highway with flying loess,
I just meditated quietly,
Heart, spread its wings for a great future.
"When the car drove into the Shaanxi-Gansu-Ningxia border region,
Happy songs immediately sounded in the carriage,
The female companions wept with joy.
The men flushed with excitement.
At this moment, there was a loud voice.
Suddenly growling diagonally across from me,
I happened to see it there,
Oh, long eyelashes cover a pair of big, pointed eyes.
"In the war, I am most afraid of being attacked by accident.
Men's sudden eyes often make people tremble.
His sharp and strange eyes,
My heart has been restless for a long time.
When I look up at the clear sky in the north,
Looking around the vast and free land over there,
I feel that I am in a beautiful world.
These eyes make me particularly addicted.
"I don't know what kind of power this is.
This prompted me to continue to visit him secretly.
Oh, this is really an extraordinary person.
A tall nose protrudes from the dark face.
His forehead wrinkled slightly, revealing deep melancholy.
Steady manners are elegant and generous.
His eyes were calm,
It's just that I often bump into mine.
"Love is an invisible rope,
As long as you tie it, you can't get rid of it.
I thought Yan 'an would be better.
Even if you leave a faint scar, it will heal.
But now, in front of him,
I can hardly resist this anxious loneliness.
I also secretly humiliate myself:
This is not good, why be so frivolous! ……
"Yan' an, pagodas, winding Yanhe,
Rows of caves, guest houses of the Central Organization Department,
New sunshine, new pictures, new language,
What a surprise and joy this has brought me!
Only then did I forget him,
I have a wonderful life ahead of me.
But in that boundless dusk,
He came up to me suddenly and quickly.
"I have no idea what he called me,
I don't know how I followed him to Yanhe.
I can only wait and bear obediently.
His fierce words of love,
His strong hugs and warm kisses,
Oh, my heart is really happy and crazy!
When I was sober, I threw myself into his arms.
Crying made me lose the girl's inner peace.
"So, he comforted me gently,
Whisper in my ear in a poetic tone:
I love you because I see through your heart.
I love you because I am absolutely loyal to myself.
I will never make fun of this once-in-a-lifetime life,
And love is the most important foundation of life. '
This strange swearing confession,
Aroused my deeper love and greater respect. "
"Well, we women are really stupid sometimes.
I love to hear men's most touching lies! "
Xiao yun eagerly interjected:
At this moment, the strong wind outside is banging on the doors and windows.
"No, you don't think he has any pretensions.
Our love was once full of flowers,
His persistent and ardent enthusiasm,
It melted my whole body and mind.
"After living in Yan 'an for three months,
We live a full and happy life,
Every charming night along the Yanhe River,
There were the two of us kissing and singing crazily.
We never argued,
He is always so gentle and considerate to me,
A few days before leaving Yan 'an,
There was only a small storm.
"Organizationally assigned us to the front,
I promised generously, but he was silent.
In the evening, we sat quietly on the bank of Yanhe River.
Look at the lights on the other side and listen to the running water.
He suddenly asked,' Don't you like Yan 'an best? '
I said,' Yes, I really miss it.'
He asked again, "Then why go to the front?"
I said,' Fight, I want to be a female guerrilla.'
"His eyes squinted at me, and his eyelashes turned slightly.
I saw his ironic expression for the first time.
He said, "You're not a child anymore,
The world is never as bright as you think.
Even in Yan 'an, there is not much room for our development.
But here is free and calm, at least it will not be laughed at;
And ahead, without the glory of intellectuals,
It's the indomitable heroes who will take the lead. '
"Look, how strange his idea is,
I can't help being angry. I'm ashamed.
I concluded that he was timid and hesitant,
I called him a despicable individualist.
I said I obeyed the organization's decision unconditionally,
I said I would go even if he didn't. ……
And he, how strange, was silent,
Keep your head down quietly and let me scold you.
"I think he might break up with me later,
But he didn't, and the next day he gave in.
He said: he must get rid of the shadow in his heart.
Become simple and pure in hard struggle.
Then, complaining of tender love,
Spitting out like a waterfall.
As for me, as usual,
After the rain, the sunshine is stronger.
"We went to the Taihang Mountain base area together.
At first, our life was also very interesting.
I am the cultural teacher of the division guard company.
He works as a propaganda officer in the political department of the division.
Every time we go camping, we live close to each other.
He spends almost every rest day by my side.
The situation behind enemy lines was not very tense at that time.
We often go to the ravine to talk about love and the past.
"However, the environment will eventually change people's habits.
I gradually lost the gentleness of women.
I found friends among simple peasant women,
Don't blush when you hear the rude words of farmers.
I don't like to recall my past more and more.
I am interested in talking about war with soldiers.
I have also become slovenly in my life,
The military cap presses the hair and the belt is tied around the waist.
"I found that every change in my life and thoughts,
All caused his faint uneasiness and contempt.
Once, I said,' Look, I've become a wild girl.'
He sighed: "Alas, I love you more than before!" "
However, his enthusiasm for me has not diminished.
On the contrary, it seems closer than before.
He won't leave me for a day,
I went back with my lesbian, and he was a little jealous. "
"So, his mind hasn't changed?"
Xiaoyun has been listening attentively, and suddenly he inserted a sentence.
"No, his change is more profound.
Of course, he is several times more complicated than me.
On the surface, he is much more honest:
In the most lively occasions, he always says nothing.
He is gentle and polite to the comrades around him.
He is obedient in front of the organization
"However, he has a lot of contradictions in his heart.
This contradiction lies deep in his soul.
The day before I was approved to join the party,
It just broke out, and it took only a moment.
I hinted at him first:' We will all join the Party,
Joining the party early does not necessarily mean advanced. '
His senses are very keen,
Eyes wide open, with deep wrinkles on his forehead.
"But he suddenly stopped and calmed down.
Said coldly,' it's not surprising.
People and things will always develop according to internal laws.
It's just that sometimes it develops too fast. '
I said,' Well, you should fight for it,
We might as well have a try on this road. '
He smiled contemptuously and patted his head:
I have a head that always goes backwards! '
"This strange sentence really makes me angry.
But I'm trying to control myself.
I think it may have hurt his male self-esteem,
I said,' This is a political issue, not a joke.'
He suddenly burst into laughter:
Yes, yes, that's my fault.
I am a horse in the desert,
I just want to ride on the waves of the sea. '
"To be honest, I didn't fully understand what he said at that time.
But I hate his strange expression.
I am very excited:' Don't think you are great,
Think about what you have done for the people! '
On the contrary, he looks calm,
His big sharp eyes flashed:
First, it must first give me the conditions for meritorious service.
Second, it depends on whether I am happy or not. '
"This passage aroused my great anger,
I have no qualms about screaming:
How mean! Are you talking about people?
Thanks to the millet of ordinary people, I have fed you! '
My voice alarmed the comrades around me,
They kindly came to mediate our quarrel.
As for him, he took this opportunity to walk away quietly.
The next day, someone sent me a note.
"The note said,' Warm congratulations,
Glorious * * * produces the good sons and daughters of the party.
You are also the place where my life depends,
Without you, I lost the courage to live.
Please be patient,
Slowly, I may be able to shorten the distance with you.
Dear, I have become a grass in the storm.
Don't give me too much excitement! ……'
"Not only out of love, but also out of pity,
I immediately went to his residence to inquire about him.
As soon as he saw my gentle face,
Tears ran down the greasy skirt.
Alas, he expressed deep pain,
Touched my woman's soft and stupid heart.
From then on, we made up.
Even though there is still a crack between us. "
"Well, a woman's heart is really made of glue.
If you love someone, you won't give up. "
Xiao Yun sighed to himself.
It seemed to sink into her own memory.
At this time, the noise outside stopped.
On the table, the hour hand of horseshoe watch points to twelve o'clock.
The stars sink into the black sky,
Moonlight covers the earth like snow.
"At that time didn't give up.
I didn't even think about leaving him.
When I heard his meaningful words,
I was really in pain and surprised.
However, I will never think badly.
Make sure everything has a happy ending,
In that boiling battle life,
Love is getting lower and lower in me.
"My main weakness is naivety and ignorance.
Don't understand complicated life and society.
Xiao Yun, you are as simple as I was then.
This ordinary story is worth remembering.
Well, I won't go into details,
Only the story has an extraordinary ending.
Well, I never want to talk about it,
Not because of attachment, but because of regret.
"In spring, the river in the canyon thawed.
Running water is like a baby, making a nursery rhyme.
Sometimes the battlefield is quiet,
Even the stones on the mountain seem to be meditating.
At this time, suddenly there was news from the chicken hair letter.
It is said that the enemy launched a "mopping up" in spring.
As a result, the whole base area has moved,
The flowing water of the river is also very busy.
"This sweep is not better than before.
The enemy has at least one division,
Five arrows point to our hinterland,
Divided into converging attacks, we should surround the main force of our army.
The battle began at dawn on a cloudy day.
The gunfire shook every mountain.
There is no one in the field in spring.
Smoke rose from the enemy-occupied village.
"Our headquarters has arranged countermeasures,
The action of the troops is really elusive.
During the day, we hid in the dense forest.
Talking and laughing, sleeping, waiting for the dark sun to set;
In the evening, we run on the steep mountain road.
It first goes north and then turns south.
The will to fight is like rolling the Yangtze River.
The route we take is like the Yellow River with nine twists.
"Three days, five days, seven days, nine days passed.
The soldier's heart is full of anxiety about fighting.
When a child who has lost his mother cries.
The echo of the valley lingers in our ears,
When the old man walks on the mountain road.
Because panic and fatigue fell in front of us,
We always look at the gun on our shoulders in pain,
A heart heavier than a gun, jumping wildly! ……
"On the tenth morning, gunshots rang out in all directions.
The clatter of machine guns gradually became clear from the obscurity.
We know that the day of fighting has come,
But we're obviously surrounded.
At noon, the correspondent came the superior command:
Tell us to drive up the hill and prepare for the attack!
The soldiers had angry eyes,
A quick step, running up the hill like a tiger.
"Oh, I almost forgot the hero of this story.
At the foot of the mountain, I saw him in the distance.
He stood beside the line and waved to me frequently.
I didn't have time to say hello to him and ran straight to the top of the mountain.
Halfway up the hill, I couldn't help looking back.
Well, the sensitive instructor found this scene,
He said to me in a commanding tone:
Get down! Act with your lover! '
"I feel embarrassed and insulted,
I pretended not to hear and strode quickly.
At this time, the shells fell in front like hail.
Smoke blocked my way like a long dam.
The machine gun hissed sharply.
Over our mountains and into the valley.
Oh, this sudden encounter really scared me silly.
I sat on the hillside, my eyes blurred.
"When I'm sober,
Our company has climbed over the hill.
It suddenly occurred to me that I wish he was by my side.
However, he has followed their team into the ravine.
I want to ask the coach to help me,
But I, a woman, should be in the back?
The consciousness of a soldier called back my courage,
I ran up and joined the fight. ……
"The sun is setting and the fighting is getting more and more fierce.
The enemy obviously wants to destroy us before dark.
One by one, the positions on our periphery fell,
Intensive artillery fire poured down on our mountain,
The crazy cry of Japanese soldiers,
Howl like a wolf.
When the enemy launched the fifth charge,
It was getting dark and a new moon appeared on the other side of the mountain.
"And the enemy's attack shows no signs of abating.
We only have one hill left in our hands.
All our troops are compressed here,
Hold your position here.
When the fiercest charge is knocked down,
There was a roar from the enemy position,
It is said that this is a kind of "victory" cheer.
It means that darkness saved a group of lives.
"The mountain after the battle is a strange picture.
Blood is mixed with hatred, groans and laughter.
It's dark here. Someone announced the meeting.
A nurse bandaged the wound of the injured soldier.
Someone fell asleep on the grass,
Someone wiped the weapon in the moonlight.
As for myself, I have my own heavy heart.
I can't wait to find him in the crowd.
"I can't live without suspense,
Suspense about the safety of the person I love.
I found the political department team,
People say: he just walked outside the line.
I looked in the direction they pointed,
Ah, a black shadow trembled slightly there,
Looking around, it is a deep valley.
That's him, standing on the edge of the cliff.
"I am pleasantly surprised to shout:
Oh, you are so strange!
Why didn't you come to me?
I thought: maybe something really happened to you. '
His sharp eyes flashed at me,
Oh, his face looks nervous and pale in the moonlight!
But he didn't say a word,
Keep your head down and stare at the deep valley.
"I think he must be angry because of my indifference.
I should give him a mild explanation.
I said,' I really fought this time,
Because I am a member of the company, I am duty-bound.
In fact, there is nothing to argue about! When I tried to fire the first bullet,
My hand pulling the latch was shaking a little,
But when I shot at the enemy for the second time,
I just feel like I'm just doing my duty as a soldier. '
"He suddenly said,' I'm only interested in one thing,
That's right. Why don't you forget me quickly? '
I was greatly surprised:' Why do you think so?' ?
Is my love for you false? '
He said,' I believe you haven't lost me yet.
But that's because the memory of the old days has not disappeared. '
I said angrily,' If you have any questions, just say so.
I will definitely listen, don't be so crooked! '
"He said,' Well, time is running out and words are running out.
Unfortunately, I have never had a good talk with you.
I always thought you were as simple as a blank sheet of paper.
Actually, it's all my stupidity and fault.
You are the real master of this era,
You are content with this era and in complete harmony with it;
As for me, I belong to another era.
In this world, there are nothing more than businessmen and passers-by. '
"I'm more surprised, forcibly hugged his waist.
I said,' Why are you so depressed?'
Listen, don't interrupt me again,
I say this because I feel sorry for your unfailing loyalty.
In memory of the love you abandoned because you didn't understand,
Thank you for your unwelcome concern for me,
Although between me now and you in the future,
What remains is not friendship, but hatred. '
"'I won't listen, you are terrible!'
I cried in horror and looked straight at him.
He nodded calmly. "Well, to reassure you,
I won't say anything if it excites you so much.
Honey, I can't live without you,
However, there are worlds apart between you and me.
I tried to get you close to my heart,
I tried to turn in your direction.
"'But all efforts have failed.
The arrangement of fate is so unshakable.
My rich life as a teenager,
It cultivated my sense of superiority and loftiness;
My keen and intelligent gift,
It also contributed to my arrogant personality.
The root of my egoism,
How can I cooperate with your collective fight?
"'You may ask: Why did I come to the revolution?
That's because reactionary rule crushed me,
I have no way out in that dark society,
That's why I asked the revolution to pay me.
Of course I can pay all the expenses,
But that's only for my personal needs,
Only by satisfying my desires first,
I am willing to create heroic achievements.
"'You brought me to the outpost of this revolutionary war,
The struggle here is so fierce that I can't reflect.
Do you want me to exchange obedience and self-sacrifice for glory?
In my opinion, it was just a joke that was too serious.
Of course, I don't blame you or you.
This is the age's mockery of an intellectual like me.
I may be a genius in managing the world,
In this turbulent day, you can only play the leading role of tragedy.
"'I have no doubt that you will win the final victory.
However, this victory does not belong to me;
I will never deny that you have been very kind to me.
However, this fear deepened my hostility.
Of course, I don't want to be a traitor to the revolution.
Because that is as meaningless to me as the revolution.
I sincerely respect and envy you,
You know the fun of fighting and the value of life.
"'However, you don't think I have any pain.
All I have is a little fear of pain.
I'm afraid of being shot to death in the breakout.
Because it is too inconsistent with my lifelong ambition;
I'm afraid that one day you will break your love for me,
Because at that time, no one even watched my life end;
I'm afraid of endless revolution and struggle,
Because for me, this is a trip without a destination. '……
"His calm and amazing words stopped at once.
And my heart is still suffering, I can't figure it out.
Suddenly, there was a deep echo in the valley.
It seems that a stone has fallen from the sea.
I looked around unconsciously,
Oh, his familiar figure disappeared.
Xiao Yun, I was completely confused at that time.
I thought to myself: What did he do when he jumped down the mountain?
"Oh, what a deep, deep valley this is.
Covered with a layer of gray gauze-like smoke,
Below, in the cold moonlight,
A cloud showing tall trees like dark clouds.
So, where are my people, where are my people,
Did he fall asleep under a big tree?
No, no. When I'm sober,
I fell on the edge of the cliff and cried.
"I cried, brazenly crying endlessly,
All of a sudden, the ear rings thick and complete reprimand:
Don't cry, don't cry!
If you cry again, I'll shoot! '
I looked up at the voice-
It is our instructor who stands there angrily.
Ah, I'm not ashamed at all.
On the contrary, it has received great support.
"However, the instructor's anger did not subside.
He continued to scold:' You used to be a coward!
Stand Up! ..... stand up! ..... attention!
Afraid of what? Although we are surrounded by the enemy,
However, because we attracted the enemy's army,
Our main force went around the enemy's rear and wiped out one of its wings.
Tonight, we will fight from the inside out,
Come on, line up and have a good sleep! '
"I don't cry, I told him in a low voice:
My wife just jumped off a cliff and committed suicide! '
He lowered his head in surprise,
Said:' it's too deep, no way!
..... It's a pity that this is a learned man.
But also a weak fool.
Let's go! What can you do if you defect, escape and be negative?
The revolution will still take root. '
"At this time, my courage rose again.
My mind is completely awake again.
I joined our hero company with him,
I followed them down the hill,
We broke through the enemy's blockade,
Our main force has come to meet us again.
In a strange village on the plain,
We have a beautiful and sunny dawn.
"Xiao yun, my experience has come clean,
One more thing must be made clear to you:
The instructor mentioned just now,
Is my husband now.
Of course, he is also a very ordinary person.
But we are on the same path in life.
After long consideration, I fell in love with him.
You know, our life is very happy. "
Xiao Yun opened her watery eyes.
Show excitement and thoughtful expression:
"How complicated life is!
Of course, my experience is not exactly the same as yours. "
At this time, the indoor temperature has dropped,
The kettle on the stove has stopped ringing,
The moon in the sky is slowly setting,
There were bursts of cock crow in the distance. ……